Chronic Tardiness

[rosco rathbone]

Anyone dealt with this character flaw in a sub?

 

[ownedsubgal]

guilty as charged. chronic tardiness is probably the single offense i have been punished for most often throughout the years. there's no excuse for it really, with me the issue was just nerves. no matter how much prep time i am given, no matter how careful i am, when i know i have to be ready at a specific time i will become increasingly frantic and panicky as that hour draws near. slowing me down, which then causes me to be late. stern lectures didn't help break me of this, neither did firm spankings or lost privileges. what finally seemed to work was receiving the beating of life one morning as i was in the shower (was bathing when i should have been dressed and ready to go)...no words at all, before or after. just palms and fists coming at me through the waterfall.

so now, although i am still very nervous, very panicky, very jittery as i'm preparing myself to be ready at a specific time...the fear of God prevents me from being late.

 

[rosco rathbone]

guilty as charged. chronic tardiness is probably the single offense i have been punished for most often throughout the years. there's no excuse for it really, with me the issue was just nerves. no matter how much prep time i am given, no matter how careful i am, when i know i have to be ready at a specific time i will become increasingly frantic and panicky as that hour draws near. slowing me down, which then causes me to be late. stern lectures didn't help break me of this, neither did firm spankings or lost privileges. what finally seemed to work was receiving the beating of life one morning as i was in the shower (was bathing when i should have been dressed and ready to go)...no words at all, before or after. just palms and fists coming at me through the waterfall.

so now, although i am still very nervous, very panicky, very jittery as i'm preparing myself to be ready at a specific time...the fear of God prevents me from being late.

I think you've put your finger on it.

Anxiety causes tardiness to begin with. Perhaps a greater anxiety is needed to counteract it.

Tardiness is hard for me to deal with because I'm anally punctual.

 

[ZoGoZo]

... what finally seemed to work was receiving the beating of life one morning as i was in the shower (was bathing when i should have been dressed and ready to go)...no words at all, before or after. just palms and fists coming at me through the waterfall ...

I can be whipped, caned, slapped, spanked, branded and more, but if my Master ever ever beat me with his fists I would never ever see him again. That, to me, is beyond control.

z.

 

[BiBunny]

guilty as charged. chronic tardiness is probably the single offense i have been punished for most often throughout the years. there's no excuse for it really, with me the issue was just nerves. no matter how much prep time i am given, no matter how careful i am, when i know i have to be ready at a specific time i will become increasingly frantic and panicky as that hour draws near. slowing me down, which then causes me to be late. stern lectures didn't help break me of this, neither did firm spankings or lost privileges. what finally seemed to work was receiving the beating of life one morning as i was in the shower (was bathing when i should have been dressed and ready to go)...no words at all, before or after. just palms and fists coming at me through the waterfall.

so now, although i am still very nervous, very panicky, very jittery as i'm preparing myself to be ready at a specific time...the fear of God prevents me from being late.

Same here, and for basically the same reasons. Can't sleep the night before for fear you'll miss whatever it is you're supposed to do. But then too nervous to actually get the hell out of the house and go do it, yet too chicken to just say "screw it" and blow it off completely. It's classic avoidant behavior carried to an extreme. *Shrug*

I'm afraid being beaten wouldn't help, though. I'd just be more jittery and nervous and fearful, like a scared puppy, even more likely to hide out until the very last minute or avoid it altogether.

I do moderately well with a schedule for myself, either set by me or someone else. "I must be up by 10," "I must be out of the shower by 10:30," "I must have my makeup done by 10:45," "I must have my hair dried by 11," "I must be out the door by 11:15." If I have everything ready the night before, so that all I have to do is follow my little "schedule" to get myself ready to go and then get out the door, I can usually do ok.

I like to let people think I'm always late because I'm lazy or selfish. It beats the shit out of admitting that it's usually because I'm having to talk myself into going and doing it. Better to be disliked for fake reasons than real ones.

BTW, I know all chronically tardy people aren't motivated by the same things I am. Some of them ARE lazy and selfish. Some of them get distracted easily. And some of us have to give ourselves pep talks to leave the house.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I'm REALLY neurotic about making sure I give myself plenty of time to get ready so I don't have to rush, and I always make sure I give myself plenty of time to get somewhere.

