Bailout...

[Zeb_Carter]

Dear Sirs:

As it is the time of the eon to be asking, I thought I would forward to you this letter as my fellow citizens in the finance and auto industry have done. I too am about to go under as it were and could use a government bailout.

I estimate that in order for me to be solvent and able to meet me obligations in order to keep my home from going under I will require approximately $1,000,000. This amount will not be used to pay salaries or bonuses but will be utilized to clear my current and future accounts payable.

I await you generosity and hope you can see a way in which this bailout can be instituted.

Yours truly,


Zeb_Carter

 

[sr71plt]

Sorry, all of my money is tied up in a Ghanian bank waiting to spring untold riches an uncle I didn't know I had left me.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sorry, all of my money is tied up in a Ghanian bank waiting to spring untold riches an uncle I didn't know I had left me.

How funny! My uncle seems to have left his in Sierra Leone.

 

[Katyusha]

How funny! My uncle seems to have left his in Sierra Leone.

Mine left his in Morocco.

 

[jomar]

Dear Sirs:

As it is the time of the eon to be asking, I thought I would forward to you this letter as my fellow citizens in the finance and auto industry have done. I too am about to go under as it were and could use a government bailout.

I estimate that in order for me to be solvent and able to meet me obligations in order to keep my home from going under I will require approximately $1,000,000. This amount will not be used to pay salaries or bonuses but will be utilized to clear my current and future accounts payable.

I await you generosity and hope you can see a way in which this bailout can be instituted.

Yours truly,


Zeb_Carter

Ahem...as a small business owner my letter not only predates yours, but will prevent job loss. Don't worry though, plenty to go around.

Sorry, all of my money is tied up in a Ghanian bank waiting to spring untold riches an uncle I didn't know I had left me.

Amazing coincidence! BTW, can I borrow $350 until my bailout comes through?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Ahem...as a small business owner my letter not only predates yours, but will prevent job loss. Don't worry though, plenty to go around.



Amazing coincidence! BTW, can I borrow $350 until my bailout comes through?

Yes I know there's plenty to go around...I have been contributing to the fund for over 45 years and it's time to be gettin' some of it back, with interest.

If I had the $350 it would be yours, but until my bailout comes through I'm on survivor rations.

 

[jomar]

Yes I know there's plenty to go around...I have been contributing to the fund for over 45 years and it's time to be gettin' some of it back, with interest.

If I had the $350 it would be yours, but until my bailout comes through I'm on survivor rations.

I appreciate the thought, but no sweat. As soon as the Nigerian bank releases my inheritance I'll loan you some.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I appreciate the thought, but no sweat. As soon as the Nigerian bank releases my inheritance I'll loan you some.

You know I appreciate the offer, but I was just wondering...do I live my life too clean? I have never won, inherited or otherwise had a relative die in a foreign county, let alone Nigeria.

Why is it that everyone else is so (lucky, unlucky) to have this happen to them?

 

[jomar]

You know I appreciate the offer, but I was just wondering...do I live my life too clean? I have never won, inherited or otherwise had a relative die in a foreign county, let alone Nigeria.

Why is it that everyone else is so (lucky, unlucky) to have this happen to them?

Turn off your email filters and they'll find you.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I suppose that, as a relation of the Marquess of Bristol (albeit distant) and certain Hessian aristocrats, I should apply for my fair share of the family estates (minus taxes, which will cut it down a reasonable bit), especially due to the fact that I haven't been reimbursed for damages to my branch of the family's share that was damaged by the malfeasance and insane policies of a certain Austrian painter. Think that I have any chance?

I really could use a trust fund or two, and while I'm an American and will thus have to forego the titles, I would gladly accept what is rightly mine from my English and German cousins.

 

[Lee Chambers]

http://www.cagle.com/working/081029/beeler.gif

http://www.cagle.com/working/081112/beeler.jpg

 

[3113]

As it is the time of the eon to be asking, I thought I would forward to you this letter as my fellow citizens in the finance and auto industry have done. I too am about to go under as it were and could use a government bailout.

