Ginger Snaps

[missginger2177]

So, I was sitting in class today "paying attention" when quite suddenly the muse struck and I had to get some thoughts out. Handwritten isn't usually my style, but I jotted the lines down as they came to me. When I finally got home, I had an odd thought, "Why not actually share it this time and see what happens?"
Since I feel like you all tend to be fairly tolerant (or maybe you just completely ignore the annoying people), I chose to share here.

Please read, comment, whatever. I may end up posting once then letting this thread die like my last one. I may end up using it as a sort of blog, but at least I'm not the only narcissist on the block.



Edited to add: If you came looking for cookies, I'm sorry. I'll have to bake some and get back to you.

 

[missginger2177]

OK, share time. Here's what happens in a senior seminar class:


Have you ever been to the cliff, only to look over the edge and realize you weren't strong enough to fly?
Have you ever seen the light, only to be pulled back into reality by the cruel hook of fate?
Have you ever found true love, only to watch it ripped away?
Have you ever wielded the blade, only to find you couldn't dig deep enough?
Have you ever been held under, only for their will to fail at the last second?
Have you ever truly felt pain?

Can you use that pain to live?​

Can you use your life to feel?​

Can you feel and enjoy?​

Can you enjoy and let go?​

Can you let go without regret?​

 

[FurryFury]

That's some really lovely food for thought there, thank you for sharing.

 

[missginger2177]

That's some really lovely food for thought there, thank you for sharing.

Thank you.

I can't begin to explain how weird it was for those lines to go from my pen to the paper without knowing where they were ultimately coming from.

 

[ben25]

very nice writings ginger, definately food for thought and speaks the truth in all of us

 

[missginger2177]

new thought

Everyone has that dark little corner of their mind. Some are bigger, some smaller, some more creative. Some come out and play more often than others. Some people actually enjoy living there. And then there are some people like yours truly, who genuinely fear the dark part of their brain. These are the people that end up in straight jackets and rooms with padded walls. These are the people who turn their thoughts inward, the people for whom self-analysis turns into self-destruction, literally. The crazies, the nuts, the schizophrenics. True schizo’s, the ones for whom a simple thought can be like a grain of sand to an oyster. The ones who can peel back their own flesh without feeling it. The ones for whom true pain, and I mean TRUE PAIN, is something they desire. They want it, need it to feel normal and right.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I used to fear that dark part.

Now I embrace it. It is part of who and what I am. To face the fear and bring it into the light, to know who you are and accept it, all of it, even the nightmare part of ourselves... THIS is how you avoid the madness.

I am a sadist and I enjoy inflicting that pain. Real pain. TRUE pain. And yes, there WILL be blood.

 

[sereneone4u]

Interesting in a good way, Ginger.


Hello EvilGeoff!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

</mini-hijack mode ON>

Hey serene! LTNS! Hope you are well! {{{{{HUG}}}}}

</mini-hijack mode OFF>

 

[sereneone4u]

</mini-hijack mode ON>

Hey serene! LTNS! Hope you are well! {{{{{HUG}}}}}

</mini-hijack mode OFF>

Doing well! Thanks. Wondered where you have been though!

Ginger,

Your musings remind me of a very painful time in my life when my one of my daughter's died and my other daughter was born with multiple physical defects...losing a child is the worst darkness one can endure and I think a close second is a child with many challenges that has hovered near death several times, it is quite the rollercoaster of emotion.

I like what your wrote and I am glad you shared it.

 

[missginger2177]

I used to fear that dark part.

Now I embrace it. It is part of who and what I am. To face the fear and bring it into the light, to know who you are and accept it, all of it, even the nightmare part of ourselves... THIS is how you avoid the madness.

I am a sadist and I enjoy inflicting that pain. Real pain. TRUE pain. And yes, there WILL be blood.

Interesting, and I thank you for the response.

Doing well! Thanks. Wondered where you have been though!

Ginger,

Your musings remind me of a very painful time in my life when my one of my daughter's died and my other daughter was born with multiple physical defects...losing a child is the worst darkness one can endure and I think a close second is a child with many challenges that has hovered near death several times, it is quite the rollercoaster of emotion.

I like what your wrote and I am glad you shared it.

First thanks. Secondly, THIS Geoff, this is what I meant by true pain. We (yes I'm including myself in the crazy group since I am) hurt ourselves or others from a state of mind, in which we have no conscious control of our actions. Those that hurt themselves, the group I belong to, seek pain. Not the pain they can inflict. Not physical pain, rather we want pain that will stick with us. It's our minds that need to feel the lash.

So, I've shed my own blood and it didn't affect me. I've been beaten and scarred by others, and it caused me no real lasting damage. It just occurred to me that I could write about my life and people would think it complete fantasy. Too bad I'm ashamed of most of it.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Shame. Such a horrible place to be. Unfortunately, for some, it is also unavoidable.

 

[missginger2177]

Shame. Such a horrible place to be. Unfortunately, for some, it is also unavoidable.

It is indeed. And yet, there are those that live with such things and can make a full, rich life out of it.

Oh yeah, that's the other reason I started writing again. Helps keep me out of trouble, and the more feedback the better.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It is indeed. And yet, there are those that live with such things and can make a full, rich life out of it.

Oh yeah, that's the other reason I started writing again. Helps keep me out of trouble, and the more feedback the better.

Well, I definitely enjoyed reading what you wrote in class.

 

[missginger2177]

Well, I definitely enjoyed reading what you wrote in class.

