Describing the perfect sex scene

[driphoney]

I'm sure this subject has been talked about to death, but hey, I'm new! Don't want to read about old posters ideas, want to hear from current writers, so ...

How do you go about it?

What is your process?

Do you think about pacing?

Description? Movement? Position?

What do you think is too much information? Not enough?

Do you think female and male readers get moved by a slightly different telling? Do you think maybe females need more words, description, males less?

Everyone says writing first person is harder, 3rd easier, but I find describing sex from a neutral position much more demanding. What say you?

And lastly, do you find writing a sex scene in detail harder or easier than the 'boring parts'? What is the hardest part for you as a writer to convey in your sex scene?

Inquiring minds really want to know! Feel free to post your perfectly written scene, we don't care how long it is ... we're all writers here, right? (well, you all are anyway! lol)

(and yes, I am currently fit to be tied over a sex scene I cannot move along! And I find most of mine to be tedious endevours. Maybe I should give it up and try writing children's stories!)

signed -
honey-not-dripping-these-days

 

[Mz_minx]

I think as much as possible is good for sex scenes, without totally boring the reader. I enjoy reading the scenes that have realistic positions, tell me what is going on at the same time as making me feel and smell everything in it. I like to know how both (ior however many!) the partners are reacting, what they look/sound like when they orgasm or do certain things such as change position or give oral etc.

I'm working on two stories, one in third person and the other first and I confess that the first person one is so much easier to write, I am flying through it and just finding myself fraustrated with the third person one lol. Mind you I thought I was doing great on both of them until my bloody period arrived and I've rewritten, added and deleted so much in them both! It seems like I will never be ready to submit them hehe.

 

[kskittles]

I'd say its a combination of things. Rush through the hurried, intense moments. Slow down, reflect on how beautiful/sexy/erotic it is. Mention the million thoughts a minute that race thru your mind during sex.....note the moments of nothingness, where your brain is too busy concentrating on the pleasure to utter one thought. Go fast and rough....slow and gentle....make it intimate, and primal.

 

[driphoney]

I'd say its a combination of things. Rush through the hurried, intense moments. Slow down, reflect on how beautiful/sexy/erotic it is. Mention the million thoughts a minute that race thru your mind during sex.....note the moments of nothingness, where your brain is too busy concentrating on the pleasure to utter one thought. Go fast and rough....slow and gentle....make it intimate, and primal.

Do you have any examples of that?

I was really hoping for some specifics. What are those million thoughts? How do you convey them? When you are trying to describe a rushed scene is it actually rushed? Or do you find it takes more words to actually describe the intensity? So, I'm I thinking correctly that you like to write in first person?

Is it easy for you to write down all those thoughts?

 

[driphoney]

I think as much as possible is good for sex scenes, without totally boring the reader. I enjoy reading the scenes that have realistic positions, tell me what is going on at the same time as making me feel and smell everything in it. I like to know how both (ior however many!) the partners are reacting, what they look/sound like when they orgasm or do certain things such as change position or give oral etc.

I'm working on two stories, one in third person and the other first and I confess that the first person one is so much easier to write, I am flying through it and just finding myself fraustrated with the third person one lol. Mind you I thought I was doing great on both of them until my bloody period arrived and I've rewritten, added and deleted so much in them both! It seems like I will never be ready to submit them hehe.

How much is too much? How do you keep it intense, express the feelings and thoughts and yet move it along? Do you spend much time worrying about the pace and progression of the scene?

I, obviously, have all sorts of issues, but I find I'm particularly bad at giving physical description of the characters. At least it seems that way to me. Sometimes I think I get a bit mechanical.

If my story ever gets out of Editor Purgatory, we'll see what any readers think! It's already been edited nicely by a couple of people, but someone offered to really tear it apart, and I thought it would be a wonderful free personally tailored 'writer's workshop', but time is ticking and I find I'm getting a tad antsy. It almost may be 'stunting my growth' so to speak, as I really find I am now second guessing every word I put on a page.

So, would just love to hear other writer's thoughts on their struggles or lack of struggles in crafting sex scenes.

 

[Mz_minx]

I don't think there is such a thing as too much, as long as the sex acts aren't mechanical and flow smoothly into the next then it's all good.

I don't get too worried about the physical appearance of a character when I'm reading - often I imagine them or embellish on what description is contained within the story and I'd say that's probably true for a lot of readers who love to read.

I'd say that when describing a rushed scene then shorter sentances drive home the speed of it, make it feel more urgent. Something like this kind of thing (it's no masterpiece just wrote up now for an example of speed):

He couldn't wait any longer to feel her wet pussy enveloping his cock. With a single thrust he was there. It was so warm and welcoming. He moaned before thrusting faster. His cock twitching inside her. Harder he rammed, balls slapping against her cunt.

