The SCOURIES reader – for both fans and serious scholars…

[scouries]

you're a guest of

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James R Scouries esq.

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Allie T - Valentine Virgin Violated

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[tickledkitty]

*pounds head on desk*

Why, oh WHY can't I remember the writing seminar last year??? I should be able to remember at least some of it, especially if it enabled me to win the contest.

And where did I get the $12,000?


Hmmm...

*ponders*

 

[tickledkitty]

Clues, Jim, sweetheart. I need clues.

 

[PositiveThinker]

Sorry, Sammy Twart, you have me confused with that great writer, the one who doesn't write stories here anymore, Bostonfictionwriter. My name is Paul, Paul Thomas. My friends call me PT, but you can call me Mr. Thomas...Sir.

Freddie, you may have changed names, but you're still nothing but a twat!

 

[scouries]

QUOTE Darkboy I still can't get over the childish MS Paint "banner" he posted from the last one *snort

How disingenuous can anyone be? Of course its easy to forgive him given his MENTALLY CHALLENGED condition.

But still! The guy takes some of my hard earned ROYALTY earnings in payment for a few simple photography posting tasks. We figure that we’ll help the poor guy out. In fact he takes the money for the picture now in question. It was he who processed the pic I had taken. Darkboy who got it posted on some weird site of his. He who then had it deleted.

And now the judas questions it.

Could anything be lower?

I think it's time you turned on the lights darkboy , find out what you've been missing ...


I’m james r scouries and I inspire stories…

[size=+2]Dolphins will be looking for lightless les…[/size]

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Sorry, Sammy Twart, you have me confused with that great writer, the one who doesn't write stories here anymore, Bostonfictionwriter. My name is Paul, Paul Thomas. My friends call me PT, but you can call me Mr. Thomas...Sir.

And if you believe that, I know about this writer's workshop in Florida you need to check out...

 

[Smarmy_and_Sappe]

Clues, Jim, sweetheart. I need clues.

Oh, simple, just use your royalty check that you receive from Lit.

 

[scouries]

QUOTE miss pink Why, oh WHY can't I remember the writing seminar last year??? I should be able to remember at least some of it, especially if it enabled me to win the contest. And where did I get the $12,000?

[size=+2]ScouriesWorld[/size] will always have financial assistance packages for such as you my dear…

BTW you do remember the week we spent together the week after the course ended don’t you? The moonlight cruises… swimming in the tropical lagoon… being engulfed in my strong arms… Perhaps those happy memories have completely buried your memories of the course itself.

I’m james r scouries and I inspire stories…

[size=+2]Dolphins loved having miss pink sit on them…[/size]

 

[scouries]

QUOTE penis tonguer aka poor bet:caning: it's way too expensive…. I mean, c'mon, your price doesn't even include airfare. I could fly out to Vegas and stay at the best accommodations and bring my honey and return 4 more times for what you're charging to fly to Miami.

Huh! I’m not charging you to fly. That’s extra.

Going 4 times to Vegas with that lesbo tramp you call a wife vs. a week learning at the feet of the great scouries.

Like that’s a tough choice! We’ll not only make you a better writer (that’s the easy part) but also a better person. And a better lover…Just send Gabby the money dearie…

.
QUOTE freddie I read your lastest story, PT, and I think you'd do well in flying to Miami and taking the writing workshop instead of wasting your time in Vegas.

So true my good man. I think Polo could have written a better story than our San Diego friends latest. For some reason these West Coast people just don’t get humor.

BTW, How is my old friend polo?


I’m james r scouries and I inspire stories…

[size=+2]Dolphins always like seeing freddie…[/size]

 

[scouries]

My newest scourian tale is out today…A VALENTINES DAY contest entry…

Which is a surprise!

I hadn’t planned on entering a story in the contest. As many of you know I’m not a great fan of this wholesale slaughtering of innocent votes by the ROYAL CONSORT. Why can’t he just give the prize to whoever the QUEEN chooses without the butchery?

Anyway, under the terms of my new two year ROYALTY contract, which came into effect January 1st 2009, I only have to enter stories in three (3) of the six (6) specially themed contests.

So I said to myself, fuck the VALENTINES CONTEST. And so I would have…

Except I woke up Wednesday morning and it was 39 degrees! On Miami Beach if you can believe it. So I jumped right back into bed. Let the Gabster warm me right back up…

But you know how broads are. Even though I’ve just taken her to heaven and back she wanted just a little more. ‘Are you going to write me a romantic valentines story jim?’ she asked sweetly. But in a tone every man knows only too well – one translated as ‘do it or else’.

