Just a small question for all you 'kinksters'

[Storyfeller]

I have never dabbled in BDSM - it really isn't my scene but, more than that, it's always struck me as an area totally plagued with wannabes, fakes and fantasy artists even more than the general run of internet sex matters

Have any of you guys (or gals) really ever found what you were looking for on here or similar sites?

I'd be fascinated to know.

I'll ask for honest answers - but then that's actually probably part of the problem, right?

 

[kimuk]

yes its out there

 

[anneski]

I have never dabbled in BDSM - it really isn't my scene but, more than that, it's always struck me as an area totally plagued with wannabes, fakes and fantasy artists even more than the general run of internet sex matters

Have any of you guys (or gals) really ever found what you were looking for on here or similar sites?

I'd be fascinated to know.

I'll ask for honest answers - but then that's actually probably part of the problem, right?

Oh yes (although not on here) - as you already know!

 

[klimt13]

not on this site, but on another I found a Domme. Lot's of foot worship, and she dragged me around a party in nothing but a thong and a dog-collar. So yeah, I found what I wanted, just wish it would have lasted longer.

 

[MasterMischief]

...it's always struck me as an area totally plagued with wannabes, fakes and fantasy artists even more than the general run of internet sex matters

Even wannabes need love.

 

[be_ignited]

I met my Dominant through a personals ad I posted here. We've been together for two years.

 

[sailorpaul]

Yes, Lit is full of great people

Yes, I've found what I wanted four times.

Two of the relationships, while they have changed, still continue as strong friendships in one fashion or another. One continues to grow fantastically unchecked. And the fourth.... I have no way to predict the boomerang's trajectory.

I would not change any of this.

 

[FluteMaster]

Yep, I met my girl via this site. She posted looking for correspondents. I replied and we started chatting. ( months on we are still together and very happy.

There are a lot of fakes and wannabes, but that makes the finding more special.

FM

 

[WA_cop]

I've met some lovely ladies on Lit and my time with them continues...

 

[musikman1]

What you're looking for..

If you have patience and a definate profile of what you're looking for, you'll eventually find it. Try collarme dot com. Fill out a BDSM checklist and introduce yourself to someone that sounds interesting. I've found both a pro Domme and an amature "starter" that loves to get scenarios to play out. But it took about 18 months to find them, but they are jewels!

Don't give up!

 

[Dearest__Daddy]

If you have patience and a definate profile of what you're looking for, you'll eventually find it. Try collarme dot com. Fill out a BDSM checklist and introduce yourself to someone that sounds interesting. I've found both a pro Domme and an amature "starter" that loves to get scenarios to play out. But it took about 18 months to find them, but they are jewels!

Don't give up!

Does it really take 'patience' to find a pro-Domme, then..?

As far as I can see, Collarme has 99 call girl profiles for every one that can remotely be construed as genuine, so is probably even worse than this place.

 

[dustyone]

re

interesting thread i found a Domme on here after much searching and altho the time we can spend together is limited i have enjoyed the time we have spent in the relationship She treats me as i would wish and i hope i please Her in some small ways

 

[Silverbriar]

I've not tried on the Lit Erotica boards yet, but through the Live Journal sex communities I met someone and our relationship lasted nearly two years, and he was an INCREDIABLE dom

 

[SweetDommes]

We met one of our former boys on here, and have talked with countless others - some we are still friends with, others, not so much.

There are a lot of people pretending to be what they are not, but there are also a lot of people who are exactly what they portray.

As to the "99 call girls for every 1 that is genuine on collarme" comment - first, being a call girl doesn't mean that the person isn't genuine. While it's not for everyone, it works quite well for a lot of people - and the ones who are actually ProDommes are often lifestyle as well - the problem is that there are a lot of men looking to get their rocks off by looking at naked pics of other men, and if they can make a few bucks at it, then they will. Second, that's what the hide and block functions are for on that site - you don't like a profile, you don't ever have to see it again.

 

[School__master]

We met one of our former boys on here, and have talked with countless others - some we are still friends with, others, not so much.

There are a lot of people pretending to be what they are not, but there are also a lot of people who are exactly what they portray.

As to the "99 call girls for every 1 that is genuine on collarme" comment - first, being a call girl doesn't mean that the person isn't genuine. While it's not for everyone, it works quite well for a lot of people - and the ones who are actually ProDommes are often lifestyle as well - the problem is that there are a lot of men looking to get their rocks off by looking at naked pics of other men, and if they can make a few bucks at it, then they will. Second, that's what the hide and block functions are for on that site - you don't like a profile, you don't ever have to see it again.

