How Do You Do It?

[Bi_Kitty]

Ok, I never post anything serious but it is time for a change! Being in Florida has cleared my mind and got me seriously thinking about something that has been bugging me lately. I asked Bunny about this but we decided that I should get more input.

So, several months ago a male-sub friend that I met from CM introduced me into one of his dom-friends. Things started out really slow. I didn’t think it would go anywhere from a couple of play sessions. We just hang out when play sessions aren’t involved. We really connect. I have never felt this way about someone.

When we first started seeing each other we talked a lot, and I remember him stating that one day that he wants a slave. Before I met him, I said I would never be a submissive much less a slave; now I’m his submissive and, honestly, I don’t think I could be happy without being his slave.

I know he knows how I feel by the way he talks, but I don‘t think he realizes to what degree. I know I need to actually tell him. However, anyway I try to think about telling him how I truly feel which is that I love him and that I want to be HIS it sounds so pathetic. I don’t want to be pathetic. I don’t want him telling me something that he doesn’t feel just because I am pathetic.

So, my question is how can I tell him how I truly feel and not come off desperate?

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I can give you two answers, one from my point of view that could prove concrete and practical, but would work only for me or one that is vague and abstract but may help more.

The vague and abstract, you know him. You should know at lest a glimmer of how his mind works, what he responds to better than what he reacts against. Study him, if need be, make a dossier and fill it with the things you know and can confirm about him then go from there. Not to sound mercenary about it but get inside his head and work out.

The practical (and again this is more from inside my head and working out so take with half a grain of salt or less) is just tell him, plain simple straightforward. The best girlfriend I've ever had was very upfront about what she felt, what she wanted and wasn't into the "chase me until I catch you" crap. There was no fears, no worrying about what was next just a straight up "I think we'd be really good together. So when are you going to ask me out?"

Hope this helps.

 

[minx1]

..............................edited /snip/

and so it went on until I told him that I loved him and he didn't say it back! Oh god....awful!

Well awful on one hand and yet a huge relief on the other, because I had bitten the bullet and told him. He had been expecting it for a few days as in my usual unsubtle way, I must have been quite obviously working up to it.
Also the way it happened with us was also quite funny and lighthearted. In all its badness it kinda detracted from the whole feelings of vulnerability.

He won't see it as pathetic Kitty...you saying ''i love you and I love being yours; I want to be yours''. Its a huge compliment that he makes you feel that way and I am sure he will want this from his submissive.

Wanting to be his isn't pathetic, its completely normal.

If I could do it over again, it would probably end up being the same. I get nervous when I put myself out there, so no amount of planning is going to change that.

If I hadn't done it that way, I would have written him an email explaining how I felt. I just wanted to say it.

Good luck.

 

[Bi_Kitty]

Thanks for the replies. I don't want it to sound like I'm telling him he has to make me HIS. I just want to tell him that I would like to be HIS if he was willing. It is just so scary to put myself out there like that.

 

[minx1]

Thanks for the replies. I don't want it to sound like I'm telling him he has to make me HIS. I just want to tell him that I would like to be HIS if he was willing. It is just so scary to put myself out there like that.

Then thats a good way of putting it. I would say, that he means an awful lot to you and that submitting to him feels so right to you and that if he were to consider taking a sub ''officially'' please would he consider you.''

You know him best Kitty...that might not be the right approach for him, but that would have been the right approach with my D in the early days.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Thanks for the replies. I don't want it to sound like I'm telling him he has to make me HIS. I just want to tell him that I would like to be HIS if he was willing. It is just so scary to put myself out there like that.

From my perspective I would love it if I wanted a slave and my sub came to me and asked to be my slave.

As long as you don't tell him "make me your slave or we're breaking up" then you aren't telling him to make you his.

Maybe feel him out. Talk to him about him wanting a slave and slip it into the conversation that you've been thinking it and you would welcome being a slave for the right person.

Hopefully he gets the hint and asks you. If not then bash him over the head and just ask.

