I feel like a rapist right now. :(

[Betticus]

OMG. I feel like such an amazingly bad person.

A lot of you know that I do photography. And a lot of you know that I went to Colorado last November to do a private porn shoot for a wealthy customer and his mistress. She's a Domme for girls and a sub for men. Very beautiful, was 20 years old and amazing presence and personality. They were supposed to set her up with a private website for pay purposes. I shot over 4000 photos over two entire days and nights of shooting. They paid for my flight, expenses, models and all of the gear rental as in lighting gear and ancillary equipment.

Well, after the shoots the shoot manager pulled full resolution raw copies of all of the photos for the business side and I got to keep copies for my private professional portfolio as per our agreements. I couldn't publish but could use some of the best ones of my choice for my work portfolio. So I still have copies of every photo taken.

I had never heard of the site being built or of any of the other end of the agreement that was their responsibility coming through to fruition. I was just going through my old archives and ran across the photo sets and since I have the models number I texted her and asked it it ever happened.

She said that she's now married and pregnant, she got away from that wealthy guy and now has a life that has nothing to do with that part of her past. She asked me to erase the photos and forget that it ever happened.

It turns out that I was part of something that took total advantage of a young girl (20 at the time) who was being used for her looks and was naive to the ways of the world.

Fuck.

 

[EmpressFi]

OMG. I feel like such an amazingly bad person.

A lot of you know that I do photography. And a lot of you know that I went to Colorado last November to do a private porn shoot for a wealthy customer and his mistress. She's a Domme for girls and a sub for men. Very beautiful, was 20 years old and amazing presence and personality. They were supposed to set her up with a private website for pay purposes. I shot over 4000 photos over two entire days and nights of shooting. They paid for my flight, expenses, models and all of the gear rental as in lighting gear and ancillary equipment.

Well, after the shoots the shoot manager pulled full resolution raw copies of all of the photos for the business side and I got to keep copies for my private professional portfolio as per our agreements. I couldn't publish but could use some of the best ones of my choice for my work portfolio. So I still have copies of every photo taken.

I had never heard of the site being built or of any of the other end of the agreement that was their responsibility coming through to fruition. I was just going through my old archives and ran across the photo sets and since I have the models number I texted her and asked it it ever happened.

She said that she's now married and pregnant, she got away from that wealthy guy and now has a life that has nothing to do with that part of her past. She asked me to erase the photos and forget that it ever happened.

It turns out that I was part of something that took total advantage of a young girl (20 at the time) who was being used for her looks and was naive to the ways of the world.

Fuck.

I understand that you feel terrible..but please, please believe me that you didnt do anything wrong. You were fooled as much as she was, you believed that it was consensual and something she wanted as much as he.

*hugs*

 

[Dreamliner]

Seems to me you have nothing to be concerned over. She was old enough to provide consent. You have to assume the old wealthy guy and her had already discussed and agreed.

By proud of your work. As for her request, that is a decision only you can make. Perhaps it is work that you now keep only for your private viewing.

 

[ples]

Did you publish the shots? I did a shoot for a guy in Florida a couple of years back. He talked me into some nudes, just for his own - they ended up on the main site. I have tried to get him to take them down, but nothing. When you're that young you never think anyone will ever see the shots and when they turn up... Now that feels like shit!

OMG. I feel like such an amazingly bad person.

A lot of you know that I do photography. And a lot of you know that I went to Colorado last November to do a private porn shoot for a wealthy customer and his mistress. She's a Domme for girls and a sub for men. Very beautiful, was 20 years old and amazing presence and personality. They were supposed to set her up with a private website for pay purposes. I shot over 4000 photos over two entire days and nights of shooting. They paid for my flight, expenses, models and all of the gear rental as in lighting gear and ancillary equipment.

Well, after the shoots the shoot manager pulled full resolution raw copies of all of the photos for the business side and I got to keep copies for my private professional portfolio as per our agreements. I couldn't publish but could use some of the best ones of my choice for my work portfolio. So I still have copies of every photo taken.

I had never heard of the site being built or of any of the other end of the agreement that was their responsibility coming through to fruition. I was just going through my old archives and ran across the photo sets and since I have the models number I texted her and asked it it ever happened.

She said that she's now married and pregnant, she got away from that wealthy guy and now has a life that has nothing to do with that part of her past. She asked me to erase the photos and forget that it ever happened.

It turns out that I was part of something that took total advantage of a young girl (20 at the time) who was being used for her looks and was naive to the ways of the world.

Fuck.

