2009 Survivor Bonus Round Challenge #2: Masquerade.

[Lauren Hynde]

Yesterday it was Mardi Gras in Louisiana, Carnevale in Venice, and Carnaval in Rio. Next Friday, it's the yearly Vampire's Ball in Oporto, where I live. For this Survivor Bonus Round Challenge, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is:

Write a cento, entirely made-up of titles of poems posted at Literotica.com by poets other than yourself. Furthermore, write the poem from a narrator voice that is foreign to your self. If you're a man, write as a woman. If you're a woman, write as a man. If you like women, write about men. If you like men, write about women. If you're a dog-loving gas-waster warmonger, write as a cat-loving hippie tree-hugger. The poem should have a minimum length of 14 lines, and its title must include the word Masquerade. Please credit the poets from whose poems you take the titles.

You don't need to be participating in Survivor to take this challenge. If you are participating in Survivor, for your poem to be eligible for points under the Special Bonus Rounds heading, it needs to be submitted to Literotica.com and be posted between 02/25/2009 and 03/25/2009.

Feel free to use this thread to workshop this challenge, to banter about this challenge, to post links to your submissions to this challenge, and to give your opinion on poems submitted to this challenge.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Just finding a seat

 

[annaswirls]

whoohooo!!! I am dancing on the bar!


I did a cento last night and actually had FUN! (after all my whining and worrying)

Here I go with my standard supposedly clarifying questions that actually muddy things up:

Is the point of view switch excluded to gender and sexual preference? Could I write it as a war monger, for instance? Or a prisoner of war? Or as someone who shushes up and goes with the flow?

Okay I am just realizing that I do not feel a very strong identification with my gender!


Also, Please make it be a requirement (or strong suggestion) for people to give credit to the original poet.

Thanks so much for organizing this!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

There, I made a slight alteration to clarify that.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Stumbles off to actually find a poem that has the word masquerade in it!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Whoo hoo found one struck lucky there!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

You're only required the use the word Masquerade in the title of the poem, and that's not necessarily made up of titles of other poems.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Ok.. feedback?
Sorry about the numbers. I don't know how to make them superscripts on here.


Unveiled Masquerade1

A handful of visitors2
Bar fly3 collection4
Barstool ramblings5
Spill the wine6
A woman eludes me7
Part-time princess8
Cherry lips9
Snow White10
Dressed to Kill11
Before I leave, a word12
Suspended attraction13
Insufferable silence14
Walking Alone15
Late to bed16
A gift in the night17
Separating appetite from inspiration18
The vision of a woman19
Lips to lips, flesh to flesh20
Savagely21
Echo in the dark22
Forever the taste of you23
Vampiric erotica24
Death is a Lady25


1 Cal Y. Pygia
2 smithpeter
3 JJ Johnson
4 postobitum
5 Harry Leg
6 HomerPindar
7 normique
8 RaLaWrites
9 noisymother
10 Stepandfetchit
11 The_Fool
12 mojo_cat
13 E-Nymph
14 blueelflover
15 Paul T
16 Magnolia13
17 Bitch Boy
18 forgottennightmare
19 Solar Dragon
20 stacistatas
21 Sinamynlee
22 Ornament
23 Toward A Word
24 bratprince316
25 Meanderingpoet

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I hope I am not out of place with this and it's just my useless opinion but it does read a bit just like a list to me .... perhaps if the capitals where taken out it would read more smoothly

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I hope I am not out of place with this and it's just my useless opinion but it does read a bit just like a list to me .... perhaps if the capitals where taken out it would read more smoothly

really? You don't follow the story or metaphor?
maybe it's more in my head than in the poem.
well, the few capitals that I kept, i did on purpose, but it might be distracting. I'm sure the numbers as they are here are distracting.

 

[annaswirls]

It surely meets the requirement and you picked some great lines. It feels very disjointed to me, though. It feels like a list of titles. Sorry, I know that this is not nice feedback, but honest.

