Rage

[bashfull]

For lack of a better place to post, i am placing this thread here.

Ever feel like there is a beast within that rages? Restraint tenable but vicious? Feel like you should unleash, give in to the rush? the power? Standing over, make the person grovel, beg, crawl, pleading for forgiveness. But you see only their tears as venom? Their claws as merely seeking to dig deep into the earth to return to the hells from which they are spawned? Groveling as merely deceit? To flay the person and rub salt and lemon into their wounds, both emotional and physical? To eradicate in their suffering all sense of intimacy within yourself? To crush the person, withering, and feast on their suffering?

 

[DreamSensualist]

.....

 

[ataxia.girl]

No but i often fall for the guy who does. i love watching them wage that battle within themselves and i do prefer to watch from the POV of the target. Best seat in the house.

 

[Netzach]

That's not a beast, that's just lil ol me.

I refuse to do the poetic MPD disown thing with my sadism. I am cute, round, and I hurt people.

 

[bashfull]

For the most part, I'm a nice guy. Been told often enough that I am too nice, apparently. I restrain myself and usually only hurt those who hurt me, my friends, or my family. Took a very long time for me balance my emotions...to allow some to rise, other to sink, to restrain that cold fury that was my life for so long. People talk about "walls". Fuck the walls. I had the gates, the pikes, the cannon, and 100 swords. Mostly, however, they pointed inward. To keep myself contained.

The truth of the matter, I LIKE that cold, calculating fury. It's not sexual. It's power. Decades of martial arts, meditation, and mentoring taught me to balance it. To only call if forward when absolutely needed...and then I learned to focus it. As someone once said about me, "I don't play....I win". I love that sense of focus. And I KNOW I possess the power. I keep it in check ever day.

Analyzing from the outside though, I do not like the PERSON I am when unleashed. I have made men cry in public, and scorned them when they saught my forgiveness. While I like the fury, I dislike the person.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Yup. And like Netz, I own my sadism. I rather enjoy it when I can really let it all hang out.

Nuff said.

 

[bashfull]

I don't think it's sadism, as I only enjoy the surge, the power when devasting someone I dislike or who has harmed. I used to be very very emotionally cold. If i wanted to laugh, I would make someone else laugh. If i wanted to cry, i would make someone else shed tears. I was an emotional vampire...I received my emotional nourishment through others.

 

[Netzach]

I have made men cry in public, and scorned them when they saught my forgiveness. While I like the fury, I dislike the person.

Yeah, that.

I still like the person when I meet up with her in the bathroom mirror.

Cheetahs don't have a huge existential crisis every time they take down a baby Tommie, if the dude didn't want it on some level he has ample time to get away from me.

But I wind up hurting the consenting or at least cognizant. Those who have harmed or angered me do not deserve or get that much of my psychic energy and that much chance to latch onto me as I claw at them.

It's a commodity in fixed supply. I avoid that which I hate and tamper with that which I love to make SURE it loves me.

 

[Homburg]

You're scared of yourself, and that ain't a bad thing. But you've caged that beast. Now work on owning it.

Find the right person, and that cold, scary rage will become a source of personal satisfaction and a way to realise yourself.

Own it. Be yourself. Life's better that way.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I know that Master often feels as you do and although he has his walls, razorwire and 24hr armed guard, he knows that to wall something away completely is to admit an inability to control it. You don't like it when you attack and decimate others but you still do so, which suggests to me that once the beast has slipped the leash, your only recourse is to chain it again and to disassociate yourself from something that, like it or not, is an intrinsic part of yourself. "It wasn't me... the beast did it."

That's essentially a one way ticket to schizophrenia.

I used to train in martial arts and the techniques I learned are indeed very good for walling away anger, hatred and fear in order to rationalise situations objectively, from a detached viewpoint. It's a valuable combat tool but it's really not an enduring philosophy to which your whole life and everything in it that angers you can be applied. You sound like you have the Hoover Dam in the back of your head and that is potentially a very bad thing.

