perfect failure

[audeamus]

perfect failure

i've found it's easier to say that i'm doing okay.
it saves me the trouble of placing my emotional burdens on someone else's shoulders.
so in that respect, i've developed a deceptive appearance.

telling myself that i don't care keeps me from embracing the fact that i'm laden with sadness.
apparently, i'm not significant enough for someone to value me in an intimate fashion.
apparently, i don't have the qualities that deep "connections" are founded on.

i try to purge my mind of an unexpected detachment. a union that was destined never to flourish.
i can openly say that now that i've played things over in my head.
red flags that i chose not to acknowledge....


love has once again worked its beautiful voodoo--
i lie here, bruised by each painful blow.
defeated. i think i'll stay down this time.

heartbreak is an ugly truth.
-audeamus

 

[Angeline]

Hello.

Did you want feedback or are you just posting your poetry here? Either way you are welcome to hang out and post more.

 

[audeamus]

hello angeline,

my apologies if i posted my poem in the wrong thread. i was just posting, really. i know the words are thrown together and may sound like garbage but it's just the place i'm in at the moment. i do thank you for inviting me to stay and post more. if i need to move my poem, i'll figure out a way to do so. i'm not sure how-- seems like all i do is make mistakes these days.

very pretty name, by the way.

 

[Angeline]

hello angeline,

my apologies if i posted my poem in the wrong thread. i was just posting, really. i know the words are thrown together and may sound like garbage but it's just the place i'm in at the moment. i do thank you for inviting me to stay and post more. if i need to move my poem, i'll figure out a way to do so. i'm not sure how-- seems like all i do is make mistakes these days.

very pretty name, by the way.

Thank you (so is yours). And you don't need to move your thread; it's fine where it is. Post more threads here or the hangout if you want. I'm a forum moderator (along with Wicked Eve and Lauren Hynde), and I just wanted to say hi and see if you wanted feedback. Sometimes people don't specifically ask but would like it. And other times well they don't want it.

I don't think your poem is "garbage," and wouldn't say that to anyone. Well I might lol but I'd have to be pretty provoked. I think you could edit and make it better but I think that about most everyone's poems, including mine.

If you have any questions or need help with anything here, feel free to pm any of the mods. Or you can just start a thread and ask--people here are usually friendly and supportive. We try to help each other with our writing here. There's usually at least a few writing discussion threads or general bsing threads going on too. And everyone is welcome everywhere.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

heartbreak is an ugly truth.

 

[Roxxxy91]

Audeamus your poem is beautiful, i think every one can relate to 'being in that place' and just not wanting to come out. It takes alot less effort to remain invisible then to try and rebuild. I hope you are doing ok, and living from day to day without to much hastle. <3 I know the feeling when people say 'it will get better time heals it' but you don't want that.. You want to remeber the injustice of it.. *hugs for you* and a big smile .. Feel free to PM me.
Rach
xo

 

[poetedge5455]

perfect failure

i've found it's easier to say that i'm doing okay.
it saves me the trouble of placing my emotional burdens on someone else's shoulders.
so in that respect, i've developed a deceptive appearance.

telling myself that i don't care keeps me from embracing the fact that i'm laden with sadness.
apparently, i'm not significant enough for someone to value me in an intimate fashion.
apparently, i don't have the qualities that deep "connections" are founded on.

i try to purge my mind of an unexpected detachment. a union that was destined never to flourish.
i can openly say that now that i've played things over in my head.
red flags that i chose not to acknowledge....


love has once again worked its beautiful voodoo--
i lie here, bruised by each painful blow.
defeated. i think i'll stay down this time.

heartbreak is an ugly truth.
-audeamus

Hi. God I am soooo in this place too. Thanks for the cartharsis and for the virtual wave as we pass each other on the dimly lit path, licking our wounds.

telling myself that i don't care keeps me from embracing the fact that i'm laden with sadness.
apparently, i'm not significant enough for someone to value me in an intimate fashion.
apparently, i don't have the qualities that deep "connections" are founded on.

