.

[astralkiss]

.

 

[satindesire]

This popped into my head because I was talking with Him about it via
IM (we are long-distance right now, 4 months and counting till we are back)...anyways.

I mentioned something about getting spanked (which I like) and other physical implements (some I don't like). He knows I like getting spanked, so I obviously don't get that as a punishment (it's a reward). But I thought that He would use the others as punishment.

His reply...

"I want you to submit and follow orders not because of fear of punishment, but because you want to."

He also mentions that he prefers a more "intellectual" and "mental" style of domination.

Honestly, I don't know what to think. He has never been one for an ass-whoopin' considering I am a pain-slut for the most part, and He does use a lot of figuring out what would be an appropriate punishment (for me taking away things like spanking works wonders) instead of just physically punishing me.

Do you think that there are different styles of domination?

Absolutely. We're humans, not robots. There are different styles of domination and different styles of submission.

By the way, if you enjoy it, it's not a 'punishment'. Punishments are to be put into place to correct bad behavior, not for pleasure. So him saying that he isn't going to whoop your ass when you're bad is a -good- thing...that will teach you that bad behavior isn't rewarded with the things you like.

Submission from willingness and love instead of fear is the most beautiful kind of submission one person can give another. Honestly, you need to trust your Dom, not fear them. Submitting to them should be a gift and not a requirement...because once it crosses the line from "I love him" to "I'm scared of him" then the relationship is toxic and you don't need to be there.

 

[WriterDom]

This popped into my head because I was talking with Him about it via
IM (we are long-distance right now, 4 months and counting till we are back)...anyways.

I mentioned something about getting spanked (which I like) and other physical implements (some I don't like). He knows I like getting spanked, so I obviously don't get that as a punishment (it's a reward). But I thought that He would use the others as punishment.

His reply...

"I want you to submit and follow orders not because of fear of punishment, but because you want to."

He also mentions that he prefers a more "intellectual" and "mental" style of domination.

Honestly, I don't know what to think. He has never been one for an ass-whoopin' considering I am a pain-slut for the most part, and He does use a lot of figuring out what would be an appropriate punishment (for me taking away things like spanking works wonders) instead of just physically punishing me.

Do you think that there are different styles of domination?

Do you think we all sit for two days taking some grueling Master exam?

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

This popped into my head because I was talking with Him about it via
IM (we are long-distance right now, 4 months and counting till we are back)...anyways.

I mentioned something about getting spanked (which I like) and other physical implements (some I don't like). He knows I like getting spanked, so I obviously don't get that as a punishment (it's a reward). But I thought that He would use the others as punishment.

His reply...

"I want you to submit and follow orders not because of fear of punishment, but because you want to."

He also mentions that he prefers a more "intellectual" and "mental" style of domination.

Honestly, I don't know what to think. He has never been one for an ass-whoopin' considering I am a pain-slut for the most part, and He does use a lot of figuring out what would be an appropriate punishment (for me taking away things like spanking works wonders) instead of just physically punishing me.

Do you think that there are different styles of domination?

First, of course there are different styles of domination- each Dom/me will have their own set of expectations and requirements, rules and punishments, rewards and praises. Even in the tiniest of senses, no two dominants are alike; even in their total likes and dislikes.

My Master is NOTHING like my previous owner, and one of my closest friends is a Dom and he is nothing like Master or my previous owner. People are people and they can all be as different as night and day. Just like no two sub/slaves will be alike.

As for the bolded part, your Master is absolutely correct. You submit because it's in you to do so...a need that you have...not because he has threatened to beat the crap out of you for not saying Master enough or makes you sit in a corner tied and gagged because he doesn't like what you have on that day.

Submission is a part of who we are- that's why we submit to our Master's, not fear.

 

[WriterDom]

No, but the image in my head now is fairly amusing....

*imagines rows of people trying to remember the proper word for a tie*

It would make an interesting degree program.

 

[satindesire]

Thank you for your input! The above part I quoted really puts everything into perspective. I absolutely trust him with everything, and I am not afraid of him. I am only afraid of disappointing him.

For all the big talk about giving up control, walking out of a bad relationship is something that we are all capable of, no matter WHAT our chosen label is. We're humans born with free will, whether we choose to exercise it or not is of course, our choice and no one else's...and to further that, if we choose to stay in a toxic relationship the fault of our pain is just as much ours as theirs.

The fact that you're only afraid of disappointing him is a good sign. That's healthy and normal, which can be a relief when sometimes our minds tell us that because we need XYZ we're NOT normal.

I'm glad I could be of some help sweetheart.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

It would make an interesting degree program.

Gives a whole new meaning to Summa Cum Laude

 

[Homburg]

Do you think we all sit for two days taking some grueling Master exam?

