I gave a little background info in the introduction area. Basically, I have led a VERY VERY vanilla lifestyle sexually speaking. I started reading erotica (on this site) about a year ago and OMG...I knew what was missing. lets just say, I was completely aroused by the stories of being "TAKEN". After my boyfriend and I started dating, I discovered that he was into bondage and having a sexually submissive woman at his side. He is perfect. I know that I cannot truly be happy until I have pleased him in every sexual way he demands. He has not given me a serious spanking yet, but he said it is coming very soon. He uses his hand, and he also has a crop and a cane. I have seen them....He did tie me up recently and forcefully have his way with me (consensually of course and yes we have safe words). Things get a little rough sometimes but I love it and he knows it. He said he will use baby steps with me, but my question is this.............How do these baby steps usually go?? If I am ready to take things to a higher level...should I let him know........what if I really want him to spank me for real..........how do I tell him this? Or should I just do something to elicit one? The dominant/submissive roles exsist only in our sexual relationship.......although he is a very dominant man by nature, so I usually follow his lead in everyday things too...........He treats me like a princess........how can I be the best submissive partner? This is not a choice for me....It is a natural thing for me to be submissive.........I cannot be happy unless I have pleased him........I am just new to all of this, but I know it is where I belong. I am finally alive for the first time and I dont have to hide my true self anymore.....I feel like the puzzle to "who I am" has finally been solved.
Coming Out of Cave...Help me know what to expect???
- Thread starter teddy7371
- Start date
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Welcome, teddy.
Regarding your questions, there is no set sequence of events, moving to "next levels," et cetera. What works for the two of you is the "right" way to do it. To find out what will work for both of you is the first thing missy said: communicate, CoMmUnIcAtE, COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE! If you - or he - happen to be a tad shy about discussing things like this, get over it. (I'm not saying that's easy, but it IS a necessity.) FIND a way to communicate, if you find sitting face to face and talking about things too difficult at first. Find and go over one or more of the BDSM checklists and swap them. Once you've (both) done that, you might find it a little easier to verbalize your thoughts on some of those subjects.
Finally, just a "style note." Please - please, please, please! - try to write a bit more in Standard English: paragraphs, etc., and lose the ...........s. Writing in a Joycean chain of thought mode makes your post(s) hard to read, and for this reason, some people who might have some good input for you might skip over your post(s) and you'd miss out.
I'm not saying you have to write in "publishable" form, but some use of more standard formatting of your messages will make them more readable and more likely to draw a greater number of responses. Again, welcome to the forum!
YourCaptor
Cute Girl Connoisseur
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2007
- Posts
- 4,550
Thats simple, just be yourself, and let him be himself.
Enjoy the freedom
Enjoy the freedom
satindesire
Queen of Geeks
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Posts
- 13,101
Introducing BDSM into a once-vanilla relationship, as I have done and am doing now, can really take a long time sometimes. The biggest thing you should remember is that there isn't anything wrong with you if you find out someone was doing something at six months that, with your relationship, you haven't done yet and it's been a year. BDSM develops in it's own time and at it's own flavor and pace in every relationship. Read, talk to people. ASK QUESTIONS. Don't be afraid to be curious. Don't be embarrassed if you don't know something. -Everyone- was new once.
The most important thing is be patient, respect each other, communicate, and never forget that you love each other, no matter who's wearing the collar.
The most important thing is be patient, respect each other, communicate, and never forget that you love each other, no matter who's wearing the collar.
romantic_always
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2008
- Posts
- 152
Little kinks that my boyfriend and I have, such as spanking (oh I love it!), are as easy as asking for it during sex or sexual activity. As for the heavier BSDM, I think everyone has been good about saying "communicate!" as that is THE key point in relationships, from what I've learned!
Sounds like you're really happy though, hooray!
Sounds like you're really happy though, hooray!
Thanks to all of you who have helped out. I kinda figured that communication was the key and we communicate ALOT. The sexual relationship has never been vanilla. We started right out of the gate with talking about what each other enjoyed, so it was established right away..... I am in no hurry at all for things to move quickly. I prefer to savor every baby step he teaches. Thanks for the input, I really appreciated it!!
