Bistro Bijou

[Anschul]

man, oh man, i don't even know where to begin with all this. hommie and t-man, i think all us y-chromo dopes have been there at one time or another. my experience was a loud, exasperated sigh followed by an under-the-breath "never send a boy to do a man's job." ouch!!! on the other hand, she did set them free, which was the purpose of the exercise.

i want to go on the record right here that i will write the damn sexiest underwear poem i have ever heard (no accounting for the rest of you pervs) to join the challenge.

and beej, i had more fun building that underwear collage than i've had in a while. imagine the ones left on the cutting-room floor.

go ahead, imagine!

and can i watch you while you imagine?

i'm quitting while i'm ahead.

I'll not quote that hot gossip just in case you want to edit later.

I always suspected that about Leon. He's way too sexy for his shirt.

I'm declaring that at least for the rest of the week is the Bistro Underwear Festival. Post away. Anschul, those were extremely outta control and I loved them. And I'm the sort of grrrl who liked BOTH the one for me and the one for you. Just that way, y'know.

And by the way, it's my turn to be Tarzan tonight.

bj

You are right about that thing that you have said there. I don't care how much I've spent on something or how fond of it I am, if there's a chance for it to be cut off with a knife, or torn apart in some fashion, I might (if I'm playing with Hat boy, anyway, since he likes a little argument) protest weakly, but I won't mean it. No question, it's worth it.

I shamefacedly now admit that I was commando yesterday as well. But as a year-round underwear worshiper, I guess perhaps I would celebrate differently anyway.

A Commando Day as part of Bistro Underwear Festival Month. Did I say month? I guess I did. I'm really only evangelistic about the religions that don't matter, like the Lingerie Worship and the Cult of Santa.

How bout Friday? Commando Day in the Bistro? or if you're really brave, you can check in that you're Porky Piggin' It. No pants at all.

So I wanna run this challenge idea by the Bistrovians before I commit to a thread about it.

I've been being nagged to do another Bar Poetry Contest. For the original, see this thread, particularly the last few pages where the reviews are coming in. The challenge is basically one about taking poetry to "the people" - the intended audience becomes People Who Don't Care Much About Poetry as such. Regular folks like the ones in My Bar.

Not only was that little interaction between the PFD Poets and the Regular People a great deal more successful than I ever expected, but I've actually been asked by the bar patrons whether or not I will do that again sometime.

heh heh. So here's what I'm thinking. The challenge will be this: sexiest poem ever, with some mention of underwear in it. I'll take the entries to My Bar for critique, with the specific idea that they will be choosing the number one Sexy Underwear Poem.

The winner will, of course, earn the right to be called "Sexiest Underwear Poet of 2008". You can put it in your sig line, even.

What do you think? Anyone up for this?

bj

As an aside, I was in my teens when I was thwarted by my first incomprehensible bra closure device. I'd never seen any bra but those that clasp at the rear, so my right hand went searching in the middle of her back for the bits what to pull off. She was moaning and gasping because of what my left hand was doing to her thighs, and my lips and tongue to her neck, so she wasn't noticing. It wasn't until my deeply annoyed growl that she realised and let on that the clasp was in the front. Who knew? Stealth bra clasp technology *shrug* So I moved the front, pressing her young body against the inside of the far door, my body moving to loom over hers.

And my head hit the rear view mirror.

Without thinking, my hand smashed upward, driving the mirror forcefully into the headliner. She seemed to appreciate the violence and moaned and writhed some more (yeah, it was factor even back then), and I went back to the task at hand. I turned, I tugged, I pulled, and it thwarted me. Again. And again. And AGAIN. Finally I reached for my keys in the ignition, because I had a small pen knife as a key fob. The young lass was less than thrilled at this idea as she'd just bought the admittedly pretty bra.

As I threw caution to the wind and simply pushed up, exposing her soft breasts, her father woke up and decided to turn on every light in the house and in the yard, making our position and activities a bit less than discreet.

