Slowly venturing

[Beth87]

I wanted to share my first tentive steps into D/s. It's a post from my blog and a little graphic but I don't think anyone will mind here. My teacher lives a fair way from me so we will me conversing mainly via web and telephone for the time being.
****

A Dom wants to take me under his wing and train me. He obviously has a very strong stomach for this and lots of patience because I am haywire at the moment.

Proven by one of the first conversations we had. I had texted him in a fit of lust describing how bad I was being..and I really was being bad - double penetrative masturbation. I had cum quite a few times before he texted me back and when he finally rang me I was fit to burst.

So when I get a text later on in the day as for a nice picture or he will punish me for being bad, I presumed he wanted a sexy photo. Oh boy was I wrong. He rang me up to tell me how wrong.

"Bethany, what made you think I would want a picture of your breast?" he says very sternly.

"Because that is what a 'nice' picture means." I say, flustering.

"Don't treat me like one the perverts off the internet. So tell me again why you sent me a picture of your breast?"

"Because everytime a guy has asked for a nice picture he has wanted to see some part of me naked. What did you want to see?" My stomach drops as the shame sweeps over me.

"Your face Bethany, I wanted a nice picture of your face. It's not on is it, sending me that dirty picture?"

"No," I start to feel like a scolded child being told their parents are disappointed in them. There is nothing worse than feeling like someone important is disappointed in you and they feel you have let yourself down.

"You treated me like one of your filthy perverts. I am disgusted with this picture showing me your erect nipple. What are you wearing now?"

"Pj's"

"Take off your top," he commands.

I know it is a punishment coming up and it makes me a little nervous but mostly I feel curious excitement.

"Is it off?"

"Yes. Yes it is," my mouth begins to dry up.

"Make your nipple hard for me"

"I'm cold so it is already hard," I stupidly reply, my brain losing all intelligence.

"Squeeze it, I want it to be excitedly hard. Done?"

I nod my head forgetting that I am on a phone and then answer in the affirmitive, my voice husky.

"Right now take your thumb and index finger and push them into the sides of your nipple. Got it? Now keep getting tighter until I say so."

My fingers grip my nipple tight and arousal shoots through my body straight from my nipple to my clitoris. I can stop a moan escaping and he tells me to press harder, not that it helps my arousal which is building and building.

"Are you digging in as hard as you can?"

"Yes, my fingers won't go any more without nails. My hand seems to have frozen at this point."

I think problem comes partly from me anticipating pain and so my hand stops and partly from getting such enjoyment out of it. What my master doesn't know yet about me is that I have often masturbated with clips on my nipples so I can highten the sensitivity of my clitoris. What my master doesn't know about my nipples yet is that pulling on them in the right way can cause me to cum almost immediately.

The conversation swiftly changes to who I have met from the internet because in my recruitment interview he had asked me about Doms and I had said I have only met one proper Dom, the rest were meet and beat types.

So I told him I have met 4 guys off the internet; two bad guys, one as a business transaction and one who was my friend and we ended up having sex.

"Looks like I have my work cut out with you."

I feel felt partly embarrassed at that remark and partly proud. Wouldn't want to be boring and a doormat.

So my mission is to set up my webcam ---to show I am committed and until then NO lessons. So I reallyhope I can get my computer graphics fixed asap.
***

Tame by probably most people's standards but it is a beginning

 

[FurryFury]

Do you know this guy in person or only online?

Are you comfortable putting out pictures and web cam, no knowing where those images will end up?

 

[Beth87]

Met online.

I am comfortable with online. I have been in various online relationships for more years than I care to remember. I try and avoid facial shots as much as is possible to protect identity. When I webcam I dont show my face at all.

I can always discuss with him how we will work this once webcam gets involved. Maybe some sort of veil to mask my identity? What do think of that idea?

 

[FurryFury]

I honestly think you'd be better off finding your local scene and no doing online cam type stuff.

 

[Beth87]

I dont think my place _has_ a scene. Middle of nowhere. But I take your point. I guess once you do something for so long (internet pics etc) you kind of forget the potential danger.