I'm the sort of person who is ready half an hour before she needs to leave and turns up 10 minutes early to everything.

 

[BiBunny]

I can be whipped, caned, slapped, spanked, branded and more, but if my Master ever ever beat me with his fists I would never ever see him again. That, to me, is beyond control.

z.

One can do a good bit more damage with a heavy cane than one can do with one's fists, generally speaking. It's also quite possible to be totally in control when hitting someone with a closed hand. Just sayin'.

 

[mediocre]

I don't deal with it too well. I am punctual because I respect other people's time. I expect the same in return. If it happens a few times I talk to them about it and reinforce how I feel on the subject. If it is a constant, daily habit, I move on. (This has only happened once, most grasp the importance.)

 

[Adakgirl]

And some of us have to give ourselves pep talks to leave the house.

I can sure relate to this. Being late does not loom so large in my mind, not being unable to talk myself into leaving the house does. If I know I am running behind and will be late, sometimes I'll just not go at all

 

[BiBunny]

I can sure relate to this. Being late does not loom so large in my mind, not being unable to talk myself into leaving the house does. If I know I am running behind and will be late, sometimes I'll just not go at all

Me, too, particularly if I think someone will draw attention to it. Like, walking into a class full of people, all of them staring at me, and the professor making a smartass remark about it. I can't deal. I've cut WAY too many classes for this reason alone. It's actually quite shameful of me.

 

[CutieMouse]

I think you've put your finger on it.

Anxiety causes tardiness to begin with. Perhaps a greater anxiety is needed to counteract it.

Tardiness is hard for me to deal with because I'm anally punctual.

Tardiness makes me nuts. Skin crawlingly nuts. I know there are sometimes reasons for it (Bunny's anxiety issues, for example), but [to me] chronic tardiness, at it's root, shows a lack of respect for other people's time.

I'm like Rosco - anally punctual (with very little patience for those who are chronically late). It bugs me enough that if it's a social thing (I have zero control over my employer's lack of consideration), I'll distance myself from people who simply can't be on time.

what finally seemed to work was receiving the beating of life one morning as i was in the shower (was bathing when i should have been dressed and ready to go)...no words at all, before or after. just palms and fists coming at me through the waterfall.

so now, although i am still very nervous, very panicky, very jittery as i'm preparing myself to be ready at a specific time...the fear of God prevents me from being late.

I can be whipped, caned, slapped, spanked, branded and more, but if my Master ever ever beat me with his fists I would never ever see him again. That, to me, is beyond control.

z.

OSG, meet ZoGoZo; ZoGoZo, meet OSG.

After spending several years reading OSG's posts, I feel safe in suggesting that her Master is in control - even if he's using an extreme form of punishment to get his point across.

 

[ZoGoZo]

One can do a good bit more damage with a heavy cane than one can do with one's fists, generally speaking. It's also quite possible to be totally in control when hitting someone with a closed hand. Just sayin'.

I respect your's and others POV on this matter. It is true that just about any object is capable of causing severe damage. When I am being punished or dicsiplined by my Master there always is an element of control. I never think of his power over me when as a beating. The connotation, again to me, of a closed fist striking and beating me is one of rage.

Possibly the varying elements of our relationship are different than yours or others. We both own our own homes, live in seperate parts of the state, work in different fields and have lives together and lives apart from each other. So even though we are in touch with each other several times a day and see each other often, he has limited or no control over many aspects of my life, total control of other aspects and Supreme Control when we are together.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Tardiness is hard for me to deal with because I'm anally punctual.

Tardiness makes me nuts. Skin crawlingly nuts. I know there are sometimes reasons for it (Bunny's anxiety issues, for example), but [to me] chronic tardiness, at it's root, shows a lack of respect for other people's time.

I'm like Rosco - anally punctual (with very little patience for those who are chronically late). It bugs me enough that if it's a social thing (I have zero control over my employer's lack of consideration), I'll distance myself from people who simply can't be on time.

Raised in the military, I operate on the army principle: Better an hour early (and sit outside and wait until time to go in) than a minute late - except to the CG's New Year's Open House. Then, it's punctual to the minute, no matter what. But that's a scheduling thing: With hundreds of officers being meet-and-greeted during a specified length of time, in a confined space (no matter how large his quarters are!), just a couple of people off-schedule for their 15-minute reception line walk-through, short cup of punch and an appetizer would create an unconscionable and uncontrollable backup. Not to be done.