Second guessing is kind of what I am stuck on too, but tonight my magic seems to have returned a bit once I got rid of a clumpy load of dialogue (something I find difficult), I think it's because I played music while I was editing it and writing - seems to have perked me up a lot!

 

[Mz_minx]

Oh and I'd say less descriptive on the rushed sex maybe, with a few choice descriptive words thrown in that seem to say what your scene is about. Like maybe passionately, fierce, blazing etc.. that kind of thing.

I'm still a newbie though so no expert

 

[snar]

I am new to erotic fiction writing, but my process for any type of fiction is usually that I think of a situation I'd like to see my characters fall into and then draw from experience so that I can make their emotions and actions seem genuine. The pacing is a little tough to get used to because I'm accustomed to writing character driven stories and erotica is action driven, but I like the challenge. In terms of perspective, I'm working on two stories at once, one in third person, the other from a first person point of view. It has been fun switching between the two.

 

[driphoney]

I am new to erotic fiction writing, but my process for any type of fiction is usually that I think of a situation I'd like to see my characters fall into and then draw from experience so that I can make their emotions and actions seem genuine. The pacing is a little tough to get used to because I'm accustomed to writing character driven stories and erotica is action driven, but I like the challenge. In terms of perspective, I'm working on two stories at once, one in third person, the other from a first person point of view. It has been fun switching between the two.

You don't think erotica can be or is character driven? I guess when you get writing the sex maybe not, you aren't focusing on that, but I find my favorite stories are packed full of personality and character, but I imagine different readers like different styles. It's not all cookie cutter, for sure.

Maybe that's my whole problem ... action driven .... hmmm ...

Which do you think is easier, the 3rd person POV or 1st? Or are they the same for you?

 

[snar]

Most good stories will have elements of both, but will be either character or plot led. Everyone looks at this differently, but to me action driven stories tend to be quick-paced and action-dependent, and character driven stories are more inner looking and focused on the inner journey of the protagonist.

For example Robin Cook, who writes medical thrillers, has memorable characters with depth, but each of his books are fast paced and dependent on a serious medical mishap/virus/threat that will kill at least one person. On the other hand, you have the Pulitzer prize winning Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, which had wild elements of drama (incest, transexuals, affairs, etc.), but was strongly character driven with most of the prose devoted to the protagonist's musings and his/her(?) family history.

I agree with you that erotic lit should have elements of both character and action. Since erotica should move briskly and requires at least one sex scene, I would consider it action driven, however that's not to say there are not strong character elements.

For me, the action is harder to write because I'm not used to writing action scenes. As I said though, it's a fun challenge.

 

[miwoodsman]

...

How do you go about it?

What is your process?

Do you think about pacing?

Description? Movement? Position?

What do you think is too much information? Not enough?

For me, I have to be emotionally involved with my characters before I can imagine them in a sex scene. Then I spend a good deal of time thinking about it before writing. Pacing is important as it sets the tone and needs to fit in with the story. If you're writing a long Romance you don't want a slam-bam-thank you ma'am scene to ruin your story. On the other hand, fast-and furious encounters fit nicely in short wank stories.

Movements and positions have to be natural; that is, the scene should be believable. As for how much information, it depends. I've read highly detailed encounters that worked well (and some that didn't) but I've also read some scenes that have very few details but instead perfectly set tone and mood that made for a highly charged erotic situation.

...
Do you think female and male readers get moved by a slightly different telling? Do you think maybe females need more words, description, males less?

Yes, in general, I think women and men react differently. I'm no expert on this and I'm sure there's been some research done but I believe women are moved more by emotional descriptions (how the characters feel, for instance) whereas men are turned on more with explicit details. Look at the differences in adult videos marketed for women instead of men.

...
Everyone says writing first person is harder, 3rd easier, but I find describing sex from a neutral position much more demanding. What say you?

I think writing first person well is harder than writing third person well, but it's much easier to get inside a character's head when writing first person. I've done both but haven't noticed a difference in describing sex scenes.

...
Feel free to post your perfectly written scene, we don't care how long it is ...

To be honest, I haven't hit perfection for me. Besides, what I think is perfect someone else might think is crap. Perfection is in the eye if the beholder. However, I'll share one of my better scenes.

From Mrs. J, Ch. 1:
With these words he hugged her more tightly, their bodies a perfect fit. At last his grip slackened and Kathy pulled her head back to look at him. Green eyes met brown and suddenly all sound from the world was gone. All she heard was the beating of her heart. His head tilted slightly, and she was drawn to him. Before she realized it her mouth was moving to meet his kiss, unable or unwilling to stop. She closed her eyes.

