I Have a Question

[vampire28]

I've been reading through some of the threads on the board, and this may have been answered/discussed somewhere else, but I'm confused by something (well, a lot of things, but let's start with this).

I've noticed that many of you are in committed relationships, whether you call them D/s or M/s. Some of you are married, some of you aren't, and some of you are married but not to the person that you are in a relationship (D/s or M/s) with. How do you handle a relationship, especially if you identify yourself as a slave, and marriage? For those of you who identify yourselves as Masters, how do you feel about your slave being married to another person? How does the spouse feel about his/her marriage partner being deeply involved with another person?

Please know that I'm not making any judgments here. I just want to understand the relationship dynamics involved.

 

[EmpressFi]

I can answer from the submissive side.. later.. not at nearly 3 am or maybe the husband or the Master can

 

[twysted73]

I have never collared a submissive before her, wishing to gain as much experience and knowladge beforehand.

She is with another but she submits to me only.
D/s is something we hold dear and "private"/sacred between us.
I will not Dominate anyone else, she will not submit to anyone else.
It has been occasionally difficult with another in her life. Sometimes it has it's tooth grinding moments. But they are far outweighed by the benefits and joys our D/s dynamic brings me.

I remember when I was younger..how posessive and agressive I was in my mindset in regards to my partner.
How it confined me to a very restricted view of how our dynamic worked. If she were to touch another man, the black & white of it would obscure the feelings I had for her.
Years later...I know she is with him. Is she somehow tainted or nolonger mine because of it?
*laughs to self*
No.
I am well and content in the knowladge that he cannot touch her mind and body as I can. He cannot feed her needs in this, delve into her beautifully complex mind as I can.
Nor can he begin to comprehend just how thoroughly this effects her. How much she really does need and enjoy this expanding aspect of her beautiful personality.

You never know what the future might hold.
To demand exclusivity like a child having a tantrum would rob one of something that's very rewarding now, posessing much more potential later.

Deal in years.............

 

[catalina_francisco]

Being married to the one I am slave to for me seems the best option. Being slave to someone, while married to someone else, no matter how much we all got along just would not be successful for me mainly because when I love I tend to focus on that person 100%...when I submit as TPE slave, once again it is 100% focus on the one I give that control to...being one in the same person fulfilling both roles works better for us as it allows for us to be together always, we do not have to step back and negotiate schedules with anyone else or each other, no need to feel anymore that something is missing, and it eliminates any jealousy or feeling of being left out at any time. I know for him, he has said before, he could never feel he truly owned me if he had to fit in with a husband/boyfriend/lover and negotiate when I could be available to him...similarly as a husband, he also could not tolerate having to negotiate times for me to be with another as slave, with him as wife.

I don't see it as tantrum like or lacking in any way, quite the opposite, it is just who we are and what we need from a relationship. We both have had our time of playing the field, being free to divide our time with as many people or as few people as we chose, but we both reached a point where for us that no longer was what we wanted and we sought someone we could commit to 100% and have the commitment returned...if not, we would have both happily remained single and open to whatever came along as we had done for a couple of decades already. Thankfully the timing of both our decisions brought us together despite the distance and odds.

Catalina

 

[EmpressFi]

I'm not sure if either Master or Malinborn (my husband) will post here or not, but we, he and I have had a polyamorous marriage longer than we've been into BDSM. So the idea of there being another person in our relationship with the same level of feelings and/or committment was not foreign to us.

When we first started exploring BDSM, we were doing some kinky stuff with each other, but not really D/s. He was submissive at the time, to one of his OSO's and I found Master. Malin is now more of a Switch than a submissive and I still only submit to one person. I've bottomed for others and for Malin, but I only submit to one.

As far as how we deal with it... I'm not sure that we deal with it anymore than we deal with the issues of being poly.

But I'll let them answer their side...

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I'm pretty much in the same position as Catalina. Been married to Daddy for 20 years on the 22nd of this month and wouldn't have it any other way.

Whatever works for others is fine by me though... I'm happy they can make it work.