Do you feel that each time the beast 'escapes' you have less control on it and there is a greater potential for hurting and harming others in the future? Does it feel like something that is accumulating and gaining in strength rather than just sitting there, waiting for the opportunity to get out? If so, then I would venture to suggest that your coping mechanisms are inadequate in the long term and that therapy might be an idea in order to learn alternative techniques, rather than repeating the same patterns until something snaps. Because you do have martial arts training, you are right to be very aware of the capacity you have to harm others if you lose control. It only takes one moment of utter madness to land you in jail.

I'm not sure that this is a BDSM thing but I can see why you brought this here.

ETA: My Master has long had issues with rage and we're working through that carefully because the day he snaps, I'm the one who's likely to get attacked and damaged, either psychologically or physically. If you'd like to chat more in PM, I've gained a few insights from learning about Master and looking into the psychology of it all that I'd rather not make public, out of respect for his privacy.

 

[YourCaptor]

For lack of a better place to post, i am placing this thread here.

Ever feel like there is a beast within that rages? Restraint tenable but vicious? Feel like you should unleash, give in to the rush? the power? Standing over, make the person grovel, beg, crawl, pleading for forgiveness. But you see only their tears as venom? Their claws as merely seeking to dig deep into the earth to return to the hells from which they are spawned? Groveling as merely deceit? To flay the person and rub salt and lemon into their wounds, both emotional and physical? To eradicate in their suffering all sense of intimacy within yourself? To crush the person, withering, and feast on their suffering?

I this a rant or does it have to do with sex?

 

[Netzach]

I'm shit at the way of the warrior, actually. I never keep it in check, and if I'm in a relationship that gets too vanilla for too long, I am very likely to be abusive. Give me a framework, though, and I'm golden.

When I get my minumums met, by someone, somewhere, in a contained and appropriate BDSM way, it keeps me from going insane and chewing at my leg or setting up the passive aggressive "do you love me" testing that's much healthier when it's "then take this curtain rod to the ass seven times" and has boundaries.

I am attracted to SM not because it unleashes the primal blah blah but because it puts BOUNDARIES on otherwise destructive behavior. It's a lot more like MA than it is counter to MA.

 

[Homburg]

I am attracted to SM not because it unleashes the primal blah blah but because it puts BOUNDARIES on otherwise destructive behavior. It's a lot more like MA than it is counter to MA.

Yep, I'm healthier this way. It's a constructive outlet that keeps me from having to dissassociate or sublimate into emotional abuse. When I was younger, I didn't have this outlet, and just exercised iron control. The result was that I was verbally and emotionally mean as hell. My sado side came out through words. And, honestly, that's a helluva lot less healthy for myself and everyone around me than just putting someone over my knee and doing what comes naturally.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I am attracted to SM not because it unleashes the primal blah blah but because it puts BOUNDARIES on otherwise destructive behavior. It's a lot more like MA than it is counter to MA.

That's a very insightful viewpoint and I can see how it works for you. It's always trickier to give advice to domly people when you're subbly as it's not as though I've been a mile in their shoes. I think this is a good approach and one that might benefit the OP once he's figured out exactly where he's at and what he wants to do to ensure his mental and emotional wellbeing.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe given I am not feeling great today I am misreading all this while I skim the posts, but from what I am getting, most are OK with the OP having feelings or rage toward people in everyday life, as long as he doesn't continue to act on it and in some ways adapts SM SSC type measures to put boundaries on it so to speak and as a PYL. While this is all very nice, I do not see the situation as any different to when a pyl says they are having issues and they are told, and rightly so IMHO (as I have been one of those advising as such), that BDSM in any form is not appropriate to see as therapy or replacing professional help in dealing with the issues. Why is it now OK for a PYL type to use BDSM as a means of dealing with their rage which they admit to already unleashing on others (non-consensually), and as such interpreting BDSM as a therapy type solution?