Terribly sorry, but we're only bailing out companies that used a loophole in the law to create and sell huge, gas-guzzlers to idiots all across America who didn't seem to realize that oil is a finite resource and very much in demand (meaning prices will go up). With these idiots no longer able to afford to drive said gas-guzzlers, these companies now find themselves in the financial toilet. Which is odd given how well their sales were while gas-guzzlers were in vogue, but perhaps this is because their factories are geared only to create big gas gulpers, not small hybrids. Hey, how were they to know the public would ever becoming disenchanted with gi-normous trucks that only get 12 miles to the gallon?

If you can prove to us that you produce such vehicles and now find yourself with no buyers and are weeping crocodile tears over having no foresight at all that you ought to have also readied your factories to produce inexpensive, fuel efficient vehicles, we will be happy to bail you out.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Hey, how were they to know the public would ever becoming disenchanted with gi-normous trucks that only get 12 miles to the gallon?

The people across the street from me have a Monster Truck Rally in their yard twice a year. Yeah, in their yard. They have four of their own they run around the track they've made back there. (Ton of land, obviously...) I imagine that folks in suburban areas will get "disenchanted" sooner than the people who live in rural ones...

 

[3113]

The people across the street from me have a Monster Truck Rally in their yard twice a year. Yeah, in their yard. They have four of their own they run around the track they've made back there. (Ton of land, obviously...) I imagine that folks in suburban areas will get "disenchanted" sooner than the people who live in rural ones...

As we know from the recent election, there are a lot more folk in urban/suburban areas than in rural areas (with a lot of land) and, therefore, if you're a car company it's gonna hurt if everyone but the rural folk stop buying your monster trucks...even if the rural folk buy four of 'em

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Terribly sorry, but we're only bailing out companies that used a loophole in the law to create and sell huge, gas-guzzlers to idiots all across America who didn't seem to realize that oil is a finite resource and very much in demand (meaning prices will go up). With these idiots no longer able to afford to drive said gas-guzzlers, these companies now find themselves in the financial toilet. Which is odd given how well their sales were while gas-guzzlers were in vogue, but perhaps this is because their factories are geared only to create big gas gulpers, not small hybrids. Hey, how were they to know the public would ever becoming disenchanted with gi-normous trucks that only get 12 miles to the gallon?

If you can prove to us that you produce such vehicles and now find yourself with no buyers and are weeping crocodile tears over having no foresight at all that you ought to have also readied your factories to produce inexpensive, fuel efficient vehicles, we will be happy to bail you out.

Dear Sirs;

I do not produce the alleged gas-guzzlers, but I do drive them as I did not have the foresight to rid myself of said vehicles in a timely manner. Therefore, I hope that you see the predicament I find myself in. Also, in order to keep the big three as liquid as possible, I promise to purchase additional alleged gas-guzzlers just as soon an my forth coming bailout check clears.

Sincerely,

Zeb

 

[rengadeirishman]

i find it fascinating that bailing out the banks and automakers and whatnot is perfectly acceptable, whereas giving tax breaks to something like 97% if the population and tax increases to some 3% is evil socialism.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

i find it fascinating that bailing out the banks and automakers and whatnot is perfectly acceptable, whereas giving tax breaks to something like 97% if the population and tax increases to some 3% is evil socialism.

Who says the bailouts are acceptable? Not I.

The automakers did this to themselves.

The banks and lending institutions did it to themselves, yet at the behest of the government raggin' on them, yet there was no requirement to do what they did.

 

[DesertPirate]

Who says the bailouts are acceptable? Not I.

The automakers did this to themselves.

The banks and lending institutions did it to themselves, yet at the behest of the government raggin' on them, yet there was no requirement to do what they did.

It's a shame stockholders are not allowed to flog the Board

 

[Zeb_Carter]

It's a shame stockholders are not allowed to flog the Board

It was the stockholder short sightedness that drove the management to be shortsighted too! Everyone now a days wants that 45% to 75% return on their investment NOW!