The elusive female orgasms

[Heatlessfever]

All right. I am just wondering if any other females on the board have this problem. As I have stated before, my sexual experience is limited. I have only been with two men and both experiences as a whole were wild, fucked up, and left me wanting in the completion department. Don't get me wrong, I nearly reached orgasm with the second man I encountered, but that was only because we actually wanted each other desperately.

The problem with women physically, is that a lot of the arousal and desire stems from a more emotional, and believe it or not, primal human capacity for being mentally stimulated (in other words, by ideas). In short, we are much less physically oriented than men. Oh, please do not take this to be me putting men down. I am merely stating basic, physical, mental, and emotional differences. Men possess a primal capacity for sensation and the visual realm, that women simply do not. No, I am not implying men's tendency to be aroused more easily by the visual and physical shallow. This is not a men vs. women thread. If you are looking for that, go elsewhere.

The point of this thread is to explore the female experience of orgasm. I call it elusive because women have a more difficult time reaching orgasm. Some never experience it, but a lot more do. The issue is that, even those women who do, find that they can only experience it through using certain techniques. Most women, as statistics tell, do not orgasm from penetration by a man. Please men, realize that this is not me implying that you gentlemen do not know how to bring a woman to orgasm. You are in no way at fault for the enigma that is female sexuality. To imply such, would be sexist. Female sexuality is as much a frustration to eager, willing men as it is to females.

I know many couples employ oral sex as a method to stimulate and bring the female to orgasm, but, frankly, I have never been on the receiving end of oral sex, so I do not know how well this method works. For the more experienced ladies of Literotica, what is your taken on the art of cunnilingus. How many of you have experienced orgasm while having intercourse?

Personally, the only way I have ever reached orgasm is through using the water faucet in my bath tub and letting it run over my clitoris. And well, by gosh, golly jee..ah fuck it, mother fucking Jesus F. Christ, I want a man to be able to me cum and cum hard like I do in my bath tub...but even harder and more intense.

Dear women of Literotica, is there only one way you can get off or was there only way you could get off until you found that amazingly gifted man or woman that could pleasure you properly?

Thoughts, opinions?

 

[Heatlessfever]

I try to start an erotica, intelligent conversation and everybody scatters...come on people. Haha.

 

[vibes]

I try to start an erotica, intelligent conversation and everybody scatters...come on people. Haha.

Aroused minds (as Litsters' are) can hardly read more than one paragraph ... let alone if they are so filled with learned words

There's plenty of men who know how to make you scream and whimp and moan and ... cum hard, as you put it; unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, not all those who come with a cock are skilled to do so

 

[coffeelover5]

Personally, the only way I have ever reached orgasm is through using the water faucet in my bath tub and letting it run over my clitoris. And well, by gosh, golly jee..ah fuck it, mother fucking Jesus F. Christ, I want a man to be able to me cum and cum hard like I do in my bath tub...but even harder and more intense.

Dear Heat,

Well what is going though your mind as the water hits your clit? Our brians help us more than direct stimulation to a body part and if the mind is willing,,,,,,,,,,

 

[Molly123]

subbing--should be interesting

 

[whipit14]

Orgasm

The only way you have had orgasm is in the tub with the water running over your clit?

 

[scotsmitch2001]

All right. I am just wondering if any other females on the board have this problem. As I have stated before, my sexual experience is limited. I have only been with two men and both experiences as a whole were wild, fucked up, and left me wanting in the completion department. Don't get me wrong, I nearly reached orgasm with the second man I encountered, but that was only because we actually wanted each other desperately.

The problem with women physically, is that a lot of the arousal and desire stems from a more emotional, and believe it or not, primal human capacity for being mentally stimulated (in other words, by ideas). In short, we are much less physically oriented than men. Oh, please do not take this to be me putting men down. I am merely stating basic, physical, mental, and emotional differences. Men possess a primal capacity for sensation and the visual realm, that women simply do not. No, I am not implying men's tendency to be aroused more easily by the visual and physical shallow. This is not a men vs. women thread. If you are looking for that, go elsewhere.

The point of this thread is to explore the female experience of orgasm. I call it elusive because women have a more difficult time reaching orgasm. Some never experience it, but a lot more do. The issue is that, even those women who do, find that they can only experience it through using certain techniques. Most women, as statistics tell, do not orgasm from penetration by a man. Please men, realize that this is not me implying that you gentlemen do not know how to bring a woman to orgasm. You are in no way at fault for the enigma that is female sexuality. To imply such, would be sexist. Female sexuality is as much a frustration to eager, willing men as it is to females.

