Call All Good Christian Fundies!

[Safe_Bet]

Dear good Christian Fundie Brother and Sisters (and any random homophobes that are about),

For all of you that hate gays because "the bible told you so", it is time you got off your hypocritical asses and started hating equally! You have been so sanctimoniously concentrating on gays that you have completely forgot about the evil purveyors of shrimp!

Like the folks from godhatesshrimp.com say, "Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver's and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye's shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.

Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says:
9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:
10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you."

So come on everybody. Get them signs and posters made! It's time to go protest Red Lobster in the name of the Lord!

P.S. Don't look at me! Its YOUR freakin book!


http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

 

[lance gt]

Dear good Christian Fundie Brother and Sisters (and any random homophobes that are about),

For all of you that hate gays because "the bible told you so", it is time you got off your hypocritical asses and started hating equally! You have been so sanctimoniously concentrating on gays that you have completely forgot about the evil purveyors of shrimp!

Like the folks from godhatesshrimp.com say, "Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver's and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye's shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.

Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says:
9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:
10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you."

So come on everybody. Get them signs and posters made! It's time to go protest Red Lobster in the name of the Lord!

P.S. Don't look at me! Its YOUR freakin book!


http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

Always did like bearded Clams in a natural sauce. Ever notice mollusks like clams, oysters and mussels look very similar to pussy. Shucking takes on a whole new meaning now.
C'mon all you good Christians, march to the eastern shores and protest against those heathen fishers of men who bring to you the temptations of the devil to make you commit sins. Partaking in those abominations shall cast ye down with the sodomites for eternity.

 

[Liar]

Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

*puts down the walrus burger*

 

[Safe_Bet]

*puts down the walrus burger*

Good! That means your hands are free, so you can hold a protest sign like "God hates Long John Silvers!"

 

[sadangel]

Dear good Christian Fundie Brother and Sisters (and any random homophobes that are about),

For all of you that hate gays because "the bible told you so", it is time you got off your hypocritical asses and started hating equally! You have been so sanctimoniously concentrating on gays that you have completely forgot about the evil purveyors of shrimp!

Like the folks from godhatesshrimp.com say, "Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver's and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye's shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.

Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcasses in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says:
9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:
10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you."

So come on everybody. Get them signs and posters made! It's time to go protest Red Lobster in the name of the Lord!

P.S. Don't look at me! Its YOUR freakin book!


http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

I have used that on Christian boards. I have been told that those particular "laws" have been outdated, but the one's against homosexuality will always be in effect. I say that they are the ones that pick and choose what to obey and not obey. The Bible clearly states that if you bind yourself to one law, you have bound yourself to them all. The Christians don't like to be reminded of that.

Yes, I consider myself a Christian, but I don't consider myself to be one who feels it necessary to tell others that "You broke that law, and leave me alone, I can break the others, YOU have to obey. Not me" type of Christian.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Angle, Sue, leave off with the Torah, already. Put down the obsoleted chapters of the Old Testament and refer to Chapter 15 of the Book of Acts in the New Testament. All those dietary laws and the 'men shall not lay with men' language was tossed out. Not by some secular court, people, but by St. Peter, St. James, St. Paul and St. Barabas. Two of them knew Jesus personally and were among the original Twelve. They knew what they were talking about!

And that goes for all the heretics in the Inerrancy Cult, as well!

 

[Epmd607]

Is god for the eating of whales and dolphins? They don't have scales, I wonder if fins count. I'd eat a whale. I heard Jesus ate Sperm whales. I hate that show that was on for a minute, Whale Wars, self-righteous pricks.

How many christian fundamentalists are reading the author's hangout message board at literotica?

 

[penandpaper]

It's funny, but the Bible is full of so many contradictions of its own rules that something like this falls on deaf ears.

A funny book, and fairly open minded, is The Year of Living Biblically by Jacobs. He shows clearly how all these rules are absurd, yet still manages to garnish a meaning out of them. As, I assume, you could with any book if you tried hard enough - even Dianetics.

But the moral is, and always will be, it falls on deaf ears. People pick and choose with everything. It's whatever suits their needs at a given point in their life. I mean, can you imagine Joel Osteen demanding his followers stone to death Elton John?

 

[cloudy]

The bible is just chock full of little gems...great for making a point about "taking the bible literally" -

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." Leviticus 25:44-45

"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." Leviticus 19:27

"Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." Leviticus 19:19

"If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death." Leviticus 20:9

"If ... no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death." Deuteronomy 22:20-1

I'd list more, but I'm already bored with it. Sorry.

 

[sadangel]

Angle, Sue, leave off with the Torah, already. Put down the obsoleted chapters of the Old Testament and refer to Chapter 15 of the Book of Acts in the New Testament. All those dietary laws and the 'men shall not lay with men' language was tossed out. Not by some secular court, people, but by St. Peter, St. James, St. Paul and St. Barabas. Two of them knew Jesus personally and were among the original Twelve. They knew what they were talking about!

And that goes for all the heretics in the Inerrancy Cult, as well!

I agree Bear, but convince the fundies of that. Seriously. I've tried!