Well thanks.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Well thanks.

You're welcome.

 

[yourmissl]

OK, share time. Here's what happens in a senior seminar class:


Have you ever been to the cliff, only to look over the edge and realize you weren't strong enough to fly?
Have you ever seen the light, only to be pulled back into reality by the cruel hook of fate?
Have you ever found true love, only to watch it ripped away?
Have you ever wielded the blade, only to find you couldn't dig deep enough?
Have you ever been held under, only for their will to fail at the last second?
Have you ever truly felt pain?

Can you use that pain to live?​

Can you use your life to feel?​

Can you feel and enjoy?​

Can you enjoy and let go?​

Can you let go without regret?​

WTF???? You are 21????

I didn't know it, but this is exactly what I needed, not wanted, but needed to come to grips with; if you do nothing else in your day/year/life - you have helped a stranger immeasurably.

Thank you so much, Ginger.

linds

 

[Bi_Kitty]

OK, share time. Here's what happens in a senior seminar class:

Ahh...thanks for the heads up. Now I know what to expect next semester.

 

[missginger2177]

WTF???? You are 21????

I didn't know it, but this is exactly what I needed, not wanted, but needed to come to grips with; if you do nothing else in your day/year/life - you have helped a stranger immeasurably.

Thank you so much, Ginger.

linds

First off

Secondly, yes I'm 21, and I'm glad I could help in whatever way my ramblings did. I guess now know why I had the sudden urge to share that particular piece. The whims of fate ...

 

[missginger2177]

Ahh...thanks for the heads up. Now I know what to expect next semester.

Yep. You can expect the most random thoughts you've ever had while being bored to death by people trying to help you get a job. (Please note these are people that work at a university to help students get jobs because that is all the work they themselves were able to obtain.)

 

[missginger2177]

<snippage>

It brought up a question for me, which is easily the subject of a thread unto itself, but why the emphasis on "truly" feeling pain? is there a way to falsely feel pain? and if so, if you are still feeling it, are you not still feeling pain? or is it somehow pain of a lower quality.

i don't know, that tinsy bit struck a chord in me, the sand in the oyster as you mentioned. Having lived with chronic pain, and having been told so many times to buck it up and ___________...

i just... dislike downplaying it... *insert the crunchy sound of a failing vocabulary*

fuck i don't know how to put it, i just don't like it, but i know that's not what you were trying to get at.

Interesting, and I thank you for the response.



First thanks. Secondly, THIS Geoff, this is what I meant by true pain. We (yes I'm including myself in the crazy group since I am) hurt ourselves or others from a state of mind, in which we have no conscious control of our actions. Those that hurt themselves, the group I belong to, seek pain. Not the pain they can inflict. Not physical pain, rather we want pain that will stick with us. It's our minds that need to feel the lash.

So, I've shed my own blood and it didn't affect me. I've been beaten and scarred by others, and it caused me no real lasting damage. It just occurred to me that I could write about my life and people would think it complete fantasy. Too bad I'm ashamed of most of it.

That is the main reason for the emphasis on "truly" in that bit. For people like me, those of us with fractured brains, physical pain means virtually nothing. I mean we feel it, but for the most part it's forgotten the second it is over. But emotions and thoughts stick with us. That's part of having a broken brain, we hold onto things we'd rather forget and forget things that are intrinsically important. And, I know a lot of people remember the bad and forget the good, but that's how they choose to employ their memory. Others in the world don't get such a choice. Which is where I was going with the metaphor of the sand in the oyster.

 

[missginger2177]

Someting a bit lighter ....

What is the problem with these women and their shoes? Excuse me, but I'd like to walk on the sidewalk without getting my foot punctured by your stiletto. Is that really so much to ask? I mean seriously. Why? What is the point behind these damn things? I can understand heels for a special occasion (weddings, maybe). But, the last time I checked, Friday doesn't count! Someone please explain? Why? Why, why, why??? If someone can give me one practical reason behind wearing these shoes on campus (when you know you will be doing a ton of walking), then I will shut up about it.

Until that time, WEAR SOME FREAKIN PRACTICAL SHOES AND STOP STEPPING ON ME!

 

[missginger2177]

Sitting in sociology talking about social pressures and my brain starts screaming at me. Here's the gist of what it said:

That flag football player's comment.

Me: Don't touch those.​

Him: You know how many girls tell me that?​

Me: *chuckle* If I had a nickel every time I heard it. Well I wouldn't be doing this.​

His teammate: Dude that is so NOT a girl.​

What the fuck? I understand the hair doesn't tell much. I know I've been calling out down and distance for two hours and my voice is rough. And, I know I carry myself in a very militaristic way out there. But goddamn, how many times have both teams checked out my ass when I bent to move the cones? How often have they said "what down is it ma'am?" Were they not listening when I introduced myself?

I know the guy was joking, but I seriously doubt I would have straightened my hair had I not heard him. It's also entirely likely I wouldn't have earrings or a necklace on, but I did hear him. And I let it get to me. An idle comment by someone I've met maybe three times in my whole life, and I let it get to me.

Conclusion: All college guys are children, and I am no longer the cold, black-hearted bitch I once was. Just wish I had noticed the change.

 

[missginger2177]

Oh, and the whole "ma'am" thing is an entirely different and likely longer rant that I'll save for a non-weekend.

 

[WriterDom]

Oh, and the whole "ma'am" thing is an entirely different and likely longer rant that I'll save for a non-weekend.

can't wait for that one!