I think you can remedy this partly by using enjambment between the lines, combining titles (like you did in line 2) to make longer lines and taking away the capitals, adding punctuation. I played around with it a bit, but it still seems really disjointed to me. Starts out a bar scene, which I liked and had hoped you would continue-- it is a good scene you started, but then you are going home alone, then back to an interaction....

At any rate, I hope you were looking for this kind of critique. As I said, it fills the requirement, but as a coherent poem, frankly, it needs work.




Unveiled Masquerade

A handful of visitors
bar fly collection
Barstool ramblings spill the wine.

A woman eludes me
Part-time princess cherry lips,
Snow White dressed to kill.

Before I leave, a word:
Suspended attraction
Insufferable silence walking alone, late to bed

A gift in the night separating appetite from inspiration:
The vision of a woman lips to lips, flesh to flesh
Savagely echo in the dark
Forever the taste of you


(these two lines seem to be tagged onto the end.)

Vampiric erotica24
Death is a Lady25

Ok.. feedback?
Sorry about the numbers. I don't know how to make them superscripts on here.


Unveiled Masquerade1

A handful of visitors2
Bar fly3 collection4
Barstool ramblings5
Spill the wine6
A woman eludes me7
Part-time princess8
Cherry lips9
Snow White10
Dressed to Kill11
Before I leave, a word12
Suspended attraction13
Insufferable silence14
Walking Alone15
Late to bed16
A gift in the night17
Separating appetite from inspiration18
The vision of a woman19
Lips to lips, flesh to flesh20
Savagely21
Echo in the dark22
Forever the taste of you23
Vampiric erotica24
Death is a Lady25


1 Cal Y. Pygia
2 smithpeter
3 JJ Johnson
4 postobitum
5 Harry Leg
6 HomerPindar
7 normique
8 RaLaWrites
9 noisymother
10 Stepandfetchit
11 The_Fool
12 mojo_cat
13 E-Nymph
14 blueelflover
15 Paul T
16 Magnolia13
17 Bitch Boy
18 forgottennightmare
19 Solar Dragon
20 stacistatas
21 Sinamynlee
22 Ornament
23 Toward A Word
24 bratprince316
25 Meanderingpoet

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

It surely meets the requirement and you picked some great lines. It feels very disjointed to me, though. It feels like a list of titles. Sorry, I know that this is not nice feedback, but honest.

I think you can remedy this partly by using enjambment between the lines, combining titles (like you did in line 2) to make longer lines and taking away the capitals, adding punctuation. I played around with it a bit, but it still seems really disjointed to me. Starts out a bar scene, which I liked and had hoped you would continue-- it is a good scene you started, but then you are going home alone, then back to an interaction....

At any rate, I hope you were looking for this kind of critique. As I said, it fills the requirement, but as a coherent poem, frankly, it needs work.




Unveiled Masquerade

A handful of visitors
bar fly collection
Barstool ramblings spill the wine.

A woman eludes me
Part-time princess cherry lips,
Snow White dressed to kill.

Before I leave, a word:
Suspended attraction
Insufferable silence walking alone, late to bed

A gift in the night separating appetite from inspiration:
The vision of a woman lips to lips, flesh to flesh
Savagely echo in the dark
Forever the taste of you


(these two lines seem to be tagged onto the end.)

Vampiric erotica24
Death is a Lady25

Yeah, I am going to have to think about this some more cuz I am obviously failing to get my point across with those words.
"A gift in the night" and "vision" doesn't make it obvious that it's a dream?

The last two lines are kinda the whole point of the poem, so I need to work on making them not appear tacked on. I'm gonna put it away for today and bring it out when I have fresh eyes to see what I need to change. The lengthening of some of the lines is a good suggestion.

Thank you anna and annie for your feedback.

 

[pushkine]

My first attempt. Did I satisfy all the criteria?


Reverse Masquerade

Tonight I speak my thoughts,
poet mother woman slut,
to the man outside my window:

Sweet man, what becomes of once,
if I gave you a taste, a date
at Baskin-Robbins,
ice cream foreplay a simile
for your kiss?

