Your first submissive

[praefect]

A lovely young woman I've known for quite a while is going to be arriving in about 6 hours for what hopefully will be the first of many enjoyable playdates. The first playdate of this kind for me. The first non-vanilla kick off to something intimite.

Or it could be in 30 hours. It depends on something out of her control and so it's not 100 percent sure yet which.

I don't have anything at all planned, which is really atypical for me, but my usual modus operandi , the planning out things in advance, it doesn't feel right here. That's something I used to do with a women I knew so well I could start and finish her sentences for her at some point. I've realized I don't have the feel for this one yet so I've decided just to go with the flow and see where things are going to head.

The excitement is starting to get to me a little bit

Especially since I have nothing left to do. At this point is just waiting. A whole lot of you have been at a point like this before, right?

Tell me how it went for you. I'd love to hear a couple of nice stories (that hopefully didn't end in disaster).

 

[praefect]

Well, looks like it won't be tonight. I was wondering why she didn't call. Turns out she pinched both her spinal nerves this afternoon, something that is at the upper spectrum of painful. She hobbled to her practitioner who gave her 20 shots of procain and snake venom. Yes, snake venom.

But whatever works for her. She's alternating between crying and having visions. BUT... whatever works for her. That's what I try to tell myself. Snake venom...

At this point she might be coming tomorrow, depending on what kind of pain she is in, she does want to, but either way she's going to be very diminished by that ordeal.

Poor girl.

 

[little_fairy]

I keep my fingers crossed that she will soon be fine again and you will have a fantastic first "date".

 

[satindesire]

snake venom...wtf kinda doctor does she have? Witch?

 

[graceanne]

snake venom...wtf kinda doctor does she have? Witch?

Kinda what I was wondering, but I did some research and snake venom is used for some medical conditions - I couldn't find anything about pinched nerves, though.

 

[satindesire]

Kinda what I was wondering, but I did some research and snake venom is used for some medical conditions - I couldn't find anything about pinched nerves, though.

I know that they're experimenting with bee and wasp venom too, but dayum. I'll pass until that crap's okayed by the FDA thanks much.

Oh and I'm severely allergic and it would probably kill me anyway. =/

 

[praefect]

thank you little_fairy

@satindesire
An image not much unlike that floated around my head as well when I heard about it, but it's not like that.

I think the English term is practitioner or something like that. It's a state certified alternative medicine healer. Homeopathy and stuff like that. They actually do have to have medical knowledge to be able to practice, so this guy actually must know that a mixture of whatever the hell kind of snake venom he used and procaine must have some sort of positive painkilling effect. Also, they're required by law to send patients to actual doctors in serious cases, so it's not as bad a a witch, but it's still "out there", and a lot less effective than a couple of shots of the really good stuff would have been for those pinched nerves.

But that whole alternative medicine thing is part of who she is. A really annoying and stupid part maybe, but the whole package is still pretty awesome.

 

[satindesire]

thank you little_fairy

@satindesire
An image not much unlike that floated around my head as well when I heard about it, but it's not like that.

I think the English term is practitioner or something like that. It's a state certified alternative medicine healer. Homeopathy and stuff like that. They actually do have to have medical knowledge to be able to practice, so this guy actually must know that a mixture of whatever the hell kind of snake venom he used and procaine must have some sort of positive painkilling effect. Also, they're required by law to send patients to actual doctors in serious cases, so it's not as bad a a witch, but it's still "out there", and a lot less effective than a couple of shots of the really good stuff would have been for those pinched nerves.

But that whole alternative medicine thing is part of who she is. A really annoying and stupid part maybe, but the whole package is still pretty awesome.

Ah, give me a shot of narcotic pain killers in my ass and send me home.



That poor girl though. Man, what a day.

 

[Adakgirl]

hummmmmmm First 6 hours, but possibly 30 hours due to something out of her control who knows?...then no call, then all of a sudden pinches not one but two spinal nerves? Twenty count them...20 shots.. she had did she?...Plus some mysterious snake venom eh? She really really wants to come BUT who knows how bad she might be hurting tomorrow...And even IF she does come, what could she possibly offer you and how could you possibly have an enjoyable 1st meeting...with her in being in such a painful position?.... yeah right.....

Sounds like big crock of evasion bullshit to me.... ..

 

[praefect]

I'm really not sure what I can do now.

