Reactions to the BDSM community?

[HarlotMinx]

I guess I'm having a tad bit of an eternal conflict and I was hoping to get some outside views on what others thought about the 'community'.

Recently I'm helping at a BDSM event and after dealing with people who really view themselves as "life stylers" I find myself kind of drawing to the conclusion that many of the 'community' seems very appearance focused. I've kind of been noticing that everyone and their mother is in a "household" and is a trained "whip master" or has their own training school. It's funny, when you aren't a dominant you get to see a side of Dom/mes and slaves you don't normally see. I'm shocked at the amount of ass kissery, flattering, and self importance that's present in a lot of the community. I also noticed that most of the really knowledgeable BDSMers and some of the coolest people seem to keep themselves divorced of the public community.

I guess this all occurred when my Mistress and I were at a private party kind of sitting off to the side and one of the doms we'd both known for a while commented that we didn't really fit in to the community and in retrospect we realized he's probably right. While admittedly the BDSM community is pretty diverse there's still a very present social norm and generally excepted idea of what constitutes a sub or a dom.

I know, I know. Big surprise, the community is like any other community of people. Sorry if this post annoys you or sounds whiny and I guess it is, but I was wondering how many people here are active in bdsm communities whether from munches to large organizations. If so, why and what are your reactions about those communities and if not why and what are your reactions?

 

[Netzach]

My experience jives with yours. I go out, brush up against it once in a while, but it usually leaves me ambiguous afterward.

I don't relate to a lot of people in the scene culturally, I don't do the same things for recreation other than beating on people in a sexual sense. It's kind of a limited point of contact and context.

 

[Keroin]

Other than this forum, I am not active in any BDSM groups, large or small, I have never been to a public event, munch, etc, and I doubt I ever will. I have no interest in being part of a lifestyle or a community, beyond a little online discussion now and then. For other people, I think it's terrific, for me...meh...no thanks.

I like that it's all about me and my PYL and no one else, (unless invited). I love our highly constructed reality, wherein we are unique and the territory we walk is ours alone to explore. Delusional, yes, but that's how my kink works.

 

[Sayyid]

A lot of people in "the scene" don't interest me at all, due to their associated subcultures (goth, body modification, LARPing, whatever). That and the often significant age difference puts me off.

 

[HarlotMinx]

A lot of people in "the scene" don't interest me at all, due to their associated subcultures (goth, body modification, LARPing, whatever). That and the often significant age difference puts me off.

Older or younger if you don't mind the rudeness. I'm assuming you mean the majority are older, the average age here at least is 40+. While I've noticed a lot of subculture context (hell I have my own body mods myself) I was thinking that on a whole I've found the scene focused a lot on prestige and I guess in a culture where many feel they're creating illusions with their play it wouldn't be surprising to see people develop characters for themselves like... lady darkblade or master skywolf. In reality if I'm not happy with the culture or group I'm free to leave but the purpose of this thread was more to see if this is a regional DC thing or a nation wide thing. My mistress recently relocated from northern central US and I know she's made similar observations about the local groups in that area as well.

 

[Sayyid]

Yes, I meant that many are too old for me. While it's true they're more experienced, I prefer people my own age.

And did I get your riddle right?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

When I got back into the group activities scene in the late 90's/early 2000s, I was surprised to find that at least in the Tampa area, there was a wide range of ages, from barely legals (a few) to septuagenarians (a very few). Almost all of them were pretty accepting of the opposite end of the spectrum, whether in chronological age or experience.

*However,* when we attended the Orlando Bash in (I think) 2001 (which wasn't held in Orlando ), I noticed that the majority of attendees were in the late 30s and up, with 40s and 50s predominating. I also noticed that there were a lot of self-professed Goreans dominating the younger group (both sexes) and the late 50s to 60s males. Most of the 30s and 40s (including myself) tended to group well away from them, primarily because they seemed to have the "we're the only true M/s'ers" attitude, and tended to put down non-Goreans.

What I've seen of the culture in the TN/KY area, at least, though, tends to lean toward the older side of the spectrum.

I personally prefer the Tampa type of inclusiveness. I don't think that the younger crowd has nothing to offer me; and I hope that I have some things to offer them, and that we can all enjoy WIITWD together without fragmenting ourselves even further away from the rest of society.

 

[HarlotMinx]

Yes, I meant that many are too old for me. While it's true they're more experienced, I prefer people my own age.

And did I get your riddle right?

I have mixed reactions on age, it can matter nothing at all or quite a bit. I've dated everyone from my age to 34 years older and in some cases the age wasn't even noticeable when you get down to it and in others where for example the person is risking a heart attack in flogging you it becomes glaring. I guess it matters more how a person carries themselves really. I don't care how old a Dom/me is... if they have the right type of personality I'll get that giddy feeling.

Oh wow.... I'm about to be very red faced. I had a family crisis about two months back just after I posted that riddle and ended up taking off two weeks to deal with it. I completely forgot about the riddles.... shoot, um I need to think up a new one now.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm not interested in the BDSM community at all, personally. A.) I'm not particularly social to start with, and B.) most of the "community" personalities strike me as a bunch of assholes.

 

[Keroin]

I'm not interested in the BDSM community at all, personally. A.) I'm not particularly social to start with, and B.) most of the "community" personalities strike me as a bunch of assholes.

Come on now, stop sugar coating it. Tell us how you really feel.

 

[Etoile]

I'm pretty well involved in the leather community. I used to identify as a leathergirl, but I'm not in a BDSM relationship anymore so that's really not part of me anymore. But yeah, the leather community at least is SO heavily regimented. I'm a kinky person, but I'm just ME. I'm not into all the trappings.