Let's collapse this distance
in between heaven and hell. Love me,
love my dirty mind, cheap
pizza, and expensive champagne.

Like a deer in my headlights,
I want to kiss you while you scream.
From between vermilion lips, I want to

lick you while you scream. No one
does you better.

And the definition of better is
to write a haiku of your face.

Thank you for the new boots.



1. "Reverse Masquerade" by dr_mabeuse (Note: This is a story, not a poem, but the criteria explicitly state that the poem's title is not itself subject to the cento requirements.)
2. "Tonight I speak my thoughts" by Tristesse2
3. "poet mother woman" by sophia jane
4. "slut" by sophia jane
5. "To The Man Outside My Window" by champagne1982
6. "Sweet Man" by Recidiva
7. "what becomes of once" by Liar
8. "If I gave you a taste" by RhymeFairy
9. "a date at baskin robbins" by dorksicle
10. "ice cream foreplay" by sophia jane
11. "A Simile for Your Kiss" by Cordelia
12. "lets collapse this distance" by steve porter
13. "In between Heaven and Hell" by cward2
14. "Love Me, Love my Dirty Mind" by LittleMinna
15. "Cheap Pizza & Expensive Champagne" by RisiaSkye
16. "Like a Deer in my Headlights" by JUDO
17. "I want to kiss you while you scream" by rnabokov
18. "From Between Vermillion Lips" by Liar
19. "I Want To Lick You While You Scream" by JUDO
20. "No One Does You Better" by JUDO
21. "And The Definition Of Better Is" by dorksicle
22. "to write a haiku of your face" by Kaishaku
23. "thank you for the new boots" by dorksicle

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I like that you link the chosen poems. Great idea.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Mine is taking off in wierd directions not what I intended at all perhaps I have wierd tendencies

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Mine is taking off in wierd directions not what I intended at all perhaps I have wierd tendencies

NO! Really????

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You'll get a thick ear in a minute

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

You'll get a thick ear in a minute

You make me homesick.

 

[Jack_Samuel]

The Masquarade of lust and love

Here is my first effort. i wanted to capture the feelings of a woman who uses one night stands to avoid commitment

Suddenly, craving
A Moment
A Kiss

A Bind of Black Silk
A Mother's nightmare

Forbidden Love
You touch me
bare
When you cum
The breath of regret

A Beast Within
A cry in the night
The widow's howl
A vision of me

Mysterious lady
Cock Tease
Black Widow
slut

Did You Think of Me
… and tell me that you love me

Pure lust
But love?
What maddness

Anyway But forever
I Leave you
Before You Wake

A Mother's Nightmare by Svenskaflicka
You touch me by SXY_Hot_Mamma
Before You Wake by Belegon
Forbidden Love by Svenskaflicka
When you cum by CelestialDream
The Breath of Regret by Curiouswife
...and tell me that you love me by pokey4001
Cock Tease by sarahhh
A Vision of Me by Elizabetht
Mysterious Lady by saber6
Black Widow by Svenskaflicka
Slut by SavgeWolf
A Bind of Black Silk by WriterDom
A Beast Within by mmumbles
Did You Think Of Me by Wicked-N-Erotic
A Cry in the Night by mmmmsexy
Bare by Elizabetht
The widow's howl by Svenskaflicka
A Kiss by Khandi Kane
A Moment by Shadow_Kyss
But Love? By irishcatsmeow
What Madness by tungtied2u
Pure Lust by Arianna Lee
Any Way But Forever by DeepAsleep
Suddenly, craving by neonurotic
I Leave You by Syana

 

[annaswirls]

Masquerade Party:

Bachelor tree house:
A handful of visitors,
clear acrylic dome.
Just add starlight
cloud covers, cold nights
(nothing to do with weather.)
Give me naked ladies,
statuesque low keyed sluts,
men surrounded by seduction.

<Barometer sparks/take a number.>

One of her tricks:
between two pricks
feeling another tongue.
Mona Spice, it's about her heavy lips,
gentle breath, even trade.

