Need advice on longer story

[patrick2536]

Hi, I have written a few short stories, some based on my time as a soldier and some erotic ones based on my dirty mind and they have been published on here, but I am now attempting something new.

I am going to write about a true time in my life. Its rather complicated and so will need quite a bit of background filling in, so that the reader will understand the real life people and why they acted in a certain way. At the sme time, I dont wish to bore the reader. I have written what I hope will be that start, and would just like feedback as to weather or not you would continue to read this story after getting so far.

Also, because its rather long, I was wondering if I should make it two seperate chapters?

Anyway, lets see what you thing of it so far......


The noise made by the excited kids outside drifted upwards and though the window. They entered Patrick's subconcious and he groaned and opened his eyes. As a soldier he had woken up in many strange places, in tents and trenches all over the world, once he had woken up in hospitial after coming of worse in an ecounter with a landmine, but for a moment, he didnt know where he was.

He looked around the sparsly furnished room and it all came flooding back.........

Not many life changes can be traced back to a single event, but his could. It all started when he put his hotmail address on a public forum. Talk about a butterfly flaping its wings, how on earth could that act lead to encounters with ex cia hitmen, wedding proposals, and an adventure that crossed continents and ripped apart lives?

Can I have your e-mail address?

Such a simple sodding request.

He had been chatting on a public forum about a kidnapping case that was making headlines around the world. As an ex military cop, he liked to look at things from a different perspective and it always lead to lively exchanges on the forum whenever he siad his piece. Afer all while an imaganary image would build up of the regulars who he chatted and argued with, some were intelligent and witty, some seemed barely able to communicate and some loved to do nothing but hurl abuse, all of which added to the fun.

One stood out.

A woman.

She would wait for him to come online and then chat directly to him, asking him questions, always using his name, making it seem personal, intimate almost. As the days drifted into weeks, he found himelf looking forward to her coming online, they would chat about the case that was still ongoing, but would also drop little hints about themselves and where they were in the world. He was in england, she was strolling venice beach in Los Angeles.

Then came the day she asked for his e-mail.

He gave it willingly and waited for that first mail, that mail that was going to lead to flights across the world, to run ins with American authorities, brushes with the dark underbelly of American life, and to the highest highs and deepest lows he had ever known.

 

[patrick2536]

3 views and no replies yet.

Either the question was too complicated, or the story was that boring they fell asleep

 

[_Lynn_]

3 views and no replies yet.

Either the question was too complicated, or the story was that boring they fell asleep

Or C -- people are busy with life.



Most readers don't want stories based on reality. They want fantasy. So I would strongly suggest you not begin any story by stating it's true. You'll lose readers in a hurry that way.

There are differing opinions on a backstory, but I prefer working it into the main story itself.

As for word count, are you saying the snippet you showed was rather long? Or what you envision the entire piece to be?

 

[patrick2536]

I imagine the whole story to be rather long. Without wishing to give too much away, although the story is 100% true, it does indeed involve ex cia hitmen, law breakers, illigal exchange of money and other dodgy dealings.

As such, it ranks alongside a script from hollywood for fantasy, although not as well written

Because of the nature of the story, I find it hard to do a backstory without giving away the twist in the tail, it really needs to be told as it happened so that hopefully the reader is as surprised at the outcome as I myself was.

When doing straight fiction its easy to throw in stabbings, deaths, double dealing etc, but when its a true story, somehow it just seemed more important to understand why various things happened as they did.

The snippet I showed was simply how the couple first met, obviously pictures, e-mails and phone calls followed and it would only be then, that the real meat of the story begins.

I thank you for your kind reply

 

[_Lynn_]

I imagine the whole story to be rather long. Without wishing to give too much away, although the story is 100% true, it does indeed involve ex cia hitmen, law breakers, illigal exchange of money and other dodgy dealings.

As such, it ranks alongside a script from hollywood for fantasy, although not as well written

Because of the nature of the story, I find it hard to do a backstory without giving away the twist in the tail, it really needs to be told as it happened so that hopefully the reader is as surprised at the outcome as I myself was.

When doing straight fiction its easy to throw in stabbings, deaths, double dealing etc, but when its a true story, somehow it just seemed more important to understand why various things happened as they did.

The snippet I showed was simply how the couple first met, obviously pictures, e-mails and phone calls followed and it would only be then, that the real meat of the story begins.

I thank you for your kind reply

If you write it as things happened, then you aren't writing fiction anymore either.

 

[LoveNotHate]

That intro doesn't particularly bother me. I'm actually interested in reading your story.

Maybe "market" it as "Believe it or not, this is a true story," or something less hokey than that, so it being a true story doesn't turn some people off to putting forth the effort to read it. I actually find it more interesting, because it did happen.
I don't quite agree that all the people who come on here are looking for fiction. I'm sure some of the stories on this site are true, and I'm sure many are at least based on real-life happenings.

 

[patrick2536]

Thank you for both your replies, even if you have opposing views

At the end of the day, its something very strange and interesting that did happen to me, it had a massive impact on various people and I think I would like to tell it. The question of doing it justice remains to be seen, but I am going to write it, I will have to stick to the format I feel most comfortable with and hopefully it will be read and perhaps liked.




Are you sitting comfortably? Then I 'll begin

 

[_Lynn_]

I don't quite agree that all the people who come on here are looking for fiction.

Ahh, but I only said most people, not all. That is your word.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I've said this over and over on this forum. It makes no difference if the story is "true" because it's probably not. If anything, the story is how you remembered what happened.

Why do you suppose police reports are filled with multiple eyewitnesses all with diffeent stories? Perception is a tricky thing. It trips you up and makes you a liar or a fool.

That said, everyone who writes inserts a bit of their own perception of their own lives into their writing. Much of what I wrote in Grandma's House is "true" from my perception. But is it really true? I don't know. My sister remembers it differently.

So, forget about "true" and just write your story. I've seen too many that begin with a note to the reader saying this is a real event. None have been very sucessful or believed.

 

[JackLuis]

Write the story, then cut it into chapters, then edit it and then start posting it.

Unless you map the chapters and stick close to the outline, you may find the chapter breaks come out different than you expected.

If you can't wait to post the first chapter you run the risk of having a weak beginning. You want that first Chapter to grab the reader and hold his attention.

I presume the story is going to be real long (300,000 words?) If it is only 20,000 words cut it into three or four. Lit uses about 3,500 words per page so try to keep the words per chapter to 6,000-10,000. It also helps if someone climaxes on each page.

 

[patrick2536]

A climax on each page?

I used to be fantastic in bed, and I still have my moments, but there are some men involved in this long story, and that never turned me on,so I doubt if I can manage one each page.

But would one each chapter do?


My perspective on the truth? Thats a good point, perhaps when and if the story gets published here, I will send all the people involved a link and they can read it. At least it would ensure somebody does

 

[sr71plt]

One on the first page, certainly. If you can't climax in 3,750 words . . .

 

[LoveNotHate]

Ahh, but I only said most people, not all. That is your word.

My apologies.

Patrick, I can't wait to see your work! c: