Sayings

[Safe_Bet]

When I hear something humorous or awe inspiring it usually kicks my poetry muse in the ass. So, here are some of my favorite sayings. Let me hear yours:

"As frustrated as a blind lesbian in a fish market" (yeah - it's my fav )

"He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day"

"Uglier than a hat full of assholes"

"As worn out as a cucumber in a convent"

"As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar"

 

[WickedEve]

When I hear something humorous or awe inspiring it usually kicks my poetry muse in the ass. So, here are some of my favorite sayings. Let me hear yours:

"As frustrated as a blind lesbian in a fish market" (yeah - it's my fav )

"He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day"

"Uglier than a hat full of assholes"

"As worn out as a cucumber in a convent"

"As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar"

These sayings are similes. A simile compares two things and begins with as or like.

 

[Safe_Bet]

These sayings are similes. A simile compares two things and begins with as or like.

Yup they are. The ones I posted reflect my warped sense of humor more than anything else. What I'm hoping for from some of the "less juvenile" people is that they include more of the "awe inspiring" and "motivational" ones.

 

[WickedEve]

I don't know if you're looking for similes to use in poems or to inspire them or both. You want similes that are known or ones we create ourselves for poetry? I use as and like often in my poems, maybe too much. I looked at a few of the poems I have posted and found this one: "though figures could be kinetic, like time-lapse bean sprouts." I use it to describe the slow motion movement of statues. Not sure if that's what you're looking for. It's not really motivational or awe inspiring -- just original and poetic, hopefully.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Yup they are. The ones I posted reflect my warped sense of humor more than anything else. What I'm hoping for from some of the "less juvenile" people is that they include more of the "awe inspiring" and "motivational" ones.

forget 'less juvenile' from me, but here are a few that I've learned from my time hanging with True Kansans, most particularly my absolutely classic redneck neighbor Larry, whom I adore.

"Spinnin' like the knob on a shithouse door." (I'm still not exactly sure what this means, but I'm assuming it's fast, or something.)

"Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock."

and my favorite. To really get this you need to see Larry. 70'ish, grecian formula black elvis hair, flannel shirt (that he will proudly tell you his wife "built" for him), never without a bud lite in a can coozy, leans over the fence and sings to his cows in the evening, sits up late at night with his shotgun fulla rocksalt when his tomatoes are getting ripe, so he can shoot at "varmints" who come to pillage his prize produce.

Larry is the only person I know who can legitimately and believably use the word "varmints" in a sentence. His wife Carol has really tall hair. She mows their 4 acres on a riding mower, with soup-can sized curlers in her hair covered with a diaphanous chartreuse scarf, and a mile-long extra thin Eve cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She sounds like a Kansan Carol Channing when she says to me, "Honey, you should come over some time and I'll teach you how to caaaaaaan."

So Larry drives his pickup over one day (from next door, accidentally backing over our mailbox when he leaves) and he's showing me pictures of his two adult daughters, who are admittedly lovely. He's very proud of them, obviously, and what he tells me about them is exactly this:

"Lookit them. Ain't they beautiful?" (Yes, Larry, they're lovely, my goodness) "They're beautiful, and," (obviously bursting with patriarchal pride) "they're MEAN. They will fuck you up like polio."

I tried to imagine my own father saying something like that about me, and I found myself rather envious of Larry's daughters. I've never met them, but I'm quite sure they'd beat the shit out of me if I ever encountered them in a bar.

so yeah. no real maturity there, but you wanted sayings, and those are my favorites, at least from Larry.

I learn a lot, here in the greenworld.

bj

 

[Safe_Bet]

I don't know if you're looking for similes to use in poems or to inspire them or both. You want similes that are known or ones we create ourselves for poetry? I use as and like often in my poems, maybe too much. I looked at a few of the poems I have posted and found this one: "though figures could be kinetic, like time-lapse bean sprouts." I use it to describe the slow motion movement of statues. Not sure if that's what you're looking for. It's not really motivational or awe inspiring -- just original and poetic, hopefully.

God Eve, you are SO good!

That exactly what I'm looking for. If other people have examples like that or even from other sources than their own work, that would be great too.

I also hope people don't limit themselves just to similies. I guess what I'm really looking for is anything that will give me one of those "Ah Ha" moments, that will make me think in a different direction than I normally do.

Here's my goal (maybe you help me clarify what I'm saying a little better): To date I "feel" that I have been writing about sex, my family, sex, being pissed off about something, sex, my family, etc. I want to expand beyond that. Maybe this isn't the best approach. Suggestions?

 

[WickedEve]

forget 'less juvenile' from me,

Well, bless your heart.
Hey, just noticed your sig line. Did I call you "just too odd?" I probably did. hee hee

 

[WickedEve]

Here's my goal (maybe you help me clarify what I'm saying a little better): To date I "feel" that I have been writing about sex, my family, sex, being pissed off about something, sex, my family, etc. I want to expand beyond that. Maybe this isn't the best approach. Suggestions?

You're writing about what's going on in your life. You can continue to do that. Maybe you need to grow past how you're writing about it, though. That takes practice, knowledge, dabbling in the dark arts, paying me money, etc. Um, yeah, write about other things, too.
Let's see... Look around your house and pick out five items. Then imagine that's all you have in this world. Put yourself somewhere inconvenient. Somewhere that you don't have a car, house, friends. Those five items may become darn important to you. Now write a poem about what you chose and how you live with those things, use them, do you sell them, etc. Maybe you chose something small for your pocket and something like a bed that becomes a burden if you don't have a roof to put it under. Just an idea.