 

[myinnerslut]

i a slave but im not the one who is married. Master is. we handle this by being a poly relationship, specifically a polyfidelitous triad. this means the most of the same rules that apply in a two person relationship apply here. nobody can go find and outside lover. all three of us are involved in the relationship and with each other. this includes his wife, viv (who is also his slave), and i.

to us the legality of the marrige is less important then the collars viv and i wear around our necks.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I am in a vanialla marriage and have a extramarital relationship with my PYL. This thread I started about a year ago describes it http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=521758&highlight=extramarital

 

[cujo13]

I'm a sub to my wive. More then twenty years. We're not always "on" so to speak. We go to ballgames, dinner and other events like normal couples. At home I do the laundry, housework, shopping and a massage for her most every nite before bed. I don't get my paycheck, but an allowance. We're a little older now (50's) but usually once a month or so we have a full blown weekend with all the good things a dom/sub relationships has. My wive has never preformed oral sex on me and never will. Sometimes she does get extra dominant and do me up pretty good. It's quite comfortable and fun and we're very happy.

 

[licker4450]

For me, I am a multiple slave owner who is not invovled in the marriage lifestyle. There is one who I seem to have a deeper connection with, a gf if you will. However, that does not take away from how I feel about the others. I am a poly which means that I deal with each relationship as its own.

The dynamics of the D/s M/s relationships vary greatly. Many feel that it has to look a certain way: it does not. By the way, I would say that most of these relationships exist between people who are committed to each other.

 

[vampire28]

Thank you all for answering my question. I appreciate your willingness to share.

I apologize for not responding earlier, but I had to go to a birthday party for an adorable one-year-old.

 

[Bandit58]

Sir and I have been married for just over 18 months, but we've been together for 4 1/2 years. I am bisexual and have a female friend I've played with on my own for nearly two years now. We have also brought in the occasional female for threesomes, with some rules like no genital penetration from Him to her, and no oral from her to Him (these rules may get relaxed some time down the track, and they are His rules designed to make me feel more comfortable and secure). Most of these trysts are vanilla with a little kink thrown in sometimes (like light bondage for example). We have no desire to bring anyone else in on a permanent basis - there's no room here for a start!

Why would our marriage be considered to be any different to your average vanilla marriage? I wear both a wedding ring and a collar (snake chain choker), He wears a ring too. We are committed and devoted to each other. I'm not a slave, I'm His sub. I take care of Him (He has renal failure and brittle diabetes). Whatever I can do to help make His life easier, I just do

 

[YourCaptor]

I've been reading through some of the threads on the board, and this may have been answered/discussed somewhere else, but I'm confused by something (well, a lot of things, but let's start with this).

I've noticed that many of you are in committed relationships, whether you call them D/s or M/s. Some of you are married, some of you aren't, and some of you are married but not to the person that you are in a relationship (D/s or M/s) with. How do you handle a relationship, especially if you identify yourself as a slave, and marriage? For those of you who identify yourselves as Masters, how do you feel about your slave being married to another person? How does the spouse feel about his/her marriage partner being deeply involved with another person?

Please know that I'm not making any judgments here. I just want to understand the relationship dynamics involved.

I don't think I could handle it.

I get pretty jealous, over women, and when I have them, then I can't stop snarling like crazy at anyone who wants to pet her.

I think it's one of those personal things, you just got to go with what you feel. If you can do it, do it, if you can't you can change it.

 

[malinborn]

It can be an interesting dynamic and a destroyer of relationships if the bond you have is not strong or is less strong then you believe. Fi and I have been married for almost 9 years. When we first met we were kinky and fun and I was almost always dominant to her in those kinky moments... there were a few times where that changed but over the years she and i, perhaps due to life just constantly beating us down over and over, both became submissive. Perhaps I should have stepped up to take the dominant role and be the protector... oddly enough it was at a point in my life I was considering doing just that when I lost my job and i retreated so deep into myself I sometimes still wonder if i ever came completely back out of my shell. As Fi has said I have become more dominant again but at this point when we play in that way it's still more of a top and bottom and not much else.. but my inner sadist comes out with her at times.

