Need Some Advice

[ericsmity]

So here is the deal. I have a been a dom for a while now and I am also a massage therapist. Recently one of my clients responded to a personal ad I had placed looking for a sub. When I sent her my picture she realized she knew me and would send me a photo or tell me who she was. We exchanged many emails back and forth over a couple of days where she just asked a bunch of questions.
Yesterday I found out who it was because she told me while I was giving her a massage. My questions come in here...she says she is curious but how to I approach it with her. In the past I have just dommed women that I have met through personal ads and not known previously. This girl is very attractive and would be a lot of fun but Im not sure how to proceed to find out if she is truly interested in me. Any help would be awesome.

 

[JMohegan]

So here is the deal. I have a been a dom for a while now and I am also a massage therapist. Recently one of my clients responded to a personal ad I had placed looking for a sub. When I sent her my picture she realized she knew me and would send me a photo or tell me who she was. We exchanged many emails back and forth over a couple of days where she just asked a bunch of questions.
Yesterday I found out who it was because she told me while I was giving her a massage. My questions come in here...she says she is curious but how to I approach it with her. In the past I have just dommed women that I have met through personal ads and not known previously. This girl is very attractive and would be a lot of fun but Im not sure how to proceed to find out if she is truly interested in me. Any help would be awesome.

She appreciates the contents of your personal ad, as well as your massages.

I'm missing the problem here.

 

[Primalex]

I guess it's the infamous "How do I tell my best friend that I want him to rape me?" problem.

 

[ericsmity]

I guess that the problem is she knows what I am into and has expressed that she might be as well but I don't know how to go forward with someone that I have more of a professional relationship with. She has told me she likes forced sex and she has asked me to tell her about one of the experiences I have had...Is she inviting me to "force" her during a massage session?

 

[JMohegan]

I guess that the problem is she knows what I am into and has expressed that she might be as well but I don't know how to go forward with someone that I have more of a professional relationship with. She has told me she likes forced sex and she has asked me to tell her about one of the experiences I have had...Is she inviting me to "force" her during a massage session?

"Raping" her while on the job doesn't seem like a really great plan.

Further, though I definitely find this sort of thing hot as hell, there's no way I'd do it without knowing a woman well enough to trust her with my personal freedom.

Bruises and your DNA will be an extremely unfortunate combo if she gets pissed.

 

[ericsmity]

That's where the struggle is. I come to her house once a week to provide the massage and Im not sure if she is hinting that she want's something more or not...My hesitation is for the exact reason you stated. I am on the job. I have always conducted myself very professionally with her and had she not responded to my ad she would have never known that side of me...

It sounds like the best course of action is to continue as I have done being professional and leave the door open for her should she want to go that direction?

 

[the captians wench]

"Raping" her while on the job doesn't seem like a really great plan.

Further, though I definitely find this sort of thing hot as hell, there's no way I'd do it without knowing a woman well enough to trust her with my personal freedom.

Bruises and your DNA will be an extremely unfortunate combo if she gets pissed.

Especially if she knows you on a professional level. She could very well accuse you of molestation and other harsh things if she gets the notion to. In your line of work here, that could mean you have to find a new career. Not to many people are willing to be massaged by some one who's known to make advances on his clients.

If you wish to persue a relationship with her outside of the professional one currently existing, I would sugest cutting off the professional part. Make it clear that you do not date/sleep with clients and take some time to get to know her before you pull out the cuffs and gags.

Even then, I'm still not sure it's too bright an idea.

 

[midwestyankee]

Seems to me that much of your concern rests on the assumption that you would maintain a professional service provider-to-client relationship while exploring your fit as a Dom/sub pair. Would it greatly screw up your life if you told her that you don't want to mix the two parts of your life? You would lose her as a client (at least temporarily, if not for good) but you wouldn't have the built-in internal conflict of commingling the two parts of your life.

If she's really as attractive to you as you say, and you're a good massage therapist capable of adding to your client list when you wish, maybe this is an option that will help you keep your head on straight.

