Punishment

[monique_minx]

Hey I'm sorta new to this section but I have a fair few online friends in the lifestyle and recently one of them asked me a question that I thought I might pose here to stir some discussion and opinions!

I'm a submissive (if you look at my sig that's probably obvious...so is the social slut part) but I am often punished because...well I am just a bad bad girl

Not that I mind, my Master is delightfully inventive and it entertains us both endlessly that I get up to no good!

So here is the question; what are your thoughts on punishments?

What do you like to do dom/mes?

And share a story if you like! I hope this is interesting, this is my first attempt at posting outside of saying hello so please be kind to the Minx!

 

[DVS]

I think my Lit stories speak for themselves as to what I like. At least, I should hope so.

 

[graceanne]

I think my Lit stories speak for themselves as to what I like. At least, I should hope so.

Nah, I don't think you were clear enough. You might need to write another chapter, so we're all really sure.

 

[caela]

Hey I'm sorta new to this section but I have a fair few online friends in the lifestyle and recently one of them asked me a question that I thought I might pose here to stir some discussion and opinions!

I'm a submissive (if you look at my sig that's probably obvious...so is the social slut part) but I am often punished because...well I am just a bad bad girl

Not that I mind, my Master is delightfully inventive and it entertains us both endlessly that I get up to no good!

So here is the question; what are your thoughts on punishments?

What do you like to do dom/mes?

And share a story if you like! I hope this is interesting, this is my first attempt at posting outside of saying hello so please be kind to the Minx!

I identify as a masochist/bottom,more than a submissive, myself and I'm not in a relationship at the moment but my own view on punishment is that I prefer not to get them. If I want pain of some sort, a spanking, flogging, etc. I ask for it. I don't like my Top to be upset with my behavior but want us both to be enjoying ourselves with each other not having him focusing on correcting my behavior instead of enjoying hurting me.

Just my 0.02$ worth.

 

[callinectes2]

Punishments = bad! Very bad! No fun at all! Hence the word "punishment".

If Daddy feels the need to correct me, it usually involves my having to complete a task that relates to the trangression.

If he feels like beating me, he just does it. No coy excuses are necessary in our relationship.

 

[DVS]

Nah, I don't think you were clear enough. You might need to write another chapter, so we're all really sure.

You talking about my story section or in my thread? You know, there's more chapters in my thread. Yes, I should get them added to the story section, too...I know. Some day, I hope to do that.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Punishments = bad! Very bad! No fun at all! Hence the word "punishment".

If Daddy feels the need to correct me, it usually involves my having to complete a task that relates to the trangression.

If he feels like beating me, he just does it. No coy excuses are necessary in our relationship.

Exactly what I was thinking.

If both PYL and pyl are enjoying it then it's not a punishment. It's playtime.

Punishment should not be fun or enjoyed by either party.

 

[monique_minx]

I didn't say I enjoyed the punishment part, just that the fact that I get up to no good and wouldn't be me if I didn't.

Recently my Master and I (we're online only at the moment because we live in two different countries - though he's coming here for my birthday) had a rather serious incident (not just playful stepping out of line on my part) and he chose a punishment to fit the crime...

That's the kind of thing I mean, like do you ever change a punishment to fit what the sub did? Or has your dom done it to you? etc...

Sorry if I don't make much sense, forgive my Aussieness please

 

[Dreamliner]

huh, typical aussie..........

...........it is not necessarily about punishment, albeit you are only three generations removed from free passage from Europe to the southern continent!

It is about trust....close your eyes, imagine that man, you are constrained...can you trust him to take you to the ultimate hieghts of erotic exstacy?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Sorry if I don't make much sense, forgive my Aussieness please

That's no excuse, the rest of us are reasonably literate!


Either way, I'll try and get this straight. You enjoy misbehaving, but you don't enjoy the punishments? Then why misbehave?

FWIW, punishments should always be adjusted 'to fit the crime.' How else are you going to learn from your transgressions and improve the quality of the relationship over all?

 

[monique_minx]

That's no excuse, the rest of us are reasonably literate!


Either way, I'll try and get this straight. You enjoy misbehaving, but you don't enjoy the punishments? Then why misbehave?

FWIW, punishments should always be adjusted 'to fit the crime.' How else are you going to learn from your transgressions and improve the quality of the relationship over all?

I've had a lot of misunderstandings because I'm a young Australian then
And at exactly what point was I illiterate?

FWIW - Don't know that one sorry

As for the enjoying misbehaving part - that might take a fair bit of explaining but I'll give it a shot...

