Relatively New Dom, some basic issues.

[BeginnerDom]

First off I'm glad this site was suggested to me, it seems to be fairly productive and the resources are voluminous to say the least with a very helpful community.


So the flowers are out of the way, I’ll cut to the chase as to why I am posting:

I am dyslexic, very dyslexic. People tend to think that this pertains to only swapping letters while writing or mixing up your left from your right but in truth it is a very wide spectrum term and can cover any to all aspects of a person’s life. In my case where it manifests itself the strongest is in sequencing. (There is a point I swear it’s coming..) In school this caused a lot of problems of course but fortunately after much hard work it is actually one of my greatest strengths now in life as I tend to see things differently than most people and can attack problems from angles most people would never consider.

I still only know how to tie one type of knot in my tie (Once I figured it out the first time at Parris Island I just left it loosely tied in the bottom of my sea chest so I didn’t have to do it again) and I couldn’t tie my own shoes until 4th grade.

Yes I am a 36yo former Marine turned executive and Dom who can only tie one type of knot and can’t get past step 3 of most rigs.

My current sub is a wonderful woman who luckily does not live near me, though I see her on business trips very often. Why luckily? Well I started out just improvising with what I had around me, I am very skilled at that, and I excel (with her at least) with the mental and discipline side of dominating her so she really hasn’t noticed the lack of traditional rope work though I know she enjoys it. BUT.. this coming week we will be spending two entire days together something that I am very excited about of course but I need some more options for the physical side of our play not using rope which is something I truthfully cannot work with.

I am looking for references or sites, even just pictures (actually just pictures would be preferred) of different positions that can be done with belts, clothing, etc. but little to no rope work. My static tools that I carry with me when we are going to meet are 5x 2.5” wide nylon belts, my business ties and whatever else I improvise while at her house or my hotel etc. and has been fine for the few hours we have here and there. I am extremely careful about the use of such strong restraints and of course never do anything around the neck or restricting the chest etc.

I must not be using the proper search terms since I find nothing of value on Google and only some sparse references on here. Can anyone help point me in the direction of material that might help me out some?

Thanks in advance.

BD

 

[sailorpaul]

What about using cuffs but using double-ended clips and short lengths of chain to secure your sub?

The ring on each end of dog choke collars -- just used as straight lengths of chain and a dozen clips would give you a lot of options with no tying. Lots of different sizes and chain weights give you many options. Get a big pair of leg cuffs to go around any bed posts or furniture and now you have attachment points that will not carve up the furniture

Yesterday I took two clips and a 20 inch dog collar -- used it to clip the collars of two beautiful women together for their first play. Just long enough to reach each other EDIT in a 69 possition. Highly erotic. Next time I'll use one that's two or three inches TOO SHORT.

EDIT: I meant to say 20 inch choke chain collar (but used just as a straight length of chain to make use of the two large rings on each end, not fed back upon itself like it would be on a dog. ) The choke chains dome in lots of lengths and weights 10 to 30 inches.

 

[BeginnerDom]

What about using cuffs but using double-ended clips and short lengths of chain to secure your sub?

The ring on each end of dog choke collars -- just used as straight lengths of chain and a dozen clips would give you a lot of options with no tying. Lots of different sizes and chain weights give you many options. Get a big pair of leg cuffs to go around any bed posts or furniture and now you have attachment points that will not carve up the furniture

Yesterday I took two clips and a 20 inch dog collar -- used it to clip the collars of two beautiful women together for their first play. Just long enough to reach each other. Highly erotic.

Wow, that does sound wonderful.

I forgot to add a caveat though that due to my need for discretion while traveling I can't bring obvious bondage gear with me and she really can't keep any at her house, or doesn't feel comfortable doing it I should say, as she has 3 nosey teenagers who probably wouldn't understand what mom and her bf are doing lol

EDIT: though I could pick that up inexpensively enough each time now that I think about it. Thanks for the idea there.

 

[mistressmaxine]

Wow, that does sound wonderful.

I forgot to add a caveat though that due to my need for discretion while traveling I can't bring obvious bondage gear with me and she really can't keep any at her house, or doesn't feel comfortable doing it I should say, as she has 3 nosey teenagers who probably wouldn't understand what mom and her bf are doing lol

EDIT: though I could pick that up inexpensively enough each time now that I think about it. Thanks for the idea there.

