curl4ever
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2006
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Good evening, dear ms. kayte! These were STUNNINGLY funny!
Many many thanks!Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
Many many thanks!
G
Guest
Guest
Out Of Jail
Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday. So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did. ''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy. ''Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge. ''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''
''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''
''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.
''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your asshole before prison...''
Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday. So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did. ''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy. ''Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge. ''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''
''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''
''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.
''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your asshole before prison...''
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
LMAO LMAO .... great
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Q&A ~ 50 years
Q1. Where can a 50-year-old woman find young sexy men who will be interested in her?
A1. Try a bookstore …under fiction!
Q2. What should a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A2. Stay busy. Try finishing the basement. When you're done, you'll have a place to live.
Q3. How can you increase your 50-year-old husband's heart rate?
A3. Tell him you're pregnant!
Q4. How can I avoid seeing wrinkles when I pass a mirror?
A4. Take off your glasses!
Q5. Why should 50-year-olds use valet parking?
A5. Valets remember where they park your car.!
Q6. Do most 50-year-olds have problems with short term memory storage?
A6. Memory storage is no problem; the problem is memory retrieval!
Q7. Do 50-year-olds sleep more soundly?
A7. Yes; usually in the afternoon.
Q.8. What is the most common remark made by a 50-year-olds in an antique store?
A8. "I remember these!"
Q1. Where can a 50-year-old woman find young sexy men who will be interested in her?
A1. Try a bookstore …under fiction!
Q2. What should a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A2. Stay busy. Try finishing the basement. When you're done, you'll have a place to live.
Q3. How can you increase your 50-year-old husband's heart rate?
A3. Tell him you're pregnant!
Q4. How can I avoid seeing wrinkles when I pass a mirror?
A4. Take off your glasses!
Q5. Why should 50-year-olds use valet parking?
A5. Valets remember where they park your car.!
Q6. Do most 50-year-olds have problems with short term memory storage?
A6. Memory storage is no problem; the problem is memory retrieval!
Q7. Do 50-year-olds sleep more soundly?
A7. Yes; usually in the afternoon.
Q.8. What is the most common remark made by a 50-year-olds in an antique store?
A8. "I remember these!"
G
Guest
Guest
Giggles
G
Guest
Guest
Laws of life
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick,well dressed, gentleman.
She asked, "Can I help you?"
"I want to see Natalie," he replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps you should
see someone else." "No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appears and announced to the man that she charged R10 000 per visit.
Without blinking the man reached into his pocket and handed her R10
000. The two went up to the room for an hour.
The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie
explained that it was rare for anyone to come back two nights in a
row and that there was no discount, her price remained at R10 000 a
visit.
Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room,
and an hour later he left. When he showed up on the third consecutive
night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie R10 000, and
they went up to the room.
At the end of an hour Natalie questioned the man: "No one has ever
used my services for three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The gentleman replied, "Im from Phoenix."
"Really," she replied. "I have family there."
"Yes, I know," said the gentleman. "Your father died and I am your
sister's attorney.
She asked me to give you your R30 000 inheritance."
Moral of the story - some things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. and being screwed by an attorney.
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick,well dressed, gentleman.
She asked, "Can I help you?"
"I want to see Natalie," he replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps you should
see someone else." "No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appears and announced to the man that she charged R10 000 per visit.
Without blinking the man reached into his pocket and handed her R10
000. The two went up to the room for an hour.
The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie
explained that it was rare for anyone to come back two nights in a
row and that there was no discount, her price remained at R10 000 a
visit.
Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room,
and an hour later he left. When he showed up on the third consecutive
night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie R10 000, and
they went up to the room.
At the end of an hour Natalie questioned the man: "No one has ever
used my services for three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The gentleman replied, "Im from Phoenix."
"Really," she replied. "I have family there."
"Yes, I know," said the gentleman. "Your father died and I am your
sister's attorney.
She asked me to give you your R30 000 inheritance."
Moral of the story - some things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. and being screwed by an attorney.
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2006
- Posts
- 1,983
Very, very, very funny! Thanks, Wicked_Kitten!
