You're the top!

[Angeline]

Well, your poem is. In the Hangout, there's a thread that asks you to make a list of your top ten favorite whatevers. Might be movies, might be desserts, might be lovers, who knows? So if you haven't made a list yet, you need to go to the Hangout and do it. Go on, it's just a few clicks away. Then come back here.

Clickety click...

Now that you've checked out the Hangout thread, you know what you need to do: write a poem about your whole list or part of your list or something on your list. Any kind of poem. Free verse, sestina, limerick; if you're happy, I'm happy. Erotic and non-erotic poems are equally welcome. Try to keep responses to others' poems here focused on critique or overall comments on the poems (the real blah blah thread is the one in the Hangout). Be inspired!

 

[champagne1982]

Authors I'd Love To ...

I take you to bed. Each word
savoured and nibbled
with lips, tongue and teeth;
swallowed whole or the pleasure
becomes muted. Suspend
belief atop my headboard,
until sated release crashes tangible
emotion through my dreams
fallen as heavy as the dark
when I close you, hunger fed,
thirst slaked and lust slumbering
until tomorrow when I'll feast again.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Eeekkkkkk she said sestina

 

[Angeline]

The Godfather

Honor pledged in dark rooms,
defiled. Passion spilled
across an ocean, lemon groves
to sunny Brooklyn sidewalks,
bloody hands and oranges
scattered in the street.
The Medici faces, the grave
rebirth of generations, of violence,
a uniquely American dream.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

With eyes that melt
the very last vestige
of reluctance
(was there any anyway?)
beckon you onwards to sink
deeper within welcoming thighs (lilac)
spread to your sinuous tongue
reaping the harvest, wave
after wave of orgasmic
plenitude. Rising to meet
your own tumescent need
your pirate cutlass unleash
and plunge deep into me

ghastly eh? lol

 

[Angeline]

With eyes that melt
the very last vestige
of reluctance
(was there any anyway?)
beckon you onwards to sink
deeper within welcoming thighs (lilac)
spread to your sinuous tongue
reaping the harvest, wave
after wave of orgasmic
plenitude. Rising to meet
your own tumescent need
your pirate cutlass unleash
and plunge deep into me

ghastly eh? lol

I no likee the parentheses but otherwise think it's really good. Well, maybe "tumescent" is cliched. But that's an easy fix. I think my Godfather poem totally sucks if that makes you feel any better. Oh, also this is a first draft thread as far as I'm concerned so no worries about ghastly suckitude.

 

[WickedEve]

I no likee the parentheses but otherwise think it's really good. Well, maybe "tumescent" is cliched. But that's an easy fix. I think my Godfather poem totally sucks if that makes you feel any better. Oh, also this is a first draft thread as far as I'm concerned so no worries about ghastly suckitude.

Sometimes I just gotta have my ( ) and my -- and a few ...

Why, why is it a bad bad no no ick ick? lol

------------------

The Godfather

Honor pledged in dark rooms,
defiled. Passion spilled
across an ocean, lemon groves
to sunny Brooklyn sidewalks,
bloody hands and oranges
scattered in the street.
The Medici faces, the grave
rebirth of generations, of violence,
a uniquely American dream.

---------------------
This Godfather poem almost doesn't sound like you. You know I'm hating passion spilled and bloody hands. "lemon groves to sunny Brooklyn sidewalks" and "oranges scattered in the street" are keepers!
But you just do the best you can. It's not like you can write a coffee cobra poem.

 

[Angeline]

Sometimes I just gotta have my ( ) and my -- and a few ...

Why, why is it a bad bad no no ick ick? lol

------------------

The Godfather

Honor pledged in dark rooms,
defiled. Passion spilled
across an ocean, lemon groves
to sunny Brooklyn sidewalks,
bloody hands and oranges
scattered in the street.
The Medici faces, the grave
rebirth of generations, of violence,
a uniquely American dream.

---------------------
This Godfather poem almost doesn't sound like you. You know I'm hating passion spilled and bloody hands. "lemon groves to sunny Brooklyn sidewalks" and "oranges scattered in the street" are keepers!
But you just do the best you can. It's not like you can write a coffee cobra poem.

I can't write a coffee cobra poem lol. My creativity doesn't work that way. That's why I love the way you write. I envy the way your mind puts odd pairings (or groups) together and makes them work. I've always called that quirky in your poems, but I think the odd combos of seemingly unconnected things is what I've really meant.