Hands pulled her closer, the short journey seeming impossibly long. At last soft flesh met soft flesh and Kathy became lost in the kiss. She deepened it, parting her lips to accept his tongue, to taste his youth. The rest of the world didn't exist, never had, and all there was left was the two of them.

The first kiss gave way to the next and to the next, each more urgent than the previous. Hands pawed at clothes, pushing and tugging, eager to discover what lay underneath. Any remnants of resistance she may have still harbored fell away bit by bit with each article of clothing.

The touch of his hand to her breast sent electric currents shooting through her body. His fingers traced ever decreasing circles. Time slowed down as Kathy waited expectantly for them to finish their spiraling journey. Her breath caught in her throat as his fingertips grazed her nipple, erect and taught. His head lowered, his tongue flicked and she gasped, cradling his head to her bosom. Lips; tongue; teeth; all were employed to tease her nipples to a state of hardness she had never experienced before. She felt ready to burst.

Wet heat pooled in her lower belly. Jason knelt before her in supplication, his hands tugging her dress down. Fingers hooked in the waistband of her panties and in an instant they lay at her feet. She watched Jason's face lean into her closely trimmed bush as he deeply breathed in the scent of her musk. A kiss on her upper thigh, then a second coaxed her legs apart. As Kathy draped a leg over his shoulder his hands cupped her buttocks.

Like a flower greeting the morning sun, she could feel her nether lips parting for him. He tasted her, deeply and slowly, passionately savoring her. Kathy moaned. His tongue plunged, ravishing her as she buried her fingers in his hair. His tongue moved upward and Kathy knew that the instant it touched her clit she would orgasm. Every muscle in her body tensed for the inevitable release, her hands holding him tightly against her as she waited breathlessly. When his tongue finally grazed her swollen nub she cried out, her body collapsing over him.


Anyway, that's my three cents (inflation, you know.) I hope you get the honey flowing again.

-lgreenwood

 

[driphoney]

Most good stories will have elements of both, but will be either character or plot led. Everyone looks at this differently, but to me action driven stories tend to be quick-paced and action-dependent, and character driven stories are more inner looking and focused on the inner journey of the protagonist.

For example Robin Cook, who writes medical thrillers, has memorable characters with depth, but each of his books are fast paced and dependent on a serious medical mishap/virus/threat that will kill at least one person. On the other hand, you have the Pulitzer prize winning Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, which had wild elements of drama (incest, transexuals, affairs, etc.), but was strongly character driven with most of the prose devoted to the protagonist's musings and his/her(?) family history.

I agree with you that erotic lit should have elements of both character and action. Since erotica should move briskly and requires at least one sex scene, I would consider it action driven, however that's not to say there are not strong character elements.

For me, the action is harder to write because I'm not used to writing action scenes. As I said though, it's a fun challenge.

I see what you are saying. I like reading all sorts of stories here on Lit, different styles and lengths. I find coming up with enough descriptive words to describe the same thing over and over to be a bit of a challenge and am amazed at the vocab others come up with.

I have been amused that when having others review my sex scenes I get such conflicting opinions on them! One really good female writer has pointed out and encouraged me to get more 'in their heads', describe what they are feeling, that I wasn't doing that enough. And really, usually I have to agree. But then, I hand that same scene ("fixed") to a male editor and he's ripping it a new one telling me I'm doing too much character thinking!! and that I need to get the action rolling faster and I need to sprinkle sexual thoughts more throughout the story (which I had thought I had, but must have been toooo subtle there! lol)

That has gotten me thinking about the whole what-a-guy-wants vs. what-a-girl-wants. However, some of my very favorite writers here are males. I usually love their clean style, streamlined way of getting so much across (of course, then there's your average clinical descriptive stroker, uck!)

Meanwhile I still continue to struggle with making the action build, remembering all the elements that a reader needs to be told, etc.

I wish I could figure out how to multi quote from different posters, so will have to address the other in a separate reply.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

 

[snar]

I wouldn't worry so much about different audiences giving you different feedback. I'm quickly learning that people have very diverse interests when it comes to erotic lit and you will never please everyone.

For me, the answer is to write what I would enjoy reading and also write about what turns me on. Not everyone will like it, but not everyone has to. If I write it well, hopefully, other people who are aroused by the same things I am, will like it.

 

[driphoney]

Somehow my HTML quote didn't transfer and I can't fix it (that computer class mentioned in my scene below did me no favors!) but lgreenwood, that is a very nice scene! Thank you so much for sharing. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, but it's very interesting to see what a writer feels is their best or favorite scene, and I love seeing it.

