Romantically Dominant Male

[behappydontworr]

If a man refers to himself as a "romantically dominant male" and that he is "used to being in charge," but says that he is looking for an independant woman, is this just a discreet way of saying that he is into BDSM? Or what is he trying to say?

 

[FurryFury]

Maybe. Maybe not. You'd have to ask him.

 

[GoddessHathor]

I dunno...but it would be fun to find out!

 

[Essene]

I like flowers.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Might not mean physically dominant at all, it may be more to do with social dominance and decision making.

Shouldn't be too difficult to ask for a clarification though, preferably before you get as far as the bedroom. In my opinion, if he intends for there to be physical/sexual dominance then he should really be more explicit than this. It'd be hard to say that he had sought your consent just by dropping a couple of ambiguous hints.

 

[Essene]

Might not mean physically dominant at all, it may be more to do with social dominance and decision making.

Shouldn't be too difficult to ask for a clarification though, preferably before you get as far as the bedroom. In my opinion, if he intends for there to be physical/sexual dominance then he should really be more explicit than this. It'd be hard to say that he had sought your consent just by dropping a couple of ambiguous hints.

Yeah what she said. *points ^*

 

[Fauna]

I usually ask what people mean by their labels. Maybe he means that he expects you to be romantic to him????

Just being a little silly, but you can see how point of view leads to confusion.

 

[Etoile]

Like he takes you out often, and when he does he gives you flowers and opens doors... He cuddles you, and takes care of you, and makes you tea when you're sick, and you take care of him the rest of the time...

and then in private he grabs you by the hair and forces (let's be honest it's not really forcing ) you to perform and partake in lewd sexual acts?

I need to sign me up for some of that.

*fans self*

 

[WriterDom]

I open doors. Give flowers. Unexpected gifts at unexpected times. Put the seat down after I pee. Don't make you watch Fox News. And treat you as the insatiable slut you are. So I guess I would qualify. But no, it wasn't me she was asking about.

 

[LFO]

I open doors. Give flowers. Unexpected gifts at unexpected times. Put the seat down after I pee. Don't make you watch Fox News. And treat you as the insatiable slut you are. So I guess I would qualify. But no, it wasn't me she was asking about.

That sums me up pretty well too.

 

[DystopiaNoir]

I'd say your "romantically dominant male" is maybe more akin to what others have said before me. He's dominant, but in a diplomatic way. A diplomat, remember, is a person who can tell you to go to hell and make you happy to be on your way.

 

[Llan2193]

Like he takes you out often, and when he does he gives you flowers and opens doors... He cuddles you, and takes care of you, and makes you tea when you're sick, and you take care of him the rest of the time...

and then in private he grabs you by the hair and forces (let's be honest it's not really forcing ) you to perform and partake in lewd sexual acts?

I need to sign me up for some of that.

Serious question. I been a dom for about two years now with a couple different girls. I've always been a good boyfriend because I thought that the discipline and punishment were far more effective if they were the polar opposite of normal life.
The flowers are that much sweeter if your ass still throbs from the night before. etc.
Even in the 24/7 relationship I was in, you have to treat you sub well or she'll stop being your sub.
Is that not the norm?

 

[Essene]

I like flowers AND chocolate.

 

[LFO]

And for some folks they'd think it abusive, or cruel, but those submissives in those relationships are content and happy with their arrangement.

I want a bit more though. I'm a bit needy. LOL
I want someone to worry about me if I pass out on the floor. I want someone who will care if I'm hemmorhaging internally every day. I would care about a stranger in those situations, so it's disheartening to be in a relationship where my SO did not even care about me when I was in those situations.

Wow, see, I'm still quite new to all this. My girl, while she's my sub, and means the world to me. I feel since she's given herself to me like this, I am obligated to take care of her and make sure she's happy. I give her flowers and in the bedroom I'll spank her. She's not my slave... But, then again, we're not 24/7 type people.

It definitely sounds like you're needing a change in your relationship dynamics for sure.

 

[sexyskibunnysub]

The romantically dominate males are rare and amazing, but they do exist!

 

[SweetErika]

Wow, see, I'm still quite new to all this. My girl, while she's my sub, and means the world to me. I feel since she's given herself to me like this, I am obligated to take care of her and make sure she's happy. I give her flowers and in the bedroom I'll spank her. She's not my slave... But, then again, we're not 24/7 type people.

It definitely sounds like you're needing a change in your relationship dynamics for sure.

We ARE 24/7 type people, and I feel a great obligation to take care of him, make sure he's healthy and happy overall. If he's not, what good is he to me? When he's sick or hurting, I want to take care of him. When he's going through a tough time I want to help him out.

So, I'd say the attitude depends on the people, not the type of relationship.

PMuse, it pains me to hear you were treated that way. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want someone who cares about your wellbeing, and I hope you find that caring in your next partner.

 

[FurryFury]

That's NOT needy! That's just human consideration.

I'm so sorry you've been treated so shabbily. This sort of thing is inexcusable and reprehensible. What kind of human being doesn't take care of another person like that?

 

[Netzach]

That's just some fucked up shit.

If you lose touch with your own ability to butter your own toast when your human property is falling over, you may still be a Dominant, but you have issues.

 

[Tyr51]

Yeah....

