No longer a virgin!

[blushingjen]

My first story just went up! yay!

I'm a little afraid about the feedback though, because I don't think it's very good. I sent this one in first because it has the most sex in it of all the ideas I had. Anyway, this is it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=407909

I already submitted my second story, but that one's not that great either, but it's the one that was requested by the person who kind of got me interested in writing stuff up. The one I'm writing now I like, but there's not very much sex in it at all, it's all about the why and not much about the what. I don't know how people will like that. But I have like 12 things in my idea file, so eventually I hope something will come up that's good

Anyway, I'm just psyched that something's up now! w00t!

 

[scotsmitch2001]

have just read game and Match>...and wow,excellent first time effort.Worked for me lol
cant wait for your other ideas to come to light. giving away any clues?
= ]

 

[WarriorPrincessUK]

I'm new too, in that I've only ever submitted 2 stories. I liked your's, the charaters are real!

Now I'm involved in my first role play story with a very good friend of mine. The advantage is that you dont know where it will lead.

Looking forward to reading your next work.

 

[Dragonlipz]

Great first story, I really enjoyed it

You developed your characters, gave them plausible situations and let them find their way! Nice job, I look forward to reading more!

 

[blushingjen]

Thanks all of you I haven't finished my next one yet, because I want to work a little harder on it and not just rush through to get it posted. It's easier to just let the words spill out and not keep going back over and over, but I think it'll help.

The next couple I think will be more "plausible" and less porny, which is kind of good and kind of bad, I guess

 

[Lieutenant_Dan]

your first story

My first story just went up! yay!

I'm a little afraid about the feedback though, because I don't think it's very good. I sent this one in first because it has the most sex in it of all the ideas I had. Anyway, this is it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=407909

I already submitted my second story, but that one's not that great either, but it's the one that was requested by the person who kind of got me interested in writing stuff up. The one I'm writing now I like, but there's not very much sex in it at all, it's all about the why and not much about the what. I don't know how people will like that. But I have like 12 things in my idea file, so eventually I hope something will come up that's good

Anyway, I'm just psyched that something's up now! w00t!

Great story Jen. Congratulatioons on your first submission. Just what I needed today was a good new story of lust, sex and good screwing.

You need not blush at all. It was fabulous. Now my question of the day...is it real or based on real events?

Thanks!

Warm hugs,

Lieutenant_Dan

 

[Scopo]

I liked your story. The once piece of constructive criticism I would have given was to lead to a more plausible build-up before he enters the shower. A little seductive dialog so to say. "Mind if I come into the bathroom to get my ...., I promise I won't look" etc... Every time I have tried to just enter a shower with a woman in it the police have been called. ;0

 

[ericahope]

I liked your story. The once piece of constructive criticism I would have given was to lead to a more plausible build-up before he enters the shower. A little seductive dialog so to say. "Mind if I come into the bathroom to get my ...., I promise I won't look" etc... Every time I have tried to just enter a shower with a woman in it the police have been called. ;0

I agree. It seemed a little implausible that Jenny would just let some guy climb in the shower with her without even a little protest. I can't think of a situation in which I would just be like "yeah, sure come on in." Even if it was a guy I wanted to sleep with. It would just be too startling.

I also felt there wasn't enough character and plot development. You seemed a little hurried to get to the sex scene...sort of like a porno flic. But obviously the guys here liked it and it has a red H label.

 

[blushingjen]

Yeah, honestly I rushed the whole thing, I wrote it in like two hours beginning to end. I just got too eager to get something up on the site. I'm taking my time more on my next one and trying to get some stuff right. Like I said, it'll probably end up a lot longer, a lot less porny, and less popular

Thanks, though, it's good to see that people agree with what I thought too. Kind of lets me know maybe I'll be on the right track.

I probably shouldn't admit this part, but the thing that probably messed up the shower scene is that it really did happen But I still should have explained it better and more believably for the story.

 

[ericahope]

I probably shouldn't admit this part, but the thing that probably messed up the shower scene is that it really did happen But I still should have explained it better and more believably for the story.

Wow, really? If so, you should have definitely written it from the first-person perspective and let us see what was going through your mind at the time. Were you shocked? Excited? Aroused? Were you conflicted about what you should do? All of the above? Even without the third person, if you'd gone deeper into Jenny's mind at the point and let us know what she was thinking I think it would have been a lot hotter.

 

[scotsmitch2001]

I agree. It seemed a little implausible that Jenny would just let some guy climb in the shower with her without even a little protest. I can't think of a situation in which I would just be like "yeah, sure come on in." Even if it was a guy I wanted to sleep with. It would just be too startling.

I also felt there wasn't enough character and plot development. You seemed a little hurried to get to the sex scene...sort of like a porno flic. But obviously the guys here liked it and it has a red H label.

dunno how implausible that is to be honest.Have been in situations before were,grabbing th bull by the horns so to speak, I have walked in ona woman and without anything being said,we have moved into a full sexual relationship.more can be said with a look and a gesture sometimes
= ]