French Resistance

[phantome71]

Girls sent to a high class brothel for German officers in Paris in World War Two.
Please click on the link. Your feedback would be appreciated.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=231835

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Girls sent to a high class brothel for German officers in Paris in World War Two.
Please click on the link. Your feedback would be appreciated.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=231835

I'll go read, but why have you posted your thread four times?

 

[phantome71]

The reason it was posted more than once was that I couldn't get the link to work. Until I realised that I could edit it !! That is the only reason.

 

[kcwordsmith]

nice job

Girls sent to a high class brothel for German officers in Paris in World War Two.
Please click on the link. Your feedback would be appreciated.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=231835

A really good read though the theme of non-consent doesn't seem to ring true here. Initially she was put into this position against her will but soon enough embraced it. There was an opportunity for a lot more detail in girl-girl scenes with Susanna.

I really liked the descriptive dialogue and thought the plot was very realistic and plausible -- something that is not true in so many stories on Lit. I'm not sure the reference to the magic pill worked nor was it necessary. She was described as a girl who loved sex anyway, so the pills, whatever they were supposed to be, were not necessary.

The opening paragraph should be rephrased as you repeat the same phrase twice. It could easily be reworded to flow better and avoid the redundancy. Also I suggest careful proofing as there are a few typos. Not many, though, and very well written.

Finally, I thought the story ended rather abruptly. I have no problem with the ending of her hooking up with a middle aged officer. I just think this part could have been developed better. It was almost like were ready to end the story and didn't think through how it should end.

All in all, though, very enjoyable and a nice idea.

 

[phantome71]

Thanks for your constructive criticism. I don't know what you mean about the opening paragraph. Reads OK to me.
There probably are a very few punctuation errors and these are caused more by carelessness than ignorance.

 

[kcwordsmith]

my mistake

Thanks for your constructive criticism. I don't know what you mean about the opening paragraph. Reads OK to me.
There probably are a very few punctuation errors and these are caused more by carelessness than ignorance.

Yes, the opening graf reads well. I meant to refererence the second paragraph.

Here's how I would rephrase:

Original:

Dominique was an eighteen year old teenager who had been left to fend for herself when her parents were trapped in the United States on business at the outbreak of the war. She had been studying at the Sorbonne but the war had put a stop to all that and she was alone in Paris to fend for herself.

Revision:

Dominique was an eighteen-year old-student when her parents were trapped in the United States on business at the outbreak of the war. She had been studying at the Sorbonne but the war had put a stop to all that and she was along in Paris to fend for herself.

No big deal. The phrase alone to fend for herself was just repeated and I wanted to avoid that.

I know what you mean about carelessness and typos. I do the same thing. By the way, when I was a student in Kansas I actually attended summer school at the Sorbonne.

 

[phantome71]

Yes I see what you mean about the second para. I just hadn't noticed it.
Thanks.