Curiousity has gotten the better of me...

[shysoutherngirl]

I really can't believe that I am doing this...and don't do this type of thing, so this is very out of character for me, but the um...curiousity I have has gotten the best of me, and I feel it is time to take a step. Simply because one can only discover so much on their own without direction. So um...I guess her I am...
I kind of stumbled over this lifestyle...and I have expressed an interest in the D/s lifestyle and found myself drawn to it. I was wondering if I might be able to find someone to um...help me in this...quest I suppose. I'm incredibly shy....painfully so actually...so this is probably going to be a little...hard. I also have um...zero experience. *blushes*

I am just...curious.
How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?

I am not looking to this in a purely sexual sense, so please, do not waste your time or mine with questions that are rude or irrelevent. I am not interested whatsoever in any form on cyber, so plesae check elsewhere.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a good day.....

 

[MisterSir]

How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?

Do you want to be controlled or be in control when it comes to sex? That's a starting point.

 

[shysoutherngirl]

I um...don't know yet?

 

[Primalex]

I am just...curious.
How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?

Yes.


It's no different than anything else in life, e.g. like determining if you like haggis or hachi-no-ko. You might have a like or dislike f.e. very early .. or very late in life. You might feel completely indifferent and need to try it to have an answer. You might become disgusted and it might not even be the fault of the dish itself, but of the cook..

 

[JMohegan]

I really can't believe that I am doing this...and don't do this type of thing, so this is very out of character for me, but the um...curiousity I have has gotten the best of me, and I feel it is time to take a step. Simply because one can only discover so much on their own without direction. So um...I guess her I am...
I kind of stumbled over this lifestyle...and I have expressed an interest in the D/s lifestyle and found myself drawn to it. I was wondering if I might be able to find someone to um...help me in this...quest I suppose. I'm incredibly shy....painfully so actually...so this is probably going to be a little...hard. I also have um...zero experience. *blushes*

I am just...curious.
How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?

I am not looking to this in a purely sexual sense, so please, do not waste your time or mine with questions that are rude or irrelevent. I am not interested whatsoever in any form on cyber, so plesae check elsewhere.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a good day.....

The best way to learn what you like/dislike is by doing, not talking about it.

So go find yourself a nice southern boyfriend, and spend some time in the sack.

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

Even if you have little or no experience in bed, you might have a clue based on your reactions to erotica, video, etc. If stories of BDSM really light your fire, the next step is to try some *light* spanking or bondage with a trusted partner. Your body and mind will tell you if you should take it further.

You might also have some idea based on your reactions to the experiences you've had. I had a girlfriend who virtually melted when I wrapped her pony tail around my hand and kissed her forcefully. Neither of us knew about BDSM per se but we both knew that she liked it rough.

I've always known this was my thing so I guess it was never a problem for me. Only as an adult did I discover that there was a community of other people like me.

 

[ownedsubgal]

since you specifically mentioned D/s, as opposed to BDSM, i will respond from that perspective. i'm of the belief that one is simply born/wired Dominant or submissive, from birth or from a very very early age. so you could ask yourself, from your childhood onward, have you been more comfortable in positions of authority or leadership, or more comfortable in positions of subservience and deference? do you tend to have a difficult time refusing those who ask or demand something of you? do others tend to look to you for guidance and direction?

or perhaps you could comfortably fit into either side as a particular situation demanded it...in which case i'd call you "normal" or "balanced" and not D/s.

now of course, there are those who break things down into endless categories: sexuality, romantic relationships, social persona, etc....that's where it gets odd and confusing imo, and why i've always found it much simpler and more logical to view these things in an overall personality sense. i do not think that being Dominant or submissive is something you can try on and see if it works for you like a new car or coat. i also do not believe it has anything to do necessarily with what you "like" or what turns you on. it simply is, like it or not, good or bad, it is who you are. and deep within yourself i believe you always know, always have a sense that you are wired a bit differently.

 

[~Haze~]

I am not looking to this in a purely sexual sense, so please, do not waste your time or mine with questions that are rude or irrelevent. I am not interested whatsoever in any form on cyber, so plesae check elsewhere.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a good day.....

Funny. You don't seem that shy. The way you turn it off and on leads me to believe that shy side is part of the role you enjoy 'playing'.

I really can't believe that I am doing this...and don't do this type of thing, so this is very out of character for me, but the um...curiousity I have has gotten the best of me, and I feel it is time to take a step. Simply because one can only discover so much on their own without direction. So um...I guess her I am...
I kind of stumbled over this lifestyle...and I have expressed an interest in the D/s lifestyle and found myself drawn to it. I was wondering if I might be able to find someone to um...help me in this...quest I suppose. I'm incredibly shy....painfully so actually...so this is probably going to be a little...hard. I also have um...zero experience. *blushes*

I am just...curious.
How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?

