Requesting Feedback - Would love honest opinions

[amber03]

Hi All

I posted my first story to Lit about a year ago, in two parts. Since then, I've rewritten it several times and have had it kindly edited by Kumani. The rewritten / edited versions have just been accepted to the site

I would really appreciate some feedback on the story, as I've also submitted the full version for publication with an erotic e-publisher.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=376233 (Part One)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=377226 (Part Two)

(Part three is also available, I'll upload it soon!)


Many thanks

Amber
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[amber03]

Just wondering if anyone would be kind enough to take a look at this for me? It's of the BDSM genre, with romantic / psychological undertones.

 

[markelly]

I liked both. There are some that have a gift and some that dabble... You have a gift, BDSM is your calling on Lit I suggest that is were you should put your efforts. Sadly I just dabble. I do have a couple of points that I was unsure of so will reflect on them before I ask.

 

[amber03]

I liked both. There are some that have a gift and some that dabble... You have a gift, BDSM is your calling on Lit I suggest that is were you should put your efforts. Sadly I just dabble. I do have a couple of points that I was unsure of so will reflect on them before I ask.

Thank you for your very kind feedback. I do find BDSM much easier to write than other genres, and as always, first submissions are the hardest to endure so I very much appreciate it.

Feel free to raise your other "couple of points" when you have had time to reflect.

Much love

Amber
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[markelly]

I struggled the back half of the story with why you let Elle relinquish her safe word. From the time she was manipulated into giving that up. From that moment surely he slipped from master to sadist, I got the feeling he had more to do with the knife than he finally did.

Knowing both her limits and her history why does he continue to push her further towards them.

I'm interested to find out if your going to chapter three. There are a lot of unanswered questions in this. I freely admit I tend to leave some of my stories open to other chapters but that’s only because I want the reader to close the story in a way that they like and not how I wish it to end.

I'm left with the opinion that Elle has reached the end of her depth's and when you get to that stage there is only one place Elle can go. I was left with the feeling that perhaps she had started to outgrow him now.

 

[amber03]

Hi markelly

Thanks so much for your feedback, it didn't actually make much sense to me as my thoughts were initially "does the ending not make it clear..." However this is because I have realised that I have not posted part 3, even though I've written it, so of course this would leave the reader wondering. LOL. Yes, I will post part 3 this weekend, and let you know when it is available.

He isn't a sadist, in terms of he doesn't like to hurt her just for the sake of it. He needs to push her this far, for her sake as well as his, to help her come to terms with how strong she truly is.

Hopefully all will come clear in part 3. Thank you so much for your intelligent feedback and I would love to know your thoughts when the final part is posted.

A
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[amber03]

Chapter Three has now been submitted

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=435710&page=1

 

[markelly]

I stand by my original statement. You are gifted in the BDSM field and you should keep writing in that field. All the parts of the series come together now and I’m pleased it ended the way it did.

You said Elle would find her own inner strength and I’m pleased she had.

I look forward to reading more form you and I hope not in the distant future either.

 

[penandpaper]

I just finished chapter one, and even though it's not my category, you write well. really well. The two psychological profiles are portrayed excellently. (Although, I would have like a little bit more physical descriptions.) You do a great job at increasing tension and the build-up to the basement is extremely sexy.

I say keep on going. You're doing a great job.

 

[amber03]

Thank you! This has made me feel so much better today as I submitted a short story to Erotic Couplings a few days ago and it got some pretty mean feedback.

BDSM is definitely my genre, and I've had some great reviews for Elle - I've actually just rewritten the first chapter again to make the beginning a little faster paced.

I really appreciate this - you've made my day!

A
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[KJCallaway]

I liked this, This is definately your genre. I could see the pictures in my mind, I understood the idea of him wanting her to see how strong she was and there was nothing really truly hardcore BDSM.

Only a person who knows about BDSM would be able to tell this story.

BTW I kind of loathe the term "submissive"

Its atually an oxymoron I think.

KJ Callaway

BTW I too dabble.

 

[amber03]

Thank you KJ, I appreciate your feedback
Yes I agree that "submissive" is an oxymoron. It takes much strength to submit the soul to another.

A
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[Last_Rider]

Very well done, and part 3 was most helpful, a somewhat open ending, but with closure on the current issue.
Please, continue to post stories.


-Rider