Fairy Tale Feedback

[Equilibria]

Hi, all,

Now that the winter contest is over, at least vote wise, I feel better about posting this so that it won't be taken as a plug.

My first attempt at eroticizing a fairy tale seems to have been quite successful, and among the comments I have gotten have been requests for more fairy tales. As such, I have already started a second one (Rapunzel, in fact... figured I would do a better known fairy tale)

So. What I am asking for is this: Take a look at The Frost King (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=451676&page=1) and give me some feedback.

What problems does it have? Where can I improve? Rapunzel is shaping up to be considerably longer, with more character development.

Oh. And anyone have any suggestions about just how the enchantress initially got Rapunzel up into the tower, without her hair to climb? Story is so detailed that it seems too important a point to leave out.

 

[Guest]

As far as getting Rapunzel up to the top of the tower, without using her hair to climb, I would say mechanical means. have her essentially lifted up as a babe in a basket (lifted by a rope, obviously). Getting the rope up there seems to be the next problem, but one that is easily overcome by a trained falcon, or magical creature. Of course, you could always have her carried up there by a troll under the Enchantress' command, as well. Not being more than superficially familiar with Rapunzel, I don't know how much power the enchantress actually has. Is putting creatures under her spell something that would happen?

~Paul

 

[driphoney]

Hi, all,

Now that the winter contest is over, at least vote wise, I feel better about posting this so that it won't be taken as a plug.

My first attempt at eroticizing a fairy tale seems to have been quite successful, and among the comments I have gotten have been requests for more fairy tales. As such, I have already started a second one (Rapunzel, in fact... figured I would do a better known fairy tale)

So. What I am asking for is this: Take a look at The Frost King (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=451676&page=1) and give me some feedback.

What problems does it have? Where can I improve? Rapunzel is shaping up to be considerably longer, with more character development.

Oh. And anyone have any suggestions about just how the enchantress initially got Rapunzel up into the tower, without her hair to climb? Story is so detailed that it seems too important a point to leave out.

The Winter Contest is OVER??

Boy, I messed up, I just thought the submission date deadline passed.

And plugs are fine, people push their stories all over the forum, in their siggy lines ... everywhere. So, don't worry about that!

As for your story, I'm generally not into the, um, fortified fairy tale, and my reading list is huge this week. Good luck, though.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Equilibria, hi and welcome.

Drip is quite right - lit is like the real world - if you don't aggressively promote your stories, who will find you? Every time you write a story, post a begging post here (many established writers do), stick it in your sig line and whore for votes. It's the equivalent of book signings.

Your story is sweet, but for me it has no tension. Although I love Drip's 'fortified fairy tale' expression, she misses the point when you look at Ann Rice's 'Sleeping Beauty'.

You change many things, quite reasonably, about the Russian 'King Frost', but you lose the tension between the dog, the daughter and the stepdaughter. Unlike Beauty and the Beast, you don't create then challenge perceptions. That keeps us reading, but your story is pretty predictable from the title and the first few paragraphs. You write well, but your plotting needs working on.

The enchantress got Rapunzel up the tower to work on a loom and then took the ladder away as she went down. Didn't Rapunzel have to work off her father's debt?

 

[Guest]

The enchantress got Rapunzel up the tower to work on a loom and then took the ladder away as she went down. Didn't Rapunzel have to work off her father's debt?

Elfin, you are mixing Rumplestiltskin up with Rapunzel. I went and reread Rapunzel last night and Rapunzel was given to the enchantress because she demanded her in payment for the father stealing food from her garden.

~Paul

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Elfin, you are mixing Rumplestiltskin up with Rapunzel. I went and reread Rapunzel last night and Rapunzel was given to the enchantress because she demanded her in payment for the father stealing food from her garden.

~Paul

You are so right, thanks. I'll go back to 101 dalmatians - at least they're spotty.

 

[driphoney]

Equilibria, hi and welcome.

Drip is quite right - lit is like the real world - if you don't aggressively promote your stories, who will find you? Every time you write a story, post a begging post here (many established writers do), stick it in your sig line and whore for votes. It's the equivalent of book signings.

Your story is sweet, but for me it has no tension. Although I love Drip's 'fortified fairy tale' expression, she misses the point when you look at Ann Rice's 'Sleeping Beauty'.

You change many things, quite reasonably, about the Russian 'King Frost', but you lose the tension between the dog, the daughter and the stepdaughter. Unlike Beauty and the Beast, you don't create then challenge perceptions. That keeps us reading, but your story is pretty predictable from the title and the first few paragraphs. You write well, but your plotting needs working on.

The enchantress got Rapunzel up the tower to work on a loom and then took the ladder away as she went down. Didn't Rapunzel have to work off her father's debt?

Okay, I'll have to check it out. I admit, I'm pretty uneducated beyond the early childhood telling of most fairy tales.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Elfin, you are mixing Rumplestiltskin up with Rapunzel. I went and reread Rapunzel last night and Rapunzel was given to the enchantress because she demanded her in payment for the father stealing food from her garden.

~Paul[/QUOTE

Paul, thanks, I totally confused the two stories.

As my penance, I give you the full Brothers' Grimm Rapunzel story. Am I forgiven?

http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/Rapu.shtml

 

[Guest]

Ahhhhh. To let down our hair

Paul, thanks, I totally confused the two stories.

As my penance, I give you the full Brothers' Grimm Rapunzel story. Am I forgiven?

Of course. Don't feel bad though the only way I knew is because I had just finished reading it myself. I wasn't exactly up on the plot either.

~Paul

 

[OnlyByMoonlight]

Oh. And anyone have any suggestions about just how the enchantress initially got Rapunzel up into the tower, without her hair to climb? Story is so detailed that it seems too important a point to leave out.

In every version I've read, its always been explained as just 'magic'. I would think it would be something like she put her up there, then sealed off the entrance as she left.