Two types of misbehaviour for me - playful and serious (playful is doing something I know he probably won't like, maybe something annoying but it shakes loose some bordem for me and the punishment is usually not such a big deal. Serious is something I know is major and comes under our agreed upon rules - punishment is huge and awful.)
We've only just recently had the serious one which was pretty horrible so I'm not about to do that again.

In any case I was speaking to a Dom friend of mine who was telling me some inventive types of punishment he has used and I was swapping stories with him...just thought it was a good idea, wasn't expecting to get a bunch of people jumping on me for being...well, me...
Just so you know; it's not a requirement to post...I didn't know where to start apart from saying hello here so this was my way of getting started and it suddenly feels like a rather bad idea to

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Ok then.

You might want to take a look at the 'Slowly venturing' thread in the cafe... there's a bit there on 'real' vs 'fun' punishments, and if you try a search, you'll find more... there's been a tonne of discussion on the topic that you might find helpful and/or interesting.

FWIW = For what it's worth.

And I didn't mean to say you were illiterate, but I did mean to jump on you, but only because it just really peeved me when you used 'I'm Australian' as an excuse for not making sense.

 

[monique_minx]

Thanks Lizzie - btw my little sister adores your Lit name (she's serial killer obsessed - saw your name and now I'll never hear the end of it )

Yeah sorry, probably should have clarified the part where I've had culture clashes on Lit in other sections because of the way I express myself (hence the Aussie part).

And I've lurked here for ages, took a bit of courage for me to actually post so sorry if I'm a little...off...my relationship with my Master is still very new and fresh. I'm very tentative about it given that my first Master and my last Master was and still is a total bastard in every sense of the word.

That bad experience has lived with me for the past two years and I'm trying to let go so trust is a pretty big issue for me - just to give an answer to Dreamliner.

I've had a lot of uncertainties from the beginning and he has done a wonderful job of putting me at ease thus far. My major problem is that I was in a polygamous relationship that soon became monogamous without me so I have issues trusting partners of any kind and friends too which truly sucks for a social butterfly!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Thanks Lizzie - btw my little sister adores your Lit name (she's serial killer obsessed - saw your name and now I'll never hear the end of it )

I'm hopeless at thinking up nicknames for things.. can't remember why I decided on this... a name is a name is a name

Yeah sorry, probably should have clarified the part where I've had culture clashes on Lit in other sections because of the way I express myself (hence the Aussie part).

It's not your fault that can't understand your awesome.

(And yes, that's the right form of 'your' because of the way I'm using 'awesome' lol)

And I've lurked here for ages, took a bit of courage for me to actually post so sorry if I'm a little...off...my relationship with my Master is still very new and fresh. I'm very tentative about it given that my first Master and my last Master was and still is a total bastard in every sense of the word.

That bad experience has lived with me for the past two years and I'm trying to let go so trust is a pretty big issue for me - just to give an answer to Dreamliner.

I've had a lot of uncertainties from the beginning and he has done a wonderful job of putting me at ease thus far. My major problem is that I was in a polygamous relationship that soon became monogamous without me so I have issues trusting partners of any kind and friends too which truly sucks for a social butterfly!

Ouch. Good to hear that you've kept your chin up and have ventured forth once again. Check out a lot of the stuff here, people are very knowledgeable.

 

[C130Loadguy]

My preferred approach to D/s revolves so much around the mental and emotional aspects of a submissive woman's psyche, that "punishment" as such is rarely appropriate...However, I will at times make use of enhanced training techniques with a sub when she needs a bit mora attention and training than ordinary due to circumstances brought on by her (or merely for my own amusement)

EXTENDED PENETRATION

With practice, it is possible to train a woman's body to accept vaginal and/or anal penetration for extended periods of time. You can, for example, have a sub wear a dildo vaginally throughout the day, or make her wear an anal plug as she does errands or housework. The key is to start small--a dildo or anal plug that seems quite small at first can become too big after a period of time--and not push the submissive if it becomes painful. Patience is essential.

What this does is makes it impossible for the submissive to ignore the fact of her penetration, even violation, whatever she may be doing. This in turn can keep the submissive constantly thinking about and constantly craving sexual stimulation.

I have even made my subs keep a dildo inserted as they sleep--which tends to make the night filled with nonstop erotic dreams...And then spanked or otherwise redressed them the next morning as they confess the contents of these half-awake erotic dreams to me in detail.



ORGASM DENIAL/CONTROL

This is a fun, and frustrating, technique that can bring real spark to an entire relationship, not just to a single "scene". All my subs have been trained and "focused" in this way at some point. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent her from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you can, for example, require that she have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but the sub is not allowed to fully reach climax. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and she is becomes perpetually aroused.