It is something I will seriously consider and if I dont have a scene I will have to wait until I am able to travel. I've waited this long for a master, Im sure I could wait a little bit longer if this doesnt work out the way Id like.

 

[FurryFury]

I really think online is fine but anyone who demands a pic or cam from me won't get it. I think it's very unwise. I did have a pic thread here, two actually. I never showed my face but even that began to feel dangerous to me.

There is usually a local scene within driving distance.

Many, if not most "online Doms" are not what they claim to be.

 

[DVS]

To me, an online relationship is not enough. Many who have experienced D/s in real life feel that way. But, I also understand the need for some kind of release and if there isn't a way to find local partners, online is an alternative.

It might seem secure, because you are locked up in your home, and seem to be safe. But, giving pictures out to strangers can be dangerous. I'd for sure not show my face in any of these pictures, nor any identifiable marks such as tattoos or birthmarks that can be identified as you.

You don't know this person. He's a stranger, although you might think you know him from conversations with him. Don't fool yourself. He's still a stranger. Submitting to a stranger online can seem very erotic and doing things he demands can have a strong sexual appeal. There is nothing wrong with that, in my eyes, just as long as you remain a stranger to him, as well.

Sexual predators are out there and unsuspecting submissive women...newbies who are looking for their first taste of a controlling Dom, can sometimes get swept into doing things they wouldn't do, if they could think about it without their sexual needs in the way.

Just be sure you know what you are doing, when you send a picture to someone. Once that picture leaves your possession, you have no control over where it goes. He might tell you he's only keeping it for himself, and that could be true. But he might send it on to several of his friends, too, boasting to them that he's got himself a sexy online romance going.

He might not mean for anything bad to happen, he's just boasting as men will do. But that means the picture is even out of his control, now. And once it's out there, it can be passed around for years. I don't think I'd want a sexually explicit picture of myself out on the Internet...for sure, not one that shows my face. I don't care how much I like someone and I don't care how much they try to satisfy my concerns that the picture won't go any further. I won't send a picture through the Internet.

And I'm sorry, but web cams are the same thing. Sure, it's a method of connection with someone who is giving you what you desire and you want to give him something in return. But I'd keep images of myself private. Sharing photos with others didn't use to be a bad thing. But, with the Internet and with all of the sickos out there hungry for naked pictures, you could be an unsuspecting victim.

I know...I'm a man and I'd love to see a naked picture of someone I'm dominating online. It would help me to picture her in sexual positions and also excite me to look at that picture while reading her messages. And a face shot would be even better! So, I know he's going to ask.

But, if nothing else, that picture could turn up somewhere embarrassing, years later. It's difficult, I know, but I'd keep the online thing to text only. Have fun, but be safe about it, too.

 

[FurryFury]

GREAT post DVS.

 

[Beth87]

thank you for the reminders

I think i needed it. I havent posted anything I would be embarrassed about...then again, i dont have a great shame reflex at the moment..so who knows.

Ihave become very sexualised over the years. I have been sending pics etc for nearly 10 years now..and i guess i dont have a grasp on appropriate anymore.

So i will take in your words and think harder before i post certain things

 

[DVS]

thank you for the reminders

I think i needed it. I havent posted anything I would be embarrassed about...then again, i dont have a great shame reflex at the moment..so who knows.

Ihave become very sexualised over the years. I have been sending pics etc for nearly 10 years now..and i guess i dont have a grasp on appropriate anymore.

So i will take in your words and think harder before i post certain things

I don't want you to beat yourself up about it. And I don't want to intimidate you into doing something or not doing something. It's just that life has changed over the years.

I'm a heterosexual man. I enjoy sexy photos of women. I've had guys show me pictures on their cell phones that women have sent them. I'm talking about explicit pictures showing face, naked tits and such. I also know if I wanted a copy, it wouldn't take much more than for me to ask.

Sure, I've seen pictures on web sites like Fetlife and Collarme, where women show almost anything. It's not an uncommon thing and I understand the desire. Use your own discretion to decide what's appropriate and what isn't. We're all different so what I think might not be the same as what you think.

