Nary an Englishman

[Lord_Dunsay]

So I just had my first story approved a few days ago and it's primarily to lay the ground work for a much longer tale. I considered including a preface explaining the story takes place in the 1940's but ended up not doing so, is that confusing?

And I would like to solicit some commentary on what grabs the readers attention. I have started on the second chapter but beyond that the plot threads are all very loose and are up for grabs, so to speak.

Seeing how it is ski season and my writing time is scarce I would like to focus the story where it seems most promising.

Thanks in advance!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=462201

 

[mia_erotica]

wow-fun!

I just read your story and commented. It's really great! Have you completed the other chapters? I'm thinking you are headed for a f/f/m menage? Please keep me informed of subsequent chapter postings!

 

[Lord_Dunsay]

Sorry

Hey all thanks for the feedback that I did receive. Unfortunately after being posted for a few days it seems the story was subsequently rejected (I am guessing that this is due to some form of tattling), as the story contained the suggestion of bestiality and not the act, I don't see much point in a rewrite.

If the story gets posted elsewhere I will put a link to it here. At least 25 people read it so hopefully there is some interest in later chapters.

Thanks again.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I downloaded your story and only read it today.

I would have warned you about the sheep. Just like all pizza boys having to be 18, the site, understandably for its own protection, is very strict about bestiality and underage sex.

On the story in general, I got a bit confused with all the characters and scenarios you brought into play in an opening chapter. In the space of a morning and 2 lit pages you have Lady Dunsay contemplating straight and lesbian sex with two men and two women, a touch of fetish peeing and the sheep thing. Also, I think you spend too long dwelling on her late husband.

Has she just rediscovered sex?

For me, especially if you plan a multi-chapter story, it is much better not to rush so much, dwell on only one or two characters in the first chapter. No harm in referring to others to bring them in later and the same for the bulk of the husband backstory.

Just a small point. The Brit I live with pointed out that you never put first names in aristocratic titles. She is Katherine, Lady Dunsay not Lady Katherine Dunsay and apparently 'redcaps' in UK has always been the nickname of the military police. Check with Og to be certain.

Although I think it needs a good edit, I liked the premise of the story, think it has real potential and really hope you will persevere with it.

Elle

 

[Lord_Dunsay]

Thanks for the reply.

It has been edited by a gentleman from England so I feel okay with that as far as it goes. Redcaps was the nickname given to the Canadians in Cuckfield during the war, that bit I got from research. I assume they wore berets similar to the 1st Airborne. Who also had that nickname.

As far as the sheep thing goes it was mainly used for humor and impetus in the final scene, I will still post later chapters on Lit (and include a reasonable prologue to get readers up to speed), but I don't want to completely rewrite the final scene of the first chapter. (And yes the first editor posted the story, so obviously someone complained to the mods. I don't want to poke holes in anyones morale superiority but if the painful violation of men and women is okay to be turned-on by but the "suggestion" that a man might consider having sex with a sheep is over the line...*shrug*)

Oh, and if woman think of sex so little after a couple of years without sex then I need to talk to some different women!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Thanks for the reply.

It has been edited by a gentleman from England so I feel okay with that as far as it goes. Redcaps was the nickname given to the Canadians in Cuckfield during the war, that bit I got from research. I assume they wore berets similar to the 1st Airborne. Who also had that nickname.

As far as the sheep thing goes it was mainly used for humor and impetus in the final scene, I will still post later chapters on Lit (and include a reasonable prologue to get readers up to speed), but I don't want to completely rewrite the final scene of the first chapter. (And yes the first editor posted the story, so obviously someone complained to the mods. I don't want to poke holes in anyones morale superiority but if the painful violation of men and women is okay to be turned-on by but the "suggestion" that a man might consider having sex with a sheep is over the line...*shrug*)

Oh, and if woman think of sex so little after a couple of years without sex then I need to talk to some different women!

I trust the SO but I've done a bit of Googling and he is right. In aristocratic brit titles you never get the first name. Strictly he is Lord Dunsay of Somewhere (presumably Cuckfield), usually reduced to Lord Dunsay, and for formal occasions, Charles, Lord Dunsay. He would sign letters simply 'Dunsay'.

Again, when you use the Right Honorable, you must include the first name. He is 'The Right Honorable Charles Dunsay - she isn't Rt Hon.

I accept your research about 'redcaps' in Cuckfield but would just point out this goes against normal UK military slang and might be confusing.

Sorry if I didn't explain myself well. I have no problem with her Ladyship being frustrated after two years of widowhood - who wouldn't be? My point was meant to be that I thought you rushed things too much, both in the number of characters you added and the sudden insatiable sexual proclivities that seemed to have no history.

She seems to be seeing her maids for the first time as well as the shepherd. That doesn't make sense.

We've all railed against the rules from time to time but be realistic. This site lets us post our smut and gain audience as long as we abide by the guidelines. No under 18 sex and no bestiality - simple.

Your grouse about humorous bestiality is nothing compared with the irritation others express at having an 18-year-old cut-off.

Get over it, if you enjoy the freedom to post here, repect management's rules.

Again, I come back, I think you have the makings of a great story here but you need to be flexible. I re-read your opening and my personal opinion is you could lose the sheep and just have someone say he is a bit simple.