Part 2?

[Mac98]

Hi everyone.

I wasn't sure if I should put this under "story ideas" or here, but in the end I thought here might be more appropriate.

I'll be brief. I wrote a short story not long ago and got an idea for a second part. I don't want to give away too much information, but I wanted to know first if:

A) The story could use a part 2.

B) Is part 1 good enough for a part 2.

C) Is my writing style ok or should I work on it before continuing on this story.



Here's part 1: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=428291&page=2

Any criticism is accepted, I would just like for everyone to stay as respectful as possible when expressing it. Thanks for your time.

Mac

 

[_Lynn_]

There are far more errors than I'm pointing out. I'd suggest forgetting this story. As for your writing style . . . the mistakes over-shadowed everything else to me.

1. Punctuation is lacking.

2. Write out numbers.

3. Show, don’t tell us what happened.

4. You have a tendency to repeat words in the same sentence.

I laughed a little, nervous laugh.


5. Must be huge sunglasses she wore.

I looked back at her. Her face was covered by her sunglasses, but it was pretty much well known that she was a good-looking girl.


6. This is just giving me a picture far from what you intended, I'm sure.

Her beautiful green eyes felt like knives to my heart and the butterflies in my stomach seemed to be flustered.


7. Use a dictionary when you aren't sure of the correct spelling. As you see from the PC's left on your story, a good, clean copy matters.

The fire was nice, the marshmallows were good and . . .

As soon as we were settled in, Kyle and I started preparing a bonfire while Haley and Virginia prepared some food and Seth and Jenna were probably gone to make out in the woods.


Just my opinion.

 

[Mac98]

There are far more errors than I'm pointing out. I'd suggest forgetting this story. As for your writing style . . . the mistakes over-shadowed everything else to me.

1. Punctuation is lacking.

2. Write out numbers.

3. Show, don’t tell us what happened.

4. You have a tendency to repeat words in the same sentence.

I laughed a little, nervous laugh.


5. Must be huge sunglasses she wore.

I looked back at her. Her face was covered by her sunglasses, but it was pretty much well known that she was a good-looking girl.


6. This is just giving me a picture far from what you intended, I'm sure.

Her beautiful green eyes felt like knives to my heart and the butterflies in my stomach seemed to be flustered.


7. Use a dictionary when you aren't sure of the correct spelling. As you see from the PC's left on your story, a good, clean copy matters.

The fire was nice, the marshmallows were good and . . .

As soon as we were settled in, Kyle and I started preparing a bonfire while Haley and Virginia prepared some food and Seth and Jenna were probably gone to make out in the woods.


Just my opinion.

Thanks, that's exactly what I wanted to know. I did proof read many times, but I'm not english major, so there are bound to be some errors, but I guess there were just more than I thought. I'll take your advice and crack open a dictionary. And yes, a thesaurus might help too

 

[_Lynn_]

Thanks, that's exactly what I wanted to know. I did proof read many times, but I'm not english major, so there are bound to be some errors, but I guess there were just more than I thought. I'll take your advice and crack open a dictionary. And yes, a thesaurus might help too

You won't be able to correct all the errors in the story with a dictionary and thesaurus.

 

[Mac98]

You won't be able to correct all the errors in the story with a dictionary and thesaurus.

So then what do I do? Are you saying I should quit writing? Or are you calling me dumb? Or both? Or neither?

 

[_Lynn_]

So then what do I do? Are you saying I should quit writing? Or are you calling me dumb? Or both? Or neither?

Never would I say any of that.

Learn and improve.

Read books on writing techniques and skills.

Check the AH for writing threads to see what others are saying.

Making your stories better comes with time, and hard work.

 

[Mac98]

lol I know you weren't saying any of that. And if anyone did, I'd ignore.

As for making better stories, am I aloud to post on "Feedback" before submitting? Maybe that way I could get some instant feedback and avoid making mistakes like writing Bond Fire instead of bonfire like an idiot (and I do laugh at myself for that one).

Thanks for the help. I had read the many How-To's on Literotica.com before writing my first story, but I guess I should read up more.

Again, thanks a lot.

 

[_Lynn_]

lol I know you weren't saying any of that. And if anyone did, I'd ignore.

As for making better stories, am I aloud to post on "Feedback" before submitting? Maybe that way I could get some instant feedback and avoid making mistakes like writing Bond Fire instead of bonfire like an idiot (and I do laugh at myself for that one).

Thanks for the help. I had read the many How-To's on Literotica.com before writing my first story, but I guess I should read up more.

Again, thanks a lot.

I assume posting stories or pieces of them here is allowed. Others do all the time.

I'd suggest you wander over to the Editor's Forum and begin a thread there once you have another story ready. Having someone go over your work is a great help.

 

[Mac98]

I assume posting stories or pieces of them here is allowed. Others do all the time.

I'd suggest you wander over to the Editor's Forum and begin a thread there once you have another story ready. Having someone go over your work is a great help.

lol will do.