Someone in her state, someone miserable, in pain and drained like that, I can't dominate her... Someone in her state I'd want to nurse back to health, and I'm not really sure how to wrap that into the kind of experience she's after.

Lie down.
Here, drink this tea.
Rest. Yes, you can do it. I know you have it in you.
I'm going to get the hot water bottle now and you better still lie there when I come back...
I said enjoy this chicken soup. Are you testing my patience?

 

[praefect]

hummmmmmm 1st 6 hours, but possibly 30 hours...then no call, then all of a sudden pinches not one but two spinal nerves? Twenty count them...20 shots.. she had did she?...Plus some mysterious snake venom eh? She really really wants to come BUT who knows how bad she might be hurting tomorrow...And even IF she does come, what could she possibly offer you and how could you possibly have an enjoyable 1st meeting...with her in being in such a painful position?.... yeah right.....

Sounds like big crock of evasion bullshit to me.... ..

Oh, I've known her for a long time. We met plenty of times just never in any kind of intimate context, and not since I've been single. I know her well enough that she would never do something like that.

Edit: And I'm getting a couple of good ideas. There is such a thing as tender domination than could still give her what she wants, and get me what I want. It's just going to be more sweet than brutal, more something to contemplate and cherish in a moment then sensory overload. Yeah, that could work. And I could use a haircut.

Not that I'm going to be in much better shape. I was too wound up last night to sleep for more than an hour. I just looked in the mirror and I look like I've been on a coffeeshop tour through Amsterdam.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I'm really not sure what I can do now.

Someone in her state, someone miserable, in pain and drained like that, I can't dominate her... Someone in her state I'd want to nurse back to health, and I'm not really sure how to wrap that into the kind of experience she's after.

Lie down.
Here, drink this tea.
Rest. Yes, you can do it. I know you have it in you.
I'm going to get the hot water bottle now and you better still lie there when I come back...
I said enjoy this chicken soup. Are you testing my patience?

For some reason, I *really* like this...

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm really not sure what I can do now.

Someone in her state, someone miserable, in pain and drained like that, I can't dominate her... Someone in her state I'd want to nurse back to health, and I'm not really sure how to wrap that into the kind of experience she's after.

Lie down.
Here, drink this tea.
Rest. Yes, you can do it. I know you have it in you.
I'm going to get the hot water bottle now and you better still lie there when I come back...
I said enjoy this chicken soup. Are you testing my patience?

I love this, too.

It'll all depend on how much pain she really is in but you could do a little interrogation type of scene without inflicting more pain on her. It would work especially well if she is easily embarrassed (and is into humiliation)

I am in a LDR and about 10 days before the meeting I came down with shingles. We hadn't seen each other in about 3 months and I desperately needed to see him. I was on pain killers so he didn't want to do serious impact play. We managed to both get our needs met anyway. It can work, you just need to be creative.

BTW, I LOVE your profile picture.

 

[praefect]

I'm not really into roleplay, but thanks for the suggestions. And yes, that is one beautiful and succinct picture, isn't it

She's all about the "that which binds you sets you free" aspect of it, if you know what I mean. Submission in service to someone else is something that makes her feel relief from all the crap that usually takes up space in her head. So our playdate is a sort of mini vacation for her. Which is something I really like about her. And being sexually dominated with a dash of objectification. Which is something I more than like about her. It's all still very possible, countless possibilities, I just have to keep the intensity toned down, but there's still a ton you can do without having getting rough.

And yay, she's coming in 3 hours.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm not really into roleplay, but thanks for the suggestions. And yes, that is one beautiful and succinct picture, isn't it

She's all about the "that which binds you sets you free" aspect of it, if you know what I mean. Submission in service to someone else is something that makes her feel relief from all the crap that usually takes up space in her head. So our playdate is a sort of mini vacation for her. Which is something I really like about her. And being sexually dominated with a dash of objectification. Which is something I more than like about her. It's all still very possible, countless possibilities, I just have to keep the intensity toned down, but there's still a ton you can do without having getting rough.

And yay, she's coming in 3 hours.

have fun...Just for the record I don't consider interrogation role play, at least not the way it has been done with me.

 

[praefect]

Oh, I know what you mean. I think. That kind of interrogation is still a pretty new concept to me. I never even heard about it before I read of it (on this board perhaps) about a week ago or so. Getting them to tell an embarrassing secret about themselves, that kind of thing?