I do think men and women tend to be drawn to different writing styles, and yet a really well done story is appreciated by all. To get to that level of writing is the challenge, I suppose!

Because I would like to encourage more people to come out of the woodwork to comment and share, I thought I would throw out one of my paltry offerings, but in my stories (all TWO of them!! lol) they are just too long, it seems, which is probably telling me something! Anyway, here is a first person scene I wrote in response to something given to me, a reaction. It's not edited, punctuation will drive a grammarian nuts and it's not in a story. But, it's about as good as I can get.


Here goes:

As I lay here with the tremors still moving through my body I can't believe my dreams have turned real. And in the back of my mind sits the fact that I really should be studying boring, mind-numbing management information systems, coffee should be pouring through my veins, but who cares about dull artificial intelligence or knowledge management when such a sexy, hard man is moving up between my legs with a lustfully ornery smile? The thing pouring through me is a need I can't deny, a want I can't stop ...

I know those wet panties have gotta go and you chuckle as I try to get them off with you trapping my fumbling attempts, but you rescue me and soon they are forgotten on the floor .... along with a nighty, and a sweater ... and a t-shirt ... and those thermals. I want to enjoy running my hands over you, but there is no time this time, next time maybe.

I am so ready for you, and my eyes close as I feel your hardness lean against me, wanting in. There can be no denial, not for you, never when I feel like this... and then I feel you slide into my wet warmth. My pussy clutches and my pelvis rolls into you and my legs wrap around your hips as you go so deep and stop. Nothing has ever felt so wonderful and we wait, savoring it, our first time. I knew you would feel good, but it's so much better than my dreams, so much better.

"Kiss me," I mutter as I look into your eyes. Please let me have that first kiss, let me taste myself on you. Your lips are so soft, and your tongue mating with mine is careful and I swear you taste like honey, we are fucking and yet we are kissing for the first time and it's soo erotic. My hands crawl around your neck, my fingers run into your hair, pulling you to me, as if you're not close enough, but as your hips pick up speed, that wet tongue in my mouth grows more forceful, lust is winning.

Oh, God, you are fucking me so hard now and my pussy is gripping, squeezing, my wetness is all over. Your sac is smacking against my sensitive little star. Have I ever been this wet? Have I ever felt this good? Harder, fuck me harder. Did I say those words aloud? Because you are. This will not be a long, slow mating, it can't be, it feels too good. My arms slide under yours and I open my hands over your back, holding you to me, but all my thoughts are between my legs, focused on that delicious friction, on your breath in my ear.

And then I hear you say ...

"Cum for me..."

Oh, babe...

 

[driphoney]

I wouldn't worry so much about different audiences giving you different feedback. I'm quickly learning that people have very diverse interests when it comes to erotic lit and you will never please everyone.

For me, the answer is to write what I would enjoy reading and also write about what turns me on. Not everyone will like it, but not everyone has to. If I write it well, hopefully, other people who are aroused by the same things I am, will like it.

I do think that ultimately you have to write for yourself. But as a complete beginner and extremely unsure of myself, feedback and advice has been very important. For some dumb reason I just thought everyone would see the same weaknesses. Wrong! So, if you aren't careful and you pass around too much you can discover that your entire copy is crap and needs a complete re-write and then it's not even close to where you started! And the only way you find out if your words really connect with readers is by putting it out there and getting that elusive feedback.

I think that is part of what has me shut down. I doubt every word I write now. Hence, my motivation for starting this thread, to see what writers do, what they think, particularly when it comes to writing sex scenes.

 

[miwoodsman]

Driphoney, thank you.

The scene you posted is no paltry offering, especially for a new writer! Aside from a few errors, well done! And I don't think it's too long. (The scene I posted was only the first part of a long drawn out night of sex.)

Just so you know, I've been in the same boat where I'm paralyzed by my horrific writing and doubt every word. For every story I've posted, I have two that are started but abandoned. They're all good ideas, just not well executed. Some I've rewritten but I'm still not satisfied.

Write YOUR story. If you want an opinion, find someone to give you some feedback before you post. If they suggest changes, think about them carefully before doing any rewriting. Then post your story and start a link on the Story Feedback thread advertising it. You'll get a lot of good critical suggestions there, more useful than the public feedback on the story page.

In my opinion, you have all the necessary tools to write a good erotic story. Go write and share it with us.

 

[Rad'l]

Ms. Driphoney:

Your short scene (in Post #14) seemed well written to me; I would cheerfully get into a story that had this as a sample.