One hand free
with that girl Strawberry Kim looking out.
Woman from infinity crystal lipped swirl
curling photography in the mirror.

One missing guest
found laying on doorstep
drilling a 1/4” hole
(Clara's stone)
looking about, stunned.

One growing pain closest to groin,
almost understanding the
sleep walker, Sheila Chandra.
How to be spending time near her face!
Lips, arms, hair, skin.
First kiss, second kiss
"Ready?" whispered

<Need of pause, cigarette>

Three women,
the 3 beautiful boys
twenty one inches.
Triangular bed for sleep.

Hush I believe a possible cure
Hush I believe
a dream of never leaving.


All Titles by smithpeter (links will take a while, this is 55 separate titles) Can I just link his poetry page?


"ready?" whispered
3 women
A Dream Of Never Leaving
A Handful Of Visitors
a possible cure
almost understanding
Arms
bachelor tree house
Barometer Sparks/Take a Number
being noticed
between two pricks
Cigarette
Clara's Stone
clear acrylic dome
closest to groin
Cloud Covers
Cold Nights
compass headings and evening
Crystal Lipped Swirl
curling photography
drilling a 1/4” hole
feeling another tongue
First Kiss
for Sheila Chandra
for sleep
found laying on doorstep
gentle breath
give me naked ladies statuesque
hair
how to be
hush
I believe
In the mirror
It's About Her Heavy Lips
Laila
Lips
Men Surrounded By Seduction
Mona Spice
Need Of Pause
nothing to do with weather
one growing pain
one hand free
One Missing Guest
One Of Her Tricks
one time
Second Kiss
skin
Spending Time Near Her Face
Strawberry Kim
Symmetry
The 3 Beautiful Boys
The Sleep Walker
three sides
triangular bed
Twenty One Inches
wish and vision before sleep
With That Girl
woman from infinity


Note to self: possible lines to add:
Subliminal Sex Orgy Poem Erotic Poetry 01/31/02
Rhythm Hostess Poem Erotic Poetry 03/28/02
Photographing Wind Poem Non-Erotic Poetry 08/18/02
One For All, Merrily Poem Erotic Poetry 03/31/02

 

[annaswirls]

My first attempt. Did I satisfy all the criteria?

CheckWrite a cento,

Checkentirely made-up of titles of poems

Checkposted at Literotica.com

Checkby poets other than yourself.

Check write the poem from a narrator voice that is foreign to your self.

Check The poem should have a minimum length of 14 lines,

Checkits title must include the word Masquerade.

CheckPlease credit the poets from whose poems you take the titles.



I wish the first and third lines were sequential. I am not sure how you would get the poet mother woman slut in there though.

I do not like this run below: it is too trashy. I felt like it was a serious poem until then, and it became more of a joke. But then again you are writing as a person other than yourself. I dislike the word scream. However, as the Rain Man says, you can't give a universal no to any word.

Like a deer in my headlights,
I want to kiss you while you scream.
From between vermilion lips, I want to

lick you while you scream. No one
does you better.

and I don't get the boots at the end.

Other than that, I like it, well constructed, you did a good job finding phrases that completed each other grammatically, not an easy task.

Reverse Masquerade

Tonight I speak my thoughts,
poet mother woman slut,
to the man outside my window:

Sweet man, what becomes of once,
if I gave you a taste, a date
at Baskin-Robbins,
ice cream foreplay a simile
for your kiss?

Let's collapse this distance
in between heaven and hell. Love me,
love my dirty mind, cheap
pizza, and expensive champagne.

Like a deer in my headlights,
I want to kiss you while you scream.
From between vermilion lips, I want to

lick you while you scream. No one
does you better.

And the definition of better is
to write a haiku of your face.

Thank you for the new boots.