But don't underestimate the power of the Internet or the curiosity of horny men like me. Pictures of pretty women have a way of getting around. And if those pictures are showing naked body parts, they're almost like gold to some men.

Me? I'm an ass man, if you haven't figured that out from my signature links. Pictures of a nice ass on a pretty woman...oh baby!

 

[subish2009]

I don't want you to beat yourself up about it. And I don't want to intimidate you into doing something or not doing something. It's just that life has changed over the years.

I'm a heterosexual man. I enjoy sexy photos of women. I've had guys show me pictures on their cell phones that women have sent them. I'm talking about explicit pictures showing face, naked tits and such. I also know if I wanted a copy, it wouldn't take much more than for me to ask.

Sure, I've seen pictures on web sites like Fetlife and Collarme, where women show almost anything. It's not an uncommon thing and I understand the desire. Use your own discretion to decide what's appropriate and what isn't. We're all different so what I think might not be the same as what you think.

But don't underestimate the power of the Internet or the curiosity of horny men like me. Pictures of pretty women have a way of getting around. And if those pictures are showing naked body parts, they're almost like gold to some men.

Me? I'm an ass man, if you haven't figured that out from my signature links. Pictures of a nice ass on a pretty woman...oh baby!

There is a LOT of good advice here and in DVS's other post. I think the gist of it is, understand that no one here is judging your decision, if you DO send pics (at least that's how I'm reading it), everyone just wants to be sure that you are making a fully informed and educated decision on the risks that you are and are not willing to take...that you've thought it through.

I have personal experience with a slightly different angle: I have an online PYL as well. I won't get into the details of the dynamic because it's complicated and off-topic, but the important part is that it is a very serious, romantic, and committed relationship. My husband has insisted that any pics of me that are sent to him be devoid of any identifying details...my face, obviously, but even books in our bedroom, furniture, etc. He's a network engineer who specializes in security so he's a little paranoid, but I agree with him. And, the key here, I'm in LOVE with my online PYL...it's not that I don't trust HIM. I trust him implicitly. I do NOT trust the Internet, the universe, or fate. Shit happens, you know? I have a kid. I have a career. I have a community. I'm not willing to risk those things for a picture that my PYL would never dream of demanding anyway...for exactly the same reasons. He's about as paranoid as my husband.

So, I'm well protected from any pressure to share pics on both sides. The impetus to do so comes only from me. Your online relationship sounds much more casual than mine (please correct me if I'm misinterpreting), and that doesn't make the desire to share any less intense, but just know that it's up to YOU to protect YOURSELF. Even if he cares for you, he may not think through the risks carefully enough to protect you sufficiently. Make sense?

 

[Beth87]

I dont feel judged

It is good to have a wake up call every now and again. I realised I am becoming less protective of my identity and although I might not care very much now, Im only 22 and one day I might not feel so liberal about the pics etc.

Thank you everyone for your kind advice. As it turns out I am not entirely sure this relationship will go very far. Im still working out what I want from 'subbing' and I think our wants are different. I dont know.

 

[DVS]

I dont feel judged

It is good to have a wake up call every now and again. I realised I am becoming less protective of my identity and although I might not care very much now, Im only 22 and one day I might not feel so liberal about the pics etc.

Thank you everyone for your kind advice. As it turns out I am not entirely sure this relationship will go very far. Im still working out what I want from 'subbing' and I think our wants are different. I dont know.

Of course things are going to be new and exciting for you, because it's all new. And along with new and exciting, it will probably be confusing at times.

You might find a lot of things turn you on, but there will be some things that turn you on a lot more. Learning what does it for you is very exciting. You can find this out on your own. Lit has a lot of stories that you can read, all sorted out into categories for the fetish connoisseur. Pick the stories with the red H beside them. Those have been considered "hot" by those who've read them.

If you don't decide this Dom is for you, that's no big deal. There will be others. Right now, find out what fetishes turn you on. Satisfying someone else can come later. Have fun.

 

[Primalex]

I honestly think you'd be better off finding your local scene

which is absolutely safe of course.

 

[FurryFury]

which is absolutely safe of course.

