Betticus
FigDaddy!
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2004
- Posts
- 12,240
My last relationship burned me so incredibly badly that I haven't dated in almost five years. I've tried sex but something happens inside, there is a coldness that comes between me and her that doesn't allow me to feel for her.
I know it's fucking pathetic and that I'm supposed to be this big bad alpha male dom who has it all going on and is controlling life but the truth is that I'm barely hanging on.
Sure I have a steady job that a lot of schoolkids would get excited over.. I have a house and the two cars.. I have some cool photography behind me and more for the future but this is my bdsm story.. the truth.
I'm a zero experience as far as formality is concerned dom... A lot of you know this already and put up with me anyway.
After my breakup, the one that ripped my heart apart so badly that I am scared of women... I went to a show in Denver to see one of my fav bands called the genitorturers. They are based out of Florida, check em out they are good. It was an event called the vampires ball so you know kinksters were there.
It was going well, I was on an elevated platform above the mosh pit, the surrounds were cattle guard style so no one could accidentally fall over and I was center stage view from a little above. Maybe fifteen yards from the stage. When the gen came on a woman shoved her way next to me and started doing headbanging and flinging her hair. She had very long hair and it whipped me in the face a few times. She was obviously not in control, either drunk or a retard, not sure but I ended up in a very masculine bark yelling out to be heard above the music for her to watch her hair.
A girl approached me on my right, a delicoiusly hot blonde and I was polite and just talked with her for a bit. Then a guy comes up in her spot and we chat a little about nothing.. Unbeknownst to me I was being checked out. Finally this lovely brunette girl, maybe thirty or so comes up.. she didn't really say anything. I was gripping that cattle guard to calm me because the hair girl was still being a dick but this little brunette just put her hand next to mine, put her little pinkie finger over mine and my world changed. It calmed me down and for me inside, it was like all the worries of the world faded away. We didn't even have to talk, it was just there but it was amazingly real. We talked a bit and she had this tat on the back of her neck. I asked what it was for, it was three dolphins in a circle, nose to tail with water and she said it was the mark of her former master. I know what she meant from a clinical sense and truth be told, I was a bit horrified that some asshole marred her skin and didn't keep her for life.
Turns out though that she was a born submissive. It clicked with me but I had already accepted a job in New Mexico and couldn't pursue anything.. I had been previously laid off and was broke, moving out of state and my future was unsure. I told her that I couldn't get in a relationship and why.. she was ok with it but she let me know that of all the men there, I was the alpha dom. That it drew her to me like a moth to a flame.
In the next few weeks it opened me up, things in my past started to make sense and my guilt for other things in my past went away because I had my eyes opened to the fact that I was in a very real way different from other guys. So I moved to New Mexico and the new job which I am still at. I had the burning need to find out more so I discovered lit bdsm and so many here have helped me, calmed me and let me know it's ok.
I listened and tried not to be a noob asshole, to just be myself and to be honest about my thoughts and likes, dislikes...
You've all seen me fall hard for a couple of subbies online and seen me get burned too and no one judged me. Everyone just gets it here. It's kind of a home. I just want to thank you all for the patience and guidance. For just being who you are.
I still have yet to spank a girl officially as a bdsm guy. I have http://forum.literotica.com/images/smilies/redface.gifa dom couple in el paso who are going to mentor me though when I do get a subbie of my very own. Not a hamster substitute just because I need to care for someone.
You are all awesomeness.
I know it's fucking pathetic and that I'm supposed to be this big bad alpha male dom who has it all going on and is controlling life but the truth is that I'm barely hanging on.
Sure I have a steady job that a lot of schoolkids would get excited over.. I have a house and the two cars.. I have some cool photography behind me and more for the future but this is my bdsm story.. the truth.
I'm a zero experience as far as formality is concerned dom... A lot of you know this already and put up with me anyway.
After my breakup, the one that ripped my heart apart so badly that I am scared of women... I went to a show in Denver to see one of my fav bands called the genitorturers. They are based out of Florida, check em out they are good. It was an event called the vampires ball so you know kinksters were there.
It was going well, I was on an elevated platform above the mosh pit, the surrounds were cattle guard style so no one could accidentally fall over and I was center stage view from a little above. Maybe fifteen yards from the stage. When the gen came on a woman shoved her way next to me and started doing headbanging and flinging her hair. She had very long hair and it whipped me in the face a few times. She was obviously not in control, either drunk or a retard, not sure but I ended up in a very masculine bark yelling out to be heard above the music for her to watch her hair.
A girl approached me on my right, a delicoiusly hot blonde and I was polite and just talked with her for a bit. Then a guy comes up in her spot and we chat a little about nothing.. Unbeknownst to me I was being checked out. Finally this lovely brunette girl, maybe thirty or so comes up.. she didn't really say anything. I was gripping that cattle guard to calm me because the hair girl was still being a dick but this little brunette just put her hand next to mine, put her little pinkie finger over mine and my world changed. It calmed me down and for me inside, it was like all the worries of the world faded away. We didn't even have to talk, it was just there but it was amazingly real. We talked a bit and she had this tat on the back of her neck. I asked what it was for, it was three dolphins in a circle, nose to tail with water and she said it was the mark of her former master. I know what she meant from a clinical sense and truth be told, I was a bit horrified that some asshole marred her skin and didn't keep her for life.
Turns out though that she was a born submissive. It clicked with me but I had already accepted a job in New Mexico and couldn't pursue anything.. I had been previously laid off and was broke, moving out of state and my future was unsure. I told her that I couldn't get in a relationship and why.. she was ok with it but she let me know that of all the men there, I was the alpha dom. That it drew her to me like a moth to a flame.
In the next few weeks it opened me up, things in my past started to make sense and my guilt for other things in my past went away because I had my eyes opened to the fact that I was in a very real way different from other guys. So I moved to New Mexico and the new job which I am still at. I had the burning need to find out more so I discovered lit bdsm and so many here have helped me, calmed me and let me know it's ok.
I listened and tried not to be a noob asshole, to just be myself and to be honest about my thoughts and likes, dislikes... You've all seen me fall hard for a couple of subbies online and seen me get burned too and no one judged me. Everyone just gets it here. It's kind of a home. I just want to thank you all for the patience and guidance. For just being who you are.
I still have yet to spank a girl officially as a bdsm guy. I have http://forum.literotica.com/images/smilies/redface.gifa dom couple in el paso who are going to mentor me though when I do get a subbie of my very own. Not a hamster substitute just because I need to care for someone.
You are all awesomeness.