1. "Reverse Masquerade" by dr_mabeuse (Note: This is a story, not a poem, but the criteria explicitly state that the poem's title is not itself subject to the cento requirements.)
2. "Tonight I speak my thoughts" by Tristesse2
3. "poet mother woman" by sophia jane
4. "slut" by sophia jane
5. "To The Man Outside My Window" by champagne1982
6. "Sweet Man" by Recidiva
7. "what becomes of once" by Liar
8. "If I gave you a taste" by RhymeFairy
9. "a date at baskin robbins" by dorksicle
10. "ice cream foreplay" by sophia jane
11. "A Simile for Your Kiss" by Cordelia
12. "lets collapse this distance" by steve porter
13. "In between Heaven and Hell" by cward2
14. "Love Me, Love my Dirty Mind" by LittleMinna
15. "Cheap Pizza & Expensive Champagne" by RisiaSkye
16. "Like a Deer in my Headlights" by JUDO
17. "I want to kiss you while you scream" by rnabokov
18. "From Between Vermillion Lips" by Liar
19. "I Want To Lick You While You Scream" by JUDO
20. "No One Does You Better" by JUDO
21. "And The Definition Of Better Is" by dorksicle
22. "to write a haiku of your face" by Kaishaku
23. "thank you for the new boots" by dorksicle

 

[pushkine]

I wish the first and third lines were sequential. I am not sure how you would get the poet mother woman slut in there though.

I waffle about that second line myself. I think I want it, though it may be superfluous.

Thank you. I'll think about whether it should be there or not.

I do not like this run below: it is too trashy. I felt like it was a serious poem until then, and it became more of a joke. But then again you are writing as a person other than yourself. I dislike the word scream. However, as the Rain Man says, you can't give a universal no to any word.

It's supposed to be trashy. My intent, anyway.

Whether it works with the rest of the poem, I don't know.

I don't mean it as a joke, though. Does it sound like a joke?

and I don't get the boots at the end.

I know. That probably shouldn't be there, but I am immensely fond of non sequiturs. And it's intended to speak to the relationship between the narrator and her voyeur.

Ah, well. Incompetence, you know.

Other than that, I like it, well constructed, you did a good job finding phrases that completed each other grammatically, not an easy task.

Thank you, especially for the detailed comment. I really appreciate it.

 

[annaswirls]

I waffle about that second line myself. I think I want it, though it may be superfluous.

I think the line is necessary.
Maybe rearrange a bit:

To the man outside my window,
tonight I speak my thoughts,
poet mother woman slut.

Then put the whole rest of the poem in one big quote.

Thank you. I'll think about whether it should be there or not.
It's supposed to be trashy. My intent, anyway.

Whether it works with the rest of the poem, I don't know.

I don't mean it as a joke, though. Does it sound like a joke?

The "nobody does you better line" made it feel that way, to me. She identifies herself as a poet, but

I want to kiss you while you scream.
From between vermilion lips, I want to

lick you while you scream. No one
does you better.

was not believable to me. It was not "poetic" as the rest of the poem.
Maybe I identify too closely with your character

I know. That probably shouldn't be there, but I am immensely fond of non sequiturs. And it's intended to speak to the relationship between the narrator and her voyeur.

hmm. Non sequiturs are a favorite of mine as well. I think that, as a woman, I might put something before it-- like
By the way
thank you for the new boots.

or
I forgot say
Thank you for the new boots.

you or some sort of chattery kind of thing, as she is talking to him out the window. Maybe some illusion to her self-reflection of what she does for those boots?
Or add another line that turns the tone of the poem.... like a woman might turn on the heel of her new boots. Or some sexy description of the boots, a few words.

I know, it is hard because it has to be a title!

Ah, well. Incompetence, you know.

You shall be spanked (in lieu of your self-flaggelation) if you keep that up.

Thank you, especially for the detailed comment. I really appreciate it.

Thank you for your appreciation and handling critique like the big manly man that you are. (I did not say dude.) I respect your work and talent, and it is humbling to be able to offer you suggestions. Good luck with this!

I loved my cento when I wrote it and now it is starting to rot before my eyes.

 

[pushkine]

I think the line is necessary.
Maybe rearrange a bit:

To the man outside my window,
tonight I speak my thoughts,
poet mother woman slut.