When done over a period of several days or longer, this technique creates a very powerful level of sexual excitement. When you do finally allow your her release, it's an extremely intense experience

 

[ultramarineblue]

Personally, I'm on the side that I want to avoid punishment completely.

To the OP: I may be completely off base here but it sounds as though you know you will be punished for the less serious infractions. What about the serious one?

I think some people may test to see if they PYL is going to actually give a punishment or excuse the behavior.

Also there are people that it is their kink to act out to receive "punishment." The reason I put punishment in quote is that I equate behavior needing punishment as behavior that truly disappoints. Disappointing another person is the worst part to me.

 

[C130Loadguy]

When pushishemnt is truly "Punshiment"

A submissive shouldn't want to incur it....That is why in extreme cases, rather than any "physical" trial, if the need is there I would deny a submissive of my attention (as far as she knew) for a period of time...once a level of trust and love has been built, such " emotional banishment" is likely to have much more lasting effect on true corrective teaching and behavior modification than any physical act I may wish to commit upon her.

Of course one must be very careful in punishment, since the goal is a BETTER, more directed submissive, and not a broken spirit....it all must be done with compassion

 

[ultramarineblue]

......

 

[subish2009]

Personally, I'm on the side that I want to avoid punishment completely.

To the OP: I may be completely off base here but it sounds as though you know you will be punished for the less serious infractions. What about the serious one?

I think some people may test to see if they PYL is going to actually give a punishment or excuse the behavior.

Also there are people that it is their kink to act out to receive "punishment." The reason I put punishment in quote is that I equate behavior needing punishment as behavior that truly disappoints. Disappointing another person is the worst part to me.

This is EXACTLY what I do.

A submissive shouldn't want to incur it....That is why in extreme cases, rather than any "physical" trial, if the need is there I would deny a submissive of my attention (as far as she knew) for a period of time...once a level of trust and love has been built, such " emotional banishment" is likely to have much more lasting effect on true corrective teaching and behavior modification than any physical act I may wish to commit upon her.

Of course one must be very careful in punishment, since the goal is a BETTER, more directed submissive, and not a broken spirit....it all must be done with compassion

And this is exactly why I agree with UMB that I would never want to truly disappoint a PYL. That's the only real punishment I truly fear.

 

[C130Loadguy]

Punishment is such a heavy word...

And it comes with the requirement of so much true care and concern...I think this understanding is what seperates GOOD Doms out there from those that can cause real harm in a trusting submissive

 

[monique_minx]

My preferred approach to D/s revolves so much around the mental and emotional aspects of a submissive woman's psyche, that "punishment" as such is rarely appropriate...However, I will at times make use of enhanced training techniques with a sub when she needs a bit mora attention and training than ordinary due to circumstances brought on by her (or merely for my own amusement)

EXTENDED PENETRATION

With practice, it is possible to train a woman's body to accept vaginal and/or anal penetration for extended periods of time. You can, for example, have a sub wear a dildo vaginally throughout the day, or make her wear an anal plug as she does errands or housework. The key is to start small--a dildo or anal plug that seems quite small at first can become too big after a period of time--and not push the submissive if it becomes painful. Patience is essential.

What this does is makes it impossible for the submissive to ignore the fact of her penetration, even violation, whatever she may be doing. This in turn can keep the submissive constantly thinking about and constantly craving sexual stimulation.

I have even made my subs keep a dildo inserted as they sleep--which tends to make the night filled with nonstop erotic dreams...And then spanked or otherwise redressed them the next morning as they confess the contents of these half-awake erotic dreams to me in detail.



ORGASM DENIAL/CONTROL

This is a fun, and frustrating, technique that can bring real spark to an entire relationship, not just to a single "scene". All my subs have been trained and "focused" in this way at some point. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent her from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you can, for example, require that she have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but the sub is not allowed to fully reach climax. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and she is becomes perpetually aroused.

When done over a period of several days or longer, this technique creates a very powerful level of sexual excitement. When you do finally allow your her release, it's an extremely intense experience

Wow, this one really interested me...specifically because I'm really curious about orgasm control and denial. I've only done a tiny amount of experimenting with my first Master and I'd really like my Master to try this with me but I worry about the control part, never been very good at it

Any suggestions for someone starting out with these particular points?

Personally, I'm on the side that I want to avoid punishment completely.

To the OP: I may be completely off base here but it sounds as though you know you will be punished for the less serious infractions. What about the serious one?

I think some people may test to see if they PYL is going to actually give a punishment or excuse the behavior.