I have a little bag of things that sits nicely in the boot of my car, hidden under something and in an innocent looking plastic bag that is so boring no one would bother being nosey. And nipple clamps fit in a very small space!

 

[BeginnerDom]

I have a little bag of things that sits nicely in the boot of my car, hidden under something and in an innocent looking plastic bag that is so boring no one would bother being nosey. And nipple clamps fit in a very small space!

I've suggested that actually, but she is still nervous. The clamps though do travel nicely yes, dog collars and chain not so much, though I love the imagery.

 

[Netzach]

You only need one knot to tie most Japanese ties. The overhand knot you use tying your shoes - however it's perfectly understandable if you don't want to go there, because everything looks complex enough to throw a person off, even if it's not.

While they're nowhere near as sexy as silk scarves, bandannas are an amazingly versatile bondage toy. A series of them can be used on arms and legs to great restraining effect, they improvise as gags, blindfolds - I have about a million of the things. Innocuous and effective. Unlike silk, they have enough body to stick to themselves, and they don't tend to tighten further on themselves as much.

I also thought of another - vetwrap.

This stuff is the shizznit. It's an equine ace bandage that sticks to itself. Some people re-use it because it is about 4 bucks or whatever a roll and you need about 8-10 rolls to really get someone mummified, (probably less for small women, I don't remember off the cuff) but I never did because it's a giant pain to rewrap and it never looks right in the next photo shoot which is what I wanted it for. If you don't mind popping 30-40 bucks for a one-off vetwrap is GREAT. Comes in appealing colors, too. I'd say you could do a "restrain and fuck me" job with 4 rolls well.

Don't forget your EMT shears, whatever you do!

 

[CutieMouse]

Could you use bondage tape?

I do understand the need for discretion and nerves over the idea of being "discovered", but it really is perfectly okay to have a little locked box somewhere that is mom's private things. Teenagers are mature enough to respect other people's privacy; I know several people who use a lockable makeup case for their "toys", keeping the key on their keyring with car/house/etc keys.

 

[Netzach]

Could you use bondage tape?

Good stuff if you like it shiny and sweaty. Re-rolls much better. Vetwrap is like that, cloth-y-er and cheaper.

 

[BeginnerDom]

You only need one knot to tie most Japanese ties. The overhand knot you use tying your shoes - however it's perfectly understandable if you don't want to go there, because everything looks complex enough to throw a person off, even if it's not.

While they're nowhere near as sexy as silk scarves, bandannas are an amazingly versatile bondage toy. A series of them can be used on arms and legs to great restraining effect, they improvise as gags, blindfolds - I have about a million of the things. Innocuous and effective. Unlike silk, they have enough body to stick to themselves, and they don't tend to tighten further on themselves as much.

I know the knots are not difficult, that's part of why it is so frustrating to me. My mind.. slips? Can't get a hold of the concept for some reason and loses purchase.. I'm sorry it's just really hard to describe but if it is easy and only looks complicated to most people it might as well be Sanskrit to me. I can't tell you even how I tie my own shoes, literally.

Bandanas are a great idea of something we can keep at her place as are the belts and similar things.

I was hoping that people might have some ideas on where to look for ideas on different ways of using such things to restrain her as well.

EDIT: Bondage tape? never heard of it But I like it already.

 

[Netzach]

I know the knots are not difficult, that's part of why it is so frustrating to me. My mind.. slips? Can't get a hold of the concept for some reason and loses purchase.. I'm sorry it's just really hard to describe but if it is easy and only looks complicated to most people it might as well be Sanskrit to me. I can't tell you even how I tie my own shoes, literally.

You've just described my relationship to math most people consider elementary.

The wraps and tape that CM posted are both really good.

 

[Homburg]

I know a young man that is an Eagle Scout and going in to the military, and he can't do knots either. It's nothing to be ashamed of or even worried about. Just work your restraints in other ways. Hell, I really dig rope and do it moderately well, and I still use alternate restraints. To be honest, I use a particular tow strap more often than any rope, as it is the exact right length and has a loop sewn into each end, thus it is great for holding ankles in the right position for easy access. Why worry about rope for a quick fuck when I have that?

Like Netz and CM, I was going to mention vet tape and bondage tape. Both are excellent products. I've use bondage tape for play,a nd it comes in all sort and manner of different colours, and has that cool, shiny PVC look as well. While I've not used vet tape for scening, I've used it in work situations before, and it really is fantastically useful stuff, and eminently user friendly.