No fool I quickly agreed. No, not just because of her. First off, what else was I going to do in 39 degree weather? And secondly, one of my greatest masterpieces was within striking distance of achieving the extraordinary milestone of receiving its 1000th vote. I figured if I had a story up and running his weekend I might just get it over the top.

So at 9:45 a.m. Wednesday morning I sat in front of my computer and contemplated the task ahead of me.

How do you write a story in 30 hours? I’m not a SURVIVALIST. This was not the scourian way. My stories ooze slowly to the surface of my brain after percolating for weeks … thirty hours? Impossible! At 11:05 a.m. my computer screen was still empty.

I called freddie ! After talking him for an hour, after learning some of his many secrets, I started to type. You can all thank this wonderful man for my eventual participation. And i gained a new respect for him - writing fast is not all that easy!

At 3:38 p.m. Thursday, February 5, 2009, I typed the last word. The story was done.

A scourian masterpiece?

Perhaps not. But so what? It can’t help but be better than ninety percent of the stories in the contest. So read it. It’s a non consensual, romantic comedy. Its # 406,009 on the LITEROTICA register. Here’s the link:

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Allie T - Valentine Virgin Violated

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And I’d suggest you get to it soon. Once MANU kills all those innocent votes I’m going to take it down and then you’ll have to read it on another site.


I’m james r scouries and I inspire stories…

[size=+2]Dolphins love Allie T…[/size]

 

[Darkniciad]

If you honestly expect anybody to believe this stuff, scouries ( once they manage to translate your incoherent jibber-jabber ) then you're even more unhinged than I thought.

I think that defies the laws of physics...

 

[Darkniciad]

I'd also love to hear your opinions of my little tale -- both positive and negative.

Ask, and ye shall receive.

Giving a pass on some of the narrative because it's supposedly narrated by a character. It's still horribly difficult to read.

Starts off with incest overtones. Big surprise there.

Second sentence is a speed bump because lack of punctuation makes it impossible to decipher at a glance.

Incorrect capitalization on Mom a couple of lines later, repeated throughout.

She all of the sudden has multiple stomachs thanks to the lack of an apostrophe.

Scene break - why?

No apostrophe in Valentine's. Continues throughout.

A sentence that makes absolutely no sense. The hunger she has to know the truth... What?

Incorrect capitalization on daddy, continues throughout.

Sentence fragment in narrative.

All caps phonetic screaming, followed by a barrage of ellipses and double hyphens, all used improperly.

Scene break - why?

More ellipses.

More ellipses and double hyphens.

Word of the day - serendipitous. In the context of the rest of the story, I think you need to look it up again.

Multiple sentences joined with commas.

More ellipses. Some single hyphens this time, for variety - all used wrong.

No apostrophe in "falls"

I'm not even going to bother with the rest of the ellipses and hyphens. Assume that there's one every couple of lines.

Not going to bother with the piles of sentences that are confusing for lack of commas, either.

Or the run-on sentences.

"It's February 12th, 2008, Valentines Day" No, according to the date in the scene break, it's the 14th, which is Valentine's Day. February 12th is Lincoln's birthday.

"my bodies been ready" Is there something in the basement we should know about?

Finally, a scene break in the right place.

Press play on the camera to record. That's a new one.

"this guys a fucking lunatic"

Another senseless scene break.

It's not even worth going on. There's barely a paragraph where there isn't a grammar issue, or a completely nonsensical line like "Do you want him to your first?"

The story is so far outside the range of reasonable suspension of disbelief that it doesn't even register on the meter. I guess it's supposed to be Stockholm syndrome, but that dog don't hunt.

The ending is completely WTF?

Good grief. Get someone -- anyone -- to read through your stories before you post them. Any second set of eyes should be able to catch the caveman-speak that you have sprinkled throughout because you left out words, or tacked on words that make no sense, or whatever you did.

Why do I charge myself with reading everything in the contest -- even your stuff -- when I know I'm going to get stuck slogging through something like this?

I take that back. I expected something typical of you. This was much worse.

 

[scouries]

well, seeing you liked that one db, why not try this one...