When I think interrogation my mind automatically jumps to some very non sexy places. Badly shaven big gutted guys yelling WHO IS KEYSER SÖZE?!

 

[ecstaticsub]

Oh, I know what you mean. I think. That kind of interrogation is still a pretty new concept to me. I never even heard about it before I read of it (on this board perhaps) about a week ago or so. Getting them to tell an embarrassing secret about themselves, that kind of thing?

When I think interrogation my mind automatically jumps to some very non sexy places. Badly shaven big gutted guys yelling WHO IS KEYSER SÖZE?!

LOL..

My PYL used it as a way for me to open up about my past sexual history and then a little later on to get me to open up to the darker side of my fantasies. Being in a sort of light bondage and partially naked in front of a camera answering questions added to the embarrassment/fun of it.

 

[praefect]

Someone in her state, someone miserable, in pain and drained like that, I can't dominate her... Someone in her state I'd want to nurse back to health.

I'm not really comfortable about going into details in public like this until I've processed the experience for myself. And I think that's going to take a while.

But something happened.

Her core was exposed, and there lay some very deep emotional pain. Grief. There were signs. Well, not really, but I had a feeling. I ignored it since she kept claiming she was alright. I only have experience with one partner. Now I don't trust myself to be a judge of what goes on in the minds of people I don't know as well as I did her.

After she broke down and revealed why she really came dominating, well, it was about as far from my mind as possible. I spent until Sunday night trying to "fix" her. It involved a lot of talking and a lot of crying. And the experience is going to help her a lot I think. Not immediately. But sje took steps that at least will take her in the right direction. And I can honestly say I helped with that.

But me, the experience left me in a coma all Monday. I had to call in sick. I can't recall the last time I was so emotionally and physically taxed. Whatever it was, it wasn't a game. I really wanted to help her. But then, all Monday I was to weak to do anything other than lay in bed in a dark mood, mixed with melancholy. Whenever I fell asleep I had nightmares.

It's Tuesday morning here now, and I still feel like I have a hangover.

The whole ordeal. It's not what I had in mind. It's not something I got off on. It was actually quite painful at times, feeling another persons pain, emotional pain, sharing that... not something I'd like to do again anytime soon.

The dynamics of a D/s relationship, even in a playdate kind of setting, right now I have the feeling I don't understand any of it at all. I'm very unsure if it will ever be something that comes naturally to me again outside of my last relationship.

But slowly I'm regaining my center. I can see her coming to me with a very specific goal in mind. Determined. And she knew what that would mean for her. I found a way to make that happen, but I hate that she wasn't honest with me from the beginning.

It's not at all what I had in mind. Not the experience I wanted to get out of it from the start. There was no submission there. Or was there. Is it submission when you want to be held by someone as you let go of something? I think not. It's something. I'm not sure what the right word for it would be. And I did get something out of it. I'm not sure what that might be yet either. I'm not sure if it was worth the price. I'm not sure if I even had a choice.

So. That's my first experience with a submissive. Yay.

 

[Netzach]

I'm not really comfortable about going into details in public like this until I've processed the experience for myself. And I think that's going to take a while.

But something happened.

Her core was exposed, and there lay some very deep emotional pain. Grief. There were signs. Well, not really, but I had a feeling. I ignored it since she kept claiming she was alright. I only have experience with one partner. Now I don't trust myself to be a judge of what goes on in the minds of people I don't know as well as I did her.

After she broke down and revealed why she really came dominating, well, it was about as far from my mind as possible. I spent until Sunday night trying to "fix" her. It involved a lot of talking and a lot of crying. And the experience is going to help her a lot I think. Not immediately. But sje took steps that at least will take her in the right direction. And I can honestly say I helped with that.

But me, the experience left me in a coma all Monday. I had to call in sick. I can't recall the last time I was so emotionally and physically taxed. Whatever it was, it wasn't a game. I really wanted to help her. But then, all Monday I was to weak to do anything other than lay in bed in a dark mood, mixed with melancholy. Whenever I fell asleep I had nightmares.

It's Tuesday morning here now, and I still feel like I have a hangover.

The whole ordeal. It's not what I had in mind. It's not something I got off on. It was actually quite painful at times, feeling another persons pain, emotional pain, sharing that... not something I'd like to do again anytime soon.

