I'm in a new relationship with a woman I really like, we're sexually active but so far, it's vanilla. I've been in a D/s relationship before and I'm into BDSM. I'd like to have the same with her without being selfish about it. How do I go about raising the subject without potentially freaking her out?
breaking the ice
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VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
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You could try something gentle with her like a blindfold, bondage with scarves and some play with ice, feathers and so on. Ask her if she enjoyed letting you be in control and if she responds positively, then you can talk about trying something a little kinkier (or try this with her in charge if you're submissive by nature).
There's no need to dive off the deep end, it shouldn't take too much gentle experimentation to figure out whether you can go further with this.
You could also try asking what her deep dark fantasies are and see what she tells you. It'll give you more of an idea how adventurous she's likely to be.
There's no need to dive off the deep end, it shouldn't take too much gentle experimentation to figure out whether you can go further with this.
You could also try asking what her deep dark fantasies are and see what she tells you. It'll give you more of an idea how adventurous she's likely to be.
Yep, pillow talk. Just ask her if she's ever tried in or thought about it. Most women are usually intrigued by it, limits always vary, but they usually are not going to freak out.
Keep it kosher, talk about why you like it. I always tell them it is about undeniable trust in another.
lilylicious
Really Experienced
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Maybe some playful teasing could help you start that conversation. Ask her if she's been bad and needs a spanking. Tell her she looks so good you want to tie her to your bed and have your way with her. When you're in bed with you on top, hold her wrists immobile above her head. Make sure it's all obviously playful and non threatening.
You'll be able to tell by looking into her eyes if she's interested in any of these things and once your broached the subject, even in a teasing way, it's easier to talk about.
"Remember when I asked you if you needed to be spanked? Well I'd really like to try that sometime if you're open to that. I think it would be really hot."
You'll be able to tell by looking into her eyes if she's interested in any of these things and once your broached the subject, even in a teasing way, it's easier to talk about.
"Remember when I asked you if you needed to be spanked? Well I'd really like to try that sometime if you're open to that. I think it would be really hot."
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Assumimg you are more dom than sub, go slowly and be patient. I have found that by giving her a good back massage you can introduce light slapping of her buttocks and see how she responds - if she becomes wet you are obviously on the right track. Over a period time you might increase the intensity of the spanking and remark how thrilled you are to see her cheeks turn pink - depending on her reaction, you might say something like "I'd really love to see those beautiful cheeks turn a fiery red" and let that idea gestate for several weeks - you will often be pleasantly surprised that she might bring that up several weeks later and invite you to be a bit more forceful, and progress gently from there.
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Zoots_owner
Really Experienced
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When you kissed her, you never tried getting a firm grip on her hair?
When you had sex, you never tried pinning her down?
Some things you can find out without even having to ask.
When you had sex, you never tried pinning her down?
Some things you can find out without even having to ask.
swoonsubwannabe
Literotica Guru
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You need to talk. If she gets freaked out then you are basically wasting time with her anyway. I bet you will be pleasantly surprised. Good luck!
Harmony_1985
Sir's little slut
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Like everyone has said, talk to her about it, ask her what turns her on and what fantasies she has, see if there's a common ground you can find.
Offer to try the stuff she wants to, then explain to her what turns you on and ask if she's willing to try what you want to try, you'd be surprised how many times people say yes because they're curious.
Offer to try the stuff she wants to, then explain to her what turns you on and ask if she's willing to try what you want to try, you'd be surprised how many times people say yes because they're curious.
Iconfess - you didn't tell us if you're a Dom or sub. I think that would influence how you tell someone.
If you're a Dom, you could tell her you would love doing XYZ with her, and she would be at the center of your attention.
If you're a sub, you could tell her how you love women who take charge. How you love women's strength, etc. Then tell her you want to be vulnerable to her.
If you're a Dom, you could tell her you would love doing XYZ with her, and she would be at the center of your attention.
If you're a sub, you could tell her how you love women who take charge. How you love women's strength, etc. Then tell her you want to be vulnerable to her.
I should've mentioned that I'm Dom. I raised the topic with her and her response was that I could do anything I wanted. Although this sounds like an open invitation, I'm not taking it as such because I'm not sure if she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear.
I don't want this to be just about me, I want it to be enjoyable for both of us.
Another thing is that she was in an abusive relationship in the past (not recently). She told me that her ex bf made her do things she didn't like because he enjoyed seeing her suffer. I didn't ask for specifics yet because I don't know if it's painful for her to talk about. So now I'm extra cautious because I don't want to be like her ex. I'm afraid that something that I like may be the same as something he liked, and make her uncomfortable.
I must qualify this by saying that I'm not into causing pain and I wouldn't enjoy seeing her suffer. In fact, it would pain me.
I should also add that she's Japanese, so by instinct I think she wants to please me (I hope that doesn't sound as culturally ignorant as it seems). I don't want her to do something just because I want it.