 

[Betticus]

I understand that you feel terrible..but please, please believe me that you didnt do anything wrong. You were fooled as much as she was, you believed that it was consensual and something she wanted as much as he.

*hugs*

I know, I had no clue at the time. I'm a daddy dom tho and hurting little girls really tears into me. I mean it really hits me hard. When I find out that I was part of something that hurt a sweet little girl, used her sexually and hurt her spirit then it hurts me too. Probably more than it hurt her. My job is to protect and nurture little girls damnit. I failed. I failed horrifically in this case.

 

[LittleJade]

I know, I had no clue at the time. I'm a daddy dom tho and hurting little girls really tears into me. I mean it really hits me hard. When I find out that I was part of something that hurt a sweet little girl, used her sexually and hurt her spirit then it hurts me too. Probably more than it hurt her. My job is to protect and nurture little girls damnit. I failed. I failed horrifically in this case.

The only failure you can have committed, is to publish those photos, and use them against her wishes.

You have a responsibility now, to live up to her request of you.

As to her- maybe the photo shoot that she did with you is what turned the tide for her. Maybe after being publicly shot- having her life with this man slapped onto film, made her realize that this isn't what she wanted. You may have been the motivation for her to move on, to clean herself up, and to be happy.

Think of it that way.

 

[madetotakeit]

Jade has a good point. Rather than looking at it in hindsight as if you knew what the outcome would be, think of how you were one step in her opening her eyes. You did nothing wrong. She was old enough to consent. She met with him and agreed upon what she did without your involvement. You simply documented a part of her life that now that she has moved on, she does not want to remember.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

DUDE! You Bogart!

SHARE!

 

[Homburg]

Dude. Chill.

She was over the age of majority. She was there of her own free will, or I assume that she was, else you would've probably caught on. So long as you don't publish the photos, you will not have transgressed against this girl.

Don't sweat it, man, though I will say that it speaks well of your character that you are having an attack of conscience over this.

 

[YourCaptor]

I'm not sure she is entirely as innocent as she may seem. Maybe she did the photo shoot for the money.

If its really eating you up you could give her some kind of proof that the photos have been destroyed.

 

[cherokee_dove]

I know, I had no clue at the time. I'm a daddy dom tho and hurting little girls really tears into me. I mean it really hits me hard. When I find out that I was part of something that hurt a sweet little girl, used her sexually and hurt her spirit then it hurts me too. Probably more than it hurt her. My job is to protect and nurture little girls damnit. I failed. I failed horrifically in this case.

Betticus, You and i don't talk much; but You did nothing wrong.

First off, she was of age. When You got there, if not when it was all being arranged; she could have said NO. She didn't. That was her FREELY CHOSEN decision.

Whether or not she had something being held over her head, or as blackmail...evidence, whatever; she could have still said no and dealt with the consequences of whatever the man was using as a blackmail item (if thats what he was doing).

With You being a Daddy Dom, i understand that feeling of always wanting to protect all the young ones. But You can't protect someone who makes the decision freely, even if it is the wrong decision at a later time.

She probably realized later that it wasn't a situation or relationship she wanted to stay involved in. And at that time, she got out. Not the time of the picture taking.

As to the pictures you have, if nothing else; and they seem like as long as You have them you will feel guilty, then just burn them. Saying to yourself, "I did nothing wrong, she chose that decision". Keep repeating as each picture is burnt. It will hopefully help ease your feelings.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

 

[Netzach]

OMG. I feel like such an amazingly bad person.

A lot of you know that I do photography. And a lot of you know that I went to Colorado last November to do a private porn shoot for a wealthy customer and his mistress. She's a Domme for girls and a sub for men. Very beautiful, was 20 years old and amazing presence and personality. They were supposed to set her up with a private website for pay purposes. I shot over 4000 photos over two entire days and nights of shooting. They paid for my flight, expenses, models and all of the gear rental as in lighting gear and ancillary equipment.

Well, after the shoots the shoot manager pulled full resolution raw copies of all of the photos for the business side and I got to keep copies for my private professional portfolio as per our agreements. I couldn't publish but could use some of the best ones of my choice for my work portfolio. So I still have copies of every photo taken.

I had never heard of the site being built or of any of the other end of the agreement that was their responsibility coming through to fruition. I was just going through my old archives and ran across the photo sets and since I have the models number I texted her and asked it it ever happened.

She said that she's now married and pregnant, she got away from that wealthy guy and now has a life that has nothing to do with that part of her past. She asked me to erase the photos and forget that it ever happened.

