How much reality is in the stories?

[LostDragon]

(A little background) I stumbled onto this site and kept coming back because the stories were good and the site seemed safe. As I read the stories in the various categories, I found I was repeatedly drawn to the BDSM stories. Some of them were real turn offs, but others had me really aroused. I also found myself identifying with many of the characters. Traits I had always felt a need to hide or try and compensate for now had a name. Maybe I wasn't as weird as I'd always felt. I started looking more into D/s.

There is no doubt I am submissive. I've always felt more comfortable with someone else in control (it almost always has to be an older man, though), even with the little things. I'm a people pleaser, wanting everyone around me to be happy. If they're not then I'm upset trying to figure out what I did wrong (even when I KNOW their mood has nothing to do with me.) I'm also a loner, keeping people at arms length. If they don't get close to me, then I don't have to feel responsible for them. In hindsight this probably has kept me from getting hurt by the wrong person. Pain is not a turn-on for me, but serving is. I would probably have made someone a very good pet, had the right person discovered me (or I him) when I was younger. I turned 40 last week, so I'm pretty set in my ways at this point. I have teenage son, so I do a lot of things I'm not necessarily comfortable with to keep the bills paid.

Anyway, sorry for the long intro. My question - how much of what is in the stories is based in reality? Most of the subs in the stories are all in their early twenties, perfect bodies, open for anything, etc. The Doms are all seem to be well off, handsome, and perfect. I know this can't be reality. Stories of ten subs meeting at an airport, flying off on a private plane for a weekend adventure, etc, etc, can't be the norm. I know D/s relationships exist in real life from reading the threads here. How rare is a real 24/7 relationship? Are weekend 'games' more common?

 

[HisSexyPet]

Just to start of with, I am over 40 and recently discovered my submissiveness and became B's slave/pet. You are never too old or set in your ways to discover your innermost self. Some of us just take longer to peel away the layers and find out who we really are and find the person who allows us to be our true selves.

As to the stories about BSDM, yeah, they are mostly exaggerated. There are some though that are true stories, you just have to search them out. Try looking at people's signatures here, they link them to their stories.

24/7 BSDM is alive and well. As you read through the many threads here and get to know the people you will learn this.

 

[CutieMouse]

Anyway, sorry for the long intro. My question - how much of what is in the stories is based in reality? Most of the subs in the stories are all in their early twenties, perfect bodies, open for anything, etc. The Doms are all seem to be well off, handsome, and perfect. I know this can't be reality. Stories of ten subs meeting at an airport, flying off on a private plane for a weekend adventure, etc, etc, can't be the norm. I know D/s relationships exist in real life from reading the threads here. How rare is a real 24/7 relationship? Are weekend 'games' more common?

I know this is going to sound snarky, but by the age of 40 I would expect someone to have sound enough judgment to separate fiction from reality. I look dammed good for a woman/mother my age, but I am a far cry from a 20 year old hottie. I tend to stop using "no" once I'm in a relationship, but I also avoid relationships that might cause me to do so (ie: I'm picky about ensuring similar interests to avoid the "no" thing in the first place).

As to the "rarity" of a 24/7 relationship... that kind of depends on how you define 24/7. I identify as a submissive woman - regardless of relationship status. I'm still the submissive in the relationship, even if I'm making decisions [that make his life easier]. I'm still the submissive in the relationship, even though I don't do the whole collar/Sir/Master thing. I'm still the submissive in the relationship while at work, running the world as divorced mom of 5, paying bills, planning/executing my budget, making major life purchase decisions, not living in the same household, etc.

 

[graceanne]

Anyway, sorry for the long intro. My question - how much of what is in the stories is based in reality?

Very little.

I know D/s relationships exist in real life from reading the threads here. How rare is a real 24/7 relationship? Are weekend 'games' more common?

Yes. First of all, 24/7 relationships, to the common observer, are very much like a 'nilla relationship. Why? Cause, no one can spend all their time naked and/or tied up. Bills gotta be paid, dishes need to be done, and kids need to be cared for. 24/7 relationship just have a different dynamic, and each dynamic is different. As for 24/7 relationship, they're rare. Someone once said they suspect that half the relationship you hear about don't exist at all, cause it's so easy to lie online.

 

[OldGuy1026]

Anyway, sorry for the long intro. My question - how much of what is in the stories is based in reality? ..... How rare is a real 24/7 relationship? Are weekend 'games' more common?

Okay I'm a Switch but often find myself a Sub lost in a Role.