It’s Friday night … and it’s effing cold wherever you are (including Florida!). Why go out? Light a fire … put on your flannel p.j.’s … pour yourself a drink … nestle yourself into the corner of your favorite couch … click open LITEROTICA …. Click SEARCH MEMBERS … type in “scouries” and then click … click STORIES … then, seeing you’ve probably already written my latest, scroll down to “Gayle’s Dad” … click … then lay back and enjoy…

…and then [size=+2]VOTE[/size]! If you’re lucky you’ll be the one to propel this wonderful story into the 1000+ VOTE CLUB. Which would be pretty neat if you take a sec and think about it. You’ll become part of scourian history…

Or just click the link below. Hey, I promise, this is a great story:

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Gayle’s Dad

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Gayle's Dad Will she ever forgive her Daddy?
4.79 995 241263 Incest/Taboo (English) 11/02/05 Public Comments: 50

I’m james r scouries and I always vote…

[size=+2]Dolphins love Gayle’s Dad… they like Gayle too…and Izzy…[/size]

 

[TxRad]

I’m james r scouries and I always vote… and vote.... and vote.... and vote for my own stories.

I corrected that line for ya Jimbo

 

[scouries]

oh fuck! are you still around ...

... boy? I should have known that as soon as the subject of elllipses came up you'd be around...

QUOTE db Ask, and ye shall receive.

Thank you for your reply db. Even a ‘mentally challenged’ response is better than none.

First, I would just like to confirm the timeline of the writing of the story. Started Wednesday morning, wrote the last word about three thirty-seven Thursday afternoon. Submitted it before four! If it had been sunny and/or warm either day it wouldn’t have made it into the contest (nor ever finished probably).

While I had reread some of the early part of the story, the last half went directly to LITEROTICA without any rereading and/or editing. I thought it had to be in by either four or five p.m. so was somewhat rushed at the end.

This perhaps wasn’t very professional of yours truly but shit happens. I did however enjoy being under the gun as I wrote. It gave me a small insight into (and some admiration for) those of us who are able to produce hundreds of stories every year.

Re your comments:

I wish you hadn’t got back on the ellipse bandwagon yet again. We had that discussion years ago and we both made our opinions clear to the other. I’ll simply reiterate what I told you before – Ellipses as I use them are very useful in erotic stories – and the reading public has no problems with the way I use them.

Apostrophes, hyphens, commas, capitalizations of mom and dad, scene breaks? One of your major problems db is that you read stories like a high school teacher does – you’re so concerned with petty rules that you miss the big picture. Which is sad. The amateur needs rules when he starts out, the professional ROYALTY earning authors are able to create their own rules.

Serendipitous? No, it was used exactly as I planned it.

Re your: The story is so far outside the range of reasonable suspension of disbelief that it doesn't even register on the meter

This coming from the guy who writes ‘magic kingdom’ stories? A person your age db should know that just about anything is possible. Just read your local newspaper for a couple of weeks – ‘normal’ human behavior every day proves the adage ‘life is stranger than fiction’. A teen aged girl being raped by a cop is unusual in Indiana? C’mon man!

The ending is completely WTF?

You didn’t like the ending?

However db, I’ll readily concede that it could have been better. It was rushed and then never edited. It was in a category (romantic rape) that I normally don’t write in. Also, due to time constraints about one third of the story as I conceived it had to be left out.

Still, all in all, I’d say it was pretty darn good. In fact it was the best contest story I’ve read so far (mind you I’ve only read two or three).

So big guy, in future I’d suggest you stop worrying about ellipses and start enjoying what you read.

I’m james r scouries and I write stories…

[size=+2]Dolphins love ellipses…[/size]

 

[Darkniciad]

Apostrophes, hyphens, commas, capitalizations of mom and dad, scene breaks? One of your major problems db is that you read stories like a high school teacher does – you’re so concerned with petty rules that you miss the big picture. Which is sad. The amateur needs rules when he starts out, the professional ROYALTY earning authors are able to create their own rules.

You can drive down a road full of potholes, but you're not going to enjoy it. When you have to backtrack to the beginning of every other sentence because the punctation is so poor as to make it unreadable at a glance, it destroys the illusion. 50% of your ellipses are pointless, even from a standpoint of creative license. Overusing them dulls the impact, even when you go the route of using them to denote pauses.

