Lesbian girl wants straight sex...

[cebalrai]

So there's this friend of a friend who I've been hanging out with in a group setting for about 6 weeks. She's smart, very funny, and good-looking in a unique sort of way. She has a beautiful face and long sexy legs The caveat is that she's a lesbian and hasn't had a boyfriend since high school (she's 29 now). Her ex-gf is a mutual friend of ours.

A little background on me - I'm definitely bi but I think I'm 60%-ish straight and have been living a hetero lifestyle for the past 2+ years.

So at a party with about 10 of my friends and another 20+ people I didnt know, her and I end up spending a lot of time together, flirting, and she stood very close to me most of the night. The music was kind of loud so you had to stand close to people to talk to them. She did a lot of the thing where she laughed at what I said and ran her hand down my arm, etc. I was really interested, but kept telling myself she was just having fun, etc.

After the party a few of us crashed at the house because we'd been drinking. I'd had about 6 drinks over maybe 3 hours so I wasn't too drunk or anything. There was a fold-out bed in the basement where her and I slept (clothed) along with another one of our friends. The three of us spooned and snuggled and I was like, wicked loving it. It looked like we were just going to fall asleep though until the other girl said she was going to take herself home.

So her and I started snuggling alone on the bed, hands went here and there, then under her sweater... Over her small breasts, under her shirt... She reached back and felt my hardness through my pants. I pulled down her pants and panties and touched her inside and out... and entered her still in the spooning position. We had simply amazing sex that night and slept in one another's arms.

The next morning we kind of acted like nothing happened but as we parted she smacked me on the ass

The following weekend we hung out together with just 5 other people for Friday night drinks and dinner. Afterwards we were the last two left and she asked if I wanted to go back to her place for one more drink. I did, and we ended up having more amazing sex.

After we were done I raised the subject of her being a lesbian, etc and said that I guess she's bi. She surprised me though by adamantly saying that she's 100% lesbian. She "just needs a cock in her once in a while".

So here I am really confused. Her and I get along *great*. We can talk for hours, we flirt really easily with one another, and we click sexually more than anyone I've clicked with with a very long time. And she smells amazing... Just the scent of her hair or neck intoxicates me. Her pussy smell is perfect btw, lol.

She says she can't be in a relationship with a guy. But it feels kind of like she's already in one. We're starting to do stuff that dating couples do now... like dating. I'm really hooked on this girl....

Does anyone have any advice? Should I back off because I'm only going to get hurt? Is there something she's not being honest with? Am I a fool?

 

[Night_Jasmine]

It sounds as if she's going through a bit of a crisis in her mind in regards to who she is and her sexuality.

I would remain a good friend to her and support her but be careful, ok?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Dude, any chick who has sex with a guy (period!) and says things like she ""just needs a cock in her once in a while" ain't a lesbian. Being with chicks 99.9% of the time and getting a random dick every decade STILL is Bisexual. Course, she can call herself anything she wants, but that don't make it so. Just sayin'....

 

[A_Kefka]

Just a thought, but sexuality tends to be more of a spectrum than true categories. Often you hear about men who seem striaght and are in a relationship with women, aren't interested in remance with men, but like sex with men now and then. Or women who would seem totally straight except in a 3some they like playing wiht the women. Sounds like this women is in a similar place with her preferences, she is only interested in friendship and accasional sex with men, Romance only with women. That she still calls herself a lesbian when that behavior would make most call her bisexual could mean she isn't that sure of herself or something. who knows. But she probably won't start what most would call a serious relationship with you if thats what you are looking for.

 

[cebalrai]

It sounds as if she's going through a bit of a crisis in her mind in regards to who she is and her sexuality.

I would remain a good friend to her and support her but be careful, ok?

We're great friends even though our relationship is still relatively new. We're already more than friends though of course...

We talk about everything. She's kind of guarded about her sexual orientation though...

 

[cebalrai]

Just a thought, but sexuality tends to be more of a spectrum than true categories. Often you hear about men who seem striaght and are in a relationship with women, aren't interested in remance with men, but like sex with men now and then. Or women who would seem totally straight except in a 3some they like playing wiht the women. Sounds like this women is in a similar place with her preferences, she is only interested in friendship and accasional sex with men, Romance only with women. That she still calls herself a lesbian when that behavior would make most call her bisexual could mean she isn't that sure of herself or something. who knows. But she probably won't start what most would call a serious relationship with you if thats what you are looking for.

I'm pretty sure what we have is more than just sex though. It feels like a relationship... I dunno, maybe I'm clueless and blinded by infatuation...

