new fantasies

[XXXlindanXXX]

I have a new male friend that is into BDSM. We spent a lot of time talking about various things, BDSM being one of them. I sent this silly sex survey to some friends and his responses intrigued me. Now I keep having fantasies of him having me tied up, flogging me, biting me, pulling my hair. Some of which he mentioned in his response and I already enjoy. I really want to bring up these fantasies to him, but I tend to be shy about that stuff unless I'm drunk. (no i'm not drunk now, but this is slightly more anonymous) Any advice on how I can approach this confidently?

 

[YourCaptor]

I have a new male friend that is into BDSM. We spent a lot of time talking about various things, BDSM being one of them. I sent this silly sex survey to some friends and his responses intrigued me. Now I keep having fantasies of him having me tied up, flogging me, biting me, pulling my hair. Some of which he mentioned in his response and I already enjoy. I really want to bring up these fantasies to him, but I tend to be shy about that stuff unless I'm drunk. (no i'm not drunk now, but this is slightly more anonymous) Any advice on how I can approach this confidently?

Send him your responses to the survey and leave a not saying something like, and then when you have a moment to talk mention it.

 

[XXXlindanXXX]

Send him your responses to the survey and leave a not saying something like, and then when you have a moment to talk mention it.

I don't feel like I would actually be able to send it to him

 

[CutieMouse]

I don't feel like I would actually be able to send it to him

Then you aren't mature enough to do more than fantasize about it.

Look, it can be embarrassing. It isn't like you're the first person on the planet to admit you're intrigued by certain things, but if you're going to play grown up games [be sexually active], you gotta be a grown up and learn to talk about it. Utilize IM, email, the quiz you sent him, send links to erotica that gets you going, talk on the phone, whatever - but talk.

 

[Dreamliner]

Perhaps you might like to chat with him and lead the discussion to how you like to explore what may be considered "not normal practice" by sme people...but not you.

Then ask him if he has considered exploring what may be percieved as boundaries..until you find they are not...take the discussion from there.

 

[MisterSir]

I don't feel like I would actually be able to send it to him

Then get over it. You can't do that one simple thing, it ain't going to go anywhere.

 

[oldsub]

The door has already been openned for you by his responses. You can simply e-mail him a note saying you were, as you say "intrigued" by his responses and ask him, maybe in a light or teasing way to expand on them. You are not telling him you want him to come over and tie you down (yet) just furthering the conversation. Obviously you think there is potential here the only way to find out is to delve deeper but its ok to take small steps. He seemed open enough to write these things in the first place a follow up would allow you to find out if he really is into what he said or if he was just going for shock value. Who knows maybe he is as nervous about this as you and only openned up because you are a "new" friend to him as well. One with which he could easily backtrack to, I was only kidding or she doesn't really know me if you were to object to his initial overture.

 

[kittenartist]

Then you aren't mature enough to do more than fantasize about it.

Look, it can be embarrassing. It isn't like you're the first person on the planet to admit you're intrigued by certain things, but if you're going to play grown up games [be sexually active], you gotta be a grown up and learn to talk about it. Utilize IM, email, the quiz you sent him, send links to erotica that gets you going, talk on the phone, whatever - but talk.

I second that!

The one thing I taught my lil sister about sex was the rule of: "If you cannot talk about it then you cannot do it".

 

[BertrandRussell]

... learn to talk about it. Utilize IM, email, the quiz you sent him, send links to erotica that gets you going, talk on the phone, whatever - but talk.

That's great advice. I third it.

A suggestion: tell him that you are doing a follow-up survey. In the second survey, have questions that reflect or do not reflect you. Let's say, just as an example, that you are brunette and live in Cleveland. The original question of "Do you like to do X" now becomes "Do you like to do X with women in A) NY B) Cleveland C) Houston D) Los Angeles. The question of "Do you like women who do Y" becomes "Do you prefer A) blondes who do Y B) redheads who do Y C) brunettes who do Y"
This way he can make the transition from expressing a general interest in the subject to expressing a particular interest in doing it with you. And it gives him a way out if needed. It may be the case that he was joking or he has an exclusive partner, and this way he can exit gracefully.
It also gives you an exit. If he turns out not to be the type of person you thought he was, you can backtrack and say it was just an attempt at more internet humor.

A second suggestion: whatever method you choose, do it sober. You already have some things that you apparently can do only when drunk. If you do this drunk because you can only do it when drunk, then you are adding to the list of things that you can only do when drunk. That's a path with a bad ending.
Take this opportunity to transfer. ( At least I think that's what the psychologists call it ) Go shopping for lingerie or leather or whatever. Indulge yourself. Get something that you really feel sexy in. Then do your writing - to him, or to this forum - when wearing it. So instead of "I can only talk about this when drunk", your new habit would be "I can only talk about this when wearing my red leather corset"