I have visited this emotion frquently in my stories and poems. I think the 'apparently' qualifying the lines belie them. I think, like me, you see the efforts you made to establish and keep those connections fall short, and our immediate reaction is 'it wasn't good enough' and so WE werent't good enough to have them. I have found that if I really dwell on that emotion, I don't believe it. And so, I throw in the sarcastic 'apparently' bc I know what and why I did the things I did to make it work. But listing those things for someone, pointing them out, cheapens them for me. Just as I have no time (no guilty reaction to) people who will point out all they have done for me. If you are keeping score, please don't bother doing anything for me. I do fine on my own. The only thing I will ever owe you is what my spirit tells me. Not the lists you provide.

But still, when things end, we can't help but have that feeling that somehow we didn't do enough, or the right way. But, of the few truths I have found in my search is that, if YOU know that you did all you could to show this person they we're cared for, that they were special, that THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO. Whatever reactions you receive from the person to whom you directed this love is out of your control. It doesn't stop the hurt, but at least it eliminates the guilt and self eviscerating we do.

Ther lines about getting up again are also an idea I've played with. However, I was trumped by, of all people Phil Collins, (I say that bc I am a huge genesis fan, but not with Collins as the singer. I prefer Peter Gabriel, better singer, WAY better writer) however, Phil penned these lines on the first album after Steve Hackett left (and then ther were three). Song is Undertow.

Better think awhile
Or I may never think again
If this were the last day of your life my friend
Tell me what do you think you would do, then?

Stand up to the blow that fate has struck upon you?
Make the most of all you still have coming to you?
Or LAY DOWN ON THE GROUND and let the tears run from you
Crying to the grass and trees
and heaven finally on your knees
Let me live again
Let life come find me wanting
Spring must strike again
Against this shield of winter
Let me feel once more
The arms of love surround me
Telling me the danger's passed
I need not fear the icy blasts
Again.

I won't edit the poem as you didn't ask. And this is more a therapeutic one, I believe. As so, there is no need for editing as long as it is catarthic.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Audeamus - welcome.
I appreciate your poem - it expresses things I have found all too true.
Intellectually I concur with Poetedge on knowing you did your best.
All of the 'what if' scenarios we replay cannot change the past.
But emotionally, it isn't so simple.

A question on your poem - 'beautiful' - interesting.
When I read that line I think things have changed, only to be dashed by the next line.

Hope you're able to get up again

 

[audeamus]

Hello poetedge5455 and EroticOrogeny,

I would like to thank you both for the comments/feedback. Not that I'm making any excuses for the unintelligible piece I posted, but it kept me from crying at the time so yes it was a psychological cleansing, if you will. Even though I've edited that piece, I know it doesn't follow the beauty and grace of what a proper poem should be. But I needed to get that out, or...I don't even care to think of "or". Again I'm not trying to make excuses, I should apologize to you both for posting such trash. I'm very sorry.

I'd like to address my use of the word 'beautiful', that was basically me being mordant; upset that love has once again made a joke of me. Or rather, I had allowed love to make a joke of me.

I really appreciate the both of you for taking the time out to offer gentle criticism, it's very helpful

Both of you,
Be golden.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Hello poetedge5455 and EroticOrogeny,

I would like to thank you both for the comments/feedback. Not that I'm making any excuses for the unintelligible piece I posted, but it kept me from crying at the time so yes it was a psychological cleansing, if you will. Even though I've edited that piece, I know it doesn't follow the beauty and grace of what a proper poem should be. But I needed to get that out, or...I don't even care to think of "or". Again I'm not trying to make excuses, I should apologize to you both for posting such trash. I'm very sorry.

I'd like to address my use of the word 'beautiful', that was basically me being mordant; upset that love has once again made a joke of me. Or rather, I had allowed love to make a joke of me.

I really appreciate the both of you for taking the time out to offer gentle criticism, it's very helpful

Both of you,
Be golden.

You're being too harsh on yourself in calling it trash. Not a great poem, but not trash either. Many time poems serve different purposes. Many of my erotic poems are, objectively, not that good; but my wife likes them, since the subject is us. I've come to consider some of them as private poems. And I've written lost love laments, many of which served little more than to provide relief.