We call each other on the phone 6/7 days, usually talking for 1-2 hours. When I said I had a bad day at work she came over, gave me a backrub (no sex attached that time), and cooked me dinner.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I'm pretty sure what we have is more than just sex though. It feels like a relationship... I dunno, maybe I'm clueless and blinded by infatuation...

We call each other on the phone 6/7 days, usually talking for 1-2 hours. When I said I had a bad day at work she came over, gave me a backrub (no sex attached that time), and cooked me dinner.

You need to sit down and ask her straight out how she sees this going before you get more emotionally involved in this.

 

[Etoile]

You need to sit down and ask her straight out how she sees this going before you get more emotionally involved in this.

Agreed.

 

[Etoile]

Dude, any chick who has sex with a guy (period!) and says things like she ""just needs a cock in her once in a while" ain't a lesbian. Being with chicks 99.9% of the time and getting a random dick every decade STILL is Bisexual. Course, she can call herself anything she wants, but that don't make it so. Just sayin'....

Bisexual is about what you WANT, not what you've DONE. This case seems a bit different (she mentioned wanting it), but plenty of lesbians have had sex with men and even enjoyed it at the time. Saying "if you've fucked a guy, you're bisexual" is preposterous...hope I'm misunderstanding you there. As for "call yourself anything you want, doesn't make it so" - well that's being awfully prescriptive, isn't it? The only person who knows for sure what their sexuality is, is THAT PERSON. We don't get to label other people according to what we feel is convenient. 90% of the time a person's self-labeling is going to jive with what we want to call them, but 10% of the time there are misfits, and we don't get to say they're WRONG about who they are.

 

[sandiego1]

you lived a hetro life for a while? if your boyfriend told you that "he needed a different pussy once in a while" would you have been cool with that?

thats no different than what you have now.

she is telling you up front that she will cheat on you if you are in a relationship with her.

 

[Safe_Bet]

So there's this friend of a friend who I've been hanging out with in a group setting for about 6 weeks. She's smart, very funny, and good-looking in a unique sort of way. She has a beautiful face and long sexy legs The caveat is that she's a lesbian and hasn't had a boyfriend since high school (she's 29 now). Her ex-gf is a mutual friend of ours.

A little background on me - I'm definitely bi but I think I'm 60%-ish straight and have been living a hetero lifestyle for the past 2+ years.

So at a party with about 10 of my friends and another 20+ people I didnt know, her and I end up spending a lot of time together, flirting, and she stood very close to me most of the night. The music was kind of loud so you had to stand close to people to talk to them. She did a lot of the thing where she laughed at what I said and ran her hand down my arm, etc. I was really interested, but kept telling myself she was just having fun, etc.

After the party a few of us crashed at the house because we'd been drinking. I'd had about 6 drinks over maybe 3 hours so I wasn't too drunk or anything. There was a fold-out bed in the basement where her and I slept (clothed) along with another one of our friends. The three of us spooned and snuggled and I was like, wicked loving it. It looked like we were just going to fall asleep though until the other girl said she was going to take herself home.

So her and I started snuggling alone on the bed, hands went here and there, then under her sweater... Over her small breasts, under her shirt... She reached back and felt my hardness through my pants. I pulled down her pants and panties and touched her inside and out... and entered her still in the spooning position. We had simply amazing sex that night and slept in one another's arms.

The next morning we kind of acted like nothing happened but as we parted she smacked me on the ass

The following weekend we hung out together with just 5 other people for Friday night drinks and dinner. Afterwards we were the last two left and she asked if I wanted to go back to her place for one more drink. I did, and we ended up having more amazing sex.
After we were done I raised the subject of her being a lesbian, etc and said that I guess she's bi. She surprised me though by adamantly saying that she's 100% lesbian. She "just needs a cock in her once in a while".

So here I am really confused. Her and I get along *great*. We can talk for hours, we flirt really easily with one another, and we click sexually more than anyone I've clicked with with a very long time. And she smells amazing... Just the scent of her hair or neck intoxicates me. Her pussy smell is perfect btw, lol.

She says she can't be in a relationship with a guy. But it feels kind of like she's already in one. We're starting to do stuff that dating couples do now... like dating. I'm really hooked on this girl....

Does anyone have any advice? Should I back off because I'm only going to get hurt? Is there something she's not being honest with? Am I a fool?

Bisexual is about what you WANT, not what you've DONE. This case seems a bit different (she mentioned wanting it), but plenty of lesbians have had sex with men and even enjoyed it at the time. Saying "if you've fucked a guy, you're bisexual" is preposterous...hope I'm misunderstanding you there. As for "call yourself anything you want, doesn't make it so" - well that's being awfully prescriptive, isn't it? The only person who knows for sure what their sexuality is, is THAT PERSON. We don't get to label other people according to what we feel is convenient. 90% of the time a person's self-labeling is going to jive with what we want to call them, but 10% of the time there are misfits, and we don't get to say they're WRONG about who they are.