Plain old leather belts work fine as well, assuming you can carry some in the right size. A large men's belt will go around a small woman's torso and arms just fine, and a belt just above the elbows and near the wrists will keep her arms at her side just fine.

And if you look at the intricate rope bondage pictures the right way, it shouldn't be too tough to figure out a lot of ways to substitute strapping for ropes. The Japanese style, at least, tends to lay multiple wraps side by side so as to spread the load (and for aesthetics), and any area where you see multiple lines parallel, you can probably put strap in its' place.

Another item I use a lot is an old belt from my gi when I did martial arts. Yes, it would require some tying, but the same sort of knots that work in a tie or a shoelace would work in that situation. Loose wraps work just fine, then tighten it by wrapping under existing layers.

At the end of the day though, a blindfold is your buddy. If she is blindfolded, it matter far less how she is restrained, as she won't be looking at it. She will be feeling the restraint, and that will matter more than if you used crimson jute tied in intricate knots.

 

[BeginnerDom]

well I did like the dog collar idea (as my SN shows I am relatively new to being an official Dom) and regardless of everything else I will take her on an outing I think the first day.

I figure we can have a session, then I'll tell her to get dressed that we are going on a field trip. Drive to the local PetSmart and ask for help from an employee to get a collar and chain for our large dog who when she is in heat needs to be restrained and kept in line be her master

EDIT:

Homburg usually I don't need a huge amount of stuff to play with her since we have always had only a few hours at a time. This time though we are going to have two whole days, so I want to give her more.

Also I'm not ashamed of my situation lol, I learned to deal with it long ago and actually use it to my advantage in nearly every aspect of my life. Well except knots..

I appreciate the input guys.

 

[OldGuy1026]

You want to dominate a person? Why not try some mental domination, works on a switch like me. I had to stand in a bath-tub imagine my hand shackled over my head, ankels shacked wide apart, then my Mistess shaved my genitals.

Imagination; what a wonderful tool. You can try that.

 

[BeginnerDom]

You want to dominate a person? Why not try some mental domination, works on a switch like me. I had to stand in a bath-tub imagine my hand shackled over my head, ankels shacked wide apart, then my Mistess shaved my genitals.

Imagination; what a wonderful tool. You can try that.

oh she is no worries. She is well trained at this point and has completely submitted. I'm just looking for ideas to increase the bondage side of our play since I know she wants to and this is our first real opportunity for some extended play periods.

As for your experience there OldGuy you are one trusting man lol I'd thought of something similar but she surprised me last time by shaving herself and has stayed that way.

 

[WriterDom]

Restraints are a good investment. They last forever. I keep four sections of rope in my bag with a metal connection tied on the ends. I also have some two sided connectors to turn them into cuffs or to connect wrist to ankle or to a spreader bar. For standing bondage I uses panic snaps in the unlikely event of someone passing out on me. As long as the restraints have a D ring or two it's very easy to go knot-less.

I have used dog collars but they have a pinch point if you tighten them. My restraints are really soft leather that wrap around a wrist or ankle twice before they buckle. I found them on Ebay along with a hogtie X that completed the set. I can't imagine not owning some now.

 

[SimonBrooke]

I am dyslexic, very dyslexic.

Snap. I left school at seventeen still not able to write properly; if it wasn't for keyboards I would be very disabled.

My current sub is a wonderful woman who luckily does not live near me, though I see her on business trips very often. Why luckily? Well I started out just improvising with what I had around me, I am very skilled at that, and I excel (with her at least) with the mental and discipline side of dominating her so she really hasn’t noticed the lack of traditional rope work though I know she enjoys it. BUT.. this coming week we will be spending two entire days together something that I am very excited about of course but I need some more options for the physical side of our play not using rope which is something I truthfully cannot work with.

Rope is greatly overrated for bondage. Yes, you can produce pretty patterns, but you can't subdue a struggling sub quickly, and you can't quickly change her position during a scene. It also isn't very comfortable for the sub.

What about using cuffs but using double-ended clips and short lengths of chain to secure your sub?

This is a much better plan. A sturdy collar with one or more rings, and four cuffs, two sized for ankles and two for wrists, each with ideally two sturdy rings. Plenty of double ended clips, or snap shackles or the like - not climbing carabiners, they can be two easy for the sub to escape from. The broader the cuffs, generally, the more secure you can make her with less risk of damage (to her). Avoid metal cuffs, even those covered in fur - if she struggles enough she will injure herself.