It turns out that I was part of something that took total advantage of a young girl (20 at the time) who was being used for her looks and was naive to the ways of the world.

Fuck.

A lot of 20 year olds with great looks and good personalities are not that naive to the ways of the world and are very good at manipulating, by letting people think they are easily manipulated.

Question everything, even in the presence of little girl pussy.

You did a job. People lead fucked up little lives in porn. Don't forget that, ever.

I say this having had the "omg, everyone here is a cokehead?" wakeup sex worker moment.

 

[twysted73]

Geoff...you absolutely kill me.

But you do have a good point.....*ponders*

 

[Betticus]

Betticus, You and i don't talk much; but You did nothing wrong.

First off, she was of age. When You got there, if not when it was all being arranged; she could have said NO. She didn't. That was her FREELY CHOSEN decision.

Whether or not she had something being held over her head, or as blackmail...evidence, whatever; she could have still said no and dealt with the consequences of whatever the man was using as a blackmail item (if thats what he was doing).

With You being a Daddy Dom, i understand that feeling of always wanting to protect all the young ones. But You can't protect someone who makes the decision freely, even if it is the wrong decision at a later time.

She probably realized later that it wasn't a situation or relationship she wanted to stay involved in. And at that time, she got out. Not the time of the picture taking.

As to the pictures you have, if nothing else; and they seem like as long as You have them you will feel guilty, then just burn them. Saying to yourself, "I did nothing wrong, she chose that decision". Keep repeating as each picture is burnt. It will hopefully help ease your feelings.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

Well, actually Dove I was a total ass to you back when we had that misunderstanding and I still feel bad about that. I don't know why I wouldn't back down even though I was wrong but you did a good job on your own of ripping me a new ass and I do respect that. There is a lot more to you than I had given credit for or realized at that time. I questioned your personal beliefs and I had absolutely no business whatsoever doing that.

I don't expect any forgiveness for what I did as it doesn't deserve any. We'll just have to keep it at the I did you wrong and you called me on it and then I didn't take the chance you gave me to man up and apologize.

I am sorry for the way I treated you and I hope that in the future you and I can be civil. You don't have to like me, I don't even need you to but just for your own peace of mind I do realize that I fucked up with you.

Cherokee Dove is who you are deep inside and you wear that very proud. Never let someone being small like me ever give you any shit over that. I've seen a lot of your posts and opinions since then and I agree with you on just about everything. I'm sorry that I couldn't have made a public apology earlier.

As for this incident with the girl in Colorado. No, I won't share any photos beyond the ones I shared at that time when I did the shoot. If you saw them back then yeah, the photos were beautiful. She wasn't with the rich guy but either by herself or with another girl. She was living in a world at that time that was not real. It was fueled by a wealthy benefactor and she was a willing participant. Her eyes may have been sparkled by the money and the trips to exotic locations and the excitement of it all but she did eventually figure out that the life she was living was not something that she could morally continue with. I can't help it if she judges me harshly. I did discuss her limits as to what would be photographed, what acts and angles. She didn't want to be penetrated or have open pussy shots. She wanted more tasteful overall comprehensive shots and even thought the guy paying for the shoot wanted a full on dirty action type of porn shoot I did manage to keep it within her outlined boundaries.

I didn't do anything wrong. A lot of the photos are very beautiful and are some of my very best work so I'm just going to keep them private for me and never share them. I can look back and tell myself that I did good work. I doesn't stop the fact that if I knew then what I know now I would have turned down the shoot. But if I had then another photographer would have been found who can shoot that subject matter (bdsm) but odd are he would not have had a conscience like I do.

Thank you all for your kind words and your honest opinions. You guys and girls are very important to me in my time of crazy lonliness. You keep me from getting lost in the fantasy world of bdsm and root me into the reality of this world. Everyone deserves respect. No one wants to be a doormat, an object treated like a piece of dirt. Subbies (bless them all) are probably more intimately important to us doms than we ever care to let known.

Someday I will find that one perfect subbie who will sweep me right off of my lil daddy feet. She will ensconce herself in my arms and show me how right it is to hold and nurture her. She will show me the world and in return I'll be the very best daddy to her that I can be. I'll give her the safest place ever for her to be a wonderful, beautiful, happy and innocent little subbie. I'll fend off the whole bad world and let her view it from the safety of my arms, let her play and learn and love and cry and through her I will share that amazing ability to see the world in her way. She will hold my heart safe in her little hands and give me everything at home with her that I need in order to put on my daddy armor and face the world. To be mean when I have to, to keep us safe from harm or ridicule and from being an easy target for bad people.