Personally I find the "um...", ::blushes::..., "um...", :twirlshair:, "um... I don't know", to be really annoying. Especially once we identify that it's just some shtick.

It's hard to read past that, but that unsuspecting, innocent, misguided role is something that you obviously enjoy and that seems like a good place to start. You have a better chance of finding that role indulged if you just tell potential posters what you're looking for/hoping for.

 

[jadefirefly]

Funny. You don't seem that shy. The way you turn it off and on leads me to believe that shy side is part of the role you enjoy 'playing'.

Personally I find the "um...", ::blushes::..., "um...", :twirlshair:, "um... I don't know", to be really annoying. Especially once we identify that it's just some shtick.

It's hard to read past that, but that unsuspecting, innocent, misguided role is something that you obviously enjoy and that seems like a good place to start. You have a better chance of finding that role indulged if you just tell potential posters what you're looking for/hoping for.

Agreed.

I think no matter what you're looking for, you'll find it much easier if you stop typing like Paris Hilton speaks.

The beauty of text is that you don't *have* to leave in all the ditsy "um", "like", and valley-girl-esque mannerisms. Leave that in there, and you're not going to find what you want.

Unless you want to be treated like there's nothing between your ears. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that you don't; but I could be wrong.

 

[JMohegan]

Personally I find the "um...", ::blushes::..., "um...", :twirlshair:, "um... I don't know", to be really annoying. Especially once we identify that it's just some shtick.

*glowers*..... *swaggers*...... *growls and spits*.....

Whaddaya mean, that's annoying?

[/goofin' around]

Hey, Haze - I've got a question. Where is the female (male?) in your av picture? I'm moderately claustrophobic, and every time I see that I wince.

 

[MrMentor7]

...How can you tell whether or not you are meant to be in the D/s lifestyle, and which role you play? Are there signs that tell you, do you simply know, or is it more of a trial and error experience?...

Read some posts around here, read some BDSM or nonconsent/reluctance stories here on Lit, and maybe chat with some people about the lifestyle. You can then figure out what turns you on, what does not, and basically whether you should pursue d/s or not - or at least you will have a better idea of what you want.

 

[~Haze~]

*glowers*..... *swaggers*...... *growls and spits*.....

Whaddaya mean, that's annoying?

[/goofin' around]

Hey, Haze - I've got a question. Where is the female (male?) in your av picture? I'm moderately claustrophobic, and every time I see that I wince.

Ha. I don't mind conveying emotions, reactions, and faces that way. In fact, I do it all the time, myself. Personally, I don't do smilies, but I will express myself with :cring: :whew: :smilie: :grincg: or something like that.

It does add a element of personality to someone's writing, and I think shows signs of intelligent life that initialisms lack. It's a personal preference, but not one that I judge other people for. If I did, I'd alienate myself from just about everyone else on the internet.

What I took exception to was the insecure, shy, uncertain, ditzy, empty-headed/air-headed approach.

Some might find it sweet, innocent, and appealing. I didn't. Especially because I think it's a misrepresentation of who she is. Her post was well written. She's obviously "dumbing down" for these fantasies of hers and it was just an annoying idiosyncrasy in the personality of the character she was "playing".

I don't know. Maybe it's the part of me that prefers my girls to be intelligent and have some substance over the empty headed ditz.

But to each their own. Who am I to judge? Especially because I am sure there are a fair share of people out there who take issue with me. Rightfully so.

 

[lucretiabbw]

*applauds*

Thank you, Haze! I was thinking it, and i'm glad you said it! It seems she has an idea of what she wants, or she wouldn't be using that personna (and screen name, for that matter) to ask a question.

I don't know too many people who are interested in something, but can't say what interests them about it. To me it comes off as pretty silly, rather than shy and innocent.

But then, somebody has to like a woman who plays that stupid...

 

[shysoutherngirl]

In response:

I am in fact a shy person.

I also am intelligent, despite your presumptions.

I was not informed that there was a direct correlation between shyness and intelligence.

If you prefer that I leave all personality out, I can do that.

It was not not an attempt to "dumb down" or "misrepresent" myself.

Just making that known.

 

[lucretiabbw]

Okay, so what about BDSM interests you, then? Surely if you find it interesting, you should know what about it intrigues you? My suggestion would be to take that and run with it, as others have said.

I agree with Haze though, and suggest you drop the Paris Hilton thing, unless it's part of the direction you want to go.

Seems like you know more than you think you do

Anyway, best of luck finding whatever it is you're looking for

 

[JMohegan]

Ha. I don't mind conveying emotions, reactions, and faces that way. In fact, I do it all the time, myself. Personally, I don't do smilies, but I will express myself with :cring: :whew: :smilie: :grincg: or something like that.

