MaliceNBandarland
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2009
- Posts
- 4
I submitted the following story and was rejected. I'm new to writing erotic fiction (this is my second story) and definitely new to Literotica. I'm not sure what I did wrong that made it not fit for publication. Do they reject stories on quality alone? I know this isn't the best thing I've ever written but it's not horrible. Help me out!
A MIDNIGHT DREAM
I am drunk. Thomas is drunk. Dannie is slobbering drunk, which never takes much. The other 12 or so people in my living room are drunk as well. I lucked out this year and got a single with a huge living room, full kitchen, wall-to-wall windows, full views of the Brooklyn Bridge, and the ideal place to throw a party. The price of admission is always vodka/rum/beer or weed to share. But we are never very good hosts. As it invariably happens, by eleven Thomas, Dannie and I have left the others and settled into the kitchen. As cool as it is to throw parties, other people mostly just bore us. I am sitting on the counter next to the window and Thomas is sitting across the stove from me. Dannie is flitting around the kitchen and falling all over. She’s wearing a black tank top with a mesh back. I can see her hot pink bra over the top and through the net. Her chest is just this side of being too big and it heaves as she lurches and jumps as she plops herself on the counter.
She lays across the stove, her back arched and twisting, her legs over mine, and her head in Thomas’s lap. I don’t have much of an opinion on feet, but according to Thomas, Dannie’s have a spectacular arch. She has great calves and amazing thighs, thick and muscled from years of playing soccer. Her waist is tiny despite the fact that her three major food groups are bagels, candy, and alcohol. Her hipbones curve away, widely, from the waist and her ass is beautiful, knead-able, exactly balancing her chest. I know there are other things I like about her – emotional things, mental things – but I’m too drunk right now to remember them. And anyway no matter how well I describe her, it’s never enough.
Dannie had started out the night with a sweatshirt over her top. I oscillate between wanting to protect her by telling her to put it back on and wanting to get her drunker so she’ll take more off. I’m half her sister, half her stalker and there really isn’t a middle ground. It fucks with my head. She fucks with my head. With friends like her, who needs drugs?
Dannie fingers a cigarette out from Thomas’s cigarette case, lights it, and inhales some smoke. She turns towards me and breathes the smoke into my mouth. It takes all my concentration to – I don’t know – to something. Maybe it’s the alcohol and the drugs, and maybe it’s the sleep deprivation of sophomore year but Dannie is magical. My own naughty little pixie. She takes another drag off the cigarette. This time I’m ready. I make sure the brief wrenching moment that our lips touch lasts as long as possible without being too apparent. She takes a third drag, repeats and then turns towards Thomas for the next round. Her legs are once again sprawled over me.
She knows how much self-control it takes for me to keep my hands off her, or well, only somewhat on her. She knows because as subtle as I am, I’m pretty transparent and as naïve as she is, she’s not an idiot. And if all that wasn’t enough, our roommate last year had screamed at her to not take my side just because I had “a lesbian crush” on her. I had stood there, shocked, sure something would change between Dannie and me, and said the only thing I could think of, “I’m not a lesbian,” which was true. I liked both kinds.
But nothing had changed.
I’d call her a prick tease but I don’t have a prick.
Dannie’s legs push down against my lap as she lifts her torso up to get to Thomas’s lips. I try to focus my attention on the city lights and the water out the window but before I can focus on anything Dannie suddenly yells, “It’s too hot in here,” and arches her ass where it rested half on the stove half on the counter and slips off her jeans. She was wearing a matching pair of hot pink hipster panties that were over spilling with her ass cheeks which broke out in goose bumps as they made contact with the cold countertop.
Now my hands don’t know where to go and I leave them to hover above her thighs not sure how she’d react to me making contact with naked skin. I have a flashback of the first day of freshman orientation when I had met her. She was wearing an off-shoulder tube top lime green and yellow mini-dress. We had had a brief conversation before our first floor meeting. She had walked in late, every male and most female eyes on her, and decided that since there were no empty seats left she’d come and sit in my lap. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. As the weight of her thighs pushed had into mine and she ground her ass into my pelvic bone to get a better hold I had wondered if she could smell how wet she had suddenly gotten me. And just like right now, I had had no idea what to do with my hands; whether to put them in her lap or on her naked back or around her waist. And just like today I had just let them hover for the entire 45 minutes.
Lost in thought I don’t notice as Dannie starts to come towards me with another puff of smoke in her mouth. This time she uses my hovering hand to anchor herself as she pulls herself up. Her mouth pushes into mine and she blows her smoke into my mouth and makes the barest of contact with her tongue and my lips before she lies back down dropping my hand in between her closed thighs. I can feel the heat coming from her crotch. It comes in waves pleasantly burning my hand. Dannie squirms moving her ass further down so that my hand is less than an inch from her pussy. I wait as she repeats the blowing of smoke into Thomas’s mouth and the next time she squirms just as she is about to break contact with Thomas’s mouth I can’t help myself I squeeze her pussy lips and hear her stop mid-motion and moan. Thomas looks at me questioningly and then he sees my hand. He kicks the kitchen door close and settles down on the counter still staring at me with Dannie’s head in his lap. Looking him in the eye I slip my hand into her panties and slip a finger onto her clit. Thomas takes the opportunity to put a hand down her top and massage one of her breasts. Dannie is dripping wet. I guess her teasing turns her on as much as it turns on the two of us.
Thomas continues to massage her breasts with one hand and I see him playing with her dark pink nipples still staring at me. I am slowly circling her clit and I see Thomas head towards me over Dannie’s squirming torso. I meet him midway and he immediately and furiously sticks his tongue into my mouth. We suck on each other’s lips biting and sucking as I just as furiously start to pump my finger in and out of Dannie’s pussy while my thumb circles her clit. I feel my own legs close and squeeze together. Thomas’s tongue fights mine in my mouth and Dannie’s small moans turn into pants as her breathing gets heavier. I can feel her pussy tightening around my finger squeezing pushing at me so I put in a second and continue to pump in and out. I can feel a slight bead of sweat running down the back of neck and suddenly I’m hot too. Keeping one hand on Dannie’s boobs Thomas uses the other to squeeze my left breast and I moan into his mouth and redouble my pumping into Dannie’s pussy. Her breathing is coming as short pants now and after a few minutes her panting turns to small guttural utterances and then after pushing on my fingers of a few more seconds I feel her relax.
Hearing her cum, Thomas and I break our kiss. Dannie leans up off of Thomas’s lap and stares at me, not quite smiling but looking smug nonetheless. She reaches towards me and I think she’s going to kiss me, a real kiss this time. Instead she connects with my neck and starts to suck on it, pushing me back against the wall with a hand across my throat. She sucks on it for a few minutes breaking capillaries with her teeth and bruising the flesh before disconnecting with a large plopping sound. Then she hops off the counter, puts her jeans back on and walks out of the kitchen.
A MIDNIGHT DREAM
I am drunk. Thomas is drunk. Dannie is slobbering drunk, which never takes much. The other 12 or so people in my living room are drunk as well. I lucked out this year and got a single with a huge living room, full kitchen, wall-to-wall windows, full views of the Brooklyn Bridge, and the ideal place to throw a party. The price of admission is always vodka/rum/beer or weed to share. But we are never very good hosts. As it invariably happens, by eleven Thomas, Dannie and I have left the others and settled into the kitchen. As cool as it is to throw parties, other people mostly just bore us. I am sitting on the counter next to the window and Thomas is sitting across the stove from me. Dannie is flitting around the kitchen and falling all over. She’s wearing a black tank top with a mesh back. I can see her hot pink bra over the top and through the net. Her chest is just this side of being too big and it heaves as she lurches and jumps as she plops herself on the counter.
She lays across the stove, her back arched and twisting, her legs over mine, and her head in Thomas’s lap. I don’t have much of an opinion on feet, but according to Thomas, Dannie’s have a spectacular arch. She has great calves and amazing thighs, thick and muscled from years of playing soccer. Her waist is tiny despite the fact that her three major food groups are bagels, candy, and alcohol. Her hipbones curve away, widely, from the waist and her ass is beautiful, knead-able, exactly balancing her chest. I know there are other things I like about her – emotional things, mental things – but I’m too drunk right now to remember them. And anyway no matter how well I describe her, it’s never enough.
Dannie had started out the night with a sweatshirt over her top. I oscillate between wanting to protect her by telling her to put it back on and wanting to get her drunker so she’ll take more off. I’m half her sister, half her stalker and there really isn’t a middle ground. It fucks with my head. She fucks with my head. With friends like her, who needs drugs?
Dannie fingers a cigarette out from Thomas’s cigarette case, lights it, and inhales some smoke. She turns towards me and breathes the smoke into my mouth. It takes all my concentration to – I don’t know – to something. Maybe it’s the alcohol and the drugs, and maybe it’s the sleep deprivation of sophomore year but Dannie is magical. My own naughty little pixie. She takes another drag off the cigarette. This time I’m ready. I make sure the brief wrenching moment that our lips touch lasts as long as possible without being too apparent. She takes a third drag, repeats and then turns towards Thomas for the next round. Her legs are once again sprawled over me.