Is god for the eating of whales and dolphins? They don't have scales, I wonder if fins count. I'd eat a whale. I heard Jesus ate Sperm whales. I hate that show that was on for a minute, Whale Wars, self-righteous pricks.

How many christian fundamentalists are reading the author's hangout message board at literotica?

You would be amazed just how many there are here at Lit.

 

[3113]

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. " Leviticus 25:44-45

So I can import slaves from Canada? Sweet!

"Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." Leviticus 19:19

I can keep the 100% polyester jumpsuit? Excellent.

One of my faves fro Deuteronomy 23:10: "If there is among you any man who is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he must go outside the camp; he may not reenter the camp."

You know who you are guys...

 

[rgraham666]

So I can import slaves from Canada? Sweet!

Speaking for this Canadian, making a slave out of me will be a hideously expensive undertaking in time, money, ammunition, blood and pain. http://bestsmileys.com/shooting1/8.gif http://bestsmileys.com/hitting/21.gif

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I agree Bear, but convince the fundies of that. Seriously. I've tried!


You would be amazed just how many there are here at Lit.

Then I think your patience qualifies for sainthood.

 

[sadangel]

Speaking for this Canadian, making a slave out of me will be a hideously expensive undertaking in time, money, ammunition, blood and pain. http://bestsmileys.com/shooting1/8.gif http://bestsmileys.com/hitting/21.gif

*giggles...then smothers the giggle*

Then I think your patience qualifies for sainthood.

LOL No, not sainthood. Enter me into the Stupid things to try to do category!!

 

[lance gt]

The bible is just chock full of little gems...great for making a point about "taking the bible literally" -

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." Leviticus 25:44-45

"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." Leviticus 19:27

"Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." Leviticus 19:19

"If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death." Leviticus 20:9

"If ... no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death." Deuteronomy 22:20-1

I'd list more, but I'm already bored with it. Sorry.

Sounds like Leviticus had a thing for hairdressing. Must be why Hassidic Jews have the uncut beards and the cute ringlets on the side. Still reminds me somehow of a reversed Mullet.

So the burlap and canvas underwear are a sin are they? Thank God for that! Those things itch like mad.

Who get's to check for virginity? They get all the elders dicks out and have a draw? An order of rotation? First up, first served?

Figured out the only ones who'll kill you for cursing your Mom and Dad, are Mom and Dad.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Way to go! Piss off the Jews so they feel kindly about you deviants. Hell! You could end up locked in your closets for a long time.

 

[bronzeage]

So I can import slaves from Canada? Sweet!


I can keep the 100% polyester jumpsuit? Excellent.

One of my faves fro Deuteronomy 23:10: "If there is among you any man who is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he must go outside the camp; he may not reenter the camp."

You know who you are guys...

I get my Canadian slaves on Craigslist. The prices are reasonable and they do good work.

 

[cloudy]

I get my Canadian slaves on Craigslist. The prices are reasonable and they do good work.

Ebay's good, too...though you sometimes have to beat them a time or two.

 

[lance gt]

Ebay's good, too...though you sometimes have to beat them a time or two.

Only slaves we have in Canada, are the draft dodgers and deserters from the states. It's nice to see that they have a purpose now and we stop having to pay for them being here.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

But aren't they getting just a bit long in the tooth? I mean, Vietnam was a long time ago and the number of deserters from the Iraq wars can be counted on two paws.

 

[lance gt]

But aren't they getting just a bit long in the tooth? I mean, Vietnam was a long time ago and the number of deserters from the Iraq wars can be counted on two paws.

That's all we got, take em or leave em.

 

[3113]

But aren't they getting just a bit long in the tooth? I mean, Vietnam was a long time ago and the number of deserters from the Iraq wars can be counted on two paws.

Well, that's because we foolishly forgot to draft for that war. We should have thought ahead to what it would mean for the Canadian slave market. I mean, if we'd drafted, we'd have gotten soldiers for Iraq and saved our "Blackwater" money to buy Canadian slaves from among the dodgers.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Well, that's because we foolishly forgot to draft for that war. We should have thought ahead to what it would mean for the Canadian slave market. I mean, if we'd drafted, we'd have gotten soldiers for Iraq and saved our "Blackwater" money to buy Canadian slaves from among the dodgers.

I know that as a team the Dodgers suck, but now they are trying to boister ticket sales by being in the slave business??? Freak'in Lasorda never misses an angle, does he!

 

[TE999]

Anyone ever play the Telephone Game? People sit in a circle, one person begins by whispering a phrase or sentence to the person on their right or left. That person tells the next person and so on until the phrase returns, significantly altered, to the person who started it.

That's how the Bible was created; first as oral history in many languages and dialects, then written in a variety of languages and subsequent translations. Much has been lost, extensively modified or added in the last 1,000+ years or so.

It's no wonder there are so many contradictions and anomalies in the texts.

To say the Bible in it's current form is from God's mouth to your ear is patently ridiculous. The Ten Commandments are sensible guides to conduct, but there's nothing in there about whom you should love.

Invoking the Bible as condemning homosexuality is simply putting a pious mask on good old fashioned hate.

 

[Safe_Bet]

... Invoking the Bible as condemning homosexuality is simply putting a pious mask on good old fashioned hate.