Open Partnerships

[clock1]

I guess we are lucky she/they is/are not "into" BDSM. it would give us all a bad name.

http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/open-marriage/

 

[Netzach]

Oh God. Can't any aspect of my life not have some self appointed poster child to articulate it for me on AOL?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Oh God. Can't any aspect of my life not have some self appointed poster child to articulate it for me on AOL?

You need to add that ("Can't ... AOL?") to your sig line, Netz. Srsly.

 

[Etoile]

If we think about the way our society works, it's very couples-oriented. It's very marriage-oriented. It feels like a falsehood that we're hanging onto, because in reality, people have other partners. In reality, [many] marriages end in divorce. It's a massive fairy tale that we're all clinging too.

Uhhh...no, honey. Plenty of people are wired for monogamy, happy being monogamous, etc. And just because "people have other partners" doesn't mean they're in open relationships. It means somebody is cheating.

 

[graceanne]

Uhhh...no, honey. Plenty of people are wired for monogamy, happy being monogamous, etc. And just because "people have other partners" doesn't mean they're in open relationships. It means somebody is cheating.

Exactly. If you promised monogamy, and you have another partner, it's cheating. If you can't do it you shouldn't promise it. It's like anything else in a relationship, you need to be compatible in this issue. A hint? Have you ever remained faithful for a long term? If not, then maybe you should be looking for other people who want open relationships.

And if you find you can't do it (remain monogamous), you need to be open with your partner, and be prepared for them to leave you over it.

Nothing wrong with open relationships as long as all the partners know what's going on and are okay with it.

 

[Netzach]

When monogamy is the norm, the only option handed to you when people talk about relationships that function, you assume you can promise it when you are young. It's not like there are other models of relationship on the table. How the fuck was I supposed to know I was going to be miserable until I was miserable?


Bitch as I may about this article maybe one person will realize that it's not just them if things aren't working as planned.

People should also not plan to grow and change and accept you when they can't live up to *that* part of the plan. You can look at that either way.

I don't think people who are making the observation that monogamy doesn't work as well as stated for as many people as seem to be stuck in it are trashing monogamous relationships.

They're just pointing out that they're not as commonly ideal as they are touted to be.

Like, 100 percent of the time.

 

[graceanne]

When monogamy is the norm, the only option handed to you when people talk about relationships that function, you assume you can promise it when you are young. It's not like there are other models of relationship on the table. How the fuck was I supposed to know I was going to be miserable until I was miserable?

Which is why I said this:

And if you find you can't do it (remain monogamous), you need to be open with your partner, and be prepared for them to leave you over it.

I don't think people who are making the observation that monogamy doesn't work as well as stated for as many people as seem to be stuck in it are trashing monogamous relationships.

They're just pointing out that they're not as commonly ideal as they are touted to be.

Like, 100 percent of the time.

I agree that people who are making the observation that monogamy doesn't work for them aren't trashing those of us it works for, but I do think that this woman is. Mostly because of where she says 'It's a massive fairy tale that we're all clinging too.'

I'm not clinging to a fairy tale, because I'm monogamous. I honestly am not interested in sleeping with anyone but K.

 

[BiBunny]

I do kind of agree that it's a bullshit fairy tale that we're sold. It works for some of us, and it doesn't for the rest. I think it's really sad that people believe x is the only way to do things when y is perfectly valid for some folks.

This isn't directed at anyone here. Just something that's been on my mind a lot lately.

 

[Primalex]

I honestly am not interested in sleeping with anyone but K.

and P.


It's okay.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh God. Can't any aspect of my life not have some self appointed poster child to articulate it for me on AOL?

Hee hee. She went through here with Tristan Taomino recently to lecture on poly/open relationships. I've been reading Tristan's book recently and it's not bad, but there is a quality of self-appointed expertise to it, if that makes sense. I still don't really know what I am wired for and I am mystified by people who are like, yep, I'm totally this way without a shadow of a doubt.

Anyway, yes, it was a foregone conclusion that I would get married and be monogamous. It also seems that the conventional wisdom was or is that men want to fuck everyone but women don't.

 

[Homburg]

I still don't really know what I am wired for and I am mystified by people who are like, yep, I'm totally this way without a shadow of a doubt.

I would love that sort of certainty myself, and I live in the situation. That said, I am comfortable in it, and perhaps that certainty is there and I've just not noticed. *shrug*

--

And I'm not going to bag on the article. Yeah, she's annoying. Whatever. If she's getting the message tot he masses enough that maybe one or two people that find out what I do will be less judgemental, cool. It's the "Oh, yeah, I heard about a book on that. Read an article on it. Okay," concept.

 

[rida]

*snip*
And I'm not going to bag on the article. Yeah, she's annoying. Whatever. If she's getting the message tot he masses enough that maybe one or two people that find out what I do will be less judgemental, cool. It's the "Oh, yeah, I heard about a book on that. Read an article on it. Okay," concept.