Are 24/7 relationship's real, sure, however trust is a sacred thing so don't abuse that relationship.

Weekend "games" well, I wish they were more often, it seems now like a past lifetime. But yes some people plan for months in advance of the perfect dungeon. I hate the waiting.

As for my stories which are Science Fiction, well I draw on two things. A vanillia book the wife and I wrote based on a possible place that might exist. I drew the hero on, well myself, and just how wonderful, and painful, it would be to be in such a place. It's a story that has been burning inside me. And well, I'm writing a novel now, so just click on the name and it will show you to my novella. And I do mean novella, 5 chapters on line, and I'm working on number 15. And I know there are at least 5 more chapters to go, all at at least 5000 words per chapter.

 

[Homburg]

My question - how much of what is in the stories is based in reality?

Precious little.

Think about it. You are looking at text-only stories intended to be wank-material. This means they use evocative language and imagery. Lacking physical sensation, they seek to fire up your brain. This means serious wish-fulfillment to a ludicrous level and extreme behaviours that cannot be sustained in real life.

Yes, some people do serious, scary, extreme things. They are in the minority, and they don't do them constantly. The human body needs time to heal.

And 24/7 happens as do weekend games. I don't think it is possible to figure out what the proportion is. Places like this are only somewhat representative, as the people involved are motivated to post and talk about what they do, or want to do. Many people are simply content to do it, and thus are not self-reporting. So your guess is as good as mine on that front.

 

[Keroin]

Don't come looking to erotic fiction for reality. It is, however, a good starting point to see what sorts of things, in general, turn you on.

I am forty. I've always known about my submissiveness but didn't act on it or find a suitable partner for myself until I was in my late thirties. Age should not be a barrier. Actually, I'm glad I didn't begin to explore BDSM until later in life - it was like getting a second shot at being a teenager, without all the age restrictions, zits and peer pressure.

Two of my stories are linked at the bottom, if you feel like a read. Very non-reality based. (Do not try "Vanilla" in real life!!)

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<snippage> (1) how much of what is in the stories is based in reality? (2) Most of the subs in the stories are all in their early twenties, perfect bodies, open for anything, etc. The Doms are all seem to be well off, handsome, and perfect. I know this can't be reality. (3) Stories of ten subs meeting at an airport, flying off on a private plane for a weekend adventure, etc, etc, can't be the norm. (4) I know D/s relationships exist in real life from reading the threads here. How rare is a real 24/7 relationship? (5) Are weekend 'games' more common?

(1) From one point of view, damned little. From another, just about all of it. To explain, the majority of BDSMers - whether 24/7, bedroom only and only once in a while, any every point in between - are ordinary working folks. Therefore, all the "fine living" stuff, for them, is nowhere near reality. On the other hand, just as in the rest of life, some BDSMers *do* have the bucks to make the whole private jet, manicured estate, etc., etc., thing real. Therefore, *all* of what's in the stories is based on some part of someone's reality, just not everyone's.

What you're asking is a generalized statement that can't be applied to every instance, every case, as it can't be applied to any other facet of real life.

(2) Yeah, the early 20s hardbodies, the well-off, handsome, perfect Doms - again, there are some of each, and again, the majority are everyday people with all the warts and wrinkles of the people you work with, ride the subway with, etc., etc. But the hardbodies and Sean Connery/Brad Pitt (whichever floats your boat) types "sell" the story better.

(3) There's no such thing as a norm. See (1) and (2) above.

(4) How rare is a "real 24/7 relationship?" :: crosses eyes :: Umm, probably close to the same percentage as real 24/7 vanilla relationships (leaving out online-only stuff, for obvious reasons). Your phrasing is ... vague, to say the least. "Real" 24/7 TPE D/s relationships? Not very common. As CutieMouse said above, she's a submissive (noun) all the time. That doesn't mean she is submissive (adjective) in every aspect of her relationship. In fact, a *fully* 24/7 D/s relationship would probably be better defined as a 24/7 M/s relationship.

(5) "Weekend games," or play parties, or (primarily) bedroom-only D/s relationships are probably a bit more common than 24/7 D/s relationships (as exemplified by CM's "definition" above).

As a matter of fact, just about anything you can say about vanilla relationships and the variations in them could be applied in some form to BDSM relationships. Each is unique to the particular partnership, and to try to apply a general series of rules or "facts" to the entire spectrum is like seeing a macaw repeat a radio commercial and saying that all birds can speak English.