I have despised (and secretly been turned on by) front clasp bras ever since.

Too funny. Brings back memories, though, fer sure.

Kind of same thing with me—left hand was occupied elsewhere, ditto lips and tongue. Right hand is scanning back and forth in the middle of her back and not having much luck finding anything that might open the thing.

Here's kind of where we differ, though. In a manner probably presaging my computer talents, I fire off a subroutine running in my (frankly at this point, largely unused) cortex attempting to analyze the problem. The first suggestion that comes back is Run a systematic grid-based search. So the right hand goes off like an Explorer Scout on Search and Rescue, carefully mapping quadrants of nylon all along her back. Nothing. Whirrr, click! Test sensitivity of detection instrument. Right hand wanders off on sortie to Other Parts of Her Body to check that there is still feeling in the fingertips. A kind of squealing yelp ensues. Systems operational. Whirrr, clicka, clicka, click. Query: Is band elastic? Run finger under band, experimental pull. Input: NO. Whirrr, chunk, chunk! Consclusion: Clasp is elsewhere on garment. Commit general search.

However accurate that analysis was, though, the problem was ultimately solved when she decided herself it was time to remove the damn thing and had it unhooked and down off her shoulders before I could even start search phase two, at which point I killed the subroutine and dedicated all resources to running the core program.

At times like these, the limbic system is much more fun.

 

[Anschul]

and beej, one more thing...THIS one's for you.

 

[myinnerslut]

Thanks, though I'm not sure that I have enough of that sort of stories to produce a worthwhile book =P I could imagine a sort of coffee table thing with glossy artsy photos that were edgy sexy. In this case an obvious choice would be a shapely torso with a front clasp bra, perhaps with a small pen knife laid just below the clasp. Pale skin, lacey black bra, red handled knife, I can see the photo plenty well.
.

this can be done, you know

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Ooh let it be done Homburg. Then post pics.

 

[Homburg]

this can be done, you know

Ooh let it be done Homburg. Then post pics.

If I do produce that pic, and it comes out how I want it to, I will post it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I've been dealing with that a lot lately. I beat myself up over stupid mistakes- ALL of them.. some dating back to childhood.Lately, I've been trying to challenge this guilt and shame. I remind myself that my mistakes were minor infractions. I never killed anyone. I never committed a crime, or at least not a felony. LOL The mistakes I relive and criticize myself for are really pathetically small. These are things like lying to my 6th grade teacher, pulling the legs off spiders as a child, and skipping class when I wasn't prepared for a test. The worst thing that I've ever done, using the law as a standard, was shoplifting a pack of NoDoze when I was a teenager.

But, if it were up to me, I'd hang for it! So, I'm trying to fight back the negativity with logical arguments. Journaling about it helps a little in that I can challenge the criticism on paper. It seems to make it more real. Maybe that would help you, UYS.

I wonder why it's easier to forgive other people that it is to forgive oneself?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

These are skirts ladies ... would you wear them?!!

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/askirtundies.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abskirtundies1.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abcdskirtundies3.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abcskirtundies2.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abcdeskirtundies4.jpg

 

[champagne1982]

These are skirts ladies ... would you wear them?!!

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/askirtundies.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abskirtundies1.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abcdskirtundies3.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abcskirtundies2.jpg

http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn276/itsannier/abcdeskirtundies4.jpg

I might if men were wearing nothing but chaps and see-through trousers...
Be a bit chilly around here if it's not summer.

 

[Shankara20]

Where are you finding this stuff?

everyone has to be good at something

 

[Shankara20]

I might if men were wearing nothing but chaps.

hmmm....
anything in my size?

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I wonder why it's easier to forgive other people that it is to forgive oneself?

Good question. I suppose that's why they make drugs and alcohol.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

hmmm....
anything in my size?

Would you notice with your hairy a**?