Yes on that.

It still would not make it overly easy to come out, but it surely would make it less suspicious and wrong looking.

One of the comment I often get is that usual "if you really loved your husband/he really loved you, you would not be able to accept it (you/him having sex/loving someone else)" with the underlying judgment that we (me and Hubby) are just being selfish/immoral and in denial of our failed marriage ...

 

[Netzach]

Yes on that.

It still would not make it overly easy to come out, but it surely would make it less suspicious and wrong looking.

One of the comment I often get is that usual "if you really loved your husband/he really loved you, you would not be able to accept it (you/him having sex/loving someone else)" with the underlying judgment that we (me and Hubby) are just being selfish/immoral and in denial of our failed marriage ...

I don't listen to this shit.

I think being a natural hermit with an internets job has done wonders for my life. I can simply HA at these things.

 

[rida]

I don't listen to this shit.

I think being a natural hermit with an internets job has done wonders for my life. I can simply HA at these things.

Yep.
I read the "relationship advice" columns just for the sheer laugh I get out of those "10 sign he is cheating on you", "how to spot long term commitment-phobic" and so on: in the best (worse) case they are obvious, in the worst (best) they are a laughing riot!

 

[Netzach]

Yep.
I read the "relationship advice" columns just for the sheer laugh I get out of those "10 sign he is cheating on you", "how to spot long term commitment-phobic" and so on: in the best (worse) case they are obvious, in the worst (best) they are a laughing riot!

The commitment phobe things, they're amazing to me.

They're like a series of no shit sherlock things, the same ones since 1950, for people in total complete willful denial.

 

[Homburg]

I don't listen to this shit.

I think being a natural hermit with an internets job has done wonders for my life. I can simply HA at these things.

I would post a "THIS." reply in 48pt flashing bold font, but that would be annoying. Suffice to say that hermitlife has done wonders for me.

This is how we kick it on the In-Side.

 

[OldGuy1026]

Okay Old Guy Experence here, I've seen and been involved with enough people to know that open relationships just don't work. We have a thousand years of hard wired morals that relationships are one-on-one. In the end the Mistress or Master loose their harem and are either alone, or with one hanger-on that they may or may not be able to stand.

The internal time clock is ticking.

 

[Homburg]

Okay Old Guy Experence here, I've seen and been involved with enough people to know that open relationships just don't work. We have a thousand years of hard wired morals that relationships are one-on-one. In the end the Mistress or Master loose their harem and are either alone, or with one hanger-on that they may or may not be able to stand.

The internal time clock is ticking.

Love that negativity there. I'm sure my friend B and her 17yr long open relationship with the same guy would love to hear that it just can't work.

 

[Netzach]

Okay Old Guy Experence here, I've seen and been involved with enough people to know that open relationships just don't work. We have a thousand years of hard wired morals that relationships are one-on-one. In the end the Mistress or Master loose their harem and are either alone, or with one hanger-on that they may or may not be able to stand.

The internal time clock is ticking.

I'll raise your thousand years of morality about 100 thousand years of biology.

In the meantime, I'll go tell my husband that everything's not working tonight. Thank you for alerting me.

 

[rida]

Love that negativity there. I'm sure my friend B and her 17yr long open relationship with the same guy would love to hear that it just can't work.

Her, and you, are just deluded. Mark his words.

*snip*
In the meantime, I'll go tell my husband that everything's not working tonight. Thank you for alerting me.

Told you

And I should go tell my Hubby too ...

 

[graceanne]

and P.


It's okay.

Oh, of course. What was I thinking?

Love that negativity there. I'm sure my friend B and her 17yr long open relationship with the same guy would love to hear that it just can't work.

How 'bout me and K and our almost twelve years?

 

[Netzach]

Pronouncements on the workability of other people's relationships = fucking stupid.

I've been doing something that never works for over a decade. I've seen people ride off into happy sunsets from blind dates and mail order brides, FFS.

A lot of things are bad ideas 99.9999 percent of the time.

Frankly if I look at the hetero one on one marriages around me I've got enough failure rate to go around.

That doesn't mean it never works.

 

[WriterDom]

Look at the 50% of marriages that do make it. A lot of them are extremely shitty but for financial reasons or kids or whatever they don't get divorced.

Just met a lady on Twitter yesterday. Married but he hasn't fucked her in four months.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Just met a lady on Twitter yesterday. Married but he hasn't fucked her in four months.

I really feel for her.. My ex was doing this to me for YEARS. He wouldn't fuck me for months. FUCKER!!! http://i324.photobucket.com/albums/k353/hispeanut/angry2.gif

But then again, I was stupid for letting him treat me that way.

 

[HisSexyPet]

Look at the 50% of marriages that do make it. A lot of them are extremely shitty but for financial reasons or kids or whatever they don't get divorced.

Just met a lady on Twitter yesterday. Married but he hasn't fucked her in four months.

Try 6 years....