What is important is what works for you and your partner(s). Figure out what works for you, find someone for whom the same general set of activities works for them, and have yourself a ball; don't worry about the label, or what other people think, or what other people do.

Good luck to ya!

(Sorry if some of this is phrased awkwardly or a tad unclearly, folks. I'm tryin' to eat and post at the same time, and a certain portion of my grey matter is occupied saying, "Nom, nom, nom!")

 

[ultramarineblue]

[COLOR="Navy"As a matter of fact, just about anything you can say about vanilla relationships and the variations in them could be applied in some form to BDSM relationships. Each is unique to the particular partnership, and to try to apply a general series of rules or "facts" to the entire spectrum is like seeing a macaw repeat a radio commercial and saying that all birds can speak English.

What is important is what works for you and your partner(s). Figure out what works for you, find someone for whom the same general set of activities works for them, and have yourself a ball; don't worry about the label, or what other people think, or what other people do.

Good luck to ya!

(Sorry if some of this is phrased awkwardly or a tad unclearly, folks. I'm tryin' to eat and post at the same time, and a certain portion of my grey matter is occupied saying, "Nom, nom, nom!")[/COLOR]

Quoted for truth....the second part quoted because it amused me.

 

[BiBunny]

I know this is going to sound snarky, but by the age of 40 I would expect someone to have sound enough judgment to separate fiction from reality.

 

[LostDragon]

Thanks!

Wow. Thanks for the responses. Yes, at 40, I'm pretty good at seperating reality and fantasy, but you have to have a framework. A year ago if you'd told me someone would let you tie them up and whip them with a flogger, I would have thought it was pure fantasy. I'm standing in the doorway trying to get a glimpse into the world you know that I have an interest in entering. Because I am pretty naive about this world, I thought I'd go to the experts. I really want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond to a newbie. From what I've seen on this site, you are all pretty tolerate - something I appreciate. Hope I don't try anyone's patience - at least not too much.

Again thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your thoughts!

 

[LostDragon]

Sir Watson - it would definitely be Sean Connery. (Age and experience.... hmmmm)

 

[CutieMouse]

Wow. Thanks for the responses. Yes, at 40, I'm pretty good at seperating reality and fantasy, but you have to have a framework. A year ago if you'd told me someone would let you tie them up and whip them with a flogger, I would have thought it was pure fantasy. I'm standing in the doorway trying to get a glimpse into the world you know that I have an interest in entering. Because I am pretty naive about this world, I thought I'd go to the experts. I really want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond to a newbie. From what I've seen on this site, you are all pretty tolerate - something I appreciate. Hope I don't try anyone's patience - at least not too much.

Again thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer your thoughts!

I do feel the need to note that BDSM doesn't always mean ropes and whips and floggers [oh my!]. One can be submissive without being a masochist, or enjoying bondage, or any one of a number of BDSM things. There are plenty of reference/resource type books availaboe (The New Bottoming Book is a good start IMO), and as you've discovered, asking questions will usually result in plenty of opinions/responses.

 

[LostDragon]

Opps......soooo sorry.....Sir Winston ---- turning 40 has addled my brain.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Opps......soooo sorry.....Sir Winston ---- turning 40 has addled my brain.

I'll forgive you; I've been called worse

And if turning 40 addles one's brain, I'm really in trouble in 2.5 months, when I turn *60!*

 

[graceanne]

I'll forgive you; I've been called worse

Yeah, well, that's what you get for eavesdropping. *pbbth*

 

[SimonBrooke]

Hey, lots of people I respect all saying the same thing...

Precious little.

Very little.

Don't come looking to erotic fiction for reality.

OK, hold on a minute. Yes, the majority of stories on Lit are wish-fullfillment, wank-fodder rubbish. But - please! - not all are.

I personally find most stories in the BDSM section acutely embarrassing and virtually unreadable, but occasionally you see a gem which deals with real experience, and those are great (and, it seems to me, easy to recognise).

BDSM is not an expensive pursuit. Most of the things one needs - things to secure with and things to strike with - can be extemporised from things in the everyday environment. Japanese cotton rope may be the dog's bollocks for bondage (I don't know, I've never tried it) but terylene/dacron works perfectly well, is strong, durable and not harsh on the skin; and although not comfortable, quick-release zip ties work adequately and are easy to find and use (I wouldn't advise using non quick-release zip ties - if the flesh swells under the bond it could be a bugger to get off).

