Have been interested in learning to become an effective dom - last lady was a sub and she wanted me to explore my dom tendancies but I wasn't certain where to begin / find good information on the topic. Anyone out there who can give me some advice?
Seeking experienced dom for advice
- Thread starter jd9505
- Start date
ZRT
The 'Yarch's Ass Kicker
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2009
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- 1,357
Sure. Take a look around the BDSM forum here and check out the definitions thread. Lurk a bit, post a bit and get acquainted, ask questions as they occur to you, take your time to figure it out.
The important thing is to figure out if it's what you really want to do and be, and then figure out what you like to do. It's not a switch you just turn on, and the desire isn't something you train into yourself. There are various flavors of dommery and subbery, and figuring out where you fit in that spectrum (if you do) is one of those exploratory processes.
txdelivery
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2003
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- 246
know thyself
my best advise to you is to explore what you want to, but not because someone else wants you to but because you want to... In the long run, you will be true to yourself and much much happier.
after all,
you either are Dom, or your not... and if you are, you would already be Dom... and you wouldnt be curious...
my best advise to you is to explore what you want to, but not because someone else wants you to but because you want to... In the long run, you will be true to yourself and much much happier.
after all,
you either are Dom, or your not... and if you are, you would already be Dom... and you wouldnt be curious...
ZRT
The 'Yarch's Ass Kicker
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2009
- Posts
- 1,357
Or he just has certain dominant tendencies that lead him into topping. Or maybe he's just never really thought about it.
Hell, I wasn't a 'dom' as such until my thirties. I was dominant in my relationships, but hadn't explored the BDSM world. Now I wouldn't be interested in a relationship that didn't incorporate my dom-ness into the mix.
But yes, exploration of the various terms and levels is the important thing.
JD- The whole 'whips and chains' thing are the trappings. The mindset is the biggest thing. Once you know what you're interested in, you can figure out the rest.
Basically, is it being in control? Is it dressing up and playing games? What's your desire?
ZRT - you hit the nail on the head. I always had a dominant personality and my last lady, who has known me 15 years, saw it and took me some way down the path. She opened my eyes to things that I had thought about but never knew quite how to incorporate into a relationship (casual or otherwise). I have been researching ever since and am starting to see what she saw and what it can be for me. To answer your question - it is a bit of both. I know my natural tendancy is to control and she introduced me to some game playing which was a big turn on for us both. So now it is just a matter of developing more of that as I learn. Thanks.