The dynamics of a D/s relationship, even in a playdate kind of setting, right now I have the feeling I don't understand any of it at all. I'm very unsure if it will ever be something that comes naturally to me again outside of my last relationship.

But slowly I'm regaining my center. I can see her coming to me with a very specific goal in mind. Determined. And she knew what that would mean for her. I found a way to make that happen, but I hate that she wasn't honest with me from the beginning.

It's not at all what I had in mind. Not the experience I wanted to get out of it from the start. There was no submission there. Or was there. Is it submission when you want to be held by someone as you let go of something? I think not. It's something. I'm not sure what the right word for it would be. And I did get something out of it. I'm not sure what that might be yet either. I'm not sure if it was worth the price. I'm not sure if I even had a choice.

So. That's my first experience with a submissive. Yay.

Sounds like really toxic, bad, manipulative shit.

If you have some kind of trauma and you can't do any of your own mental "work" by yourself or with a paid pro (and I mean a shrink not a Dominatrix), go sit on the bench or find someone who wants to play therapist with you.

I'm not saying everyone must be mentally a rock, but Jesus. You should be able to talk about the triggering event without being triggered into a meltdown - that's a reasonable expectation of me, as a top, who doesn't necessarily want to be an unpaid and unregulated shrink. If I get off on that I guess it gives me a choice, doesn't it? I realize some people never get to that point, or it takes years or it's really hard - well, WORK on it. Don't just show up at some fuckbud's house for a scene and then use him for your un-negotiated catharsis scene.

If she's not at the point where she can calmly say "this and that happened to me, and they're problems" without having a mental meltdown, she's nothing you're going to "fix."

I'm no SSC lunatic, but if anything it bothers the living shit out of me that people don't get that this goes both ways. No one should be leaving a session feeling like ass for two days when it was supposed to be a play date.

You felt like you didn't have a choice. Because you felt obligated to stay with her and help her, as a well intentioned human being will in this situation. You got a taste of what that feels like, entails, and takes from you. Now you do have a choice.

You can CHOOSE this kind of interaction. If you choose your own mental well being over someone else's you will be accused of being a bad friend and a bad person.

People who do this are called emotional vampires. If you like your vital life force, try again with someone who isn't a selfish basket case, who admittedly some bad shit happened to, but still.

I know people will say "but she WAS communicating sometimes that's messy, she was being honest, how can you advocate cutting off a relationship with this really intimate emotional breakthrough, etc."

Personally, I prefer to be emotionally fucked on the second date. You have no business fucking the head off someone who's dealing with "first time play" jitters. I'm assuming she knew that. If he hadn't conveyed that somehow and came off as able to handle everything, then maybe her assumption was the killer here and maybe no one here communicated like adults, but I'm guessing that's not the case. She had an agenda and by God, it was going to be fulfilled.

If it's any consolation at all, yes there are people like this floating around identifying as submissives. They are not. But there are also people who have done the work, care about others, know how to communicate openly - all the things you need to have the kind of optimistic tone you had in the first post and walk away feeling awesome, not shit.

There's so much support for the sub with the bad first time story. There's not much discussion of the kind of thing that happened to you, but if you want my PM is open and I don't say that often.

No, this is not how it's supposed to feel.

 

[praefect]

I really appreciate your perspective on this. I sense a lot of truth in what you wrote. Thank you. And thank you for your offer.

I know people will say "but she WAS communicating sometimes that's messy, she was being honest, how can you advocate cutting off a relationship with this really intimate emotional breakthrough, etc."

This doesn't need advocating. It's cut off. With the role I played I doubt I will hear from her in at least the next half decade. If ever at all. I doubt it very much.

And she wasn't being honest. In our conversations leading up to it she told me her boyfriend had left her. She didn't tell me he left to set up residence on the other side of the river Styx.

 

[Adakgirl]

hummmmmmm First 6 hours, but possibly 30 hours due to something out of her control who knows?...then no call, then all of a sudden pinches not one but two spinal nerves? Twenty count them...20 shots.. she had did she?...Plus some mysterious snake venom eh? She really really wants to come BUT who knows how bad she might be hurting tomorrow...

I am going to hold back on what I was going to reply to because you have been sucked dry by this woman and are feeling bad. Though I was wrong about the 1st meeting thing..I was correct in my feeling that this woman has been bullshitting you.