My italics. Of course it does.

The prime and overriding motivation for professionals is money. That knowledge of itself would kill the situation for any self-respecting sub or dom. You couldn't place any credence in anything they said or did.

A deal breaker par excellence.

 

[SweetDommes]

Deal breaker for you/others or not, it still doesn't mean that they aren't genuine. They are genuinely looking for something just like someone else is - as long as they are honest about it (whether it's stating that they expect 'tribute' or flat out saying that they are pros) then they are genuine.

For us, the guys who want to be 24/7 houseboys, not work outside of the house, and be kept in a cage when not "in use" are deal breakers ... but they are still genuinely looking for that situation. Just because it's not our thing doesn't mean that they are any less genuine than the boys who are exactly what we want.

 

[Storyfeller]

Deal breaker for you/others or not, it still doesn't mean that they aren't genuine. They are genuinely looking for something just like someone else is - as long as they are honest about it (whether it's stating that they expect 'tribute' or flat out saying that they are pros) then they are genuine.

For us, the guys who want to be 24/7 houseboys, not work outside of the house, and be kept in a cage when not "in use" are deal breakers ... but they are still genuinely looking for that situation. Just because it's not our thing doesn't mean that they are any less genuine than the boys who are exactly what we want.

I think you meant to say it doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't genuine. On that I agree with you.

Of course, that they 99% probably aren't is pretty well beyond dispute and on that I agree with Schoolmaster!

 

[SweetDommes]

Obviously, both of you have your minds made up that you are right and nothing anyone else says is going to change that. However: I said what I meant - just because they want money doesn't mean that they aren't genuine. They might not be, but the sole fact that they want money isn't what makes them genuine or not. Plus there is the fact that a good number of the "pro/money" Dommes out there are also "lifestyle" Dommes.

As long as there is a market for it, it will happen, just like anything else. That doesn't make them "fake" or "wanna bes" or whatever you want to call it. It just means that they aren't compatable with you - so you click "hide" and move on to the next. It's life. Are non-kinky women less genuine because they expect flowers and other gifts from their beaus? I don't think so, and from what I've seen, most others don't think so either ... because they are "vanilla" that makes it ok. If a Domme wants that, though, she becomes a whore, and a fake, and less "genuine" than one who doesn't care if she gets presents from someone courting her.

 

[dedic8ted2u2]

Obviously, both of you have your minds made up that you are right and nothing anyone else says is going to change that. However: I said what I meant - just because they want money doesn't mean that they aren't genuine. They might not be, but the sole fact that they want money isn't what makes them genuine or not. Plus there is the fact that a good number of the "pro/money" Dommes out there are also "lifestyle" Dommes.

As long as there is a market for it, it will happen, just like anything else. That doesn't make them "fake" or "wanna bes" or whatever you want to call it. It just means that they aren't compatable with you - so you click "hide" and move on to the next. It's life. Are non-kinky women less genuine because they expect flowers and other gifts from their beaus? I don't think so, and from what I've seen, most others don't think so either ... because they are "vanilla" that makes it ok. If a Domme wants that, though, she becomes a whore, and a fake, and less "genuine" than one who doesn't care if she gets presents from someone courting her.

Well said!

 

[SimonBrooke]

I have never dabbled in BDSM - it really isn't my scene but, more than that, it's always struck me as an area totally plagued with wannabes, fakes and fantasy artists even more than the general run of internet sex matters

Have any of you guys (or gals) really ever found what you were looking for on here or similar sites?

I'd be fascinated to know.

I'll ask for honest answers - but then that's actually probably part of the problem, right?

I've had a number of fairly serious online flirtations which started on Literotica - not the personals section, but other sections of the forums or from stories I've posted. One of them I thought (and hoped) was going to turn into a real life relationship, but she suddenly disappeared, and hasn't got back in touch. Many of the others remain friends, to one degree or another - one I speak to (on a platonic basis) every other day.

So - it hasn't happened for me in real life yet, but that's partly because Literotica has a considerable North American bias. It's entirely possible that I will find someone here, but I confess I'm concentrating my efforts on places nearer home.