And I should have been clearer about the parentheses. I don't mind the actual marks--I am not wild about the words inside them.

And I know what you mean about the Godfather poem, but I'll get my chops back, I know. I just haven't been a daily poeter for a while now. Too much of a while!

 

[WickedEve]

I can't write a coffee cobra poem lol. My creativity doesn't work that way. That's why I love the way you write. I envy the way your mind puts odd pairings (or groups) together and makes them work. I've always called that quirky in your poems, but I think the odd combos of seemingly unconnected things is what I've really meant.

And I should have been clearer about the parentheses. I don't mind the actual marks--I am not wild about the words inside them.

And I know what you mean about the Godfather poem, but I'll get my chops back, I know. I just haven't been a daily poeter for a while now. Too much of a while!

So you can't do coffee cobras but you usually write damn good poems over 97% of the time. And Godfather will be better once you edit, since you're an edit nut. lol
Glad that parentheses are okay in a poem. But I have to be careful or I'll get carried away with those and ellipses and em dashes. And that really can detract from a poem.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

They weren't part of the poem lol they were asides

 

[Angeline]

Once and Now Again
(for Laura Nyro)

A soul diva in the Square
walked her Ember, close enough
for me to see her frozen breath,
purple scarf, a long dark swish of hair
that winter morning in the park
still clean that early in the day
and snow, quiet with no junkies
yet, no fast-talk flim-flam boys,
no cocaine blues train buy and sell.
On positively 4th street 8:00 AM
the neighbors own the streets.

A woman with suspicious eyes,
a leash, two unwary dogs went by.
Old men jabbed fingers, argued
pointing at a bench (angry at
the snow, no place to go, no place
for early morning chess).
A couple moved as one, two wool coats
pressed together, two heads bent alike.
I could be seeing double
but they laughed, she walked south,
toward NYU and him, who knows?

Then Laura once and future empress
of the New York Tendaberry, Laura,
teenaged sister of my tribe,
my blues waif in tweed cap aslant,
hair tumbledown, her liquid eyes,
a shining shaina nightingale
against the snow along the square,
Laura, beautiful and rare
as a black swan.

Sometimes my city seemed unreal,
a stage, a set, a photograph
in black and white, a shimmer time
when Laura walked on by
in soft unstudied grace

Laura once and now again
is still the natural snow,
then and still my enigmatic cameo,
a weaver’s daughter born
for the loom’s desire lives,
another Bird, not blowed and gone
but still alive, her phoenix voice
all powerful, wails timer's winter
city blues when ladies love
again in flames
of December’s boudoir.

 

[WickedEve]

Now that's an Angeline poem!
Damn good.

 

[Angeline]

Now that's an Angeline poem!
Damn good.

Thank you. I never was really happy with the first version of it. It still needs a little work, I think, but it's much better. I saw her one morning walking through Washington Square, and I just wanted to convey a sense of her music and what it was like that morning.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Orlando

You were the ocean unstoppable
to my shore
the mountains stark immovable
always strong
Yours is heartbreaking
unattainable.
Mine is a yearning
a love lost through the centuries
when I was young and beautiful
and lying beside you
knew that love
was ours.

 

[Angeline]

You were the ocean unstoppable
to my shore
the mountains stark immovable
always strong
Yours is heartbreaking
unattainable.
Mine is a yearning
a love lost through the centuries
when I was young and beautiful
and lying beside you
knew that love
was ours.

It's lovely and don't watching the clips help you get a sense of the tone you want to convey? I couldn't have written the Godfather poem (crummy though it is!) without doing that first.

One little critiquey. I like the first four lines best and I love the way you have the comparison between you and him in the first and second. You start to do that in the third, but then the fourth line is really just a continuation of the image in the third. If you had the you were/to my comparison in the fourth as well, I think it would work well. Just my opinion of course. If you disagree, ignore it and no worries.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

It's lovely and don't watching the clips help you get a sense of the tone you want to convey? I couldn't have written the Godfather poem (crummy though it is!) without doing that first.

One little critiquey. I like the first four lines best and I love the way you have the comparison between you and him in the first and second. You start to do that in the third, but then the fourth line is really just a continuation of the image in the third. If you had the you were/to my comparison in the fourth as well, I think it would work well. Just my opinion of course. If you disagree, ignore it and no worries.