 

[loststar]

wow, I really dont have time to read all the pages i've missed, but I would like to coment on the last few pages

I am so in for the underware challange

bra removal is an artform, as a woman I natrally have more practice but as a general hint run your thumb under the bottom edge, it will be clear where the give is, and it has the added benifit of turning me, oh i mean the bra wearer on, but I am sure you experianced men already know that

there are some places that I would wear the see through skirts, vegas and gaea leap to mind, but of course appropriate undergarments need to be worn, a lacy hipster, or possibly an ornate thong, something that really should be shown off...

Hell, when I pick MIS up in DC, she's nekkid for the whole ride from the time we leave DC proper to the time we pull into my time, getting dressed only for rest stops, and those are frequently just her throwing my jacket on and nothing else.

So. Damned. Hot.



Yeah, my cock ain't bad, but my ego is fuckin enormous.

Well here is another one of homburgs fables, and may I say that if that ego ever goes away I will be very very sad, I can not count the number of times your ego has brightened my day, homburgs ego doing good in the world, for all humankind... hope that makes it swell just a bit

 

[UnderYourSpell]

wow, I really dont have time to read all the pages i've missed, but I would like to coment on the last few pages

I am so in for the underware challange

bra removal is an artform, as a woman I natrally have more practice but as a general hint run your thumb under the bottom edge, it will be clear where the give is, and it has the added benifit of turning me, oh i mean the bra wearer on, but I am sure you experianced men already know that

there are some places that I would wear the see through skirts, vegas and gaea leap to mind, but of course appropriate undergarments need to be worn, a lacy hipster, or possibly an ornate thong, something that really should be shown off...





Well here is another one of homburgs fables, and may I say that if that ego ever goes away I will be very very sad, I can not count the number of times your ego has brightened my day, homburgs ego doing good in the world, for all humankind... hope that makes it swell just a bit

The skirts arent see through lol it's a picture on the skirt!

 

[Shankara20]

Would you notice with your hairy a**?

my hairy ass



it might be time to start shaving again....

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Starts mixing the wax ... you hold him girls I'll rippppppppppppppppppppppppp god that would be so satisfying almost orgasmic ... now who's next ? Homb? TZ? Cheffie? Leon?

 

[Shankara20]

Starts mixing the wax ...



you hold him girls



I'll rippppppppppppppppppppppppp
purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


god that would be so satisfying almost orgasmic



... now who's next?

Homb? TZ? Cheffie? Leon?



.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Sri Shankara, I should have known you'd be into waxing.

I'll help. Let's just get you set up down in the bistro dungeon where we can tie you down a bit.

I once did color commentary on the radio while two guys got full brazilians for charity. We were, ironically, raising money for a children's playground. It was a rather memorable occasion.

Rather.

*yawn* gmorning everyone. Raise your hand if you miss Sara.

*raises hand*

And loststar, HI! So good to see you! How are Things?

bj

 

[Anschul]

Starts mixing the wax ... you hold him girls I'll rippppppppppppppppppppppppp god that would be so satisfying almost orgasmic ... now who's next ? Homb? TZ? Cheffie? Leon?

Uuuuhhhhhhhh...no thanks...


* raises another hand *

 

[unpredictablebijou]

We were speaking of shoes earlier.

DO WANT:

http://www.3wishes.com/images/camobootcovers-r.jpg

 

[Angeline]

Sri Shankara, I should have known you'd be into waxing.

I'll help. Let's just get you set up down in the bistro dungeon where we can tie you down a bit.

I once did color commentary on the radio while two guys got full brazilians for charity. We were, ironically, raising money for a children's playground. It was a rather memorable occasion.

Rather.

*yawn* gmorning everyone. Raise your hand if you miss Sara.

*raises hand*

And loststar, HI! So good to see you! How are Things?

bj

*Raises hand.*

Now raise your hand if you miss me.