 

[Safe_Bet]

[...]I'm not very good at teaching anyone anything.[...]

Eve you are such a flipping liar!

I will start on my homework right away, Professor!
(stand by for some poems about ice cream, vibrators, wide screen TV and Amy's strap on. You did say pick things that are important to me )

 

[WickedEve]

Eve you are such a flipping liar!

I will start on my homework right away, Professor!
(stand by for some poems about ice cream, vibrators, wide screen TV and Amy's strap on. You did say pick things that are important to me )

Things that will become important when it's all you have in the world! Go with the strap on. What color? Oh, go write the poem.

 

[champagne1982]

the rainin' on a rock from upbj reminds me of a Scottish expression of level: Flatter than piss on a platter. It even rhymes...

 

[blueskies]

forget 'less juvenile' from me, but here are a few that I've learned from my time hanging with True Kansans, most particularly my absolutely classic redneck neighbor Larry, whom I adore.

"Spinnin' like the knob on a shithouse door." (I'm still not exactly sure what this means, but I'm assuming it's fast, or something.)

"Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock."

and my favorite. To really get this you need to see Larry. 70'ish, grecian formula black elvis hair, flannel shirt (that he will proudly tell you his wife "built" for him), never without a bud lite in a can coozy, leans over the fence and sings to his cows in the evening, sits up late at night with his shotgun fulla rocksalt when his tomatoes are getting ripe, so he can shoot at "varmints" who come to pillage his prize produce.

Larry is the only person I know who can legitimately and believably use the word "varmints" in a sentence. His wife Carol has really tall hair. She mows their 4 acres on a riding mower, with soup-can sized curlers in her hair covered with a diaphanous chartreuse scarf, and a mile-long extra thin Eve cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She sounds like a Kansan Carol Channing when she says to me, "Honey, you should come over some time and I'll teach you how to caaaaaaan."

So Larry drives his pickup over one day (from next door, accidentally backing over our mailbox when he leaves) and he's showing me pictures of his two adult daughters, who are admittedly lovely. He's very proud of them, obviously, and what he tells me about them is exactly this:

"Lookit them. Ain't they beautiful?" (Yes, Larry, they're lovely, my goodness) "They're beautiful, and," (obviously bursting with patriarchal pride) "they're MEAN. They will fuck you up like polio."

I tried to imagine my own father saying something like that about me, and I found myself rather envious of Larry's daughters. I've never met them, but I'm quite sure they'd beat the shit out of me if I ever encountered them in a bar.

so yeah. no real maturity there, but you wanted sayings, and those are my favorites, at least from Larry.

I learn a lot, here in the greenworld.

bj

I'm so impressed with your writing ability.. I envisioned every bit of it.. (possibly because I've met a few people almost identical to your neighbors) I'm left wanting to read more. Thank you for the smile & warm thoughts of such outright real people.. who don't give a darn & tell it like it is..

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You're not as green as you are cabbage looking

 

[WickedEve]

I'm so impressed with your writing ability.. I envisioned every bit of it.. (possibly because I've met a few people almost identical to your neighbors) I'm left wanting to read more. Thank you for the smile & warm thoughts of such outright real people.. who don't give a darn & tell it like it is..

That's what I thought when I read it. Biju needs to copy that post to the lit blog thread. It's damn good.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

When I hear something humorous or awe inspiring it usually kicks my poetry muse in the ass. So, here are some of my favorite sayings. Let me hear yours:

"As frustrated as a blind lesbian in a fish market" (yeah - it's my fav )

"He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day"

"Uglier than a hat full of assholes"

"As worn out as a cucumber in a convent"

"As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar"

I like (~_~)

as strange as socks on a chicken

as confused as a turtle humping a hard hat

.....

the key to tranquility is acceptance

ambition without knowledge
is like a ship in the desert

 

[Safe_Bet]

Some Similies to Make Eve Chuckle

In honor of WickedEve, who helped me learn how to use "Like" and "as"properly:

WORST ANALOGIES
(taken from high school papers)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
(R.M., Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
(R.B., Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
(P.S., Silver Spring)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
(R.A., Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
(C.S., Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.
(R.B., Springfield)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
(Unknown)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
(J.B., Chevy Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
(G.H., Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
(R.B., Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph.
(J.H., Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
(W.G., Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
(P.K., Syracuse)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
(R.B., Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
(B.F., Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
(C.S., Woodbridge)

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
(Unknown)


Courtesy of DG Hear in the AH Humor Thread.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I've knicked all those to email on !

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I'm so impressed with your writing ability.. I envisioned every bit of it.. (possibly because I've met a few people almost identical to your neighbors) I'm left wanting to read more. Thank you for the smile & warm thoughts of such outright real people.. who don't give a darn & tell it like it is..

That's what I thought when I read it. Biju needs to copy that post to the lit blog thread. It's damn good.

I missed these posts when they first went up. Thanks, very much.

I get pretty annoyed when I hear some of the rhetoric about Kansas round election time. There's a great deal of value and beauty among my neighbors, and a whole lot more intelligence than the stereotypes suggest.

neato thread, too. Hope it continues.

bj