I know many couples employ oral sex as a method to stimulate and bring the female to orgasm, but, frankly, I have never been on the receiving end of oral sex, so I do not know how well this method works. For the more experienced ladies of Literotica, what is your taken on the art of cunnilingus. How many of you have experienced orgasm while having intercourse?

Personally, the only way I have ever reached orgasm is through using the water faucet in my bath tub and letting it run over my clitoris. And well, by gosh, golly jee..ah fuck it, mother fucking Jesus F. Christ, I want a man to be able to me cum and cum hard like I do in my bath tub...but even harder and more intense.

Dear women of Literotica, is there only one way you can get off or was there only way you could get off until you found that amazingly gifted man or woman that could pleasure you properly?

Thoughts, opinions?

I realise you do say dear women at the end but thought it might help with a small contribution from a guy.
Over the years I have always found that the best way for me to get a woman to orgasm is oral sex.If the guy takes his time and is patient.

 

[thighhiman]

ladies first

Ok I know you want it from a womans perspective but I have made many women orgasm. Some which rarely had them before, and now have two and more each time we make love. I think most guys don't have a clue to making a woman happy . You have to put her orgasm as job one. Most guys can get off without to much problem. The ladies are the ones that take a skillful operator to get off. Yes I have had women orgasm through penetration or should I say when thrusting That orgasm was a side product of the attention to her needs before that point. Oral sex and a few fingers will go along way. It is attention to the clit and in some the G-spot that gets the job done.A great position is the T. The woman lays on her back and raises her legs. The man lays sideways and can penetrate while leaving the clit in a open position to stimulate it....Remember some of us older guys have the skill....You live long enough and pay attention and you will learn things.

 

[Heatlessfever]

Oh no, I also want men's points of views too. Thank you for your contributions!

 

[lakesailer_mi]

2 Cents

OK, I'll put in my two cents. I have only been with 1 woman, but we have been together a long time.

Over the years we have worked on this issue. In many ways, I think she typical in this respect.

A few things: she needs to be able to focus on the sex. If she's got worries or concerns, poof...no chance of the big O.

We have found that lots of foreplay is sometimes required. Slow, gradual build up.

Other times, though, depending on mood, too long of foreplay ends up being a problem.

Each time is a negotiation. And it doesn't always work.

However, it seems to me, that it is well worth the effort to work together toward mutual satisfaction.
That would be the advice I would give is that it takes communication, love, commitment, and patience (something, BTW, I had to work on).

Good luck.

 

[MysteriousGirl]

An effective lover understands the female body and knows that orgasm from intercourse is uncommon in most cases. Girls in their teens and early 20s seem to be the most likely to experience orgasm this way, but that's just my experience, I have no statistics to prove that.

Both partners need to realize this is normal and part of the sexual experience is finding out what brings sufficient pleasure to the female to bring her to orgasm. In most cases this will involve oral and finger stimulation at some point in the sexual encounter. If your partner is not willing ot go down on you, or find some other equally effective method you may find orgasms are fairly rare. Some women are OK with this. Selfish men are OK with this. I, for one am not.

Oral sex, like many things in life is an acquired taste for most. Inexperienced male lovers may be squeemish about going down on another person. The reasons are obvious I think. Cleanliness is essential if its to be a pleasant and memorable experience. Both partners need to be attentive to their personal hygiene. Showering together is often fun. don't expect too much of your partner if he is young and inexperienced.

After that you need to experiment and find out what feels good. You need to let your male partner know what turns you on and what does not. For example I press my upper teeth against her just above the clit while I finger her as deeply as I can and work her clit with my tongue. This makes her crazy and eventually brings her to orgasm. Some women would be far too sensitive to have their clit stimulated this aggressively and other techniques will need to be used. Let him know what you like, and/or expect.

The male partner needs to realize he may have to "work" at this a bit. Sex is more than just sticking it in and talking dirty a bit. That may mean continuing to work on you even if he doesn't "feel like it". I usually go down on her after cumming in her pussy, or sometimes her mouth. At this point I'm no longer "in the mood". I had to train myself to continue stimulating her even though I wanted to just go to sleep. In time I have learned that this is very satisfying and erotic and now it comes naturally and is not a burden at all. The payoff is having her come to a screaming orgasm. That is sufficiently arousing fo me to make me want to now go down on her mentally even though I don't feel like it physically.