*Raises other hand*

I'm in the midst of a big editing job. I was hoping to finish it last night but I went on an insane spree at Ebay and Etsy instead. Woohoo!

But. My hands are raised? How am I typing. Why with my bewbies of course. Primarily the left one. I'm cack-boobed.

Cheffie, will you bring me some sustenance? I have miles to type before I sleep. My left boob is going to be very sore.

But ooh, not as sore as Shankara looketh, even though he's smiling.

Where's my David? Maybe I should edit in another font...

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Starts mixing the wax ...



you hold him girls



I'll rippppppppppppppppppppppppp



god that would be so satisfying almost orgasmic



... now who's next?

Homb? TZ? Cheffie? Leon?



.

kinky sod

We were speaking of shoes earlier.

DO WANT:

http://www.3wishes.com/images/camobootcovers-r.jpg

Are you supposed to walk on those mind you they would look grand planted on the bare midriff of some supine male

*Raises hand.*

Now raise your hand if you miss me.

*Raises other hand*

I'm in the midst of a big editing job. I was hoping to finish it last night but I went on an insane spree at Ebay and Etsy instead. Woohoo!

But. My hands are raised? How am I typing. Why with my bewbies of course. Primarily the left one. I'm cack-boobed.

Cheffie, will you bring me some sustenance? I have miles to type before I sleep. My left boob is going to be very sore.

But ooh, not as sore as Shankara looketh, even though he's smiling.

Where's my David? Maybe I should edit in another font...

cack boobed lol who's David?

 

[Angeline]

kinky sod



Are you supposed to walk on those mind you they would look grand planted on the bare midriff of some supine male



cack boobed lol who's David?

david is darkmaas

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Oh yes i forgot with the lower case 'd'

 

[unpredictablebijou]

*Raises hand.*

Now raise your hand if you miss me.

*Raises other hand*

I'm in the midst of a big editing job. I was hoping to finish it last night but I went on an insane spree at Ebay and Etsy instead. Woohoo!

But. My hands are raised? How am I typing. Why with my bewbies of course. Primarily the left one. I'm cack-boobed.

Cheffie, will you bring me some sustenance? I have miles to type before I sleep. My left boob is going to be very sore.

But ooh, not as sore as Shankara looketh, even though he's smiling.

Where's my David? Maybe I should edit in another font...

*raises both hands but fails horribly at typing with boobs.*

I have missed you awfully. Didn't want to bother you but it's been a sadder bistro without your voice in the uproar.

Why can't you people understand that you simply must not go away, because it affects me personally when Some People go on vacation or get busy with editing jobs or get moody and wander off or move to a new house or things like that. This sort of thing has simply got to stop.

Hey, y'know what? It's time for The Drowning Man. That's what it's time for. Then when I say I'm Cancerian you'll understand.

Here:

The Drowning Man
A man was drowning in a pond.

A Sagittarius walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Sagittarius immediately began drawing up plans for an elaborate dock
filled with life-saving equipment.

A Capricorn walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Capricorn said, "I knew this would happen."

An Aquarius walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Aquarius said, "There's only four feet of water in that pond.
You can't possibly be drowning."

A Pisces walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Pisces said, "I'm drowning too. We are all drowning."

An Aries walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Aries began organizing everyone into a life-saving committee.

A Taurus walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Taurus said, "I told you not to go swimming."

A Gemini walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Gemini jumped in to save the man. Then he said, "Wait, I can't swim! Help, I'm drowning!"

A Cancer walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Cancer said, "But how does this affect how you feel about me?"

A Leo walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Leo said, "I almost drowned once. It was cool! It happened like this..."

A Virgo walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Virgo said, "The minute you get out of there, you come to me
and I'll teach you how to swim."

A Libra walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Libra couldn't decide whether to save the man or the drowning Gemini.

A Scorpio walked by. The man said, "Help, I'm drowning!"
The Scorpio said, "Cool! What's it like?"