So that's bondage for pocket change. Too broke/cheapskate for that? Your robe probably has a sash. You probably have a couple of neck-ties for going to interviews... A good set of leather cuffs and collar are well worth having, but even very good ones don't cost more than a couple of days' work on average wages.

Sado-masochism typically doesn't even take pocket change. You're probably wearing a belt right now. In the kitchen you have spatulas or wooden spoons; and probably clothes pins. Yes, you can buy custom made whips, floggers, nipple clamps (and they're nice) - but you don't need them either (and again, even good ones aren't silly money).

But the key piece of equipment you need to practice BDSM is an imagination, and a willingness to push limits.

I don't really know how common some degree of BDSM practise is, but my hunch is that it's very much more common than it appears. Very few people wear collars in public, but I know that many apparently vanilla friends have tried bondage and/or S/M; I'd guess a quarter of the population is probably into BDSM to some degree (although probably about half of those are in relationships with people who aren't, and so don't practise).

It's still a deviation people don't talk about much, like homosexuality thirty years ago. So it's very easy to think you're alone. Parties? I've never been to one, never even been invited to one. Yes, I'm sure they happen. Similarly clubs - I know such things exist, but I've never been to one. And very rich people flying harems of fit young things out to some idyllic spot for a weekend's debauchery? I'm sure that happens too. If I were very rich, I might well do it!

But for most people, most of the time, a BDSM relationship is first and foremost just a relationship. You buy the groceries and do the dishes just like any other household. At the extreme master/slave end of the spectrum there may be households where the slave always does the dishes, but I'd guess that's exceptional.

 

[Aquila1]

A good story is a complex wee beastie. I write from the basis that the reader always sets their own level of understanding. As a writer, I can tell the truth, embellish, instruct, mock, or create an atmosphere or emotional state. That's my job.

The stories here that I have read generally seem to sit at the fantasy end of the spectrum - kind of like literary airbrushing. But I have certainly read one or two that have had me chucking and nodding my head in recognition.

In terms of the whole BSDM thing, I am sure that for some people it is a lifestyle. Shared ethos, language, terminology, humour, in-jokes and references create a culture that is very attractive to many, and they help to link a community together. That's why religion is still so successful. And why people collect stamps.

For others, the lifestyle thing is less important and not so linked to identity. I'd place myself there somewhere - I know what makes me squirm right now, but I don't presume to think that will never change over time. In fact I'd hate that. Boundaries are very mutable - that's how we learn and grow. Relationships flux and wane throughout their course.

Mostly we are just people I guess.

 

[Keroin]

Hey, lots of people I respect all saying the same thing...

OK, hold on a minute. Yes, the majority of stories on Lit are wish-fullfillment, wank-fodder rubbish. But - please! - not all are.

I personally find most stories in the BDSM section acutely embarrassing and virtually unreadable, but occasionally you see a gem which deals with real experience, and those are great (and, it seems to me, easy to recognise).

BDSM is not an expensive pursuit. Most of the things one needs - things to secure with and things to strike with - can be extemporised from things in the everyday environment. Japanese cotton rope may be the dog's bollocks for bondage (I don't know, I've never tried it) but terylene/dacron works perfectly well, is strong, durable and not harsh on the skin; and although not comfortable, quick-release zip ties work adequately and are easy to find and use (I wouldn't advise using non quick-release zip ties - if the flesh swells under the bond it could be a bugger to get off).

So that's bondage for pocket change. Too broke/cheapskate for that? Your robe probably has a sash. You probably have a couple of neck-ties for going to interviews... A good set of leather cuffs and collar are well worth having, but even very good ones don't cost more than a couple of days' work on average wages.

Sado-masochism typically doesn't even take pocket change. You're probably wearing a belt right now. In the kitchen you have spatulas or wooden spoons; and probably clothes pins. Yes, you can buy custom made whips, floggers, nipple clamps (and they're nice) - but you don't need them either (and again, even good ones aren't silly money).

But the key piece of equipment you need to practice BDSM is an imagination, and a willingness to push limits.

I don't really know how common some degree of BDSM practise is, but my hunch is that it's very much more common than it appears. Very few people wear collars in public, but I know that many apparently vanilla friends have tried bondage and/or S/M; I'd guess a quarter of the population is probably into BDSM to some degree (although probably about half of those are in relationships with people who aren't, and so don't practise).

It's still a deviation people don't talk about much, like homosexuality thirty years ago. So it's very easy to think you're alone. Parties? I've never been to one, never even been invited to one. Yes, I'm sure they happen. Similarly clubs - I know such things exist, but I've never been to one. And very rich people flying harems of fit young things out to some idyllic spot for a weekend's debauchery? I'm sure that happens too. If I were very rich, I might well do it!