This coming from the guy who writes ‘magic kingdom’ stories? A person your age db should know that just about anything is possible. Just read your local newspaper for a couple of weeks – ‘normal’ human behavior every day proves the adage ‘life is stranger than fiction’. A teen aged girl being raped by a cop is unusual in Indiana? C’mon man!

I write in a fantasy world. When your cop is a shapeshifter or an evil warlock, then I'll adjust my reality-o-meter accordingly.

The ending is completely WTF?

You didn’t like the ending?

It makes no sense. What the hell are they laughing at?

However db, I’ll readily concede that it could have been better. It was rushed and then never edited. It was in a category (romantic rape) that I normally don’t write in. Also, due to time constraints about one third of the story as I conceived it had to be left out.

You should have left it all out, rather than post a half-finished, unedited, poorly concieved clunker like this. I suppose it does make the rest of your stuff actually look like masterpieces by comparison.

Romantic rape? What?

There's absolutely no push for the instant change from "I hate you and my mom will have your ass." to "Fuck me!" It's flipping the switch on a fuck-doll. I assume that's the part you left out due to "time constraints".

Still, all in all, I’d say it was pretty darn good. In fact it was the best contest story I’ve read so far (mind you I’ve only read two or three).

It's awful. I don't know what you could have read that was worse. This is undoubtedly the worst thing of yours that I've ever read, and right up there with the worst stories I've ever read. I would seriously reconsider posting it over at SOL if I were you -- or at least finish it, and clean up the caveman-speak, messed up dates, and incomprehensible lines splattered all over it, so you don't look like a complete idiot.

I honestly can't believe you're advertising this, even with the "I wrote it really fast" disclaimer.

 

[michchick98]

Apostrophes, hyphens, commas, capitalizations of mom and dad, scene breaks? One of your major problems db is that you read stories like a high school teacher does – you’re so concerned with petty rules that you miss the big picture. Which is sad. The amateur needs rules when he starts out, the professional ROYALTY earning authors are able to create their own rules.

Just try and get one of your stories published in the real world scouries, the first publisher you tell "I make my own rules" will laugh in your face.

That's why the only royalties you make come from board games.

 

[TxRad]

I'm really seriously considering a call to the Ritz this weekend, to post a transcript of the phone call when I ask them about this fabulous event that they've hosted for the last fifteen years *laugh*

I still can't get over the childish MS Paint "banner" he posted from the last one *snort*

You don't have to call the Ritz. Just e-mail them a copy of Scouries post and ask for e-mail conformation. At the same time, request the e-mail address of the Miami Better Business Bureau so you can confirm his business licenses and what permits he should have.

The last e-mail should go to the Fraud and Bunko squad.

 

[michchick98]

I would seriously reconsider posting it over at SOL if I were you -- or at least finish it, and clean up the caveman-speak, messed up dates, and incomprehensible lines splattered all over it, so you don't look like a complete idiot.

Oh, he does that well enough with or without posting stories. I still wonder why he doesn't start his own thread on the discussion boards there?

Oh yeah, that's right, cuz his numbers aren't as trumped up there and no one would believe him anyway, but wait, no one believes him here either.

I honestly can't believe you're advertising this, even with the "I wrote it really fast" disclaimer.

It excuses him from actually writing anything intelligible. And when someone reviews his story, he'll use that excuse, just as he did with you. Never mind the fact that his writing doesn't match his self-proclaimed #1 status. In his mind, he's the king and Gabby is his inflatable queen.

Go ahead and call me mentally challenged, scouries. I'm in good company. Some of the most brilliant minds in the world were called mentally challenged.

 

[sarahhh]

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James R Scouries esq.

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Allie T - Valentine Virgin Violated

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Dark Kitty et all should stick to reading the obituaries for laughs and a good time, which suits their multiple personalities.

Just read your story and left a comment. Ya know, Jim, I think this was one of your best ones yet. Incredibly entertaining in a variety of ways.

Really a hoot! Woot woot woot! And a sticky one.

What a bunch of used condom suckers your critics are. Well, they have to get their protein rush somewhere. Kitty food doesn't contain much other than salt peter for girls.

 

[Darkniciad]

Dark Kitty et all should stick to reading the obituaries for laughs and a good time, which suits their multiple personalities.

Just read your story and left a comment. Ya know, Jim, I think this was one of your best ones yet. Incredibly entertaining in a variety of ways.

Really a hoot! Woot woot woot! And a sticky one.