How long did it take to learn all this? Years. That's part of the fun. And I'm still learning. Hope this helps somewhat.

Questions?

Well said, mrron. You know your stuff.

MysteriousGirl

 

[cliteatingman]

I have never been on the receiving end of oral sex, so I do not know how well this method works.

I'd love to change that for you!

 

[postobatwork]

This is how to give a woman pleasure during Oral sex . . .of course, it is from one of the greatest don juans of our time....
{Jay}I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck
[referring to Silent Bob]
{Jay}: none of you little fucks out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little fuck. Then I rub my nose with it.

Yes. It works every time.

 

[kmb411]

As a guy that is in a one night stand that has lasted 17 years, I have found that the key is to not think about my pleasure, only hers. This has allowed us to explore each other's bodies. Open communication is key. If I do not like what she is doing, I tell her. Like wise, she tells me the same.
Sometime it is respect. She hates the taste/smell of her self, but loves to give and recieve oral, just no kissing after I have been down on her. She does not want me near her ass, but will give a prosate massage if we are in the heat of the moment.
All this said,she does not think she is highly sexual, just really enjoys our love making.

The key is to find some one and use them as your sex toy. Tell them what you want and what you want to experience. Practice makes perfect and practice should feel good. If it feels good today, do it again tomorrow, with a slight change. And enjoy the outcomes whether or not you orgasim or not.

And if that does not work, get good and wet in a make out session and just go doggy- your toes will curl at the end!

 

[like2pleez]

It seems you are getting goods information. It is about communication and letting yourself enjoy it no inhibititons! Just relax and enjoy and tell him what you like, also be open to different methods. If you ever get close to Chicago I would enjoy giving a multiply orgasm.

 

[paulthewetcd]

Oh no, I also want men's points of views too. Thank you for your contributions!

Each relationship is unique, as are the paths to climax. You're half way there: You are honest with yourself about your needs. Next, your partner needs to achieve a similar knowledge of him/herself, then you can communicate your needs to each other.
Enjoy your journey!
Paul

 

[catman23]

IMH(Male)O, there is no one "right" way to do anything. At one moment, slow gentle teasing for hours is the right thing. Other times, hot, sweaty, hard "the beast with two backs" fucking is the way to go.

Having said that, there are some things that seem to have "worked" on a regular basis with the women in my life:

One is for me to spend a long time pleasing her orally without her cumming. I looooove to spend hours kissing her body all over before reaching to forbidden garden. And even then I still wait, nibbling and kissing the succulent flesh of her inner thighs. I especially love giving little bites to the tendon extends from the groin down the thigh.

When I finally do work my way to to fruit of her (and my) desire, I love to just lick up and down one outer lip for a while. Eventually, I'll work over to the other lip, just barely grazing my lip and tongue over all the sweetness in between the two.

And then, I like to do the same to the pink sugarness between the outer and inner lips. Finally, I'll move to the inner lips. Up one and down the other; Up the other and down the one. But doing so only brushing the hot core of her desire with my heated breath.

And then ...

... I finally move to her clit, that tiny magical button that can make the world spin backwards. Licking, kissing, nibbling. Sucking it between my lips while humming Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" every so often.

And yet, stopping before her body throws itself over the edge of the cliff.

And then doing it again.

Finally, though, when the time is right, I slide my sweaty body up her glistening one and poise my throbbing cock and her now soaking pussy.

Sometimes, I'll ease it in gently in slowly building strokes. Other times, I'll slam it home deep inside of her until my head it knocking on the door of her womb. You'll know which is right at the time, and hopefully he will too. If not, guide him. Remember, most men aim to please and will respond to your wishes. If not, they shouldn't be there anyway.

My picture thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=533940

 

[quietwoman187]

I'll say this. When I was younger I did not believe in the female orgasm and viewed it as a pseudo-fallacy, accessible to only a small minority of women. However, as I became older, I started to realize that I did achieve the pleasure I desired and that the highly performative, overtly vocal visuals incorporated into pornography and even mainstream television created a fallacy for the woman to live up to. Once I realized that, I started to realize the big o (or little o, depending on the person) wasn't all that elusive and was actually quite tangible.