And to be honest, I think with my AR/borderline OCD personality, I'd feel pretty much the same way as Brother Rosco and The Mouse. If someone (chronically) doesn't respect me (or others at the same event, or the event itself) to get there on time (if not a bit early), I won't continue to associate with them. (CM's boss issue aside, lol!) That especially applies to events that occur on a schedule, e.g., dinner reservations, movies/shows/concerts. If it's (for example) a large party at a venue or someone's house, being a bit late isn't such a big deal. People are expected to come and go as they (and their schedules) choose. A dinner party, no. Not unless cocktails and social time/chat are scheduled before dinner, and then one still should be there well before dinner is scheduled.

On the whole, though, if someone says, "Pick me up at 8:00," I'll be at the door at 7:58, 7:59 or 8:00. If they're not ready once, I'll let it slide if it's just a matter of minutes (barring the no-nos listed above). If it's an extended time, I'm quite likely to walk out the door without them. If they're not ready a second time, I will say something, and given my personality, it might not be too nice. After that, tardiness becomes a cardinal sin... and I don't tolerate sinners. Okay, those who sin against me. (That's the Dominant part of my personality showing, even though I primarily identify as Sadist.)

Sometimes, I know, circumstances act in such a way that a person can't help but be late. But when circumstances occur to create tardiness over and over and over again, one begins to believe that perhaps those circumstances are created, whether it's conscious or not.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm REALLY neurotic about making sure I give myself plenty of time to get ready so I don't have to rush, and I always make sure I give myself plenty of time to get somewhere.

I'm the sort of person who is ready half an hour before she needs to leave and turns up 10 minutes early to everything.

My kids make fun of me because we are always early for appointments (Drs, dentists, etc)

I get panicky when I am running late or even when I am not as early as I usually am. I simply can not associate with people who are chronically late when I need them to be on time.

The only exception is my Dominant. When we are together he takes forever to walk out that door. Restraining myself for telling him to hurry up is torture! (I wonder if he does it on purpose just to drive me crazy, hmmmm ) He does tend to be a little late but never to an extent where it has ever really annoyed me.

 

[Harmony_1985]

My kids make fun of me because we are always early for appointments (Drs, dentists, etc)

I get panicky when I am running late or even when I am not as early as I usually am. I simply can not associate with people who are chronically late when I need them to be on time.

I'm the same. I HATE being late and if I feel I'm going to be, I start to get peeved at myself for allowing it to happen, even if its not even my fault (the car won't start or traffic being bad etc).

I'd much rather be 10 minutes early and there on my own than 10 minutes late and have left people waiting for me.

 

[CutieMouse]

And to be honest, I think with my AR/borderline OCD personality, I'd feel pretty much the same way as Brother Rosco and The Mouse. If someone (chronically) doesn't respect me (or others at the same event, or the event itself) to get there on time (if not a bit early), I won't continue to associate with them. (CM's boss issue aside, lol!)

I think for me it's just plain stubbornness. I can't count the number of times people just assumed that because I always had a baby on one hip, and toddler (or two) by the hand, I wouldn't be on time. Instead of cutting myself some slack (I know, when do I ever?), I made a point to always be 5 minutes early. I didn't want to get in the habit of blaming my circumstances for my timeliness, or worry about the kids feeling it was "their fault" we were running late.

Of course the side effect of it all, is that now I get anxious if I'm not a bit early.

 

[the captians wench]

I think my anxioty issue is the reason why I am so predictably early for everything. I get so worried about being late and what people will think and say if I am late, that I usually prepare myself way too early.

I tend to make up a schedule as well, my problem is, the more nervous I get, the earlier that schedule gets bumped up. This is the reason I arived at the airport 4 hours before my flight insted of 2, which put me in a period of time when there wasn't a lot of people so it only took me 20 minutes to get checked in and thru security rather than the hour to hour and a half it normally takes.