A very convenient tie is to clip the ankle on each side to the wrist on the same side - this is remarkably disabling while still allowing both front entry and rear entry sex, and a wide range of spanking or beating postures.

But the point of having lots of clips is you can change positions quickly. She will feel more helpless if you attach the new clip before removing the old - for example, to move from the configuration I've just described to a standard 'hands behind back' configuration, clip the wrist cuffs together with a new clip running behind the ankles, then release the wrist to ankle cuffs. Wrist cuffs can also be pleasingly clipped to either the front or the back of the collar, or to strong loops on a suitable corset or body harness.

Finally, you can throw a loop of rope over a tree branch or similar, and clip the wrist cuffs to that... It can particularly fun for her (and for you) if you then blindfold her and walk away. Come back really quietly...

Yesterday I took two clips and a 20 inch dog collar -- used it to clip the collars of two beautiful women together for their first play. Just long enough to reach each other. Highly erotic.

That's something I've never tried, but I do see the attraction!

Restraints are a good investment. They last forever. I keep four sections of rope in my bag with a metal connection tied on the ends. I also have some two sided connectors to turn them into cuffs or to connect wrist to ankle or to a spreader bar. For standing bondage I uses panic snaps in the unlikely event of someone passing out on me. As long as the restraints have a D ring or two it's very easy to go knot-less.

I have used dog collars but they have a pinch point if you tighten them. My restraints are really soft leather that wrap around a wrist or ankle twice before they buckle. I found them on Ebay along with a hogtie X that completed the set. I can't imagine not owning some now.

Amen to that.

The only thing I'd add is that some soft leather bags, big enough to go over her fist but not big enough for her to open her hand in, and which fasten securely to her cuffs (or are integral with them) are extraordinarily disabling and well worth the investment.

 

[sailorpaul]

well I did like the dog collar idea.

I figure we can have a session, then I'll tell her to get dressed that we are going on a field trip. Drive to the local PetSmart and ask for help from an employee to get a collar and chain for our large dog ....

Hardware stores also have decorative light chain with big links used for hanging lamps. The time before I used that light large-link chain with the double-ended snap hooks. Two or three six foot lenghts any you have lots of options. That allows me to adjust the amount of movement an inch at a time.

Many different shackle types can be found in many marine catalogs -- and the forged stainless gear by Wichard can be used for overhead suspension. Hmmm.... Tylaska quick release snap shackles (release even under multi-thousand pound loads with a rounded aluminum spike)

 

[Homburg]

Rope is greatly overrated for bondage. Yes, you can produce pretty patterns, but you can't subdue a struggling sub quickly, and you can't quickly change her position during a scene. It also isn't very comfortable for the sub.

You are incorrect on just about every point here.

1) Speed - Do some research on hojojutsu before you try to say that rope cannot be used to quickly subdue.

2) Position changes can be accomplished with alacrity so long as your tie is done with those changes in mind. Same can be said of any restraint system.

3) And comfort is another issue altogether. First, comfort in rope depends both on the rope used and the manner in which it is used. Sisal ain't gonna be comfy no-how, but flax is wonderfully soft, as is good nylon. Second, comfort is not always a factor. Some people like the abrasion and marks left with nasty stuff like sisal or promilla.

4) I won't even go into the "overrated" comment except to say that a whole lot of people use that overrated stuff to produce all kinds of wildly effective bondage. Rope is, in fact, pretty damned effective at binding people up, thus making it difficult to overrate. Certain *styles* of tying are all kinds of inconvenient for sex though, which is a more accurate way of saying what you appear to be saying there.

A very convenient tie is to clip the ankle on each side to the wrist on the same side - this is remarkably disabling while still allowing both front entry and rear entry sex, and a wide range of spanking or beating postures.

And can be accomplished quickly and easily with rope. So tell me again how quick position changes are impossible with rope.

But the point of having lots of clips is you can change positions quickly. She will feel more helpless if you attach the new clip before removing the old - for example, to move from the configuration I've just described to a standard 'hands behind back' configuration, clip the wrist cuffs together with a new clip running behind the ankles, then release the wrist to ankle cuffs. Wrist cuffs can also be pleasingly clipped to either the front or the back of the collar, or to strong loops on a suitable corset or body harness.

