Wanted VS Needed

[rida]

Do you want to be wanted or do you want to be needed?

Or perhaps, do you need to be wanted or do you need to be needed?

Or perhaps again, do you prefer to be wanted or do you prefer to be needed?

Feel free to expand as much or as little as you wish.

 

[LilTexanGal]

I need to be wanted and needed.

 

[rida]

I'm struggling with this question at the moment.

My rational logical mind would say that it is much better to be wanted than to be needed.

But then my other mind chips in with the notion that, if you are wanted but not needed, you will be discarded if things get complicated/time gets limited.

So do I want to be wanted and need to be needed? Perhaps.

 

[minx1]

I love to feel wanted and desired, but I also need to feel needed, like I have a purpose and role.
Wanted is wonderful but somehow being needed has more of a fundamental importance.
Having said that I wouldnt really want to be in a position where someone needed my service but didnt particularly want me or desire me.

The two have go hand in hand for me I think.

 

[LilTexanGal]

I love to feel wanted and desired, but I also need to feel needed, like I have a purpose and role.
Wanted is wonderful but somehow being needed has more of a fundamental importance.
Having said that I wouldnt really want to be in a position where someone needed my service but didnt particularly want me or desire me.

The two have go hand in hand for me I think.

minx.....I agree.

I know that You are probably referring to relationships...but I just want to add...that this is also the reason I don't want to be a stay at home Mom. I could have totally taken that role....as my ex-husband desired me to be in that role. But....I didn't get what I needed at home. I needed to feel needed. It is a different kind of need that comes with gratitude and a sense of self worth that we don't get from our children. I don't have a low self-esteem at all. I hope I don't get slammed from any stay at home Mom's. I think that job is awesome and applaud those who can achieve it with their sanity intact!

 

[00Syd]

I think that everyone wants/needs both to varying degrees.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I would rather someone want me then need me. If a man needs me then that implies to me that in order to exist he needs me --that means needs me to supply the necessary things for life--food and shelter. To me those have nothing to do with love and he is staying with me in order to survive.

On the other hand if a man wants me and continues to stay with me even when other women are available that also can give him what he wants or needs, then that is an awesome feeling. He doesn't just want the things I can provide for him, he wants me and only me to provide them.

minx.....I agree.

I know that You are probably referring to relationships...but I just want to add...that this is also the reason I don't want to be a stay at home Mom. I could have totally taken that role....as my ex-husband desired me to be in that role. But....I didn't get what I needed at home. I needed to feel needed. It is a different kind of need that comes with gratitude and a sense of self worth that we don't get from our children. I don't have a low self-esteem at all. I hope I don't get slammed from any stay at home Mom's. I think that job is awesome and applaud those who can achieve it with their sanity intact!

I don't want to hijack this thread and I'm not going to slam you, but I was a stay at home Mom when my children were babies and I never felt so truly needed in my life. The hugs and looks of love and adoration I got from my very young children were much more than the pats on the back I get from work...and I love my profession too. But I went back to work because of something I needed, not because I needed to feel needed. But to each their own.

 

[intothewoods]

minx.....I agree.

I know that You are probably referring to relationships...but I just want to add...that this is also the reason I don't want to be a stay at home Mom. I could have totally taken that role....as my ex-husband desired me to be in that role. But....I didn't get what I needed at home. I needed to feel needed. It is a different kind of need that comes with gratitude and a sense of self worth that we don't get from our children. I don't have a low self-esteem at all. I hope I don't get slammed from any stay at home Mom's. I think that job is awesome and applaud those who can achieve it with their sanity intact!

Funny, I've been really feeling like I want to return to being a sahm lately. I do sort of get where you're coming from. You can get to a place where you feel taken for granted as a sahm, since you pick up the slack for everyone. On the other hand, from my perspective, if you have a partner who really sees the value in your skills as mother, homemaker, etc., you will feel that sense of self worth. Also, I think as kids get older, I see more of the value of being at home. I just can't do everything, so something seems to always suffer. I hate that feeling. But I worry about relying on one salary. What if he were to get sick, etc. Will we have enough for retirement? And of course, I feel lucky to have the choice. Anyway, it's all complicated.

 

[intothewoods]

To answer the question, I think it's more important for me to feel needed. Want is lesser than needed, right? And want can be fleeting. I mean, if I had a nickel for every woman Mister Man finds hot and wouldn't mind fucking (not that he would, just talking about the cock here), I'd be a rich woman. And I'm the same way, so no need to feel sorry for me.

Anyway, maybe I just live with a raging nympho, but it doesn't take much to feel wanted. Maybe I just take that for granted. I'm so terrible! I'm lucky to feel wanted as much as I do. It can be exhausting, but the opposite scenario would be terrible. Still, being needed makes me feel special.

 

[ecstaticsub]

To answer the question, I think it's more important for me to feel needed. Want is lesser than needed, right? And want can be fleeting. I mean, if I had a nickel for every woman Mister Man finds hot and wouldn't mind fucking (not that he would, just talking about the cock here), I'd be a rich woman. And I'm the same way, so no need to feel sorry for me.

Anyway, maybe I just live with a raging nympho, but it doesn't take much to feel wanted. Maybe I just take that for granted. I'm so terrible! I'm lucky to feel wanted as much as I do. It can be exhausting, but the opposite scenario would be terrible. Still, being needed makes me feel special.

I don't see want as being lesser than needed. I see it as more. I think of being needed as not really a choice. Like I need to work to get health insurance, I need to eat in order to live, I need to sleep in order to be alert in the morning. On the other hand I want to be married to my husband because I am in love with him, I want to travel 5 hours in a car through a city and traffic I fear and detest in order to spend 12 hours with my PYL because I enjoy being his submissive and I want him to hold me. I need it to survive, but I want it. And truly I see that as being much more powerful.


