It seems like a lot of work

[TerribleChester]

I've been browsing Collarme.com, just out of curiosity.

Looking at all the Subs that are looking for a Dom - I have to say that it seems like a lot of work.

A lot of Subs seem to be looking for the level of care and attention that a child would require from a parent.

I mean, sure, as a dominant male I can understand why any man would want a submissive woman, sexually speaking. But the whole telling them what to wear and when to wear it , or motivating them to better their education, and generally making sure they take good care of themselves sounds like a complete handful. Like bringing up a child.

"It's time for bed, make sure you brush your teeth first".

"Be sure to say please and thank you whenever grandma speaks to you".

"It's raining outside so wrap up warm".

If I want to put that much effort into somebody, I'll simply make some woman pregnant and bring up a child.

(I don't know what I'm expecting from this thread, I just wanted to put it out there.)

 

[Netzach]

I've been browsing Collarme.com, just out of curiosity.

Looking at all the Subs that are looking for a Dom - I have to say that it seems like a lot of work.

A lot of Subs seem to be looking for the level of care and attention that a child would require from a parent.

I mean, sure, as a dominant male I can understand why any man would want a submissive woman, sexually speaking. But the whole telling them what to wear and when to wear it , or motivating them to better their education, and generally making sure they take good care of themselves sounds like a complete handful. Like bringing up a child.

"It's time for bed, make sure you brush your teeth first".

"Be sure to say please and thank you whenever grandma speaks to you".

"It's raining outside so wrap up warm".

If I want to put that much effort into somebody, I'll simply make some woman pregnant and bring up a child.

(I don't know what I'm expecting from this thread, I just wanted to put it out there.)

I don't get it either.

If anything they're supposed to be keeping MY calendar and reminding ME of my appointments and deadlines. I can do it on my own, but extra hands would be cool.

Obviously this works for a lot of people, but it's a mystery to me.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I may be a submissive, but I'm an independent one.

I don't need my master to think for me, I'm fully capable of that.

 

[CutieMouse]

Meh... I think a lot of it is escapism, pure and simple. Women read Story of O or the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy, and think that is submission/slavery/whathaveyou. Toss in a bit of stereotypical "subbies are fragile/helpless/can't think for themselves/etc" to shore up the kinky fiction foundation, and you get... well... CollarMe ads.

Don't lose faith. There are wickedly kinky, submissive, masochistic, intelligent, self-sufficient, practical as hell women out there... we're just not exactly a dime a dozen.

 

[kinkyknickers]

I suppose you could look at it like that. But then again I guess the trade off is that not only do you assume a high amount of responsibility for telling them what to do, you also get to free up some time for yourself by getting them to serve you and do all of your bidding.
It doesn't come naturally to everyone, some of us are used to being self sufficient (which it sounds like you probably are) and having a slave or sub seems like an inconceivable concept, but it's all a matter of choice and if you don't wanna dominate then you don't have to.
Besides, no one said that being a part of the BDSM lifestyle was norrmal anyway. far from it.

 

[TerribleChester]

I may be a submissive, but I'm an independent one.

I don't need my master to think for me, I'm fully capable of that.

Did you have an ad?

If you did, what did it say?

 

[TerribleChester]

Meh... I think a lot of it is escapism, pure and simple. Women read Story of O or the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy, and think that is submission/slavery/whathaveyou. Toss in a bit of stereotypical "subbies are fragile/helpless/can't think for themselves/etc" to shore up the kinky fiction foundation, and you get... well... CollarMe ads.

Don't lose faith. There are wickedly kinky, submissive, masochistic, intelligent, self-sufficient, practical as hell women out there... we're just not exactly a dime a dozen.

I see.

A rare commodity.

 

[TerribleChester]

I suppose you could look at it like that. But then again I guess the trade off is that not only do you assume a high amount of responsibility for telling them what to do, you also get to free up some time for yourself by getting them to serve you and do all of your bidding.
It doesn't come naturally to everyone, some of us are used to being self sufficient (which it sounds like you probably are) and having a slave or sub seems like an inconceivable concept, but it's all a matter of choice and if you don't wanna dominate then you don't have to.
Besides, no one said that being a part of the BDSM lifestyle was norrmal anyway. far from it.

Inconceivable concept?

It seems like a complete burden to me.

 

[TerribleChester]

I don't get it either.

If anything they're supposed to be keeping MY calendar and reminding ME of my appointments and deadlines. I can do it on my own, but extra hands would be cool.

Obviously this works for a lot of people, but it's a mystery to me.

I haven't ignored your post. I just have no response to it.

 

[CutieMouse]

I see.

A rare commodity.

Save Me Subs are the inverse of Horny Net Geeks, nothing more, nothing less - and the internet is flooded with both.

 

[Homburg]

*shrug* Mine are as likely to help keep track of me as I am of them. Kinda like a vanilla relationship in that sense. If I need to go to the some appt, I am likely to be reminded. If one of mine needs the same reminder, I may well do so.

I don't really want the Save Me Sub. I don't mind giving emotional support and the like, but I dislike micromanagement intensely. Fortunately, very few that I've personally dealt with want to be micromanaged.

 

[TerribleChester]

Save Me Subs are the inverse of Horny Net Geeks, nothing more, nothing less - and the internet is flooded with both.

Am I a Horny Net Geek?

