Dramatic pause in dialouge

[Turned]

I usually see elipses used for this, but is that the right way?

Example:

"I...I...I don't think I can...please don't make me."

Have also seen:

"I, I, I don't think I can, please don't make me."

And saw this one which looks odd to me:

"I - - I - - I don't think I can - - please don't make me."

How do you indicate a dramtic pause in dialouge without actually writing - "(dialouge)," she paused, "(continue dialouge)"

?

Gracias

 

[sr71plt]

Depends on what sort of drama you want to represent.

The ellipsis is correct for faultering dialogue ( . . . ; Chicago Manual of Style 11.45). Note, though, that publishing ellipses are the same you find on the computer keyboard. They have spaces separating all of the points.

If your character is so frightened she's stuttering, that can be shown with the "I, I, I," construction. (not often used)

If she'd killed before she can get the sentence completed, it's best ended with an em dash (again flush to the word in front of it). (interrupted speech, CMS 6.9)

The hyphen business? No, not really.

 

[bronzeage]

"I," she gasped and paused. Her lip trembled as she tried to form the words. "I," she said again, a little more hoarse than before. She looked down and closed her eyes. She whimpered "I," one more time before taking a breath and sighing, "I don't think I can do it. Please don't make me."

 

[AliveInside]

"I," she gasped and paused. Her lip trembled as she tried to form the words. "I," she said again, a little more hoarse than before. She looked down and closed her eyes. She whimpered "I," one more time before taking a breath and sighing, "I don't think I can do it. Please don't make me."

I agree with this method. I think that by putting descriptions of the situation in between the dialogue you give yourself the opportunity to show us more about how the character feels than the dialogue on its own would provide. Little things like that really add up and make the piece as a whole feel a lot more natural.

 

[bronzeage]

I agree with this method. I think that by putting descriptions of the situation in between the dialogue you give yourself the opportunity to show us more about how the character feels than the dialogue on its own would provide. Little things like that really add up and make the piece as a whole feel a lot more natural.

Thank you. This question comes up often when editing.

It reminds me of a story Dustin Hoffman told many years ago. He was filming the movie "Marathon Man" with Lawrence Olivier. There was a scene where he was supposed to have been awake for almost a day and then beaten up by the bad guys. To prepare for the scene, Hoffman did a couple hours of running and aerobic exercise, so he would look exhausted. Olivier watched him do this and said, "You ought to try acting. It's much easier."

Instead of looking for punctuation which expresses emotion, a writer should try writing.

 

[_Lynn_]

Instead of looking for punctuation which expresses emotion, a writer should try writing.

Punctuation used for expressing emotion has its place, but as your example shows there are better ways. Too often it's as if a writer forgets all those other things going on while the character speaks.

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

Thanks

Good thread. Helpful.

 

[AliveInside]

Remember, however, that it's just as easy to overwrite something as underwrite it. If the pause in the character's speech is not meant to be very long, don't overdo it by writing an entire paragraph of description. The reader will assume that the character's been silent for approximately the amount of time it took them to read that paragraph. I think punctuation works better if the character is stuttering, or if it's not a measurable amount of time between statements.

Also, if the character is talking a lot and you just want to let them stop and take a breath before continuing, you can just start a new paragraph and continue the dialogue. Something as simple as that will read smoothly but also convey the idea of a break in speech. Sometimes a lot of punctuation can be distracting, and the reader can see the writer at work. I think the goal is to make your manipulation of the reader as inconspicuous as possible.

 

[Nigel]

I just thought I'd throw in my own 2/5ths of a nickel. I think one of the important things to think about iswhy someone is pausing, and if the author wants to convey the why directly and in how much detail. Anyone who has seen a Pinter play being performed (or has, as an actor, performed his work) knows that he often writes HUGE pauses into his plays. The important thing in Pinter's work is to fill the pause. People pause for a reason (or reasons) - to pause for pause's sake ends up looking (or seeming, if one is reading) like the character is waiting for a bus - which looks odd if it's a bedroom scene or otherwise taking place indoors, and not next to a roadway.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

"I," she gasped and paused. Her lip trembled as she tried to form the words. "I," she said again, a little more hoarse than before. She looked down and closed her eyes. She whimpered "I," one more time before taking a breath and sighing, "I don't think I can do it. Please don't make me."

As Lynn says, this is a good alternative to loads of morse code dots and dashes.

For me, though, I would not neccesarily have so much description in the tags if you want to be dramatic and create a staccato scene. But your take works well, I think ,in an intimate encounter.

 

[Turned]

Bronzeage's example is very good. But I think I would only take up that much space to write it in that way if the characters emotion at that moment was highly important to the story or scene. As someone else mentioned, OVER writing can be a problem as well.

