The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread

[chy_girl]

I dislike that I can't think of anything to say in MasterPhoenix's thread that doesn't simply run along the lines of "stop bitching, chicks are into you, some of us would kill for that". Christmas seems to do that to me.

Can't say much as to Master Phoenix's thread as I don't know him.

Holiday's do tend to suck, IMO.

Especially if they involve some kind of introspection. Or waiting.

They're almost equally shitty.

 

[Harmony_1985]

It's been a real bastard around my way - last week, I crashed my car. Of course, I say "my car", I mean my driver instructor's car. It was fun.

Ha I got rear ended on a driving lesson once.

The local garage was my driving instructor's place to take her car and of course my dad works there.

We pulled in and I sunk down in the driver's seat going "please don't be dad, please don't be dad"

*1 minute late*

"What the fuck did you do?!?!?"

Yup, my dad.

 

[Plucky19]

Need to sit quietly downstairs...

Merry Christmas. It's not the same without you.

IAY

 

[flirtygirly]

Need to sit quietly downstairs...

Merry Christmas. It's not the same without you.

IAY

hoping you got some quiet time to yourself

 

[chy_girl]

The kitchen and dinning room are almost clean... one more load of dishes by hand and sweeping and it done...

That does, however, leave the rest of the house, the remaining laundry, putting the seats back in the van and wrapping presents... But half of the front half of the house is clean!!!!

 

[Plucky19]

Give. Give until it hurts, and then give some more.

I'm trying here... and just can't win but am still trying.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Edit: At least breakfast was good. *sighs* Even a smile would help.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'm falling...

like really falling!

And the only response from Him is "good"
I really cant gauge that ya know. Do I need to put the breaks on? Is he ok with it? grrrrrr I suppose I need to really ask this in person eh?

 

[Mary Kimi]

My feet are cold (>.<)

 

[ultramarineblue]

Do we get to see when you're done?

And what kind of paint do you use?

I didn't get to take pictures when they were finished because the light was bad. I am going to take pictures of them soon though. I could probably post them on here for a brief time if you would like to see them.

As far as kind of paint, I prefer oil. I love the texture, the smell, everything about oils. However, due to time constraints and animals walking around with blue paws, I chose acrylic. At least the acrylic dried fast enough that there were only a few paw prints on the floor, table, etc.

Ha I got rear ended on a driving lesson once.

The local garage was my driving instructor's place to take her car and of course my dad works there.

We pulled in and I sunk down in the driver's seat going "please don't be dad, please don't be dad"

*1 minute late*

"What the fuck did you do?!?!?"

Yup, my dad.

If I had been in a similar situation, I would receive the exact same response. It used to be kinda frustrating but now it's more amusing than anything.




my blurt:
So many firsts this year. In so many ways, I'm young and naive. In others, I'm older than my years. I don't like not knowing what to expect in situations. However, since I've never experienced many, I'm stuck not knowing. Today was definitely a first. I had never been to a family Christmas gathering as part of a couple. I think experiencing things that most people experience at a much younger age is a huge part of the angst and whatnot I've experienced over this past year. I always wondered what was so wrong with me that I didn't get to have many of those experiences until now. Life is certainly surreal but for the most part good.

 

[chy_girl]

I didn't get to take pictures when they were finished because the light was bad. I am going to take pictures of them soon though. I could probably post them on here for a brief time if you would like to see them.

As far as kind of paint, I prefer oil. I love the texture, the smell, everything about oils. However, due to time constraints and animals walking around with blue paws, I chose acrylic. At least the acrylic dried fast enough that there were only a few paw prints on the floor, table, etc.

Personally, I'd love to see them!

Most of my (infrequent) painting now days is also in oil, but you're right about the animals. A very dangerous combination, especially since oil tends to not wash off of things well. It's especially messy when one tends to get very involved in their work. It's hilarious when a neighbor shows up and notices three different paint bushes sticking out of your pony tail though.

My favorite for the feel is water colors though. The fluidity and the pigment disbursement when you pre-lay the water is awesome. Unfortunately, I can't paint with water colors to save my life.

Mostly it's been doodling with colored pencils and a portable art pad in the past year.

 

[Cattypuss]

Make it thaw! My psyche needs a long, long, brisk walk on the ice-free headland. Not a short, slow-as-a-snail walk on icy slopes. So does my dog, for that matter.

 

[Plucky19]

Bring

on

the

rain.

Because some days you feel... like someday never comes.

Chin up, shoulders back, chest out. Carry on.

 

[Cattypuss]

I'm falling...

like really falling!

And the only response from Him is "good"
I really cant gauge that ya know. Do I need to put the breaks on? Is he ok with it? grrrrrr I suppose I need to really ask this in person eh?

Why ask permission for the way you feel?

 

[Gil_T2]

Farking insomnia.

I'm with you there as I've suffed insomnia for over 10 years now

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

It's funny how your moods affect things.

During times of personal crisis, my parents' house is a refuge, a safe haven. It's peaceful, their questions and support don't seem smothering.

When things are going well, I perceive some forms of care and concern as niggling and annoying.