Sorry, But I am all for sadism as many know, and I fully agree with F when he says he can be a right bastard in terms of sadism, but I am not for advising someone who in everyday life is having trouble controlling their rage (and no, I do not necessarily agree that someone experiencing rage is necessarily a sadist or into sadism and SM ready) to just adopt SSC SM practices and it'll be AOK mate (especially when they have said they do not think they are interested or moved by sadism), nor would I place trust in someone who has such issues and not sought help to deal with it appropriately at the very least, to be weilding even their hand on me let alone a flogger, cane , or whip. Of course, that is if it is all for real and not mistaken as impressive behaviour. for the forum's amusement... though that might just work for some I'm thinking.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Maybe given I am not feeling great today I am misreading all this while I skim the posts, but from what I am getting, most are OK with the OP having feelings or rage toward people in everyday life, as long as he doesn't continue to act on it and in some ways adapts SM SSC type measures to put boundaries on it so to speak and as a PYL. While this is all very nice, I do not see the situation as any different to when a pyl says they are having issues and they are told, and rightly so IMHO (as I have been one of those advising as such), that BDSM in any form is not appropriate to see as therapy or replacing professional help in dealing with the issues. Why is it now OK for a PYL type to use BDSM as a means of dealing with their rage which they admit to already unleashing on others (non-consensually), and as such interpreting BDSM as a therapy type solution?

Sorry, But I am all for sadism as many know, and I fully agree with F when he says he can be a right bastard in terms of sadism, but I am not for advising someone who in everyday life is having trouble controlling their rage (and no, I do not necessarily agree that someone experiencing rage is necessarily a sadist or into sadism and SM ready) to just adopt SSC SM practices and it'll be AOK mate (especially when they have said they do not think they are interested or moved by sadism), nor would I place trust in someone who has such issues and not sought help to deal with it appropriately at the very least, to be weilding even their hand on me let alone a flogger, cane , or whip. Of course, that is if it is all for real and not mistaken as impressive behaviour. for the forum's amusement... though that might just work for some I'm thinking.

Catalina

I've never come down on someone who's said "You know, I've DONE therapy, I've DONE meds, I'm not the healthiest puppy in the world, and I'm much better off when my Daddy sets my boundaries for me, because I tend to fly off and do bad things to myself when I don't have a Dom." When someone's coming at it from a point of self-knowledge, who am I to argue with it?


Which is kind of what I'm saying from the opposite point.

That's not ideal, but it's not "hey, let's do D/s INSTEAD of therapy!" Which is pretty much always a bad idea, and I don't go for "always" as you know. It's not a Dominant stepping in and forbidding the sub from having an experience in therapy that might rock the Dominant's foundation God Forbid, as the sub learns about him/her self. It's not someone bypassing therapy in favor of some romanticized crap, which is usually what's being floated.

People in relationships aren't therapists, but damned if those relationships can't have therapeutic effect.

Personally I wouldn't be playing with the OP either, though. I too, smell a dick swinging in the breeze.

Just made me think about some of these other things.

 

[Fuckette]

For lack of a better place to post, i am placing this thread here.

Ever feel like there is a beast within that rages? Restraint tenable but vicious? Feel like you should unleash, give in to the rush? the power? Standing over, make the person grovel, beg, crawl, pleading for forgiveness. But you see only their tears as venom? Their claws as merely seeking to dig deep into the earth to return to the hells from which they are spawned? Groveling as merely deceit? To flay the person and rub salt and lemon into their wounds, both emotional and physical? To eradicate in their suffering all sense of intimacy within yourself? To crush the person, withering, and feast on their suffering?

are you a scorpio?

 

[bashfull]

are you a scorpio?

LMAO. no, I'm not. and to answer someone above, i started this as merely a rant. But it has been interesting, and informative, to cotinue the discussion.