That crosses the line from Dominant to Abusive for me. And it sounds frankly unsafe, not particularly sane (who doesn't care for a partner who has just passed out and cracked their head?!), and you may have been "consenting" by not walking out the door, but that surely doesn't sound like a consensual and mutually satisfying relationship.


Anyhow. Point is, I don't think that's particularly what is meant by D/S, and I don't think you sound particularly needy for wanting a relationship that is D/s and isn't punctuated by a lack of consideration, care or anything except 24/7 hour slavery (some people's cup of tea. It's just not mine). It sounds like you and your PYL have some important conversations to cover, though.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

That's just some fucked up shit.

If you lose touch with your own ability to butter your own toast when your human property is falling over, you may still be a Dominant, but you have issues.

I agree with you. At the same time, I wonder what would happen in households like OSG's if she was ever seriously ill. I also wonder if she would complain about it. Quantum law of sexual perversion is that if it's ok with you, somewhere on planet Earth it'll be ok with a complimentary SO too.

I would not be happy with being treated that way. If a car stops working, you don't expect to get in it and drive hundreds of miles, you take it to the nearest garage and pay through the nose to get it fixed. If a slave is not equal in value to an owner as his/her car, there's something seriously wrong somewhere.

I might be property but the day Master decides I'm disposable, he's in for a shock.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I am sorry you were ever MISTREATED like that... D/s is never supposed to be like that I mean even in a M/s dynamic You are a gift that should be cherished. If I were ever treated like that I would be out the door quicker than I came through it. You should have never stayed nor put up with that thats not even humane for a dog let alone a beautiful wonderful submissive.

My Sir cares about me to no end I see that in everything he does, he is still in charge he makes alot of my decisions in regards to my pleasure or my pain. But in public he opens all the doors for me, he pays for dinner or lunch or breakfast, he kisses my hand at times, he is very romantic, he calls when I am under the weather, he tells me how much he adores me and misses me when we are apart. Recently I was injured by a nasty spider bite and before I even knew how bad I was going to become he had been on the phone from that morning until I got out of the hospital and even then continued to call me while I was recovering in the hotel, came to see me the next day to check on me, made sure I got my Rx and had been following the doctors orders and has since continued to check on me every few hours, he didnt even sleep the first night very well at all cause he was so worried espically when we found out it was a black widow bite... I am blessed to have a romantically dominant male in my life he never lets me forget who I am owned by or that he is in charge and yes girls I wish they hadnt broke the mold so I could share him with yall.. But in the long run if a man says he is romantically dominant male the first thing Id tell you is communicate and ask him if he is into BDSM dont assume and take your time it is a journey not a destination...

good luck..

 

[Netzach]

I agree with you. At the same time, I wonder what would happen in households like OSG's if she was ever seriously ill. I also wonder if she would complain about it. Quantum law of sexual perversion is that if it's ok with you, somewhere on planet Earth it'll be ok with a complimentary SO too.

I would not be happy with being treated that way. If a car stops working, you don't expect to get in it and drive hundreds of miles, you take it to the nearest garage and pay through the nose to get it fixed. If a slave is not equal in value to an owner as his/her car, there's something seriously wrong somewhere.

I might be property but the day Master decides I'm disposable, he's in for a shock.

Honestly, I hate to speak for OSG, but I think her longterm health would be a concern, it just seems like her D is very fond of making it clear that that's his *choice* and his *benevolence* when it is.

Which I can get behind. There's nothing wrong with pointing out that you *could* leave someone there to die if you so choose. That's hot actually. DOING that, isn't really a good idea on a multitude of levels in addition to the moral issues.

Discomfort, struggle, yes. But ER trips and longterm health issues are just something one doesn't court for practical purposes in a loving rel. Hey, I can get behind the edge, and I can get behind a very detached non romantic and ugly entanglement being satisfying. There's a point where the person doing the doing is displaying a serious flaw as a human though, some issues of their own as they say. It takes an unwell puppy to do that kind of thing. It takes a very competent top to create the reality for your bottom in which you might, could, and have the right. There's a powerful subjective reality in play.

Actually crossing that line begs the question "and why the fuck would you cross that line?" And sometimes "because I have the right and can" isn't really an adequate answer.

 

[FurryFury]

Yeah....

That crosses the line from Dominant to Abusive for me. And it sounds frankly unsafe, not particularly sane (who doesn't care for a partner who has just passed out and cracked their head?!), and you may have been "consenting" by not walking out the door, but that surely doesn't sound like a consensual and mutually satisfying relationship.


Anyhow. Point is, I don't think that's particularly what is meant by D/S, and I don't think you sound particularly needy for wanting a relationship that is D/s and isn't punctuated by a lack of consideration, care or anything except 24/7 hour slavery (some people's cup of tea. It's just not mine). It sounds like you and your PYL have some important conversations to cover, though.

Great post IMO.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

When I was a wet behind the ears, fledgling Dominant and sadist, I had the pleasure, priviledge and honor of becoming part of a BDSM/Leather community and extended family that centered around The Sanctuary of a Dark Angel, a dungeon/play space in Atlanta run by Master Doug Harris, his slave - boy bob, and their Leather Family.

The cardinal rule I learned for Owner and owned alike was "Protect the property".

Broken slaves can't serve.

Nuff said.

As for being a romantic Dominant... I do that when I'm not being an evil, sadistic bastard.

 

[FurryFury]

*swoons*