Remember nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[YourCaptor]

I think actions say it better then words.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think honesty comes out on top every time. As some have said, there are ways to say it and ways not to. Perhaps a way you could begin the discussion is by telling him how you felt initially, how your feelings have grown over time and surprised you, and that you have revised many of your previous thoughts on submission and slavery to a point where you feel it would be the most natural thing in the world to be his slave if he ever asked it of you. It isn't telling him what to do, but it is letting him know your feelings and openness to the concept and role if that is also his wish. Good luck whichever way you choose to do it.

Catalina

 

[the_mgp]

Just get the idea out of your head that wanting to be belonging to someone is desparate and needy, and it'll probably be a whole lot easier

 

[intothewoods]

I think honesty comes out on top every time. As some have said, there are ways to say it and ways not to. Perhaps a way you could begin the discussion is by telling him how you felt initially, how your feelings have grown over time and surprised you, and that you have revised many of your previous thoughts on submission and slavery to a point where you feel it would be the most natural thing in the world to be his slave if he ever asked it of you. It isn't telling him what to do, but it is letting him know your feelings and openness to the concept and role if that is also his wish. Good luck whichever way you choose to do it.

Catalina

I was going to say something like this too. Something like, remember that conversation we had when I said I'd never be a slave? Well, it's amazing how life can make you change your point of view. I love the part I bolded above particular. That now it would just feel natural. And you are just letting him know that your feelings have changed. Because he may very well think you would still never consider it, right?

 

[naxalite0906]

Just get the idea out of your head that wanting to be belonging to someone is desparate and needy, and it'll probably be a whole lot easier

Exactly... If you think like this, then being a sub is going to be very hard work for you.

In the D/s sense wanting to be someone's is completely natural. It isn't desperate, or needy.

My advice, kneel at his feet and offer yourself to him. Any Dom in his right mind would love someone doing that for him.

Seriously though, just come out and say it. If he is worth the hassle, he will understand you and appreciate you more for saying it. Good luck

 

[VelvetDarkness]

In the D/s sense wanting to be someone's is completely natural. It isn't desperate, or needy.

Indeed. Don't project your hangups onto this guy and it'll be much easier.

You said in post 1 that he has an idea of how you feel so it sounds to me like you don't have much to lose. You connect really well and enjoy your time together so it's perfectly natural to want things to progress to the next level. I didn't think I'd be slave material either until I met my Master and in the end, it was me who suggested we became TPE when we moved in together.

It's always difficult to offer yourself to another and in BDSM based relationships it means so much more than 'yanno... how 'bout it?' The very fact that you have reached the point where you want to be owned by him should be very flattering even if he doesn't think it's the right time for you to become a TPE couple right now. I agree with Nax and ITW's suggestions for how to tell him and I'm almost certain you'll get a positive response.

 

[Recidiva]

I think you just need to own who you are and speak honestly. There's valor in that, an honor and all that idealistic stuff.

Hell, I've confessed absolute love to a gay man I knew would never return it. I was just being honest.

I don't see any shame in loving people. Others do, and that's really their problem, not mine.

Just express yourself honestly and accept that people have free will and can choose to say "no" sometimes.

But you always have a right to be honest and if you feel you must say something or go for something, it's much more wise to do it and accept the answer, than not do it because you think you already know what it is.

 

[JMohegan]

Ok, I never post anything serious but it is time for a change! Being in Florida has cleared my mind and got me seriously thinking about something that has been bugging me lately. I asked Bunny about this but we decided that I should get more input.

So, several months ago a male-sub friend that I met from CM introduced me into one of his dom-friends. Things started out really slow. I didn’t think it would go anywhere from a couple of play sessions. We just hang out when play sessions aren’t involved. We really connect. I have never felt this way about someone.

When we first started seeing each other we talked a lot, and I remember him stating that one day that he wants a slave. Before I met him, I said I would never be a submissive much less a slave; now I’m his submissive and, honestly, I don’t think I could be happy without being his slave.

I know he knows how I feel by the way he talks, but I don‘t think he realizes to what degree. I know I need to actually tell him. However, anyway I try to think about telling him how I truly feel which is that I love him and that I want to be HIS it sounds so pathetic. I don’t want to be pathetic. I don’t want him telling me something that he doesn’t feel just because I am pathetic.