 

[Roleplay_Mom]

*sorry - delete comment *

 

[driphoney]

Thank you for the compliments. [blush, blush]

I may have posted this in the wrong area, I was really hoping to hear from new folks and old hands here, but I guess the topic was only intriguing to us new folks. Perhaps it's been driven into the ground around hereor my questions were poorly put! lol

I've enjoyed the shared thoughts. I think it's hard to write it, for the struggler like me, because what you are thinking and feeling in your own mind (and body!), all those emotions, sensations might not be coming out in your words at all, yet when you read over your work you can't help but instantly be back in that zone you were in when you created it. It's hard to look at it technically, to step outside your own mind and proof it as a stranger might.

The thing I posted below is a case in point. I wrote that with a specific person in mind and with me in mind, that person is always in my head when I re-read that. I don't describe him at all, do I? And I think I am particularly bad at that, but in this case, I was not really writing for outsiders to read, just the person who knows who he looks like! lol I also have to realize that probably nobody who reads it feels quite like I do when I wrote it. When I'm just writing fiction, I'm not quite so personally involved, though I do try to put myself into those characters, turn it real in my mind. There just seems a lot more to juggle as a 'bug on the wall' writer.


Question: When in third person, do you like to shift focus from character to character and how do you make those decisions? Is it sort of a natural thing when writing or do you consciously say, "I need to give the male/female POV now"?

 

[miwoodsman]

You posted in the right area, I believe, it's just a little slow here at the moment. And I wouldn't say I'm new, I just don't post very often.

As for your scene, true, you didn't describe the partner but that works quite well since you wrote it first person present tense. The reader (women especially) will fill in the details of the man tailoring it to their own likes and wants. It inserts the reader directly in the story making them part of the action. And while the reader doesn't know exactly what you were feeling when you wrote it, they will draw on their own experiences which will further pull them in.

... Question: When in third person, do you like to shift focus from character to character and how do you make those decisions? Is it sort of a natural thing when writing or do you consciously say, "I need to give the male/female POV now"?

Good question. In some stories I switch focus between characters mainly to fill in the story or to tell both sides - some stories need that. And there is more to juggle when you do plus it tends to make for a longer story. But I've also written third person from one character's perspective which allows the reader to journey along with the protagonist. Both ways work quite well. It all depends on how you want to tell the story.

Some stories don't need a male POV or female POV. Case in point is first person stories, where you only get one perspective.

Bottom line, do what you need to do to tell your story the way you want to tell it. The rest will take care of itself.

 

[driphoney]

You posted in the right area, I believe, it's just a little slow here at the moment. And I wouldn't say I'm new, I just don't post very often.

Bottom line, do what you need to do to tell your story the way you want to tell it. The rest will take care of itself.

Guess you aren't new! I tend to look at the Posts number and not at the Join Date. Oops.

I'm actually glad to hear my little 1st/2nd person thing works well even though it will never be thrown out for 'real' reading.

My first story (the one trapped in Purgatory) was a real lesson and I did jump heads, learned some things that way, made some mistakes, but overall it was just sort of instinctive. This second story (trapped in my own personal Purgatory of lack of inspiration!) is so far coming out in a more traditional romance fashion with us only knowing her feelings and thoughts and it's actually a challenge to describe him from her perspective, to try to get across his feelings by his actions and her viewing of them. But I sort of like the whole 'mystery man' feeling of it. Even though I am attempting to paint him as a sort of imperfect jerk, I'm hoping that it makes the reader curious, pulls them along. I know I love that in a story. Since I'm still in the very infantile stages I'm not sure I'm going to stay on her view the whole story, it might be good to give him some thoughts.

As a female, it's been a real trip trying to write what a guy is thinking while having sex!! I did a male masturbation scene and I've really wondered if I got it even close to right, but I haven't gotten a good critique of it yet. lol (Maybe that's what I should have posted here! Didn't think of it.)

 

[miwoodsman]

More often than not, I tend to write from the female POV and I think I do a decent job, enough so I've had a couple of guys mistake me for a woman send me some lewd email. LOL.

If you want, you can send me the masturbation scene via PM and I'll be glad to look it over.

 

[driphoney]

haha! I have a writer friend who gets comments from men who think she's a male writer because she does it so well! She takes it as a great compliment! At least she keeps the wolves at bay that way. Too bad for you, perhaps you should just reply back with a photo of your legs or something.

 

[miwoodsman]

haha! I have a writer friend who gets comments from men who think she's a male writer because she does it so well! She takes it as a great compliment! At least she keeps the wolves at bay that way. Too bad for you, perhaps you should just reply back with a photo of your legs or something.

Ha! I wanted to reply with a simple "Dude! I'm a dude!" but they sent it anonymously.