Also there are people that it is their kink to act out to receive "punishment." The reason I put punishment in quote is that I equate behavior needing punishment as behavior that truly disappoints. Disappointing another person is the worst part to me.

Originally I did want to see if my Master would move on certain things I did or if he would let them slide...it was like gripping boundaries for me and a long discussion ensued following his recognition of that.

As for the serious infraction I will say that no, I didn't enjoy that and it was more that I actually hurt my Master rather than just disappointed him; neither of which I like and really do hurt me quite badly.

We're still seeking our relationship out since we're not really too far in yet (long distance making it more difficult) but as this punishment hit me really hard and sort of woke me up to my own self destructive behaviour when it comes to relationships; I figured this would be a good starting point for me here.

Currently we are still searching things out and trying new things together; he's rather keen on what I'm curious to attempt and so forth. I'm quite receptive to his ideas given that I have few limits and an avid imagination so we mesh pretty well

I'm still learning and that's something I enjoy very much along with reading which I've done a lot of recently so any input is appreciated!

 

[Primalex]

I'm a submissive (if you look at my sig that's probably obvious...

I don't see the submissive part there, it must be hidden behind the attention whore parts.

 

[eastern sun]

My preferred approach to D/s revolves so much around the mental and emotional aspects of a submissive woman's psyche, that "punishment" as such is rarely appropriate...However, I will at times make use of enhanced training techniques with a sub when she needs a bit mora attention and training than ordinary due to circumstances brought on by her (or merely for my own amusement)

EXTENDED PENETRATION

With practice, it is possible to train a woman's body to accept vaginal and/or anal penetration for extended periods of time. You can, for example, have a sub wear a dildo vaginally throughout the day, or make her wear an anal plug as she does errands or housework. The key is to start small--a dildo or anal plug that seems quite small at first can become too big after a period of time--and not push the submissive if it becomes painful. Patience is essential.

What this does is makes it impossible for the submissive to ignore the fact of her penetration, even violation, whatever she may be doing. This in turn can keep the submissive constantly thinking about and constantly craving sexual stimulation.

I have even made my subs keep a dildo inserted as they sleep--which tends to make the night filled with nonstop erotic dreams...And then spanked or otherwise redressed them the next morning as they confess the contents of these half-awake erotic dreams to me in detail.



ORGASM DENIAL/CONTROL

This is a fun, and frustrating, technique that can bring real spark to an entire relationship, not just to a single "scene". All my subs have been trained and "focused" in this way at some point. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent her from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you can, for example, require that she have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but the sub is not allowed to fully reach climax. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and she is becomes perpetually aroused.

When done over a period of several days or longer, this technique creates a very powerful level of sexual excitement. When you do finally allow your her release, it's an extremely intense experience

A submissive shouldn't want to incur it....That is why in extreme cases, rather than any "physical" trial, if the need is there I would deny a submissive of my attention (as far as she knew) for a period of time...once a level of trust and love has been built, such " emotional banishment" is likely to have much more lasting effect on true corrective teaching and behavior modification than any physical act I may wish to commit upon her.

Just wanted to add that these techniques do work.

 

[eastern sun]

Wow, this one really interested me...specifically because I'm really curious about orgasm control and denial. I've only done a tiny amount of experimenting with my first Master and I'd really like my Master to try this with me but I worry about the control part, never been very good at it

Any suggestions for someone starting out with these particular points?

You have to be willing to give up control. Ask yourself first if you're really willing to. If you're not sure, try doing it for a period of time. See what happens.

He may not do exactly what you want him to do. That's good. That means you have given him a chance to actually be in control.

How you respond to what's happening then is key.

 

[monique_minx]

I don't see the submissive part there, it must be hidden behind the attention whore parts.

And your point is?

Sorry...where was the constructive anything in that statement?

(I'm submissive only to the one I give myself over to. Otherwise I'm like any other normal 20 year old female and I like to have fun!)

You have to be willing to give up control. Ask yourself first if you're really willing to. If you're not sure, try doing it for a period of time. See what happens.

He may not do exactly what you want him to do. That's good. That means you have given him a chance to actually be in control.

How you respond to what's happening then is key.

Ok I'm sort of understanding what you mean, I've been pretty open with my Master thus far and now he knows about this thread...I expect he'll be lurking and picking up ideas he can shock the hell out of me with later!

Well see the last time I successfully managed not to cum...I also found that I couldn't when I was allowed to and I'm wondering if anyone knows how I can get around that?

It was like my body was afraid to orgasm or something so when I was free to do so...I still couldn't! It was really frustrating!