But for most people, most of the time, a BDSM relationship is first and foremost just a relationship. You buy the groceries and do the dishes just like any other household. At the extreme master/slave end of the spectrum there may be households where the slave always does the dishes, but I'd guess that's exceptional.

Well, it's nice to be respected! Thanks Simon.

I wasn't referring to the monetary aspect of BDSM, I was referring mainly to the fact that fiction, including non-erotic fiction, is generally an approximation of real life. Many stories contain elements of reality, certainly, but because they are stories, meant to engage the reader, they need to enhance the drama and tension of real life situations. This means the boring, day-to-day, whose turn is it to walk the dog sort of stuff gets cut, (unless walking the dog is significant to the plot).

Also, I think that erotic fiction is our safest place to play. In these worlds of make believe, we can roam freely among our fantasies without ever having to worry about the "inconveniences" of real life. And while there are stories, (good stories), that adhere strictly to the - shall I call them codes? - of BDSM, I have to admit that the ones that really turn my crank are the ones that cross well over the lines of safe, sane, and consensual. And I'm willing to bet that I am not the only person here who feels that way.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Well, it's nice to be respected! Thanks Simon.

You're very welcome!

Also, I think that erotic fiction is our safest place to play. In these worlds of make believe, we can roam freely among our fantasies without ever having to worry about the "inconveniences" of real life. And while there are stories, (good stories), that adhere strictly to the - shall I call them codes? - of BDSM, I have to admit that the ones that really turn my crank are the ones that cross well over the lines of safe, sane, and consensual. And I'm willing to bet that I am not the only person here who feels that way.

I am just reading Vice Cream and I am in awe - in awe and very, very jealous of your level of skill. When I grow up, I want to be able to write like that.

 

[Scotsman69]

Have to add my tuppence worth...

I can't speak for anyone else, but most of my stories are real in that they include situations which I have experienced, or which someone close to me has. Of course normally the plot is made up - this is FICTION - but the incidents which it ties together are real.

Most of my stories, that is. A few, maybe four or five, are pure fantasy, though they're always set in real places which I know. I invite anyone to workout which ones come into this category...

But don't look for manicured lawns or island jetsetting. I find the real everyday world fascinating, and don't need that sort of fantasy. Chacun a son gout.

 

[Keroin]

I am just reading Vice Cream and I am in awe - in awe and very, very jealous of your level of skill. When I grow up, I want to be able to write like that.

Sorry, mini-hijack...

Thanks, (again), for the praise! I write erotica for fun but I scribble non-erotic stories for a living. (A small living but a living, lol). You should check out the Story Discussion Circle here, lots of good feedback and helpful critique.

Oh and did you have a favourite flavour?

/hijack

 

[HisSexyPet]

Sorry, mini-hijack...

Thanks, (again), for the praise! I write erotica for fun but I scribble non-erotic stories for a living. (A small living but a living, lol). You should check out the Story Discussion Circle here, lots of good feedback and helpful critique.

Oh and did you have a favourite flavour?

/hijack

My fav was the "boring" vanilla followed closely by the mango sorbet.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Sorry, mini-hijack...

Thanks, (again), for the praise! I write erotica for fun but I scribble non-erotic stories for a living. (A small living but a living, lol). You should check out the Story Discussion Circle here, lots of good feedback and helpful critique.

Oh and did you have a favourite flavour?

/hijack

H'mmm... I haven't actually finished yet, because I've been busy, and it needs to be savoured. But Bubblegum was hugely efficacious. As, to be frank, were all of them; very slightly less keen on Rocky Road, although I shall remember the marshmallow trick and add it to my repertoire. Mango and Liquorice... yum. And Vanilla. And, oh, God, I've just read Coconut. Everyone - you over there - come here and read Coconut. Wow.

I think I've run out of words.

 

[Keroin]

My fav was the "boring" vanilla followed closely by the mango sorbet.

H'mmm... I haven't actually finished yet, because I've been busy, and it needs to be savoured. But Bubblegum was hugely efficacious. As, to be frank, were all of them; very slightly less keen on Rocky Road, although I shall remember the marshmallow trick and add it to my repertoire. Mango and Liquorice... yum. And Vanilla. And, oh, God, I've just read Coconut. Everyone - you over there - come here and read Coconut. Wow.

I think I've run out of words.

I am officially blushing.

Thanks so much!