The reason I asked about punctuating the pause is for a situation where the character's emotions in the scene are already obvious and need no further elaboration. The character is simply caught off gaurd and at a momentary loss for words.

 

[_Lynn_]

Bronzeage's example is very good. But I think I would only take up that much space to write it in that way if the characters emotion at that moment was highly important to the story or scene. As someone else mentioned, OVER writing can be a problem as well.

The reason I asked about punctuating the pause is for a situation where the character's emotions in the scene are already obvious and need no further elaboration. The character is simply caught off gaurd and at a momentary loss for words.

But there is always something else going on. The ticking of a clock in the background, water dripping from the faucet, the thumping of her heart echoing in the otherwise silent room, twisting her fingers, the look in the other person's eyes, the scent in the room . . . something else is always going on.

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

But there is always something else going on. The ticking of a clock in the background, water dripping from the faucet, the thumping of her heart echoing in the otherwise silent room, twisting her fingers, the look in the other person's eyes, the scent in the room . . . something else is always going on.

Yes, but is anything important to the story going on?

 

[_Lynn_]

Yes, but is anything important to the story going on?

That depends on what happened leading to the scene the OP is asking about. Or what takes place next. Even the characters themselves.

My only point is when someone pauses or hesitates, something else is going on.

 

[AliveInside]

Bronzeage's example is very good. But I think I would only take up that much space to write it in that way if the characters emotion at that moment was highly important to the story or scene. As someone else mentioned, OVER writing can be a problem as well.

The reason I asked about punctuating the pause is for a situation where the character's emotions in the scene are already obvious and need no further elaboration. The character is simply caught off gaurd and at a momentary loss for words.

The amount you write should be relative to the length of the pause. For instance: If the intent is that she is silent for a full ten seconds or so, a sentence or two would suffice. It doesn't have to be description of her emotional state, but it could be an observation of something in the room, or perhaps the other character in the scene.

If the pause is meant to be shorter, make the description shorter: "I," she fumbled for words, "I don't think I can. Please don't make me."

Unless you are purposely drawing things out for dramatic effect, the reader will assume that what is written is happening in 'real time.' Personally, I would stay away from having her repeat "I" so many times. I know it's more realistic in regards to how people actually talk, but it doesn't read smoothly. If you really want to avoid narration, I'd say you could get away with just using an ellipses, but I would recommend only having her stumble over the words a single time.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I just thought I'd throw in my own 2/5ths of a nickel. I think one of the important things to think about iswhy someone is pausing, and if the author wants to convey the why directly and in how much detail. Anyone who has seen a Pinter play being performed (or has, as an actor, performed his work) knows that he often writes HUGE pauses into his plays. The important thing in Pinter's work is to fill the pause. People pause for a reason (or reasons) - to pause for pause's sake ends up looking (or seeming, if one is reading) like the character is waiting for a bus - which looks odd if it's a bedroom scene or otherwise taking place indoors, and not next to a roadway.

I think you're agreeing with Lynn and Bronzeage. Pinter has long, very dramatic silences, but there is never a pause. Actors move about the stage, fiddle with objects, stare at the audience and each other, etc.

For me, punctuation should be subservient to narration, invisibly guiding the reader. The idea of using ellipses as a way of saying, 'Count to three and don't move', seems intrusive and likely to jolt the reader. As others have already said, writers, like playwrights, create the hiatus with the description of a glance, body movement or external stimulus within the passage of dialogue.

 

[Nigel]

I think you're agreeing with Lynn and Bronzeage. Pinter has long, very dramatic silences, but there is never a pause. Actors move about the stage, fiddle with objects, stare at the audience and each other, etc.

For me, punctuation should be subservient to narration, invisibly guiding the reader. The idea of using ellipses as a way of saying, 'Count to three and don't move', seems intrusive and likely to jolt the reader. As others have already said, writers, like playwrights, create the hiatus with the description of a glance, body movement or external stimulus within the passage of dialogue.

I'm agreeing with Lynn and Bronzeage and you! The thing we mostly differ in is semantics - there are pauses in Pinter, and he writes them as such. The way he writes them points the way to the kind of pause he wants, for example, "slight pause," "pause," "long pause," and my personal favorite, "Silence." These pauses are filled not just by actions, as you suggest, but with thought. The narration provides the context of action and thought within those pauses.

I have a fondness for ellipses (probably tied to my love of David Mamet's writing) but I do think that they can be used to excess. Mamet uses them as performance clues for the actor, and they would look a bit silly used to the extent he uses them anywhere else but in the text of a play.