The only time I don't seem to have this problem is for work. I am usually very punctually 5 minutes late, insted of the 15 minutes early I am to meetings, functions, and everything else. I think part of this has to do with the fact that our clocks at work are 5 minutes fast, and the other part is that I try to get as much sleep as possible in as I tend to only have 8-10 hours between shifts.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I think for me it's just plain stubbornness. I can't count the number of times people just assumed that because I always had a baby on one hip, and toddler (or two) by the hand, I wouldn't be on time. Instead of cutting myself some slack (I know, when do I ever?), I made a point to always be 5 minutes early. I didn't want to get in the habit of blaming my circumstances for my timeliness, or worry about the kids feeling it was "their fault" we were running late.

Of course the side effect of it all, is that now I get anxious if I'm not a bit early.

I have to be early for everything or i panic. it used to be a half hour when i was a smoker but im down to 10-15 mins early. That is my anal ocd nonsense showing though....i think
My almost ex-spouse on the other hand has to be late and always running late for everything. I think he does it for attention and it annoys me majorly

 

[ownedsubgal]

Me, too, particularly if I think someone will draw attention to it. Like, walking into a class full of people, all of them staring at me, and the professor making a smartass remark about it. I can't deal. I've cut WAY too many classes for this reason alone. It's actually quite shameful of me.

omg, that was soooo me in college. if i couldn't get to a class early, i would just skip it. many times i would make it to a class a few minutes late, or even right on time, and would peep in the window on the door and see everyone already seated and know that if opened that door all eyes would be on me making me want to wither and shrink into some hole, so instead i would just leave and walk all the way back to my dorm room. anxiety can be a beast.

 

[Marquis]

This is funny.

I have talked about this on the forum before and continue to deal with it.

I think this is one of those things you cannot beat or punish your way out of, it merely creates a feedback loop of anxiety that increases the problem.

My solution is to adjust the time I tell my sub to the time I would actually like her to comply with. For example if I want her to meet me somewhere at 4pm, I will tell her she must be there by 3:30 or 3pm. It does mean she will have to end up waiting if she does show up on time, but better her than me.

 

[CutieMouse]

This is funny.

I have talked about this on the forum before and continue to deal with it.

I think this is one of those things you cannot beat or punish your way out of, it merely creates a feedback loop of anxiety that increases the problem.

My solution is to adjust the time I tell my sub to the time I would actually like her to comply with. For example if I want her to meet me somewhere at 4pm, I will tell her she must be there by 3:30 or 3pm. It does mean she will have to end up waiting if she does show up on time, but better her than me.

I kinda like that attitude.

Out of curiosity, do you let her think you're tardy, or does she realize you give her an hour's head start because of her chronic lateness?

 

[midwestyankee]

Anally, fruitlessly obsessed with punctuality here. As in nearly totaled a car once trying to get somewhere on time even though that place was the wedding of a person who I did not know and had absolutely zero interest in knowing. It's my contention that people who are chronically late are doing what they can to control things in a sort of passive-aggressive way. Drives. Me. Nuts!

 

[Marquis]

I kinda like that attitude.

Out of curiosity, do you let her think you're tardy, or does she realize you give her an hour's head start because of her chronic lateness?

It doesn't usually come up.

Anally, fruitlessly obsessed with punctuality here. As in nearly totaled a car once trying to get somewhere on time even though that place was the wedding of a person who I did not know and had absolutely zero interest in knowing. It's my contention that people who are chronically late are doing what they can to control things in a sort of passive-aggressive way. Drives. Me. Nuts!

I think you've hit the nail on the head with this one.

 

[rida]

I hate being late and I so I had up being almost always at least 10 minutes early. If I am not sure to make it in time, I'm going to call you and tell you I'll be late (done that and still showed up before the other person a couple of times ...).

However I tend to be quite tolerant of other people's tardiness, unless it makes me miss something such as a movie or a train. And in the latter case, I do not get mad at them for being late, but at myself for not being able to just leave them behind and go ahead on my own.

As for chronic tardiness ... I'm going to do like Marquis and set up the appointment earlier and adjust my time accordingly and try to worry less about being late with them.

 

[midwestyankee]

It doesn't usually come up.



I think you've hit the nail on the head with this one.

The spousely one learned it from her mother, who is a master at alternating between being mind-numbingly late and showing up an hour or two early (I think) just to fuck with people. There is no such thing as leaving the house on time even if I set the departure time as much as an hour ahead of the really necessary time. Just. Doesn't. Matter.

I've checked and chronic tardiness does not suffice as grounds in Illinois.