 

[praefect]

I am going to hold back on what I was going to reply to because you have been sucked dry by this woman and are feeling bad. Though I was wrong about the 1st meeting thing..I was correct in my feeling that this woman has been bullshitting you.

Chances are I told myself what your holding back already anyways. I feel like a terrible judge in character. I probably am. Live and learn.

You really don't have to hold back. It's kind of you, but for one, I'm a big boy. And then, this is just the internet. If I couldn't take criticism from strangers, how would I ever be able to take it from people I know? I'm also pretty much feeling like myself again anyways. I wrote for several hours last night, poured my mood into that. Considering what came out of that it hasn't all been for nothing.

(BTW, I'm still interested in hearing other peoples' stories about their first encounters. Again, hopefully some that went well.)

 

[Adakgirl]

I know people will say "but she WAS communicating sometimes that's messy, she was being honest, how can you advocate cutting off a relationship with this really intimate emotional breakthrough, etc."

I for one won't say that because in my opinion you are absolutely right.

I do have a name for it and it's called "using" purposely setting someone up in order to use them to dump your personal load of pain upon in hopes that they can somehow make it all go away, fix you up and make it all better. Because you are not mature enough or emotionally stable enough to deal with it yourself.
She knew you would not have given her your consent to be used in that manner and that's why she was not honest about it from the start. This is pure selfish behavior and has nothing to do with submission at all. She did not give you one iota of consideration and it was ALL about her. Played you like a fiddle and took what she wanted out of you and left...

Seems to me like she could care less about you. You did have a feeling and you ignored it..remember this, never ignore your gut feelings, always take action on them no matter what someone is telling you. When you got these feelings you could have told her on the phone ...when she kept insisting she was fine..
.hey, I don't think you are fine. I have a feeling something is wrong and I am not going to go through with our play-date until you tell me what it is.

Had you listened to your gut feeling you may have avoided this unfortunate situation. People deceive each other all the time. You think you know a person and then they pull something like this on you and it blows you right out of the water...in situations like this...you only know what a person wants you to know...only know what they tell you about their lives.

I could tell by what she was saying to you that she was being dishonest with you. I went with my gut and told you that. Because I could FEEL it. Ok it was not just evasion bullshit it was all bullshit. When people lie and try to deceive you they use a lot of details, most of them are foggy in general. What you got this weekend was not what you expected or wanted because was not D/s. Take Natch's advice and try again.

 

[praefect]

I was about to say that the feeling I was talking about, it's wasn't something I had until we were actually engaged in play. A feeling that she was forcing herself to be there. Since she was saying she was alright I figured she was "defrosting", something my ex had to do sometimes when her mind was full of bills, patients and family matters.

As it turned out she was forcing herself to be there. So not only does your "trust your gut feeling" stand here, but then I remembered something I posted elsewhere a while back.

We've been in contact for a while now but not in person. We haven't seen each other since I'm single again, but still, things have gotten pretty intense the closer we've gotten to our little play date. Recently, just last night, actually, during a chat we talked about limits and "whatever you wish" is not an answer that sends me to my happy place. I was thinking that it should, but it didn't. In fact, "I trust you" in that context is an answer that makes me very uneasy.

I can't really explain why uneasy. I know it's not that I have some very dark impulses in me I should be afraid of. I don't.... I think.

In the end I interpreted it as something that came from within me.

 

[HawkwindBlues]

The way you described your condition after the encounter with her, renembered me vividly on the state a friend was in after she spend a night with my than flatmate.

She was 20 and he had flirted with her the whole day, i left them to it around 8 pm because i had a date. 3 days later she called me after she had called in sick. He had talked nearly the whole night about the darkest places in his soul and she had tried to help, to soothe, to understand.

It left her so drained that she spend the whole weekend at home, even on monday she was not feeling well enough to work. If i renember correctly she needed till wednesday to recover. On that monday i went for a walk in the park with her.

I told my flatmate who was a friend of mine, that i expect him to never share something like that with her again and he followed through and tried to tell her that he was sorry. He later tried to commit suicide with insulin, was found and after 3 months in a coma came back as a 5 year old child, although his brain is not damaged.

My friend was really traumatised and maybe you are too, if it is not lifting please talk to somebody professional , if such darkness is not part of your soul it is difficult to process.