Then put the whole rest of the poem in one big quote.

The problem I have with that is that it sounds like "my thoughts" are that "I" am "poet mother woman slut."

My intent was to say that "my" thoughts as "poet mother woman slut" were (the following poem).

Does that make sense?

The "nobody does you better line" made it feel that way, to me. She identifies herself as a poet, but was not believable to me. It was not "poetic" as the rest of the poem.
Maybe I identify too closely with your character

I dunno. In some ways, it is just an exercise. You kind of take a fling at it and not worry too much about getting it really right. Why I think I am not completely happy with the contest.

What I was shooting for, though, was the idea that the narrator (female) is having erotic thoughts about the voyeur outside the window, letting herself go (mentally) or something. Giving in to her own prurient desires in a kind of abstract way.

Or something.

Geez, that sounds pretentious.

hmm. Non sequiturs are a favorite of mine as well. I think that, as a woman, I might put something before it-- like
By the way
thank you for the new boots.

or
I forgot say
Thank you for the new boots.

you or some sort of chattery kind of thing, as she is talking to him out the window. Maybe some illusion to her self-reflection of what she does for those boots?
Or add another line that turns the tone of the poem.... like a woman might turn on the heel of her new boots. Or some sexy description of the boots, a few words.

I know, it is hard because it has to be a title!

In my mind, she has purchased the boots because of the voyeur. To excite him (and herself), I guess.

It's not set up well, but, as I said, I like non sequiturs.

Again, thanks for the comments.

You shall be spanked (in lieu of your self-flaggelation) if you keep that up.

I like to think I'm more Dom than sub, but that is probably self-delusion.

I can say that spanking (of me, not of some upturned ass of she) has little appeal to me.

Thank you for your appreciation and handling critique like the big manly man that you are. (I did not say dude.) I respect your work and talent, and it is humbling to be able to offer you suggestions. Good luck with this!

I loved my cento when I wrote it and now it is starting to rot before my eyes.

As I said someplace else, the cento is a particularly difficult form. Very hard to do well. Yours have been interesting. If I were you, I'd chalk that up as a win.

 

[annaswirls]

Ah! I was thinking that she knew the man, in the biblical sense. I missed the point.

Yes, it is just an exercise. You can just wing it and still get the points without getting it "really" right. But you do not seem like the kind of writer who does it for the points, votes, credit.

I still think we should have some kind of voting at the end of the Survivor challenge, because I think quality (whatever that means) should play a part as well as quantity.

Thanks for your encouragement, but I am by no means looking to "win" anything. I am hoping to finish. I have not written much of anything in the past year and a half, two years, so getting this far makes me happy already.

Aside: I was not threatening to spank you because I thought you would enjoy it. That would defeat the purpose of the punishment for your self-deprecation. I was thinking of discouraging the behavior, not reinforcing it. At any rate, punishment never really works anyway in changing behavior.

The problem I have with that is that it sounds like "my thoughts" are that "I" am "poet mother woman slut."

My intent was to say that "my" thoughts as "poet mother woman slut" were (the following poem).

Does that make sense?I dunno. In some ways, it is just an exercise. You kind of take a fling at it and not worry too much about getting it really right. Why I think I am not completely happy with the contest.

What I was shooting for, though, was the idea that the narrator (female) is having erotic thoughts about the voyeur outside the window, letting herself go (mentally) or something. Giving in to her own prurient desires in a kind of abstract way.

Or something.

Geez, that sounds pretentious.
In my mind, she has purchased the boots because of the voyeur. To excite him (and herself), I guess.

It's not set up well, but, as I said, I like non sequiturs.

Again, thanks for the comments.
I like to think I'm more Dom than sub, but that is probably self-delusion.

I can say that spanking (of me, not of some upturned ass of she) has little appeal to me.
As I said someplace else, the cento is a particularly difficult form. Very hard to do well. Yours have been interesting. If I were you, I'd chalk that up as a win.