So, my question is how can I tell him how I truly feel and not come off desperate?

Kitty, are you looking for advice on how to tell him you've fallen in love with him, or are you looking for advice on how to tell him that you seek a relationship in which you are a slave?

I'd say that the former is an expression of emotional attachment, whereas the latter is an expression of something entirely different. I don't see anything at all pathetic in either of those expressions. But I do see value in avoiding confusion between the two.

 

[myinnerslut]

i never actually said i want to be your slave in that initial discussion. i wasnt even planning on having the conversation. we were taking abut the word "master" and thing kind of went from there. and now he is my Master and i couldnt be happier.

if he wants a slave and you wont be happy you have every right to say so. if you think you might be happy and want to address it, you have every right to say that as well.

 

[Winemaster]

makes me think of the song...

John Mayer...
"Say what you need to Say..."
I thought when I read this..there was no better description...
I don't see any shame in loving people. Others do, and that's really their problem, not mine...RecidivA


I think the people have with sharing emotions is that they "expect" a certiean response. "Say what you need to say" and don't worry about the response. You can't control that....and the Person does have a right to be the way they want to.

 

[FurryFury]

I think actions speak true but in this case words are needed.

You know how to say it. Don't let your fear and insecurity stop you from just communicating with the man. You'll likely regret it if you do.

I'd be thrilled if someone said such a thing to me and I were a Dom/me.

You are a wonderful lovely girl. You may not realize that enough. How he sees you is way more positive, in all likelihood than how you see yourself. Whoever said, don't project your worries about seeing pitiful onto him was right.

 

[subbie_333]

I know he knows how I feel by the way he talks, but I don‘t think he realizes to what degree. I know I need to actually tell him. However, anyway I try to think about telling him how I truly feel which is that I love him and that I want to be HIS it sounds so pathetic. I don’t want to be pathetic. I don’t want him telling me something that he doesn’t feel just because I am pathetic.

So, my question is how can I tell him how I truly feel and not come off desperate?

Imagine yourself a few months down the road, where you never told Him and He slowly drifted away. Imagine yourself wondering/wishing what you should have done. You would probably be really pissed at yourself for not saying anything.

Now, imagine yourself a few months down the road, where you confessed this desire to Him. And, He turned you down. And, it hurt, maybe a lot, maybe still hurts. But, you know either He isn't right for you, or, maybe the timing wasn't right for it to happen right now.

Now, imagine yourself a few months down the road, where you are His slave. Cus you told Him that is what you wanted. And, He took you, because that is what He wanted. And, it didn't matter to Him how you said it, but, that you had the guts to say it.

Now, well, it's *now*. So, whatta ya gonna do?

 

[nh23]

First off YAY!!! I'm so happy for you! I'm one of those people who finds it impossible to keep in what I need to say. Most of the time I just end up blurting it out in a very jumbled and not at all articulate way. Master tells me all the time I should take awhile to think about what I'm going to say before I blurt it out because things always seem to come out wrong..LOL.

I have some questions for you. Is this going to be LDR? Or are you wanting a 24/7 TPE relationship?

I can so sympathize with how you are feeling. I remember arguing with everyone that I wasn't a slave..look at me now..

I would probably just ask him what he thought about taking the relationship a step further, although not the eloquently I'm sure..LOL.

 

[Homburg]

Just say it. Say it. Be honest.

Barring reincarnation, you only live once. Even accepting reincarnation, you will only be in this incarnation once. This means that you have exactly one chance. DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.

 

[intothewoods]

Just say it. Say it. Be honest.

Barring reincarnation, you only live once. Even accepting reincarnation, you will only be in this incarnation once. This means that you have exactly one chance. DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.

But seriously, no pressure.

 

[LittleJade]

vulnerability is not pathetic- for a strong person to admit vulnerability, and love (which is the ultimate vulnerability), is beautiful.

For a strong person to admit need... is also beautiful.