We have been informed that you are dead... verify this

[Selena_Kitt]

I have to check my spam mailbox at Yahoo just in case (yeah, I know, like what's the point of having it in the first place if I actually have to go through it? Ugh) and got what I think must be the most amusing spam I've ever received:

From: FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER SERVICE
Subj: WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE DEAD... VERIFY THIS

DEAR BENEFICARY

We receive an email that you are dead and you ask one MR.KADEEJIA IRVIN MOORE to come and claim your funds, been the fund which is related to your lottery winning sum of $2 Million United State Dollars that has been with us since two weeks now and he has also agreed to pay for the delivery charges of $350 Usd.

So I am writing you to know if you are DEAD OR ALIVE, if you do not reply back before 72hrs we will have no other alternative than to believe that you are truly dead according to MR.KADEEJIA IRVIN MOORE . And if you are still alive you can get back to me as fast as you can or you can call me on my phone take note that every thing has been paid for it is just for the cost of delivery that this MR.KADEEJIA IRVIN MOORE has agreed to pay for, if you refuse to get back to us am afraid we shall transfer the funds to him after he has sent us the cost of delivery which is$350 only and by this, it implies that he is right that you are dead and you ask him to come and claim the funds on your behalf.

WE HAVE WITH US A SCAN COPY of the SECRET PHOTO SHOT WE SNAPPED HIM AND HIS FRIEND THE DAY HE CAME TO OUR OFFICE TO TABLE THE MATTER THAT YOU ARE DEAD,IF YOU NEED IT, WE SCAN IT FOR YOUR VERIFICATION PURPOSES.

Please take note that you have been given just 72hrs to get back to us so that we can know if you are alive, and fill the Information Below. Name: Fax , House Address: Phone Number: We await your swift response in regard of this email we have received from MR.KADEEJIA IRVIN MOORE .

Truly Yours.
Mr. Williams Cross
Phone: +234-702-648-9943


Anyone wanna give him a call?

 

[DesertPirate]

Yes I died a month ago, sniff the contents of the enclosed jar for proof.

 

[SweetWitch]

I'm so sorry, Selena. My condolences. Had I known you had passed on, I would have sent flowers and a card. You've been a true inspiration here, and a good friend. The world is a richer place for your influence.

May you rest in peace.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Selena, if you really are dead can I have dibs on your Sybian?

 

[rgraham666]

My God! George Romero was making documentaries.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I'm going to start a consulting business to help these people write their scam letters. They need serious help because they're getting worse and worse.

Look at this sorry effort I got yesterday:

============

Dear Friend,
Here i writes from Madam Sarah Devid,I am married to Engineer Devid Colman an Englishman who is dead.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 5 Million GBP a security company here in UK. My Doctor told me that I have some day to live.due to the cancerous problems.And now i have decided to donate the funds to you as a gift from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers,orphans,destitute.God bless you.contact me via emailmadamsaradavids2@gmail.com)
=============

I love the fact that she's married to an Englishman who is dead.

 

[Belegon]

anything that is addressed "Dear godly one" is clearly not for me...

And Selena, you are not one of the dead, simply enticing enough to wake them...

 

[rgraham666]

I'm going to start a consulting business to help these people write their scam letters. They need serious help because they're getting worse and worse.

Look at this sorry effort I got yesterday:

============

Dear Friend,
Here i writes from Madam Sarah Devid,I am married to Engineer Devid Colman an Englishman who is dead.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 5 Million GBP a security company here in UK. My Doctor told me that I have some day to live.due to the cancerous problems.And now i have decided to donate the funds to you as a gift from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers,orphans,destitute.God bless you.contact me via emailmadamsaradavids2@gmail.com)

You should never depend on babelfish or any on line translator.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I cannot help but wonder what the reaction in Nigeria would be if I answered, "Dear Mortal, this is to confirm my demise. I did, in fact, shuck off this mortal coil on . . . " And then threaten to haunt him forever if he doesn't quit sending spam to live people.

 

[lil_elvis]

My God! George Romero was making documentaries.

This is why I refuse to be cremated, cuz then I could never be a zombie.

 

[trysail]

Dear Sir or Madam:

We are pleased to offer you a $1,000,000 adjustable-rate mortgage with optional payments. No payments will be required until the fifth anniversary of loan closing, at which time the entire sum of principal and accrued interest will be due and payable.

You will also be pleased to know that we will not require any proof of income, appraisal of the subject property, verification of employment, credit scores, character references or a previous history of timely repayment. No down payment is required.

If these terms and conditions are satisfactory, kindly accept and acknowledge your agreement by signing and returning this document.

Very truly yours,
Countrywide Mortgage Corporation,
on behalf of the taxpayers of The United States of America

 

[3113]

I cannot help but wonder what the reaction in Nigeria would be if I answered, "Dear Mortal, this is to confirm my demise. I did, in fact, shuck off this mortal coil on . . . " And then threaten to haunt him forever if he doesn't quit sending spam to live people.

Oh! I like this! Though I think, given the poor mastery of English here, using the words "shuck off this mortal coil" would only confuse.

Selena, I'm wearing black and planning on holding a seance for you.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Oh! I like this! Though I think, given the poor mastery of English here, using the words "shuck off this mortal coil" would only confuse.

Selena, I'm wearing black and planning on holding a seance for you.

Can you ask her if I can have her Sybian?

 

[tickledkitty]

Oh! I like this! Though I think, given the poor mastery of English here, using the words "shuck off this mortal coil" would only confuse.

It does sound sort of naughty. And fun.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Can you ask her if I can have her Sybian?

*snerk*

 

[sr71plt]

So, did you verify or not?

 

[Selena_Kitt]

So, did you verify or not?

Wouldn't verifying I was dead actually verify that I wasn't?

It was too confusing for me. Unfortunately, rum's off limits.

 

[sr71plt]

Wouldn't verifying I was dead actually verify that I wasn't?

It was too confusing for me. Unfortunately, rum's off limits.

No, no. After I paid him a bit of a deposit, MR.KADEEJIA IRVIN MOORE agreed to split the lottery money with me if you verified you were dead. So, could you maybe go ahead and do that?

 

[glynndah]

I got this one today:

Bonjour Mme / Mr,
Nous sommes heureux de vous conter parmi les gagnants de e.Lottery.
Par cette occasion nous vous informons de votre
Gain la e.lottery.
Ceci n'étant donc pas un Spam ni un virus, veuillez trouver en fichier
Joint votre notification de gain .Toutes personnes ayant reçu ces message
Sont enregistrer au ministère.
Cordialement
Mme Sylvie Ducharme.


Translation via babelfish:

Hello Mrs./Mr., We are happy to tell you among gaining e.Lottery. By this occasion we inform you of your Profit the e.lottery. This n' not being thus a Spam nor a virus, please find in attached file your notification of profit. All people having received these message Are to record with the ministry. Cordially Mrs. Sylvie Ducharme.


I think I may already be a winner!

 

[Bran_Hopewell]

I think I may already be a winner!

And to think, I keep getting male enhancement spam.

I think I may already have a wiener.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

No, no. After I paid him a bit of a deposit, MR.KADEEJIA IRVIN MOORE agreed to split the lottery money with me if you verified you were dead. So, could you maybe go ahead and do that?

*snerk*

brain dead, maybe.