 

[scotsmitch2001]

I'll say this. When I was younger I did not believe in the female orgasm and viewed it as a pseudo-fallacy, accessible to only a small minority of women. However, as I became older, I started to realize that I did achieve the pleasure I desired and that the highly performative, overtly vocal visuals incorporated into pornography and even mainstream television created a fallacy for the woman to live up to. Once I realized that, I started to realize the big o (or little o, depending on the person) wasn't all that elusive and was actually quite tangible.

and what was it that made you realise?

 

[poete_maudit]

Mr Ron nails it, so to speak, here: "I press my upper teeth against her just above the clit while I finger her as deeply as I can and work her clit with my tongue..."

This technique will bring you over the mountain. But getting up the mountain from the base camp requires stimulation of those major sex organs, the brain and the skin. As to the skin, the key is for the man to always be using his HANDS-- usually one hand above, fondling the often overlooked erogenous zones around the neck, ears, and face-- and one below, not always focused on the clit but close to it-- along the thighs, under the ass-cheeks, below the navel, just above the hips, the small of the back.

As to mental stimulation, IMO for a woman requires two seemingly contradictory but actually reinforcing dynamics to take place: she needs to feel OTOH completely reassured-- about your concern for her, your awareness of her uniquenely divine qualities, your devotion etc-- and OTOH she needs to be attracted to your alpha male, hunter, bad-boy, mate-suitability and high sperm-quality quotient.

Not easy to pull off but it helps if you can do a decent Steve McQueen imitation, know all the lyrics to Marvin Gaye's Greatest Hits, and know your Yeats or Puccini. And know how to caress, finger, lick, nudge and lap clit.

 

[Erlind]

This will probably sound strange coming from a guy, but the only time I cum during sex is when there is a lot of foreplay involved. Its not that my partner doesn't arouse me, she seriously does. When we're together we can hardly keep our hands off each other and often can't. However physical stimulation from her rarely directly leads to orgasm for me. The fastest way we've found for me to get off while together is her stimulating me in another way while I masturbate.

I know this isn't directly related, but I guess what I'm going for is that at least in my case there's a guy who has trouble reaching orgasm.

 

[dirtycarol]

Oral always gives me the big "O"! Sometimes mastrubation, either self, or having him do it will work also. I rarely have an orgasm from vaganal sex alone.

Talk to him, give each other oral, and learn is about the best I can tell you...It sometimes takes a while and a caring partner. Good luck!

 

[cherrypies]

Mr Pie here,

We've been together a long time, married 30 years and many years of dating prior to that. Over the years I've learned what Mrs likes and she tells me what she likes. Communication is the key and a Mr Hitiachi Magic Wand ain't a bad helper either.

For us, the Mrs likes to come first clitorally then later on vaginally. The positions that work best for her are doggy or on her back with me standing. When she is on her back I hit her G Spot and she can come quickly and often. We have a very rich sex life and even began swinging in our 40's. If we attend a swing party it is not uncommon for Mrs Pie to have 6~8~10 orgasm's during the evening. One of the reasons swinging is so fun!

Anyway, buy a Hitachi Magic Wand for starters and then talk with your boyfriend or lover about what YOU like. Take your time and have fun.

Good luck,

The Pies

 

[Firebrain]

In order to orgasm with a partner, a woman needs to like herself. She needs to find herself sexy (and her partner is only partly responsible for that). She needs to value her own pleasure and to not be bothered if it takes a lot longer than for he. She needs to tell him what she likes and to keep telling him.

I orgasm with my husband because I'm bossy. And I quite like my breasts...

I should add - in the interest of being helpful - yes, I had my first orgasm from him through oral sex. Then we worked out that if he stopped just before I came and had sex, it worked that way too (me on top is the safest bet). Sometimes he just uses his hands on me; depends on how worked up I am to begin with. My very favourite thing for him to do is to lick me while he fucks me with a toy that rubs my g-spot - it makes me gush. Then he fucks me hard from behind and I have clusters of little orgasms, over and over. Blissful.

 

[gloriann]

While I can orgasm pretty well by my little old self, my partner can also get me off very nicely. I'll say, though, it's not quite the same. Not worse, or better, just different for the most part. It comes down to communication and gentle direction, and being willing to learn about each others' wants, needs, likes, dislikes...