Please. I never said that. My reasoning is that at least you can see and hear the person you are talking with about things. Your chances of hands on as well as getting red flags go waaaaay up in person. Plus, there is often the opportunity to learn, try things and have fellowship with others who share kinks.

 

[wicked woman]

Unless you've got a deep need to be punished, I'd also be concerned about his manner of dominating you. Asking for a nice picture of you and then punishing you because your definition of 'nice' wasn't his and getting upset that your actions suggest he's a perv and then giving you such a sexual punishment, for me would be a red flag.

D/s for me is a relationship and any relationship takes communication. I wouldn't have interepreted a nice picture as you did, but despite that, I think he had some responsibility for being more descriptive of what he wanted...especially if it was a face picture over the internet. All sorts of people are leery about sending a face pic to someone they don't know. To expect someone to send a face pic without being explicit, to me, is unrealistic.

To be punished for not interpreting 'nice' to mean 'face' to me is unnacceptable. But then I don't want to be punished and sir doesn't need an excuse to do to me what others might for a punishment. To me a punishment is serious business. And expectations need to be there and explained before punishment should be an option.

Wish you well, but don't be in a hurry.

 

[FurryFury]

Good post!

Unless you've got a deep need to be punished, I'd also be concerned about his manner of dominating you. Asking for a nice picture of you and then punishing you because your definition of 'nice' wasn't his and getting upset that your actions suggest he's a perv and then giving you such a sexual punishment, for me would be a red flag.

D/s for me is a relationship and any relationship takes communication. I wouldn't have interepreted a nice picture as you did, but despite that, I think he had some responsibility for being more descriptive of what he wanted...especially if it was a face picture over the internet. All sorts of people are leery about sending a face pic to someone they don't know. To expect someone to send a face pic without being explicit, to me, is unrealistic.

To be punished for not interpreting 'nice' to mean 'face' to me is unnacceptable. But then I don't want to be punished and sir doesn't need an excuse to do to me what others might for a punishment. To me a punishment is serious business. And expectations need to be there and explained before punishment should be an option.

Wish you well, but don't be in a hurry.

 

[wicked woman]

Good post!

Thanks. I just don't get the 'need' to punish that some Doms have. My philosophy is that if I've agreed to submit to you already, you don't need to set me up with an unrealistic expectation, so I'll fail, just so you can punish me. If you want to do the action that some would consider punishment, whatever it might be, I have given you the right to do that without it being punishment.

My Dom is wise enough to understand how much I hate disappointing him. That I'm just as hard on myself as any punishment he'd give me. It's rarely an issue luckily.

 

[subish2009]

Thanks. I just don't get the 'need' to punish that some Doms have. My philosophy is that if I've agreed to submit to you already, you don't need to set me up with an unrealistic expectation, so I'll fail, just so you can punish me. If you want to do the action that some would consider punishment, whatever it might be, I have given you the right to do that without it being punishment.

My Dom is wise enough to understand how much I hate disappointing him. That I'm just as hard on myself as any punishment he'd give me. It's rarely an issue luckily.

I know this viewpoint isn't popular on this board, but I also know I'm not alone here....In some D/s relationships, there's punishment, and then there's "punishment", the latter being a pseudo-consequence that both parties are enjoying. The former being the devastating kind that no one wants. I won't go any deeper than that because I spent a lot of energy discussing this distinction last year on the brat thread, and people either seem to get it or they don't, which is fine...it's not the way everyone works by a long-shot.

My point in bringing it up is that the vibe I got from the OP was not that she was feeling terribly upset about what sounded (to me) like a "punishment."

 

[wicked woman]

I know this viewpoint isn't popular on this board, but I also know I'm not alone here....In some D/s relationships, there's punishment, and then there's "punishment", the latter being a pseudo-consequence that both parties are enjoying. The former being the devastating kind that no one wants. I won't go any deeper than that because I spent a lot of energy discussing this distinction last year on the brat thread, and people either seem to get it or they don't, which is fine...it's not the way everyone works by a long-shot.

My point in bringing it up is that the vibe I got from the OP was not that she was feeling terribly upset about what sounded (to me) like a "punishment."