Could you imagine the arguing about what should be on the test?

 

[Arkhilokhus]

Do you think we all sit for two days taking some grueling Master exam?

Perhaps it'd be like some massage schools, where people can make an appointment to be the subject of student practice?

 

[WriterDom]

Could you imagine the arguing about what should be on the test?

I think a course would be fascinating. A duel major thing with psychology. Rope 202, then a psychology class and after lunch heading off to Flogging 102 with your flogger over your shoulder. We'd need some submissive volunteers. I don't think that would be a problem.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I think a course would be fascinating. A duel major thing with psychology. Rope 202, then a psychology class and after lunch heading off to Flogging 102 with your flogger over your shoulder. We'd need some submissive volunteers. I don't think that would be a problem.

It might help subs from falling into the grasps of wannabe Doms.

"Hi there, I have a BSc in Domination"

 

[HoHoBomb]

It really takes a Master to be able to dominate mentally, emotionally, spiritually...

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

It might help subs from falling into the grasps of wannabe Doms.

"Hi there, I have a BSc in Domination"

*giggles* Hi I have a BS in D/s with a minor in BD and I'm working on my MS in M/s

 

[Harmony_1985]

*giggles* Hi I have a BS in D/s with a minor in BD and I'm working on my MS in M/s

Subs could interview their potential Doms and ask to see the degree!

 

[Netzach]

Dominants and submissives are different. And I'm not trying to doom this particular relationship, but sometimes mismatched. If physical SM is something hard wired into you, you NEED it to be happy, being with a Dominant who is totally uninterested in that is about as healthy as being with someone who is vanilla.

We have needs, as people. We have sexual desires and drives. There's nothing unsubmissive about being a person who also needs a good hard beating to stay sane. Nor un-dominant really - it's just a fact of the person's person-hood.

I could not be with someone who didn't enjoy physical manifestations of my sadism and be happy.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Subs could interview their potential Doms and ask to see the degree!

But then don't you just see Dom's asking for letters of reference from previous Dom's when they are thinking about owning someone?

THE INTERVIEW

Dom: Ah yes. It says here that you were owned for five years by Master Tie Me Up.

Sub: Yes, Sir.

Dom: If I were to call him, what do you think he would say about you?

Sub: Well I know there were several occasions where we had a difference of opinion.

Dom: Do you think he would give you a good reference?

Sub: Um...Sure. I guess so. I mean I did stay pretty still and not complain the last time he tied me up. Here's a letter that he gave me before I left his service.

 

[JMohegan]

Do you think that there are different styles of domination?

Sure.

I am not interested in a relationship involving the punishment dynamic. Nor am I interested in someone who considers the act of submitting to be a gift to the D.

In a committed relationship with me, submission is a requirement. Part of the agreed upon construct - similar to fidelity in monogamous relationships. An appropriate match for me is someone who is happiest in a personal relationship when her partner is in charge.

 

[ZRT]

As was said, everybody's style is totally different. I tend to make my punishments simple and clean (although unpleasant, otherwise it wouldn't be punishment). I'm not into the daddy thing, and I expect my wenches to learn what's what without a great deal of drama.

Other side of the coin is that I'm big on the physical abuse, but as I tell them coming in: that's totally my whim. I own you, I don't need an excuse. It's not punishment, it's my fun. Theirs too, since they wouldn't come in if that wasn't what they were after.

Also, it changes from sub to sub, depending on their tastes and boundaries and how our personalities interact.

 

[CutieMouse]

It really takes a Master to be able to dominate mentally, emotionally, spiritually...

Not necessarily... there are a million and ten ways to crawl inside someone else mentally/emotionally/spiritually without ever donning the title "Master".

He has no problem with physical things such as spanking, flogging and the like, but will not dole it out as punishment, because rarely do I find physical pain anything but enjoyable. It hurts, but I am a pain-slut, so I think he won't give it out because it would be rewarding bad behavior.

He'll still whoop my ass, just not for me being a brat

And I'd also propose that it doesn't matter how big of a pain slut you are - there is always a physical punishment out there that can go beyond the fun/hot sort of hurt.

The trick is finding it.

 

[LovingDom86]

The magic, I believe, is in finding your exact match Two snowflakes amidst a vast tundra of white that fit eachother perfectly. All the more difficult, yet all the more beautiful.

 

[eastern sun]

The magic, I believe, is in finding your exact match Two snowflakes amidst a vast tundra of white that fit eachother perfectly. All the more difficult, yet all the more beautiful.

I think the idea of an exact match, though romantic, is a thing of myth and leads to unrealistic expectations. My experience is that different sexual partners bring out different expressions of my sexuality. And no one is perfect.

 

[Betticus]

Do you think we all sit for two days taking some grueling Master exam?

Damn you, mine was a week long!