I've got to disagree with most of what you say, hon. If she had sex with a dude in the past, fine. No biggy. If she has sex with a dude sometime in the future, fine. Again, no biggies. Neither of these disqualifies somebody for having a lesbian membership card. However, she is CURRECTLY having sex with a dude (and is planning to keep periodically having sex with him) she's CURRECTLY bisexual. Quantity doesn't come in to play here, but intent and "how currently" does.

As to your comment "Saying "if you've fucked a guy, you're bisexual" is preposterous", please explain to he how so. If you are currently fucking some dude, you CAN'T be a lesbian, by definition, can you?

She can WANT to be a lesbian, she COULD have been a lesbian in the past and she CAN be a lesbian again in the future, but if she is CURRENTLY having sex with a dude, she ain't one, no matter if she wants to say she is or not.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

This is going to make me sound incredibly naive and possibly stupid..but here goes.

I always thought that lesbians were women who were attracted to women only. And that bisexuals were people attracted to both genders.

Am I wrong here?

 

[Safe_Bet]

This is going to make me sound incredibly naive and possibly stupid..but here goes.

I always thought that lesbians were women who were attracted to women only. And that bisexuals were people attracted to both genders.

Am I wrong here?

I don't think you're wrong, but you have to remember that people change over time. It is quite possible for a woman who was happily het to "evolve" into a lesbian as she goes through life. The opposite is also quite possible.

That is why I tried to stress "currently" so much in my last post.

 

[Etoile]

I've got to disagree with most of what you say, hon. If she had sex with a dude in the past, fine. No biggy. If she has sex with a dude sometime in the future, fine. Again, no biggies. Neither of these disqualifies somebody for having a lesbian membership card. However, she is CURRECTLY having sex with a dude (and is planning to keep periodically having sex with him) she's CURRECTLY bisexual. Quantity doesn't come in to play here, but intent and "how currently" does.

As to your comment "Saying "if you've fucked a guy, you're bisexual" is preposterous", please explain to he how so. If you are currently fucking some dude, you CAN'T be a lesbian, by definition, can you?

She can WANT to be a lesbian, she COULD have been a lesbian in the past and she CAN be a lesbian again in the future, but if she is CURRENTLY having sex with a dude, she ain't one, no matter if she wants to say she is or not.

Ooooooooh no no no...like I said, THIS case is different!

I was just speaking in general terms, I kinda threw out the OP and focused on your post as a general statement.

Regarding the OP, I agree with you completely! I'm just saying that fucking the opposite sex once doesn't make you bisexual. I have a friend who is as gay as they come - scared of womanly body parts - and even he had sex with a girl in high school.

 

[Etoile]

you lived a hetro life for a while? if your boyfriend told you that "he needed a different pussy once in a while" would you have been cool with that?

thats no different than what you have now.

she is telling you up front that she will cheat on you if you are in a relationship with her.

The OP is a guy, though...the one she's having sex with. So no evidence that she would cheat, unless she wanted to be with a woman again.

 

[amBIguous]

Hi all!

It is for reasons such as this conversation that I personally HATE labels! Although the use of a label may help to describe our current existence, all too often people use the label to define them, rather than defining the label. Someone may be gay today, bisexual tomorrow and straight the day after. It is just a descriptive, not an ultimatum. Personally, I range between bisexual and straight most days, but there are times when I am all gay.

And if we, as members of the alternative lifestyle population, can't understand and support how different people can be, is it any wonder that we are at odds with the hetero population?


As far as cebelrai's dilemma, I think he needs to stop getting hung up on the lesbian aspect and start dealing with this girl as a person. Regardless of the labeling, you need to sit down with her and discuss this like any other new relationship. It sounds like you are wanting more, and she may just be having fun with a friend. You need to work together to define the relationship and it's boundaries before one of you gets hurt.

 

[sunandshadow]

Personally I'd read her saying she's 100% a lesbian as meaning that she sees the OP as a best friends with benefits, not interested in a romance.

 

[kaycee217]

Hi all!

It is for reasons such as this conversation that I personally HATE labels! Although the use of a label may help to describe our current existence, all too often people use the label to define them, rather than defining the label. Someone may be gay today, bisexual tomorrow and straight the day after. It is just a descriptive, not an ultimatum. Personally, I range between bisexual and straight most days, but there are times when I am all gay.