I like what she has found with Keeper and I am steady in my belief that while she loves him and is in love with him she still loves me enough to not want to be without me. I try to nurture her relationship with him. It can be tough at times as I am sure it has been tough with my having a lover close by (well, for 13 more days anyway). We've had our fights and arguments over it all but in the end we are happy. We're open and honest.

I would not try to be her Master. She has one and I would not want to over-ride any training she has with him or push buttons, etc. Anyway...

we handle it through open communication and love.

I've been reading through some of the threads on the board, and this may have been answered/discussed somewhere else, but I'm confused by something (well, a lot of things, but let's start with this).

I've noticed that many of you are in committed relationships, whether you call them D/s or M/s. Some of you are married, some of you aren't, and some of you are married but not to the person that you are in a relationship (D/s or M/s) with. How do you handle a relationship, especially if you identify yourself as a slave, and marriage? For those of you who identify yourselves as Masters, how do you feel about your slave being married to another person? How does the spouse feel about his/her marriage partner being deeply involved with another person?

Please know that I'm not making any judgments here. I just want to understand the relationship dynamics involved.

 

[OneLustyWench]

It takes willingness, communication, understanding, communication and did I mention communication?

My husband is not into BDSM but he is the one who encouraged my exploration of my sexual nature years ago. We didn't expect it to land here but yet I am in a relationship right now with three people. I don't seek to set schedules but am open about who needs my time and when and that revolves around work and family. Yes there are rules, there should be rules.
But his love has set me free and in the long run, that is what matters. That we can love and be free to be ourselves.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Sir and I have been together now going on 9 months... When we first started this journey we were both married to others and it was perfectly fine for both of us cause we went into this with our eyes wide open, we knew the dynamics of our relations and neither was jealous of the OSO. In our first 8 months together our lives took several turns and we lost people we loved and it crushed my relationship with my OSO..I lost my job so I took a job that would allow me more freedom, and my Sir is still married to his OSO but that doesnt change our relationship at all.. We are both Poly. and We have no jealousy issues... we are very secure in our relationship and have a bond no one can break, He knows me so well even when we are spending time with each other online or on the phone, he can tell when I am biting my lip, sad or upset.. It amazes me how he knows me sometimes better than I know myself....COMMUNICATION is the primary factor in making it work Our dynamics work for us for some it might not.. The dynamic of our relationship is a wonderous thing that I am blessed to have met him and as he is of me I am sure. I think D/s to everyone is something different there is no wrong or right it is what you make of it with your PYL/pyl.... Maybe he will comment on this as well.. and give you his view...

 

[Fauna]

Good Question!

My husband and I have been married for almost three years. We were both involved with BDSM relationships with other people before we met and married. After we met, we became swingers together and still are.

I am a Domme and I'm very sadistic. My husband is a switch. We have a wonderful love filled marriage, but he finds that he cannot submit to me. He thinks that it will change the dynamic that we have. I don't think so, but I respect his opinion. I love what we have.

As I said, I'm a Domme. Its been almost three years since I have had quivering flesh beneath my flogger and I've felt a piece of my being was missing. My hubby and I talked it over and he understands I need that to be whole. I have a sub who is a pain slut. He submits to me and loves the pain. He loves to pleasure me in ways my husband does not. He is also my friend.

I need a masochist and someone to serve me.

I have been honest with my husband. He and my sub are friends. If they had met under other different circumstances, they would have been friends still. My husband gets turned on seeing me with other men. He loves when I tell him about the time I share with my sub. In other words, my husband is cool with it.

My husband is also in the process of finding a switch he can play with, and we think he may have found someone. Its important to him that I know her. In fact, I introduced them.

What we feel for each other, what binds us together is our love. Having other people in our lives to fill BDSM needs, to us, doesn't change how we feel about each. If anything, being able to be honest and share those times makes us stronger. There is no need to hide anything.

I hope this helps to answer your question.