And even then, they'll never know the full story. There's so much I wish I could tell them, but my fear of disapproval is great, and my fear of letting them down, of being a disappointment, of shaming them, is astronomical.

Instead, I try and show them how much they mean to me. They're reaching milestone birthdays, and I'm having some considerable mortality fears.

To me, family is identity. The man I marry had better be happy with hypenated last names, because I'll want his, but also want to keep mine.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Ha I got rear ended on a driving lesson once.

The local garage was my driving instructor's place to take her car and of course my dad works there.

We pulled in and I sunk down in the driver's seat going "please don't be dad, please don't be dad"

*1 minute late*

"What the fuck did you do?!?!?"

Yup, my dad.

Oh gosh.

Hilarious.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Personally, I'd love to see them!

Most of my (infrequent) painting now days is also in oil, but you're right about the animals. A very dangerous combination, especially since oil tends to not wash off of things well. It's especially messy when one tends to get very involved in their work. It's hilarious when a neighbor shows up and notices three different paint bushes sticking out of your pony tail though.

My favorite for the feel is water colors though. The fluidity and the pigment disbursement when you pre-lay the water is awesome. Unfortunately, I can't paint with water colors to save my life.

Mostly it's been doodling with colored pencils and a portable art pad in the past year.

I like watercolors too. I just play with them though. I pretty much approach all painting and art making as play. Otherwise I get too serious and everything starts to look overworked. I still make overworked paintings though. I have two very recent ones that attest to that. However, they are part of a goal and I know once I meet that goal, I will be a much better painter for it.

I get sidetracked so easily. Back to watercolors. I know some of the traditional things like using the white of the paper instead of white paint. I tend to follow some of those things (usually) because I like the limitations it gives. I think that by limiting ourselves we make a way for some truly great pieces to be made. (At the same time, I don't believe in fear of failure or feeling as though the piece has to be great. I think that greatly reduces the chance of it being even good.) Sidetracked again and soapbox.

One thing that has greatly helped me with watercolors is watching how other artists handle the medium. I don't particularly care for timid colors in paint. Sometimes the occasion calls for it, but watercolors can be richly colored as well. Truthfully, watching one artist in particular and being able to talk about the limitations/challenges she places upon herself has really taught me a lot.

Oh and I truly love being portable with my creating materials. I get teased all the time about how I've made most of my materials portable. They're truthfully just jealous though.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Why ask permission for the way you feel?

Obviously I don't ask permission for how I feel or I might not be feeling at all.
I'm terrified of every step forward I take in this and with good reason. He knows that and that I spook real easy and I think is making me feel around in the dark on this one 'cause it feels good to him to watch a struggle that to him is simply part of a good thing. Well we shall soon know if this is true or not lol. I'm about to go meet up with him and find out.

And no I'm not a crybaby (although that is now his term of endearment for me) I am trying really hard to overcome many things and I am scared. But scared to me is a thrill I look forward to and it makes me able to do things I didn't think I could do.


I never met someone so strong and willing to help another person without expecting anything in return. Maybe I just don't know how to handle that.

 

[Kajira Callista]

So we talked...or I should say he made me talk lol.
He grinned and listened.
I'm liking this again

 

[ultramarineblue]

So we talked...or I should say he made me talk lol.
He grinned and listened.
I'm liking this again

I've had to communicate things to my PYL lately that were very hard for me to say. It's such a relief after it is over though. It definitely wasn't as bad as I envisioned it to be.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i'm not really okay.

No matter what i say...

i'm not really.

i'm not really okay...

i'm not sure i ever will be.

 

[Cattypuss]

Had a bit of an epiphany this morning, that came seemingly out of nowhere... now to act on it (the harder bit).

 

[chy_girl]

The fear that he'll find me wanting is causing me to a bit of a Velcro person and an enormous pain in the ass - things that I can't stand about myself. It's all very much like a puncture wound that I can't stop poking at.

The fear of him finding me suitable is worse than the fear of him finding me lacking and I hate it. It drives me insane that I'm pushing away something I want so badly, but in my mind his decision is already made. Was made when I walked out the door. I doubt that it's true, but that's where my head goes. Rejection I know, it's the acceptance that I don't know how to handle.

He says he's a demanding task-master who has high expectations. I wanted to laugh at him because he cannot have higher expectation for me than I have for myself and still stay in the realm of 'reasonable for any living human being.' Even though, god know, if they were to be unreasonable for any living human being, it doesn't mean that his expectations will be higher than my own.

I can't find center and it's killing me, this feeling like a spinning top that's about ready to fall over.

How is it that I can work, raise my girl, take care of my mom's needs, micromanage a hundred details into a working schedule and fight with multiple government agencies on multiple issues, but I can't find the strength to fight for the one thing that I want and need for me?

I hate felling like I can't control any of this... How's that for submissive irony?

I really want to scream at him via IM to just tell me no now so I can try and be normal (for me) again.

 

[Cattypuss]

Chy_girl, hugs to you.

 

[ultramarineblue]

chy_girl, I can identify with a lot of your words in your post. Different personal experiences may have led to the similar feelings but nonetheless, they are difficult to work through. *hugs*