Making Drunken Dialogue

[Corylea]

A friend of mine is a non-native English speaker who's writing a story in English. The story is hers, but she wants me to collaborate with her to polish up the nuances in language that non-native speakers might not get.

One of her characters is supposed to be very drunk, and she has what she wants him to say in standard English, and she wants me to change the language so that he sounds drunk.

Er, I've never been drunk, myself, and I've almost never been around people who are drunk. I can handle the other nuances she needs, but the whole drunk thing is stumping me.

So, dear authors, what do you do to make a character sound drunk? I have the vague sense that his words should be slurred a bit, but I'm not sure which sounds are most likely to be slurred by a drunk person or how to make the sentence readable if some of the usual letters are elided so as to reproduce the drunken sound. For example, the "th" sound is a hard one for many people to make, and I was thinking that "Thanks for coming" might be "Shanks for comin'," but is this readable?

Help?

Thanks!

 

[glynndah]

I dislike reading dialect as dialog. I tend to skip over the parts that do not use standard English. Dropping endings doesn't bother me much--I've done that myself--but the 'shanks' for 'thanks' would annoy me.

 

[Corylea]

I dislike reading dialect as dialog. I tend to skip over the parts that do not use standard English. Dropping endings doesn't bother me much--I've done that myself--but the 'shanks' for 'thanks' would annoy me.

I agree. So how do you make someone sound drunk, then?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It depends on the personality of the drunk.

Some cry. Some giggle. Some scream profanity. Some are mute. But mostly theyre illogical, obsessed, and slur their speech to the degree theyre sloshed.

 

[glynndah]

I agree. So how do you make someone sound drunk, then?

He slurred the words, "Thank you for drivin' me home. Wife's a real bitch."

"I love you so much," he mumbled drunkenly, drawing out the word 'so' as he stumbled up the stairs.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A drunk might repeat themselves several times, misunderstand what someone else has said, forget words. This is one place where it's sometimes better to "tell not show;" YOu can say he slurred, or that his tongue would not obey him, or that it seemed too big to fit in his mouth.

Drunks can be excessively happy, or maudlin, or angry.

 

[Corylea]

He slurred the words, "Thank you for drivin' me home. Wife's a real bitch."

"I love you so much," he mumbled drunkenly, drawing out the word 'so' as he stumbled up the stairs.

*nod* Those are good for real stories. Sadly, the story she's writing is for a video game, and when the characters are talking, we're just allowed dialogue, not descriptions of how the dialogue is said. I think her story is much more interesting and story-like than most video games manage, which is part of why I agreed to help her. Conveying nuances in this medium is difficult, though; maybe now we know why most video games don't use interesting stories?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CORYLEA

Dont let yourself be led astray here. There are classics that are almost entirely dialect, and plenty of masters include dialect in their works.

True, some people dislike dialect, but its entirely personal preference rather than merit.

 

[oggbashan]

Don't overdo it.

A few repetitions, a few stumbles on longer words should be enough to show that the character isn't speaking clearly.

Most comedians pretending to be drunk overemphasise the condition.

Og

 

[dr_mabeuse]

He'll often drop the first words of sentences and the the first letters of words. Sentences will be fragmented and very short, subject and predicate. Words will be slurred together. Instead of saying "I'm tired and I want to go home," it'll be, "Tired. Wanna go home."

He'll swallow the "g" on "ing" endings. All hard consonants will be softened. he won't be able to enunciate complicated words and of course won't try. He'll lose articles.

"The evening's still young. Let's have another drink." becomes: "Evenin's still young. 'S have 'nother drink."

Ogg's right too. Don't overdo it. Keep your sentences short and your thoughts simple and lose some opening "The's" and the reader should get the idea he's drunk.

Even if you've never been drunk, I can't believe you've never heard people imitating drinks. They sound just like they're supposed to.

 

[Corylea]

He'll often drop the first words of sentences and the the first letters of words. Sentences will be fragmented and very short, subject and predicate. Words will be slurred together. Instead of saying "I'm tired and I want to go home," it'll be, "Tired. Wanna go home."

He'll swallow the "g" on "ing" endings. All hard consonants will be softened. he won't be able to enunciate complicated words and of course won't try. He'll lose articles.

"The evening's still young. Let's have another drink." becomes: "Evenin's still young. 'S have 'nother drink."

Ogg's right too. Don't overdo it. Keep your sentences short and your thoughts simple and lose some opening "The's" and the reader should get the idea he's drunk.

Thanks so much; that's very helpful!

Even if you've never been drunk, I can't believe you've never heard people imitating drinks. They sound just like they're supposed to.

I've heard comedians imitating drunks, but comedians aren't usually a real reliable source of knowledge.

Don't overdo it.

A few repetitions, a few stumbles on longer words should be enough to show that the character isn't speaking clearly.

Most comedians pretending to be drunk overemphasise the condition.

Og

Thanks, Og; I appreciate that.