 

[intothewoods]

I guess I'm having a tad bit of an eternal conflict and I was hoping to get some outside views on what others thought about the 'community'.

Recently I'm helping at a BDSM event and after dealing with people who really view themselves as "life stylers" I find myself kind of drawing to the conclusion that many of the 'community' seems very appearance focused. I've kind of been noticing that everyone and their mother is in a "household" and is a trained "whip master" or has their own training school. It's funny, when you aren't a dominant you get to see a side of Dom/mes and slaves you don't normally see. I'm shocked at the amount of ass kissery, flattering, and self importance that's present in a lot of the community. I also noticed that most of the really knowledgeable BDSMers and some of the coolest people seem to keep themselves divorced of the public community.

I guess this all occurred when my Mistress and I were at a private party kind of sitting off to the side and one of the doms we'd both known for a while commented that we didn't really fit in to the community and in retrospect we realized he's probably right. While admittedly the BDSM community is pretty diverse there's still a very present social norm and generally excepted idea of what constitutes a sub or a dom.

I know, I know. Big surprise, the community is like any other community of people. Sorry if this post annoys you or sounds whiny and I guess it is, but I was wondering how many people here are active in bdsm communities whether from munches to large organizations. If so, why and what are your reactions about those communities and if not why and what are your reactions?

I'm curious where you're hanging out. I know of groups that have this reputation, but I have yet to attend any of their events. Recently I feel like my local group has increased its number of early 20s adrenaline sex junkie types and I can't quite relate. I am fascinated by the bdsm pomp and circumstance crowd but I don't think I could hack it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

We've thought about attending an event or munch but have never got around to it. The fact is that we have no real interest whatsoever in how other lifestylers get their kicks. We are who we are and that's enough for us.

People have said before that events like you described are often attended mostly by older, more 'established' kinksters and that doesn't appeal to us either. It's for that reason that things like TNG (the next generatio) groups have sprung up because while I have no problem whatsoever with people getting nasty into their nineties, I don't necessarily want to make small talk with middle aged people who still think they can carry off a corset and thong. I have no real interest in other people's sex lives.

*shrug*

It all sounds a bit bizarre to me. You don't get conservative Christians meeting up in darkened rooms wearing pyjamas and floor length night-gowns to whisper about how best to expedite the holy act of procreation and ensure that as little physical pleasure is derived from it as possible.

 

[ShyVixen]

*snip*

I like that it's all about me and my PYL and no one else...

*snip*

I have to agree with Keroin.

I like that it's about me and my PYL, no one else.

I'd hate to go to a gathering, a munch, a group and feel inadequate because my level of kink is well below what is 'expected'. I'd feel a failure as submissive to be honest and that would affect my relationship with my PYL.

 

[Bandit58]

*double post* Lit had a hiccup

 

[Bandit58]

Sir and I have been to a couple of play parties but found it rather boring and full of posers/wankers.
I distinctly remember the three Doms standing together showing off their steroid enhanced muscles....woop de do

Not for us. We do our own thing and are not interested in living up to other people's ideas of what constitutes a BDSM relationship.

 

[HarlotMinx]

*reposted*

 

[HarlotMinx]

*reposted*

 

[HarlotMinx]

*reposted*

 

[HarlotMinx]

*reposted*

 

[HarlotMinx]

It all sounds a bit bizarre to me. You don't get conservative Christians meeting up in darkened rooms wearing pyjamas and floor length night-gowns to whisper about how best to expedite the holy act of procreation and ensure that as little physical pleasure is derived from it as possible.

You have clearly never visited the Vatican.

 

[Cattypuss]

Other than this forum, I am not active in any BDSM groups, large or small, I have never been to a public event, munch, etc, and I doubt I ever will. I have no interest in being part of a lifestyle or a community, beyond a little online discussion now and then. For other people, I think it's terrific, for me...meh...no thanks.

I like that it's all about me and my PYL and no one else, (unless invited). I love our highly constructed reality, wherein we are unique and the territory we walk is ours alone to explore. Delusional, yes, but that's how my kink works.

Me too (not to detract from your uniqueness - or indeed mine )

 

[Cattypuss]

Other than this forum, I am not active in any BDSM groups, large or small, I have never been to a public event, munch, etc, and I doubt I ever will. I have no interest in being part of a lifestyle or a community, beyond a little online discussion now and then. For other people, I think it's terrific, for me...meh...no thanks.

I like that it's all about me and my PYL and no one else, (unless invited). I love our highly constructed reality, wherein we are unique and the territory we walk is ours alone to explore. Delusional, yes, but that's how my kink works.

This is exactly how I feel (not wishing to detract from your uniqueness, or indeed mine )

 

[intothewoods]

Even though I am not the most active member in my group, I'm thankful for it and I appreciate it. My participation with the group has nothing to do with my relationship with my PYL. I don't attend with him paraded around on a leash. Though if that were our thing, we'd be welcome. At any rate, what I get out of my group is a place to hang out and socialize with kinky people and the occasional impact play partner. Most people are into playing in public and with others, but it's not a requirement. To me, it's like this forum. Just a place to hang out and shoot the shit, sometimes about kink-positive topics. I have heard about places where it's all pomp and circumstance and all that, but it's also possible to find groups that are laid back and a lot of fun.

 

[intothewoods]

That's weird. I thought I posted here! Although there are downsides to kink-specific groups, I don't think it's any different from hanging out here on Lit, in that there are people whose kinky interests are similar to mine, and people whose interests are different. It's just fun sometimes to hang out with kink-positive types.