 

[ericsmity]

I have already made that clear that I don't not do those things with clients...she knows my boundries but continues to persue me by asking questions and such. Thanks for the help from everyone...this caught me off guard and I am not used to that. I think the best thing is to stop the massages and then go from there. Any other input would be welcomed.

 

[nh23]

I guess that the problem is she knows what I am into and has expressed that she might be as well but I don't know how to go forward with someone that I have more of a professional relationship with. She has told me she likes forced sex and she has asked me to tell her about one of the experiences I have had...Is she inviting me to "force" her during a massage session?

Why not just ask her?

 

[Shalrath]

Seems to me that much of your concern rests on the assumption that you would maintain a professional service provider-to-client relationship while exploring your fit as a Dom/sub pair. Would it greatly screw up your life if you told her that you don't want to mix the two parts of your life? You would lose her as a client (at least temporarily, if not for good) but you wouldn't have the built-in internal conflict of commingling the two parts of your life.

If she's really as attractive to you as you say, and you're a good massage therapist capable of adding to your client list when you wish, maybe this is an option that will help you keep your head on straight.

^^^ +1 vote for this. It seems like the sensible suggestion to put forward to her.

 

[Moonlit]

Why not just ask her?

This sounds like the best idea to me.

Communication is an important part of any relationship and that would be open communication.

 

[Primalex]

Why not just ask her?

That's really smart.

"Honey, do you want a new shirt as secret christmas gift?"

 

[HarlotMinx]

Especially if she knows you on a professional level. She could very well accuse you of molestation and other harsh things if she gets the notion to. In your line of work here, that could mean you have to find a new career. Not to many people are willing to be massaged by some one who's known to make advances on his clients.

If you wish to persue a relationship with her outside of the professional one currently existing, I would sugest cutting off the professional part. Make it clear that you do not date/sleep with clients and take some time to get to know her before you pull out the cuffs and gags.

Even then, I'm still not sure it's too bright an idea.

Documentation, documentation, documentation! Seriously, I keep copies of any important chat logs, emails, letters, and even some phone calls. You'd be amazed at when it'll save your ass...... also helps you know when your ass isn't covered.

 

[Marquis]

For step-by-step directions on how to proceed in exactly this situation I suggest you click here.

Although I can see the merit in not mixing work and pleasure here, this seems too hot to pass up. I wonder what would happen if you made subtle inquiries into whether or not she would be up for that. Eventually I would think you'd end up as either her fuck buddy or masseuse exclusively, but if that's going to happen anyway why not enjoy the transition?

 

[lilylicious]

Documentation, documentation, documentation! Seriously, I keep copies of any important chat logs, emails, letters, and even some phone calls. You'd be amazed at when it'll save your ass...... also helps you know when your ass isn't covered.

CYAWBH - Cover Your Ass With Both Hands! I'd very subtly and in a non-threatening way just happen to mention you keep all your emails so she knows you've got records.

I think the best thing is to stop the massages and then go from there.

I agree!

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

Having seriously contemplated massage as a profession and having a daughter who's a licensed professional, I have to vote for severing the professional relationship to explore the personal would be your best bet here, hon. And big dittos on the CYAWBH!

DON'T let her dictate ANY movement forward while your professional ass is out in the wind. If she's a decent person, she'll understand that and not want to mess things up for you... and if she's really looking for a Domme, she'll appreciate your stand and get off on it. You're protected and she's turned on even more... should be a win/win!

Good luck!

 

[nh23]

That's really smart.

"Honey, do you want a new shirt as secret christmas gift?"

Well... better than just make the assumption that she does want him to "rape" her and end up with his ass in jail. Or I suppose you could he could just take the chance and see what happens.

 

[ReadyOne]

This is easy.

Ask her out on a date-date (dinner, etc.) Use it to set up a play date.

Tell if that if you start playing, she stops being your client, but your massage table doesn't have to stay unfolded...