She knows how much self-control it takes for me to keep my hands off her, or well, only somewhat on her. She knows because as subtle as I am, I’m pretty transparent and as naïve as she is, she’s not an idiot. And if all that wasn’t enough, our roommate last year had screamed at her to not take my side just because I had “a lesbian crush” on her. I had stood there, shocked, sure something would change between Dannie and me, and said the only thing I could think of, “I’m not a lesbian,” which was true. I liked both kinds.
But nothing had changed.
I’d call her a prick tease but I don’t have a prick.
Dannie’s legs push down against my lap as she lifts her torso up to get to Thomas’s lips. I try to focus my attention on the city lights and the water out the window but before I can focus on anything Dannie suddenly yells, “It’s too hot in here,” and arches her ass where it rested half on the stove half on the counter and slips off her jeans. She was wearing a matching pair of hot pink hipster panties that were over spilling with her ass cheeks which broke out in goose bumps as they made contact with the cold countertop.
Now my hands don’t know where to go and I leave them to hover above her thighs not sure how she’d react to me making contact with naked skin. I have a flashback of the first day of freshman orientation when I had met her. She was wearing an off-shoulder tube top lime green and yellow mini-dress. We had had a brief conversation before our first floor meeting. She had walked in late, every male and most female eyes on her, and decided that since there were no empty seats left she’d come and sit in my lap. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. As the weight of her thighs pushed had into mine and she ground her ass into my pelvic bone to get a better hold I had wondered if she could smell how wet she had suddenly gotten me. And just like right now, I had had no idea what to do with my hands; whether to put them in her lap or on her naked back or around her waist. And just like today I had just let them hover for the entire 45 minutes.
Lost in thought I don’t notice as Dannie starts to come towards me with another puff of smoke in her mouth. This time she uses my hovering hand to anchor herself as she pulls herself up. Her mouth pushes into mine and she blows her smoke into my mouth and makes the barest of contact with her tongue and my lips before she lies back down dropping my hand in between her closed thighs. I can feel the heat coming from her crotch. It comes in waves pleasantly burning my hand. Dannie squirms moving her ass further down so that my hand is less than an inch from her pussy. I wait as she repeats the blowing of smoke into Thomas’s mouth and the next time she squirms just as she is about to break contact with Thomas’s mouth I can’t help myself I squeeze her pussy lips and hear her stop mid-motion and moan. Thomas looks at me questioningly and then he sees my hand. He kicks the kitchen door close and settles down on the counter still staring at me with Dannie’s head in his lap. Looking him in the eye I slip my hand into her panties and slip a finger onto her clit. Thomas takes the opportunity to put a hand down her top and massage one of her breasts. Dannie is dripping wet. I guess her teasing turns her on as much as it turns on the two of us.
Thomas continues to massage her breasts with one hand and I see him playing with her dark pink nipples still staring at me. I am slowly circling her clit and I see Thomas head towards me over Dannie’s squirming torso. I meet him midway and he immediately and furiously sticks his tongue into my mouth. We suck on each other’s lips biting and sucking as I just as furiously start to pump my finger in and out of Dannie’s pussy while my thumb circles her clit. I feel my own legs close and squeeze together. Thomas’s tongue fights mine in my mouth and Dannie’s small moans turn into pants as her breathing gets heavier. I can feel her pussy tightening around my finger squeezing pushing at me so I put in a second and continue to pump in and out. I can feel a slight bead of sweat running down the back of neck and suddenly I’m hot too. Keeping one hand on Dannie’s boobs Thomas uses the other to squeeze my left breast and I moan into his mouth and redouble my pumping into Dannie’s pussy. Her breathing is coming as short pants now and after a few minutes her panting turns to small guttural utterances and then after pushing on my fingers of a few more seconds I feel her relax.
Hearing her cum, Thomas and I break our kiss. Dannie leans up off of Thomas’s lap and stares at me, not quite smiling but looking smug nonetheless. She reaches towards me and I think she’s going to kiss me, a real kiss this time. Instead she connects with my neck and starts to suck on it, pushing me back against the wall with a hand across my throat. She sucks on it for a few minutes breaking capillaries with her teeth and bruising the flesh before disconnecting with a large plopping sound. Then she hops off the counter, puts her jeans back on and walks out of the kitchen.