Now it's funny you should say that because I was going to do it that way but wondered if it would be too much and yes I did watch the clips of him as Legolas before I wrote it, the words were coming as I was watching but I didn't want to miss the clip. I suppose I should have written then replayed it.
Apropus of nothing before anyone else pipes up regards the thread title I'm not very toppy at all!

 

[Maria2394]

uh, i done it wrong, sorry....poem inserted later

 

[Angeline]

my top 10 movies-


Forrest Gump
12 Monkeys
Quigley Down Under
The Godfather
Ghost
Blown Away
Psycho ( the Hitchcock one, not my home videos)
Silence of the Lambs
Manchurian Candidate ( the old one)
ALL of Michael Crichton's movies he wrote- Jurassic Park series, Outbreak, etc.)

oh hell, I have so many more than 10

Hey, sweets. Move your list to the companion Hangout thread, and put your poem here.You were planning to write a poem, right. Lol. You better! My New Year's resolution is to focus on and write a lot more poetry this year, and I'm dragging anyone who listens along for the ride!

 

[Maria2394]

Hey, sweets. Move your list to the companion Hangout thread, and put your poem here.You were planning to write a poem, right. Lol. You better! My New Year's resolution is to focus on and write a lot more poetry this year, and I'm dragging anyone who listens along for the ride!

Look above you sweetie, I already made the change, lol. I'm with you girl, I need to get focused again, like I used to be.

HUGS!!!!

 

[CharleyH]

I am not a great poet, just remember that. lol

Life is an ability
I learned through my husband.
He let me love the taste
of butter-drenched King Crab,
and he didn't want it, but
he let me love
fucking sluts wanting us,
hot ones with buttery cunts
taking me, taking him.
They were nothing more than,
a turn of a leaf in the wind
he is mine, family
and the rest of
my favorite things he is:
Christmas
Art
Films
And Life
beyond this one. Beyond
what you ...

 

[sassynyc]

I blame Eve and Angeline...

Coffee Cobra

Coffee cobra coiled, dormant,
my resting place, a humble mug.
Sassy snake hips won’t swivel seduction
or dance to the samba siren of horns.
My signature, never a slow sexy scrawl
with lazy looped vowels and consonant swagger.

My style is abrupt. ‘Subtle’ just ain’t my bag.
I sit up, when witty words waft on wind.
Poets masturbate funny bones, and I spew
venom on keyboards and screens,
any unfortunate thing in my path.

A serpent, birthed in Eve’s Garden;
if you think me crude, in my defense,
I am cold-blooded, hopped up on caffeine
left to brew, silent, waiting to laugh.
Inside beats a heart, of Arabica bean.
If I am bitter, I make no apologies.

 

[Angeline]

Coffee Cobra

Coffee cobra coiled, dormant,
my resting place, a humble mug.
Sassy snake hips won’t swivel seduction
or dance to the samba siren of horns.
My signature, never a slow sexy scrawl
with lazy looped vowels and consonant swagger.

My style is abrupt. ‘Subtle’ just ain’t my bag.
I sit up, when witty words waft on wind.
Poets masturbate funny bones, and I spew
venom on keyboards and screens,
any unfortunate thing in my path.

A serpent, birthed in Eve’s Garden;
if you think me crude, in my defense,
I am cold-blooded, hopped up on caffeine
left to brew, silent, waiting to laugh.
Inside beats a heart, of Arabica bean.
If I am bitter, I make no apologies.

I'd say you've got your groove back.

I love the alliteration and the sustained coffee imagery; the last line is wonderful. I think it needs some editing (everything does!), but for a first draft it's really, really nice.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The Rapture that is Pesto Gnocchi

Emerald hued perfection
of culinary delight
each morsel
fork speared,
herbally tantalising taste buds
through oiled lips
quivering to await
the next succulent mouthful.

 

[sassynyc]

Here's my first crack at a triolet...from my 10 list of B.H. songs
(jump in on edits and/or if i got the formula wrong)

Billie's Blues

Got a love jones for Billie’s blues
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered.
Over the pale moon, when she croons
Got a love jones for Billie’s blues.
Satin lady sings rainbowed hues
Emotions raw, never filtered.
Got a love jones for Billie’s blues
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered.

 

[sassynyc]

I'd say you've got your groove back.

I love the alliteration and the sustained coffee imagery; the last line is wonderful. I think it needs some editing (everything does!), but for a first draft it's really, really nice.

Thank you.
I'm using it in the dirty 30, so it will be included in a big edit pile when i'm done. By then, i'll probably have been away from it long enough to see it with a fresh eye.