/hijack continued
If I could financially swing it I would work 24 hrs a week and be a SAHM the rest of the time. I love taking care of my family.

 

[chy_girl]

I need to be wanted for who I am, not just what (or who) I can bring to the table.

However, the trick seems to be differentiating the who I am from the what I can bring...

 

[Cattypuss]

I have been needed and I hated it.

I need to be wanted!

 

[intothewoods]

I don't see want as being lesser than needed. I see it as more. I think of being needed as not really a choice. Like I need to work to get health insurance, I need to eat in order to live, I need to sleep in order to be alert in the morning. On the other hand I want to be married to my husband because I am in love with him, I want to travel 5 hours in a car through a city and traffic I fear and detest in order to spend 12 hours with my PYL because I enjoy being his submissive and I want him to hold me. I need it to survive, but I want it. And truly I see that as being much more powerful.


/hijack continued
If I could financially swing it I would work 24 hrs a week and be a SAHM the rest of the time. I love taking care of my family.

Hmmmm, good points. Maybe I'm thinking of "need" as meaning "really really want," and need should be reserved for food and water or something.

For me, the problem with the 24 hour thing is that it's never really just 24 hours. But part of that is the way my particular job is. *shrug*

 

[FurryFury]

I want to be wanted which implies choice vrs needed which does not.

 

[JMohegan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DmpM8DMZ9E

 

[Netzach]

Both of those things can go horribly awry, and both can be wonderful. I accept the likelihood of experiencing the good bad and ugly of them.

 

[sinnocence]

This kinda reminds me of a quote I saw one time. It went something like, "Immature love says 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"

I personally agree with what Syd said.

 

[ownedsubgal]

i need to be wanted, but i also want to be needed.

it's kind of hard to explain, and contrary to my usual logic-based thinking, but what can ya do. basically, it's like this: i both want and need my Master. when i say need, i mean that without him i would be an empty vessel and see absolutely zero purpose for my continued existence on this planet. He is the reason i live, The Reason. nothing at all matters without him.

then there is the wanting side of things. i agree with Furry, that wanting is a choice. i want my Master desperately, would choose him over any other, could just gobble him up like white chocolate cheesecake. this wanting is also clearly reciprocal...there is never a question in my mind that he wants me. but i know that he does not need me in the way i need him, i am not his life support or purpose for being. perhaps he needs me in order to be 100% content or fulfilled, in order to complete the puzzle of a good life...but i know he could be happy without that piece. and a great part of me admires that and feels it is a good thing, after all he should not be emotionally dependent upon me the way i am upon him, that wouldn't be right. but at the same time it can be somewhat isolating and even frustrating at times when someone is your air and you are their...cheesecake.

 

[intothewoods]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DmpM8DMZ9E

It was just a matter of time, wasn't it?

 

[the captians wench]

I would rather someone want me then need me. If a man needs me then that implies to me that in order to exist he needs me --that means needs me to supply the necessary things for life--food and shelter. To me those have nothing to do with love and he is staying with me in order to survive.

On the other hand if a man wants me and continues to stay with me even when other women are available that also can give him what he wants or needs, then that is an awesome feeling. He doesn't just want the things I can provide for him, he wants me and only me to provide them.




I don't want to hijack this thread and I'm not going to slam you, but I was a stay at home Mom when my children were babies and I never felt so truly needed in my life. The hugs and looks of love and adoration I got from my very young children were much more than the pats on the back I get from work...and I love my profession too. But I went back to work because of something I needed, not because I needed to feel needed. But to each their own.

I can totally relate to this. You said what I was thinking so much better than I could have.

This kinda reminds me of a quote I saw one time. It went something like, "Immature love says 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"

.

I like this.

 

[JMohegan]

It was just a matter of time, wasn't it?

And one of the few times I've actually liked the thread-prompted song that got stuck in my head.

As for the question at hand, the want vs. need thing isn't really how I look at it. For me, it's all about a mutual feeling of natural fit. Like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNGNLo8K6Fk

 

[MisterSir]

Though I've never actually been either of the options, I'd prefer to be wanted and I want to be wanted. The idea of me being needed by anybody is a bloody scary one because there is just no way I'm prepared - emotionally, mentally, fiscally, anything - for the responsibilities being needed brings. It's why I'd make a bad father and a bad husband at this point in my life, and probably for some time. Presumably, wanting to be needed and being able to cope with being needed comes with greater maturity.

(Of course, if I can't get one I'll take the other. Being a desperately lonely man, starved of affection, tends to do that to a guy)

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DmpM8DMZ9E

lol Totally the first thing that popped into my head when I read the thread.

 

[DVS]

Do you want to be wanted or do you want to be needed?

Or perhaps, do you need to be wanted or do you need to be needed?

Or perhaps again, do you prefer to be wanted or do you prefer to be needed?

Feel free to expand as much or as little as you wish.

I want to be desired. I want to be desired enough by someone that they'll stick around. It doesn't matter to me if it's want or need that makes them care to stick around...just so they stick around. I'm easy.

 

[velvet_crush]

I want to be desired. I want to be desired enough by someone that they'll stick around. It doesn't matter to me if it's want or need that makes them care to stick around...just so they stick around. I'm easy.

I agree with this. I don't think much about needs v. wants as long as things are working.

I've been the needy one in the past and that seems to comes from a place of insecurity. Not a good place to be.

Is there a pragmatic, sometimes desparate quality to "I need that?" and more of a luxurious feel to "I really want that?"