Too little too late?

[LOAnnie2]

So I just posted my first sequel, a sequel to a story I wrote 2 1/2 years ago and man, are the numbers discouraging. The vote total is still too low to garner the coveted red H, and the readership total is even more worrisome.

So are all sequels like this, is it just the delay, or just bad luck or what?

Oh, and the story is here: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=437400

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

So I just posted my first sequel, a sequel to a story I wrote 2 1/2 years ago and man, are the numbers discouraging. The vote total is still too low to garner the coveted red H, and the readership total is even more worrisome.

So are all sequels like this, is it just the delay, or just bad luck or what?

Oh, and the story is here: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=437400

First of all, get and EDITOR. Your first two paragraphs -

I looked down at the address written on the paper with trepidation, then up to the warehouses warehouses - plural? in front of me. Some part of me me me me... wanted to get away from these dingy old warehouses and forget that horrible night happened. The other part of me was wary at the 'BE THERE' apostorphy? Isn't this a quote from the paper? written on the note beside Tuesday - 3:30 Again a quote. At least do it wrong the same way twice .

Turning off my car comma I stepped out. Why did it have to be this day and this time? Today was our track team's formal picture day, and I was dressed up for it-- double dash? No! a cute skirt, vest, long sleeve dress shirt, stockings, heels and my hair done up in twin braids down the back of my head. I wanted to curse myself for having to go meet this 'producer' Apostrophys again looking the part of the typical school girl fantasy.

Next thing. Frankly the first five paragraphs are really disinteresting discription. You are telling me the story not creating the images that would make this work.

Next - five of the first eight paragraphs beging with "I". This is always a problem with first person POV. This would have been done better in third person. It's much easier to "Show" the action and not be redundant.

I cringed, my face turning red to match my hair.

I liked that. It's a good device to describe her without describing.

Generally, the story idea was pretty good. I don't waste my time on anyone who doesn't show some promise. You do. But you do need to learn and this is a great place to do just that.

Keep going. You'll be good.

The Insane Porn and Mystery Writer, Jenny Jackson

 

[driphoney]

As of now, you do have that coveted red H. Maybe you did just need to be patient.

 

[Redbeard1952]

Waiting for the H

Sometimes it takes awhile for members to read the submissions. The cream normally rises to the top but it does take some time. Keep up the good work and I am looking forward to more stories from you.