And if we, as members of the alternative lifestyle population, can't understand and support how different people can be, is it any wonder that we are at odds with the hetero population?


As far as cebelrai's dilemma, I think he needs to stop getting hung up on the lesbian aspect and start dealing with this girl as a person. Regardless of the labeling, you need to sit down with her and discuss this like any other new relationship. It sounds like you are wanting more, and she may just be having fun with a friend. You need to work together to define the relationship and it's boundaries before one of you gets hurt.

+1

I've been in a quasi-relationship with a woman who claimed to be a lesbian. I never got hung up on the label aspect since we both hung out casually and knew we were never going to seriously date each other. However, your situation is different: potentially serious feelings are involved.

 

[pauline1960]

Perhaps

Perhaps she is really into you and is struggling with her perception of who she is/thought she is. You should talk to her and understand that coming out as bi or straight can be as hard (or harder) than coming out as lesbian.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

The reason I insist he talk to her is that, while we try to not to say it happens, people tend to label themselves. If she's dead set on her mentality as a lesbian, even while having sex with him, he's sure fire set to get hurt once his emotions are engaged towards her.

And given how nice he sounds, I hate to see him get hurt.

 

[cebalrai]

She's in Hawaii for a funeral right now so I haven't been able to talk to her that much the past few days.

We did talk a little though. She insists that she's not in some kind of identity crisis because she's attracted to me "as a person". The feelings are definitely romantic on both sides.

Apparently she's been attracted to women "as a person" as well. She's only had one long-term relationship with a woman ever, which lasted about 18 months. She had a few lesbian relationshops that lasted about 3 months as well.

She's had sex with two guys before me. One was when she was 18 or 19. She says the guy was selfish and she was young/dumb, etc. learning experience I guess. The other was a couple years ago after she got out of the 18-month lesbian relationship and was angry with her ex. She says it was kind of a thing where she wanted to get revenge on her ex, but then ended up not telling her about it. It was a 1-night stand.

I'm the first guy she's ever spent the night with. Also, this is the first sexual encounter where no condom was used (we're tested and in the clear), so she says it's a new thing for her in a lot of ways. Also, she's never given oral sex to completion (to a guy) before this relationship... it was her idea and something she never wanted to even think about before. She said I taste sweet.

She's told her mom and her best friend about her and I, but nobody else. She's somewhat apprehensive about what some of her friends who are lesbians might think...

Anyway, she confirmed that from her perspective we're not just hooking up, and that she really wants to let our relationship grow and see where it goes. She really doesn't seem concerned about her sexual identity at all...

 

[Etoile]

I'm the first guy she's ever spent the night with. Also, this is the first sexual encounter where no condom was used (we're tested and in the clear), so she says it's a new thing for her in a lot of ways. Also, she's never given oral sex to completion (to a guy) before this relationship... it was her idea and something she never wanted to even think about before. She said I taste sweet.

Spending the night is irrelevant to having sex, basically. I guess you could say it implies a greater tendency toward a relationship, but plenty of people fuck without staying over. Same thing for oral sex to completion...doesn't really imply much.

No condom was used, and neither of you have STDs. So is she on another form of birth control? Most lesbians are not on birth control unless they have a health situation that requires it. Now, if she IS on birth control, then it sounds to me like she's looking to have sex with guys and isn't really a lesbian at all. If she isn't on birth control, then this IS a new experience for her, and you should've used a condom (and/or be prepared for her getting pregnant).

Anyway, she confirmed that from her perspective we're not just hooking up, and that she really wants to let our relationship grow and see where it goes. She really doesn't seem concerned about her sexual identity at all...

I'm confused. What exactly is the issue here?

 

[cebalrai]

She's been on the pill for a long time due to heavy/cramping periods. She says that without the pill the pain is bad enough that she occasionally would have to take a day off work.

 

[lightsaver]

*tapping fingers*

Mmmmmm...

I just had poured myself a diet cola. Normally, I never do, by preference. Up until 5 minutes ago, I just felt like it. Ahhhh! Taste great!

Does that mean I am giving up my previous taste in beverages for the one I am currently enjoying?

 

[dkak001]

Does anyone have any advice? Should I back off because I'm only going to get hurt? Is there something she's not being honest with? Am I a fool?

First off, sounds like you want a relationship, and she sounds unsure of what she wants. However, it seems that she likes you...

My advice is to just keep spending time with her. Let her get to know you, and get to know her better. If she's going to fall for you, just let it happen. You can't force it. However, if she does not fall for you and you think that you can't handle that, you may want to get out or keep it as simple as you can.

If you walk away, you probably won't get the girl.

As for myself, I'd rather try and fail than not try at all...

Good luck!
Dan