(By the way, I love your (new?) AV.)
- curl
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Faith Healer
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "but I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second, "but then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did," said the first woman.
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that" said the first woman. "My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Next time, dear, try going alone."
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "but I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second, "but then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did," said the first woman.
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that" said the first woman. "My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Next time, dear, try going alone."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Mother, Daughter Talk
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was probably having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and that this would reflect badly on the whole family, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He recommended that she arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
That evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about her visit to the doctor and handed her a box of condoms.
Her daughter burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was probably having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and that this would reflect badly on the whole family, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He recommended that she arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
That evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about her visit to the doctor and handed her a box of condoms.
Her daughter burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother- of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ‘Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother- of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ‘Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER!
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if
I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me
and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the
telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my
sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need
her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here
so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods
and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your
pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your
ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if
I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me
and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the
telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my
sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need
her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here
so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods
and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your
pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your
ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Why Are We There?
Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there?
We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble. Why are we still there?
Their government is unstable, and they have no leadership. Why are we still there?
Many of their people are uncivilized, or at least don't speak English. Why are we still there?
There are more than 1,000 religious sects and almost as many languages and dialects, many of which we don't understand. Why are we still there?
We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there?
They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost billions more to bail them out, which we can't afford. Why are we still there?
It is becoming clear ........we have only one option.
We must abandon California!!!
Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there?
We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble. Why are we still there?
Their government is unstable, and they have no leadership. Why are we still there?
Many of their people are uncivilized, or at least don't speak English. Why are we still there?
There are more than 1,000 religious sects and almost as many languages and dialects, many of which we don't understand. Why are we still there?
We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there?
They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost billions more to bail them out, which we can't afford. Why are we still there?
It is becoming clear ........we have only one option.
We must abandon California!!!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
OLG GUYS DON'T CARE
As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment.
For example, my doctor referred me to a female urologist.
I saw her yesterday and she's gorgeous.
She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.
She told me that I have to stop masturbating.
I asked her why, she said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you...'
As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment.
For example, my doctor referred me to a female urologist.
I saw her yesterday and she's gorgeous.
She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.
She told me that I have to stop masturbating.
I asked her why, she said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you...'
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Tools and their uses
If only I couldn't relate
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project
which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
'Oh sh -- '
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
often, the next tool that you will need.
If only I couldn't relate
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project
which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
'Oh sh -- '
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
often, the next tool that you will need.
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2006
- Posts
- 1,983
{{{{{kayte}}}}}!
Seems like it's been a long time.I ***LOVED*** the tool descriptions! I will be forwarding those to some choice folks immediately.
Take care,
- curl
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Kowboy61
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2003
- Posts
- 168
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
VATICAN HUMOR
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light),
the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me,Your Holiness," says the driver,"Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver,wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pon tiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember,the Pope is German!)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license--and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle,and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop
tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who do you have there,the mayor?"
Cop:"Bigger. "
Chief: "A senator?"
Cop:"Bigger. "
Chief: "The President ?"
Cop:"Bigger. "
Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop:"His chauffeur is the Pope!"
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light),
the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me,Your Holiness," says the driver,"Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver,wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pon tiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember,the Pope is German!)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license--and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle,and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop
tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who do you have there,the mayor?"
Cop:"Bigger. "
Chief: "A senator?"
Cop:"Bigger. "
Chief: "The President ?"
Cop:"Bigger. "
Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop:"His chauffeur is the Pope!"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between
Grandmothers & Grandfathers? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old Granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time...Just he and his Granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really
didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, and do you know what? We
didn't see a single dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!'
.............
Grandmothers & Grandfathers? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old Granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time...Just he and his Granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really
didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, and do you know what? We
didn't see a single dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!'
.............
limiwa
Something new every day
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2005
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smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
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How bad is the economy ?????
wait for it ........
wait for it ........
It's so bad women are having sex with men because they can't afford batteries!!
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wait for it ........
wait for it ........
It's so bad women are having sex with men because they can't afford batteries!!
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
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- 135,693
Thank you {{{{{{{Smooth}}}}}}- Status
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