 

[BiBunny]

I think the difference between "serious" subs and wannabe players is that a "serious" sub says, "What can I do for you, Master/Mistress?" and the rest of them say, "What can you do for me?"

That's a very simplified version, of course. There are plenty of "subs" who ask what they can do for Master or Mistress when, of course, they mean they'll only do what THEY think Master or Mistress should want.

 

[CutieMouse]

Am I a Horny Net Geek?

No clue, sorry.

 

[sunandshadow]

A lot of Subs seem to be looking for the level of care and attention that a child would require from a parent.

Well, yes, some of them specifically are looking for an age-play relationship (babygirl and daddydom or the opposite gender version mommysboy and mommydomme) or a pet-owner relationship which is somewhat similar. But, even when someone is age-playing a child, it's still totally different from an actual child. An adult might be earning an income during the day, is capable of doing complicated chores, can already read and write, can probably drive, is pottytrained and even if they want to do diaper play it will not be as much of a mess... I've also seen doms who very much enjoy managing/training/developing another person. It might not be a type of dom you want to be, but it is a perfectly valid way of being a dom.

 

[TerribleChester]

No clue, sorry.

I wanted to see if you thought that you were able to spot a Horny Net Geek.

Just curious.

 

[TerribleChester]

Well, yes, some of them specifically are looking for an age-play relationship (babygirl and daddydom or the opposite gender version mommysboy and mommydomme) or a pet-owner relationship which is somewhat similar. But, even when someone is age-playing a child, it's still totally different from an actual child. An adult might be earning an income during the day, is capable of doing complicated chores, can already read and write, can probably drive, is pottytrained and even if they want to do diaper play it will not be as much of a mess... I've also seen doms who very much enjoy managing/training/developing another person. It might not be a type of dom you want to be, but it is a perfectly valid way of being a dom.

These subs weren't talking about age play.

 

[CutieMouse]

Well, yes, some of them specifically are looking for an age-play relationship (babygirl and daddydom or the opposite gender version mommysboy and mommydomme) or a pet-owner relationship which is somewhat similar. But, even when someone is age-playing a child, it's still totally different from an actual child. An adult might be earning an income during the day, is capable of doing complicated chores, can already read and write, can probably drive, is pottytrained and even if they want to do diaper play it will not be as much of a mess... I've also seen doms who very much enjoy managing/training/developing another person. It might not be a type of dom you want to be, but it is a perfectly valid way of being a dom.

I didn't read the OP as commenting on the Daddydom/Little girl sort of dynamic; I read it as the eleventy-million kinky personals ads where submissives admit they don't have the wherewithal to do X, and look to D/s to fix their lives.

I fully and unashamedly admit my Pygmalion fetish; however, I also recognize that most of the things that would greatly improve my life must come from within me... granted, I tend to stay more focused with a certain degree of [D/s influenced] mentoring/motivation, but at the end of the day remaining healthy, going back to school, running a business smoothly, yadayadayada is on my shoulders - D/s or not.

 

[CutieMouse]

I wanted to see if you thought that you were able to spot a Horny Net Geek.

Just curious.

Oh it's not hard... you're just not high enough on my radar to assess as such, either way. (no offense)

 

[Homburg]

As an aside, yeah, it's a lot of work. And? Relationships are a lot of work, period. Kinky people just tend to be slightly more up front about the workload. Fortunately, if you manage your prospective submissive's expectations properly you will find this to be less of a problem than you might otherwise think. Oddly enough, this advice works for vanilla relationships as well.

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

I identify as a sub for the most part (my switchy side is starting to show). I HATE micromanagement in my life. I value his opinion and will ask it often because he's simply much wiser than me and has more life experience, but he's quite happy to let me make my decisions. Neither one of us has time for anything else.

 

[Etoile]

I think it's about micromanagement. If you want somebody to micromanage you, you have to find somebody who craves that level of control. If you don't want to have to micromanage someone, you should find a sub who doesn't need you to.

 

[the_mgp]

From a sub's perspective.. I couldn't handle being micromanaged.. it would do my head in. Yeah, I need someone to protect me and help keep me motivated and give me orders to follow, cause it keeps me happy. But having to be told every minute of every waking day what to do would make me feel like a robot. Just point me in the right direction, cause I do get a little lost without some guidance, but once I'm facing the right way I'll be able to get on with it

 

[minx1]

I would class myself as submissive and an independent woman. I have a full on job with quite a lot of responsibility. Sometimes, because of that, aspects of micromanagement and relinquishing that much control appeals to me. not always and it is usually dependent on where I am at with my life at any given point. I think the same goes for D as well. Sometimes I need (yes, need as a submissive) to give up more control than at other times. Equally because its so time intensive, there were times when D didn't want to have that amount of control, because he couldn't give it the time or effort.

I can appreciate its appeal though and like the idea of being able to dip into it whenever it suits us or fits in with our lives.

 

[Bandit58]

I don't get it either.

If anything they're supposed to be keeping MY calendar and reminding ME of my appointments and deadlines. I can do it on my own, but extra hands would be cool.

Obviously this works for a lot of people, but it's a mystery to me.

I do this for Sir I also operate a haemodialysis machine from set-up to strip down and put needles in Sir's arm three times a week. I'm more confident and independent now than I was before we got together

Sir doesn't have the energy or the inclination to micromanage me - I'm a big girl and can think for myself!