A good bit of what you are talking about here requires the sort of specialised equipment that the OP specifically said that he could not gracefully bring. Black leather wrist and ankle cuffs aren't exactly the easiest thing to explain away if someone sees them.

A significant portion of this thread is about expediency, not single purpose stuff like cuffs designed for bondage. You and I might be able to get away with that, but the OP can't. I know I have had the same issues when packing for a business trip. You never know who is going to have their fingers in your luggage, and the last thing you want is to be shown to be a deviant when on a business trip.

 

[Homburg]

Many different shackle types can be found in many marine catalogs -- and the forged stainless gear by Wichard can be used for overhead suspension. Hmmm.... Tylaska quick release snap shackles (release even under multi-thousand pound loads with a rounded aluminum spike)

Hey Paul, do you happen to know any swivels that'll reliably handle around a 2000-3000lb load, but won't cost me an arm and a leg?

I tend to go for OSHA standard on lifting humans, so around ten times the working load, and I add some more to that commonly to allow for shock when dealing with single point support like a swivel. The stuff I've found in the local marine shop is either too lightweight, or freakishly expensive.

ETA: Not trying to derail. I just saw the post and asked. Apologies to the OP.

 

[SimonBrooke]

You are incorrect on just about every point here.

1) Speed - Do some research on hojojutsu before you try to say that rope cannot be used to quickly subdue.

2) Position changes can be accomplished with alacrity so long as your tie is done with those changes in mind. Same can be said of any restraint system.

To an expert such as yourself, no doubt these things are true. However, experts such as yourself are rare, and a newbie who clearly says he has difficulty with knots isn't one of them. Anything which requires great expertise to be as effective as simple to use, no-skills-needed alternatives, is greatly overrated.

This guy needs his confidence built. He needs to feel he can effectively do what his woman needs of him. He can do that with cuffs. He cannot do that with rope. And nor, let us be perfectly frank, can 99% of us.

 

[Homburg]

To an expert such as yourself, no doubt these things are true. However, experts such as yourself are rare, and a newbie who clearly says he has difficulty with knots isn't one of them. Anything which requires great expertise to be as effective as simple to use, no-skills-needed alternatives, is greatly overrated.

This guy needs his confidence built. He needs to feel he can effectively do what his woman needs of him. He can do that with cuffs. He cannot do that with rope. And nor, let us be perfectly frank, can 99% of us.

I'm with you. Honestly. There is a learning curve, and it can be daunting. I just dislike those sort of statements.

Seriously, plain old belts are great. Take an old one and punch some extraneous holes up closer to the buckle end, and you can use it to handle a pair of wrists. I'd much rather have belts than single purpose cuffs for that reason. I am a big fan of non-rope bondage. I am very much not of the opinion that rope is that only way to go, and I don't tend to use it when I want expediency myself.

So I'm not disagreeing with the overall substance. Just taking exceptions with some of the language. No hard feelings, SB.

 

[sailorpaul]

Hey Paul, do you happen to know any swivels that'll reliably handle around a 2000-3000lb load, but won't cost me an arm and a leg? ....
ETA: Not trying to derail. I just saw the post and asked. Apologies to the OP.

West Marine #142674 Wichard snap shackle w molded thimble eye SWL 2,650 $37

Other forged ones from $29 up.

Now I want to take the folding stainless pad eyes that I use in the cockpit for safety tether attachment points in bad weather OFF the boat -- and put them in the ceiling SWL 4,4100 $39 #451757

http://www.westmarine.com/webapp/wc...Tag=Brand:WICHARD&PopularCat=No&storeId=10001

 

[BeginnerDom]

cool thanks for the ideas all. I'll proceed with a KISS motto for a bit I think as well

 

[Homburg]

You are seeing radically different prices than I am, wow. The first one you mentioned is $63, and the second is $60

 

[BiBunny]

I can't tie knots for shit. I'm a lifelong horse person, but I still won't tie the horses up myself, as they invariably get loose. In spite of my tying stupidity, I do fairly well when Topping.

The last time I tied my Master up (complicated relationship, don't ask, LOL), he got tired of me looking between his arm and the coil of rope in my hand with a really confused expression on my face and took pity on me and told me how to secure him. Hey, it worked, and we went on to have tons of fun, even with my minor tying gaffe. I don't think someone who's really into you is going to hold your lack of prowess with rope against you.