Good point.

My first comment in my first post was "Unless you've got a deep need to be punished..." and what you're talking about is what I was referring to.


I agree with the vibe you got from the OP. My concern is that sometimes people new to D/s aren't quite sure what's involved and think however the internet 'Dom' treats them is the only 'true' way, when we all need to be true to ourselves and try to find a good match.

 

[Beth87]

I get the difference between punishment and "punishment"
It's very important. The relationship is just as mutually consentual as any other. So you need to agree on boundaries and stuff. I want a punishment to make me feel better, as a person etc.

Whilst you are correct, the way that punishment was set up was a little unethical - in hindsight...I grew from it. Punishment isnt about demeaning the soul..it's supposed to be about elevating it, I guess. IMO

 

[subish2009]

Good point.

My first comment in my first post was "Unless you've got a deep need to be punished..." and what you're talking about is what I was referring to.


I agree with the vibe you got from the OP. My concern is that sometimes people new to D/s aren't quite sure what's involved and think however the internet 'Dom' treats them is the only 'true' way, when we all need to be true to ourselves and try to find a good match.

Yeah, you're right. And.....this is SOOO not a dig at younger BDSMers...but I've got 10 years on the OP, and that can often be an advantage in terms of knowing what kind of D one is looking for in the search for that "good match."

I get the difference between punishment and "punishment"
It's very important. The relationship is just as mutually consentual as any other. So you need to agree on boundaries and stuff. I want a punishment to make me feel better, as a person etc.

Whilst you are correct, the way that punishment was set up was a little unethical - in hindsight...I grew from it. Punishment isnt about demeaning the soul..it's supposed to be about elevating it, I guess. IMO

Well, then, yeah, definitely, if you felt it was unethical, then it's a problem. Sounds like you're learning from it, which is great, but I'm sorry it wasn't such a good experience for you.

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah, you're right. And.....this is SOOO not a dig at younger BDSMers...but I've got 10 years on the OP, and that can often be an advantage in terms of knowing what kind of D one is looking for in the search for that "good match."

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. I've seen plenty of 40+ divorcees who've just discovered kinky stuff absolutely lose their minds and do stuff no semi-intelligent teenager would even imagine doing. Consider it a form of natural selection.

 

[DVS]

I know this viewpoint isn't popular on this board, but I also know I'm not alone here....In some D/s relationships, there's punishment, and then there's "punishment", the latter being a pseudo-consequence that both parties are enjoying. The former being the devastating kind that no one wants. I won't go any deeper than that because I spent a lot of energy discussing this distinction last year on the brat thread, and people either seem to get it or they don't, which is fine...it's not the way everyone works by a long-shot.

My point in bringing it up is that the vibe I got from the OP was not that she was feeling terribly upset about what sounded (to me) like a "punishment."

For me, all punishment is the latter. Of course, I'm not a Master in a relationship, but I don't believe in REAL punishments. Of course, if a submissive desires some form of punishment or reprimand for a misdeed, I'm willing to consider it. I'm easy.

And trust me, I can dish out all of the pain I need to, but it's in the form of sexual play and mind fucks. And I can see how some here won't agree, but I also think a lot of it is just a misunderstanding. But then, I don't consider myself "normal" in the BDSM sense, if there is such a thing.

 

[subish2009]

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. I've seen plenty of 40+ divorcees who've just discovered kinky stuff absolutely lose their minds and do stuff no semi-intelligent teenager would even imagine doing. Consider it a form of natural selection.

Ha! Touche. I stand corrected.

For me, all punishment is the latter. Of course, I'm not a Master in a relationship, but I don't believe in REAL punishments. Of course, if a submissive desires some form of punishment or reprimand for a misdeed, I'm willing to consider it. I'm easy.

And trust me, I can dish out all of the pain I need to, but it's in the form of sexual play and mind fucks. And I can see how some here won't agree, but I also think a lot of it is just a misunderstanding. But then, I don't consider myself "normal" in the BDSM sense, if there is such a thing.

Exactly. My brother from another mother.