 

[Homburg]

Maybe given I am not feeling great today I am misreading all this while I skim the posts, but from what I am getting, most are OK with the OP having feelings or rage toward people in everyday life, as long as he doesn't continue to act on it and in some ways adapts SM SSC type measures to put boundaries on it so to speak and as a PYL. While this is all very nice, I do not see the situation as any different to when a pyl says they are having issues and they are told, and rightly so IMHO (as I have been one of those advising as such), that BDSM in any form is not appropriate to see as therapy or replacing professional help in dealing with the issues. Why is it now OK for a PYL type to use BDSM as a means of dealing with their rage which they admit to already unleashing on others (non-consensually), and as such interpreting BDSM as a therapy type solution?


Catalina

Well, one, no one is saying that he shouldn't get therapy. No real mention of it has popped up. And, two, I don't know about the rest of the tops that are posting here, but I identify with this issue. And if someone had advised me to get therapy for it, I would very likely have dismissed the idea out of hand, if not laughed at the suggestion. Third, the OP sounds like he's got it largely under control, and I know that I had it under control and came to terms with it without therapy. Why would I assume that the OP is not capable of doing what I did?

Admittedly, this is taking the OP at face value. If it is a swinging dick thing, well, whatever, we've wasted a few keystrokes.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I've never come down on someone who's said "You know, I've DONE therapy, I've DONE meds, I'm not the healthiest puppy in the world, and I'm much better off when my Daddy sets my boundaries for me, because I tend to fly off and do bad things to myself when I don't have a Dom." When someone's coming at it from a point of self-knowledge, who am I to argue with it?

Someone pretty much has my number. Perhaps that's why i like playing with sadists who practice their sadism from their own "defective" place which is just the inverse of my own masochism.

 

[subbie_333]

i would love to see you take out some of your rage on some people employed by the United States government. i could provide a list, but, it would be quite lengthy.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I like this thread

 

[graceanne]

I like this thread

Yeah, me too. Already quoted twice in the all inclusive calender of 2008.

 

[hardcorexmaster]

Hm I feel sort of like I am that beast. I crave hurting the people I love... I just want to beat the shit out of them, whip them, cut them, torture them until they are lying on the ground shaking, sobbing, begging me to stop and then just laugh and fucking spit on them and walk away.... it turns me on so much, but I feel guilty about it because I have never met someone who wanted that, and too often I have done it anyway.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Bill Idol is the shit

For lack of a better place to post, i am placing this thread here.

Ever feel like there is a beast within that rages? Restraint tenable but vicious? Feel like you should unleash, give in to the rush? the power? Standing over, make the person grovel, beg, crawl, pleading for forgiveness. But you see only their tears as venom? Their claws as merely seeking to dig deep into the earth to return to the hells from which they are spawned? Groveling as merely deceit? To flay the person and rub salt and lemon into their wounds, both emotional and physical? To eradicate in their suffering all sense of intimacy within yourself? To crush the person, withering, and feast on their suffering?

I have to admit the only time I find myself THAT angry and I am ready to allow myself to allow the wrath of my sadistic side free is when the person has wronged me, either in deed or in flaw of character.

I hate defect of character like in movies when a serial killer sees a flaw in someone and seeks to punish them for it.
Like I have a submissive who is the most selfish and insecure asshole you'd ever not want to meet. My sub is nosy and presumptuous and cocky...and it makes it that much easier to, either verbally or emotionally scalp him. I don't find any shame in punishing him, I wanna allow myself to slap him and humiliate him, just to try and toughen his snotty fat miserable ass up.

I find its a lot easier to be the emotional rapist he deserves. I question him as to why he behaves the immature and socially painful way he does. He needs someone to reprimand him and he is, without me a lonely, lonely man. I have to be able to tell him hes inappropriate.

I wanna physically hurt him a lot of the time, especially when he gets cocky and says something shitty and laughs.... I wanna push my thumbs through his eyes... but instead i just sit and smile... preparing my scathing lecture.

its amazing as a test of my self restraint and self control. I know I am more intellectual and able to express myself rather than hitting him.

I would... but he doesn't like the physical shit... so I don't use my hands to skewer him..

but I get him in the end.

every penny, every credit card, and every apology.... the apology itself may as well be dipped in gold...

a girls gotta eat right... lol