 

[Dearest__Daddy]

Obviously, both of you have your minds made up that you are right and nothing anyone else says is going to change that. However: I said what I meant - just because they want money doesn't mean that they aren't genuine. They might not be, but the sole fact that they want money isn't what makes them genuine or not. Plus there is the fact that a good number of the "pro/money" Dommes out there are also "lifestyle" Dommes.

As long as there is a market for it, it will happen, just like anything else. That doesn't make them "fake" or "wanna bes" or whatever you want to call it. It just means that they aren't compatable with you - so you click "hide" and move on to the next. It's life. Are non-kinky women less genuine because they expect flowers and other gifts from their beaus? I don't think so, and from what I've seen, most others don't think so either ... because they are "vanilla" that makes it ok. If a Domme wants that, though, she becomes a whore, and a fake, and less "genuine" than one who doesn't care if she gets presents from someone courting her.

The lady protests too much... and misses the point in spades.

School-master got it right in saying that, for any genuine sub or Dom - i.e. one doing it from a deep-seated urge and for no other reason - the very knowledge that a potential partner would or even could be doing it just for the money would "kill the situation".

I know this would be the case for me and I've spoken with many others who feel likewise. The general consensus is that those "paying for it" are a mixture of the time poor, the willing-to-accept-second-best and the downright desperate.

If only to that extent, the professionals amongst us will always be considered non-genuine and, frankly, deservedly so. They are literally prostituting themselves and have relinquished any right to be judged in the same bracket as those doing it from an inner need only.

 

[SweetDommes]

I'm not sure why you say I'm protesting too much - for the record, Holly and I are in the catagory of "who doesn't care if she gets presents from someone courting her" ... but that doesn't mean that we feel superior to anyone who does want gifts/money/whatever.

I think at this point, we'll just have to agree to disagree - I will not change my stand, and you obviously think I'm full of shit. *shrugs* whatever.

 

[SimonBrooke]

The lady protests too much... and misses the point in spades.

School-master got it right in saying that, for any genuine sub or Dom - i.e. one doing it from a deep-seated urge and for no other reason - the very knowledge that a potential partner would or even could be doing it just for the money would "kill the situation".

I know this would be the case for me and I've spoken with many others who feel likewise. The general consensus is that those "paying for it" are a mixture of the time poor, the willing-to-accept-second-best and the downright desperate.

If only to that extent, the professionals amongst us will always be considered non-genuine and, frankly, deservedly so. They are literally prostituting themselves and have relinquished any right to be judged in the same bracket as those doing it from an inner need only.

You know, I think you're talking rubbish. I know several pros. One of them I actually might pay, if I wanted some purely recreational sex. I'm certain I'd have a wonderful time. What does 'non-genuine' even mean in this sense? That she doesn't enjoy sex? That she doesn't enjoy giving pleasure? That she doesn't enjoy exploring intimacy? I don't - can't - know for certain, but I think you are very far wrong.

For female dominants, taking money can be just part of the essential power exchange of BDSM. They are not lawyers, you know: they have no commitment to serve everyone equally. They choose their clients. It's completely ridiculous to suppose that their relationships with the clients they choose cannot be genuine.

 

[Storyfeller]

What does 'non-genuine' even mean in this sense?

At the risk of encouraging this long and tedious deviation from the topic, even I who have scant interest in BDSM can see the answer to this question.

'Non-genuine' surely refers to someone who is doing something for reasons other than the ones agreed/accepted/acknowledged. In this case, we are presumably talking of a deep drive/need for submission or dominance. Any other motivation would render the participant 'non-genuine'.

Being blunt, the mot juste is actually 'fake'.

Anyone who professes themselves unable to understand this simple concept is either gobsmackingly unintelligent or deliberately going out on a limb to shore up an untenable position.

I can certainly understand why fakes would be avoided by anyone who was not driven by desperation.

As the OP I would ask that people speak to the topic posed.

 

[SweetDommes]

I don't see that wanting money for something means that they aren't doing it because they have a drive to do it. I mean... as a nurse, I have a drive to help people - but am I going to go to work for free? Hell no. Does that make me a less genuine nurse? Again, hell no.

There are plenty out there who would be considered pro or money dommes who have been dommes for years and years - realized that they could make their life a bit easier by charging boys for what they want from her, so they started charging. BFD - their desire for the lifestyle and the D/s interactions hasn't changed, they are just getting an extra bonus. Why does that make them less genuine?

Oh, and if you want to restrict answers, don't post on a public form. I answered your question, as have others - another topic came up that people wished to discuss, so we are discussing that.