*sigh*

I can't quit bdsm. I can pick and choose and sway with the winds as to how deep we go into it. I can fulfull her deepest fantasies as long as they aren't other men. (hardlimit). I can and will do that.

And... in the future when I am called upon to do adult photo shoots I will have a heartfelt talk with my models. If they sign the releases and ask me to capture them on camera then I will foster no regrets.

Thank you all.

Especially thanks to you Netz for putting up with my inane questions and doubts that I've pm'd you with over the past few years. Your insight and down to earth advice have always been invaluable. As for you guys, you doms... even though you mostly stay away from my ego building topics, my crazy flirting with the subbies and my flaunting of and poking fun at the seriousness that sometimes comes with D/s relationships. My inciting the subs to fling cookies and raisins at us. You have all been great champs here.

I think lit bdsm is probably the best kept secret of the D/s world. If they all could come here and interact with us all bdsm would be a lot more fun for all. You are all the best of the best here.

Ok, now that I've totally embarrassed myself and probably others. DVS, wonderful advice, lots of experience. Shankie, always trying to get me into panties. Kiten69 always trying to top from the bottom, gracie not letting me take myself too seriously, KC for ooohing at my avs, BM for all of the background conversations via pm on the down low. All of the mostly lurker subbies who pm me when I say something that touches them and just want to say thanks.

I won't quit bdsm, I'll wax and wan, I'll sway with the wind but this is a part of me and you all have gotten close. There's no money involved, just good thoughts.

Fucking novella. I appreciate you guys/gals.

Now, shut it and let me live this down in a little bit of peace.

*still has crush on etoile*

 

[minx1]

I did discuss her limits as to what would be photographed, what acts and angles. She didn't want to be penetrated or have open pussy shots. She wanted more tasteful overall comprehensive shots and even thought the guy paying for the shoot wanted a full on dirty action type of porn shoot I did manage to keep it within her outlined boundaries.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Bett I just saw this

I seriously snipped your post (forgive me?) but I think this sums it up completely.
She was youngish, yes but from what you have said it sounds as though she was consulted and knew exactly the kind of picture she wanted and that was the criteria you stuck to. To me it smacks of someone who has experimented whilst she was young and now regrets ever doing it. She has moved on and wants to put that part of her past behind her.

You already know what to do because you have a conscience and can empathise with her.

and you were right....you did nothing wrong. Nothing whatsoever *hugs*

 

[kinkyknickers]

Hey, I've done plenty of things in the past that I'd rather others didn't know about, not because I'm ashamed, but because they might hurt my those I love or my career etc.
She was 20 when she did it, not 12. She might be worried that her past will come to haunt her but I doubt she was feeling too put upon whilst she was doing it.
The heady smell of money, power and fame are all too attractive to a young lady, caution is the first thing to suffer when these things are put in front of you.
It is necessary for her to take some responsibility for her past.

Women aren't powerless objects, she made her choice, it might have been the wrong one for her, but she made it, not you.

Hindsight is no substitute for insight.

 

[YourCaptor]

Hindsight is no substitute for insight.

Thats a good one, wise words.

 

[Primalex]

*yawns*

I was waiting for the part where you used the photos to blackmail her and forced her to have sex with you and your favorite local baseball team.

 

[Betticus]

*yawns*

I was waiting for the part where you used the photos to blackmail her and forced her to have sex with you and your favorite local baseball team.

Allright, you can just go hang out in the corner with kiten69....

 

[Betticus]

*yawns*

I was waiting for the part where you used the photos to blackmail her and forced her to have sex with you and your favorite local baseball team.

Damn you! Now I thought about it...




I'm going to hell.

 

[Primalex]

Allright, you can just go hang out in the corner with kiten69....

Now I'm confused. Is this supposed to be a reward or a punishment now?

 

[Betticus]

Now I'm confused. Is this supposed to be a reward or a punishment now?

She's pretty sammie.. Probably a punishment because she'll make you watch chick flicks.

 

[Primalex]

She's pretty sammie.. Probably a punishment because she'll make you watch chick flicks.

Chick flicks - does this mean some hot lesbian action or movies with Meg Ryan?

 

[Marquis]

DUDE! You Bogart!

SHARE!

My thoughts exactly.

 

[1HF]

She's pretty sammie.. Probably a punishment because she'll make you watch chick flicks.

Like the Notebook

I want to be sent to the corner that she's in