 

[kushielstoy]

Check your state laws.....

If you truly are a legal massage therapist you would understand the severity of what you are contemplating with your client.

May I suggest that you look here /www.coloradomassagelaw.com/ before you proceed.

The legal challenges, not to mention the ethical concerns could have a sever backlash for you and your client.

You may also take a look at /www.ncbtmb.org/ for further in sites as to why what you are considering is wrong.

To compromise your ability to work in a licensed state, is not something a professional massage therapist would choose.


my 2 cents........

toy

 

[kimbernee]

So what massage school did you go to that didn't make the answer to this question obvious? The ethics as I understand them are that you need to a) immediately terminate the professional relationship and b) not engage in any personal relationship for a minimum of 6 months after ending the professional relationship, if ever. Did you not learn about transference?

 

[ericsmity]

I did learn the legal aspects of massage therapy while in school. Thanks to all of those that gave their two cents, it's nice to just talk about it to make sure one's head is on straight rather than leading with the smaller head.

I have terminated the massages and let her know that I can in no way mix the two as that would put me at serious risk. She completely understood and we are going to let things sit for a while before taking any further action. Going forward I will be screening responses to my ads.

 

[SimonBrooke]

So here is the deal. I have a been a dom for a while now and I am also a massage therapist. Recently one of my clients responded to a personal ad I had placed looking for a sub. When I sent her my picture she realized she knew me and would send me a photo or tell me who she was. We exchanged many emails back and forth over a couple of days where she just asked a bunch of questions.
Yesterday I found out who it was because she told me while I was giving her a massage. My questions come in here...she says she is curious but how to I approach it with her. In the past I have just dommed women that I have met through personal ads and not known previously. This girl is very attractive and would be a lot of fun but Im not sure how to proceed to find out if she is truly interested in me. Any help would be awesome.

I note what everyone else has said about separating the personal from the professional, and in the medium term you have to do that. But I get the feeling from what you're writing that there's a thrill for her coming out of the fact that you already have this connection. If I'm right, what I suggest you do is the following:

Agree a safeword with her. Don't be explicit about why you need a safeword, but make sure she knows that if she uses it you will stop whatever you're doing. Do this over the net - mail or chat - so you have, as others have said, a record. Make it clear that the reason that you're agreeing the safeword is because you're prepared to accept her as your sub. Then arrange a massage appointment with her.

When she comes, make sure she remembers the safeword. Then - don't fuck her. Be the perfect, courteous professional. At the end of the session, arrange another session. On that occasion, again make sure she remembers the safeword, and again just be a perfect, courteous masseur. On the third visit, then go for her as hard as you think she can take - but respect her safeword.

One of the things about rape fantasies (back me up here, women) is unexpectedness. If you have strong sex with her on the visit after you've agreed the safeword, she's expecting it, prepared for it, and it isn't as sexy. So you want her to get to the point where she doesn't really expect it any more, before you do it. My bet is that, if you do it that way, it will be a really memorable event for you both - for you there's a lot of anticipation, for her there's surprise.

Obviously, after you've done this she can't be a client any more. But I don't see why she can't be a client until you do it.

 

[YourCaptor]

Am I the only one who learned this trick in middle school.

Go for it in a blatantly obvious way so she knows you want it, then stop half a centimeter before the point of no return. If she comes to you go for it, if she does not ask her if she wants it.

Worst that could happen you lose her and some business. Is it worth the risk?

 

[Netzach]

One of the things about rape fantasies (back me up here, women) is unexpectedness.

One of the things about fantasizing about your shrink, CMT, chiro or MD is that fulfillment without a 6 month cooling period in MANY states is a career busting bummer.

I personally would not trade in my year's income and legality for a piece of ass. There's plenty of submissive ass and you still have good hands on your own time.

I know a lot of CMT's aren't raking it in like MD's but, still.

Also a lot of pt's KNOW this and like to fuck with you. You think this isn't maybe a patently NON sub headgame?