It does add a element of personality to someone's writing, and I think shows signs of intelligent life that initialisms lack. It's a personal preference, but not one that I judge other people for. If I did, I'd alienate myself from just about everyone else on the internet.

What I took exception to was the insecure, shy, uncertain, ditzy, empty-headed/air-headed approach.

Some might find it sweet, innocent, and appealing. I didn't. Especially because I think it's a misrepresentation of who she is. Her post was well written. She's obviously "dumbing down" for these fantasies of hers and it was just an annoying idiosyncrasy in the personality of the character she was "playing".

I don't know. Maybe it's the part of me that prefers my girls to be intelligent and have some substance over the empty headed ditz.

But to each their own. Who am I to judge? Especially because I am sure there are a fair share of people out there who take issue with me. Rightfully so.

Okay, but your av, man, your av! Rock climbing? Spelunking? What is it?

 

[~Haze~]

*glowers*..... *swaggers*...... *growls and spits*.....

Whaddaya mean, that's annoying?

[/goofin' around]

Hey, Haze - I've got a question. Where is the female (male?) in your av picture? I'm moderately claustrophobic, and every time I see that I wince.

I rambled on so much that I forgot to mention my av.

I forget which movie it's from.

I have a fear or concern about being trapped. It's not claustrophobia, because I don't mind small spaces in general, just the thought of being trapped... and buried.

One day, I was reading up on it - in a 'try to face your fear' sort of way, and that is when I thought the av would be one way and one step to dealing with that fear.

http://hodgeblodge.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/buried-1.jpg



http://www.tarantino.info/wiki/images/thumb/KB2_Coffin.jpg/260px-KB2_Coffin.jpg

 

[BiBunny]

The roleplay stuff may be kind of out of place, but it's not NEARLY as annoying as the badly spelled, badly punctuated, obvious ploys for wank material we get regularly. Or the "how do I make my lover/spouse/what-have-you be dominant?" BS we get all the time. So I'm not too sure why THIS is such a big deal. At least it doesn't appear this poster is typing one-handed.

 

[CutieMouse]

You didn't strike me as playacting... just young and uncertain.

Work on the shyness; find your "voice". That voice might still be shy, but find it and use every ounce of strength it has to let your curiosities/interests/desires be known. Communication skills are necessary and useful in any relationship - kinky or not.

Think about what turns you on - when fantasizing/masturbating, is the film in your head one of you being ravaged, or ravaging? Most people fantasize, so that's a simple starting point.

Date. Experiment. Take risks. Talk. Read erotica. Ask questions.

In short, live.

 

[~Haze~]

Okay, but your av, man, your av! Rock climbing? Spelunking? What is it?

Oh no. It's a picture of someone trapped and frantically trying to escape.

 

[RedDelicious09]

I dont think it depends on your personality- nor your preferred sexual positions. I find that it depends on how horny you are and how horny ur partner is. If u are more interested than he/she is at the time then you are in the position of power- ur dominant. If he/ she is the one pushing u against the wall- u are the submissive.

other than that u are just balanced...

 

[JMohegan]

I rambled on so much that I forgot to mention my av.

I forget which movie it's from.

I have a fear or concern about being trapped. It's not claustrophobia, because I don't mind small spaces in general, just the thought of being trapped... and buried.

One day, I was reading up on it - in a 'try to face your fear' sort of way, and that is when I thought the av would be one way and one step to dealing with that fear.

http://hodgeblodge.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/buried-1.jpg



http://www.tarantino.info/wiki/images/thumb/KB2_Coffin.jpg/260px-KB2_Coffin.jpg

Oh no. It's a picture of someone trapped and frantically trying to escape.

Thanks for answering, but - Jesus. I mean really, FUCK.

Is the 'face your fear' thing working?

 

[jadefirefly]

I dont think it depends on your personality- nor your preferred sexual positions. I find that it depends on how horny you are and how horny ur partner is. If u are more interested than he/she is at the time then you are in the position of power- ur dominant. If he/ she is the one pushing u against the wall- u are the submissive.

other than that u are just balanced...

....


Yeah, no.

 

[callinectes2]

People tend to think too much sometimes..and I believe this is the case with the OP. You don't need to set a trajectory for your sex life at the ripe old age of 19. Just have fun, date a bit, and learn about what makes you tick. It will all start to make more sense to you with a little more "living" under your belt.

 

[~Haze~]

Thanks for answering, but - Jesus. I mean really, FUCK.

Is the 'face your fear' thing working?

Well, there's more to it than that. Peoples' fears intrigue me. My fears intrigue me. What they're afraid of. Why they're afraid.

I'm drawn by the psychology of it and I enjoy trying to work through things that concern me. It seems like it would be irrational to NOT deal with it or try to face it some way... some how. Ya know?

I don't want to hijack the thread. If you're really curious, PM me or start a thread and I'll tell you all about it.