What a bunch of used condom suckers your critics are. Well, they have to get their protein rush somewhere. Kitty food doesn't contain much other than salt peter for girls.

Still don't have that list together of who's who, huh? Are we, as an alt army of the site owners, who exist for the sole purpose of denying you your rightful accolades and prize money, while turning out hundreds of thousands of words worth of posts and stories, somehow preventing you from reviewing your posts and your sputtering synapses to put it together? We'll have to have a conference with ourself and figure out which of me is blocking your search function so you can pull it off. *laugh my ass off*

Somehow, the fact that "hot phrases" like "Do you want him to your first?" turn you on isn't all that surprising.

Do keep pointing people to this thread with your public comments, though. In fact, provide a direct link so that it's easier for them to get here.

All the real people who're hidden within the cardboard cut-outs in his favorites list should get to know the delusional bigot behind the "masterpieces"

 

[sarahhh]

Still don't have that list together of who's who, huh? Are we, as an alt army of the site owners, who exist for the sole purpose of denying you your rightful accolades and prize money, while turning out hundreds of thousands of words worth of posts and stories, somehow preventing you from reviewing your posts and your sputtering synapses to put it together? We'll have to have a conference with ourself and figure out which of me is blocking your search function so you can pull it off. *laugh my ass off*

Somehow, the fact that "hot phrases" like "Do you want him to your first?" turn you on isn't all that surprising.

Do keep pointing people to this thread with your public comments, though. In fact, provide a direct link so that it's easier for them to get here.

All the real people who're hidden within the cardboard cut-outs in his favorites list should get to know the delusional bigot behind the "masterpieces"

I suggest you try Methimazole.

It is recommended by many vets to treat hyperactive kittens with MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). But you should not use it for pregnant or nursing animals. Not that you have to worry about that, Selena. But I'm sure we'll get the pictures anyway.

 

[Darkniciad]

I suggest you try Methimazole.

It is recommended by many vets to treat hyperactive kittens with MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). But you should not use it for pregnant or nursing animals. Not that you have to worry about that, Selena. But I'm sure we'll get the pictures anyway.

Is the sky in your land of make-believe the same color as the one in scouries'? *laugh*

As always, thanks for the unintended, undeserved compliment. I wish I had the talent of any of the people you say I am.

Looks like scouries went ahead and dumped this embarrassment over at SOL with all the caveman-speak and other errors intact, despite having no deadline there.

Let's see -- how is it doing...

782 downloads 34 votes 5.78

What's that whistling sound? It's either Gabby losing air through her busted seams or scouries 'romantic rape'(?) story bombing.

Wonder where my VDay story is...

780 downloads 78 votes 7.47

 

[scouries]

[size=+2]sarahhhhhhhhh [/size] my dear

What a delight to see you again!

Although I’m sorry you had to arrive in the ScouriesThread just when the mentally challenged had decided to visit.

Thank you for your kind comment. To receive such nice words from LITEROTICA’S #1 Female author is extremely gratifying. The students at my upcoming seminar are going to love learning at your feet…

I was sorry that your STEELER Super Bowl Victory celebrations prevented you from entering a story in the contest. A contest without one of your wonderful tales entered seems almost pointless…

Maybe you could write us a story that takes place during the STEELER victory parade… starring of course the wonderful Sarah … maybe “Swallowing Big Ben”…


I’m james r scouries and I inspire stories…

[size=+2]Dolphins love sarahhhh …[/size]

 

[Darkniciad]

Thank you for your kind comment. To receive such nice words from LITEROTICA’S #1 Female author is extremely gratifying.

Why, scouries, I thought you were the master of lists. Sarahhh isn't Literotica's #1 female author. At best, she's number four by a range of 70-300 users.

Your claim is rather more far-fetched, as you're better than 400 users away from the #1 position.

Oh, I forgot, that list only has relevance when you want it to Official Literotica lists always take a back seat to your manufactured lists full of trumped up numbers that place you at the top.

Not surprising, considering how few times your name appears in any official Literotica lists. I know, reality is such a scary place. Don't worry, Gabby will be here to help you on the trolley back to the land of make-believe any moment now *laugh*

If things keep going the way they are now, a story written in some language that 99.9% of Lit's readership can't understand will have more comments in the last 24 hours than your latest. Better get to writing a pack of anonymous gushing praise for it *chuckle*